A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound depressing but...Is it normal to fall in love with someone else when you're in a relationship?I see it happen ALL the time...Where one partner stops loving their partner and falls in love with another person. In fact, it's actually happened to me several times.It's starting to seem unrealistic that someone can only love one person without eventually falling out of love and/or falling for someone else. It seems as though people will move on to someone else once the infatuation phase eventually (and inevitably) wears off. Then eventually the infatuation with the NEW person wears off, and the ugly cycle repeats itself.I've been in many relationships where the guy fell in love with someone else. The hurt I felt each time was unimaginable to me. Now, I don't think I ever want to get married. I'm even scared of just getting into another relationship, because I feel like this will eventually happen. I don't think badly of myself in general, but now I feel like I won't find a partner that will love me and only me.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 May 2014):
I think one of the things they don't tell you in a long term relationship is how much things change and how hard it can be to stay in love.
But what you're describing is short term relationships. Once the lust wears of you have love, compatibility, companionship, etc. Lust is amazing and if it could last forever it'd be a dream come true. But when it's gone you ideally have things to take its place. If not, well, you're with the wrong person.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2014): You're using the word love out of context. You don't "fall in-love" several times at once.
You have crushes, infatuations, or fixations on people. Just being attracted to people isn't being in-love with them.
As you mature, and your feelings toward someone you are attracted to becomes more complex; you will begin to understand more about the true concept of what love is.
You are in a series of trial relationships at your age.
Your mind and body are still developing and maturing.
Although you feel strongly fond of people; you aren't necessarily in-love with them. When we are in your age-group, relationships are meant to be short-lived and in close session. That allows you to develop your feelings; and to gain experience along the way.
If you are still between 18-21, you will have a series of relationships based mainly on sexual-attraction, or emotional experimentation. Primarily for the purpose of getting in-touch with your emotions and feelings; while allowing yourself to explore connections with people on a romantic-level. These feelings and emotions will start to intensify as your feelings become more mature; and you will be more serious about being monogamous or exclusive toward someone you are attracted to. You will crave a commitment from that person. Something meaningful and deeper.
The answer to your question is technically, yes. You can be with someone you care much for, but actually find someone else you have very deep and intense feelings for.
You don't instantly form deep feelings so easily. Love takes time to take hold. People like to through that word around pretty casually. That's usually a sign of immaturity and inexperience with the real thing.
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A
female
reader, cattycakes  +, writes (17 May 2014):
Staying together from very young is highly improbable. Most people want to try on a few coats before deciding which has the best fit. However, in answer to one idea proposed, men are not that fickle! Attractions to others will happen throughout life, it is not the same as falling in and out of love constantly. Usually shared history, family and friends sees people through and past the moment of temptation until it is forgotten. And people are usually glad that they isn't do anything stupid. Often when they do, it is regretted. Bonds between couples often grow stronger and stronger. Many remain devoted, even if they too had the odd bump in the road. The best answer is take your time, let the other person prove their reliability to you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 May 2014):
 For us guys, it happens all the time.
You see, no matter how green and lush our (own) lawn is, we always keep our eyes peeled in case there is some "greener grass" elsewhere.... and we are ready to turn in our lawn mower, and edger, and trimmers in order to go experience the greener lawn that we've seen....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (17 May 2014):
 Hi there,
OP your still very young, as you get older relationships become more serious, more settled, and as you take on responsibilities in a relationship the situation does change somewhat.
Younger people often change there mind as to what and who they want as they have the freedom to do so. After, say, mid twenties a lot of people become more settled and have more to loose: emotionally, financially and in terms of joint responsibilities such as children. That often makes people work harder at it and be less likely to stray.
When I was a young adult me and a lot of my friends would fall in and out of love, sometimes flit from one person to another, but we were still finding our feet, gaining experience, finding ourselves and understanding love and all its demands. Looking back to when we were 18-21 we were not in the kind of relationships then that we are in now. It wasn't kids stuff per sa but it certainly wasn't the type of relationship that would become a big part of our lives latter on.
Its not unrealistic for people to love each other for a lifetime. Over time and during the course of our lives love changes, we change, as do our needs and desires. When your in your late teens/early twenties "forever" seems impossibly long. As you get just a bit older you realize how fast life flies by and how short life is.
When young we care about "image", and some people compete with their friends in terms of relationships, or give up too soon or just don't take their relationship that seriously. Infactuation and crushes can be confused for deep love, but those crushes don't last too long.
Younger people like yourself are constantly evolving and maturing throughout the first half of their twenties. As a result of life experience shaping them into full blown adults, their needs, wants, ambitions and expectations change. That can often mean a partner that is right for them now, may be incompatible six months down the line. As we get closer to 30 than 20 we become, pretty much, the person we will be for the rest of our lives. That's when relationships tend to be more steady.
I'm not saying that older people never stray, cheat or fall out of love, or that all young people shift form one partner to another, but I hope I have offered a bit of perspective.
Your 21 at most. You have loads of time to meet someone special.
Mark
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (17 May 2014):
 the grass is greener on the other side. infatuation indeed , the excitement of the new exciting, mystery of the new, the enticement of the new. why not get rid of the old.
love is more than a feeling. love is more than falling in love, it is being there even when felling,s change.
love and infatuation are not the same. love is giving of yourself to the other person. love is being the right person, becoming the right person. love is sharing, caring. love is being there even when times are not good. love is being there even when the grass is greener on the other side.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 May 2014):
 I have been there, myself. Love is a gamble. No body ever knows how it's going to turn out in the end. All you can do is put your heart out there and hope for the best. The alternative is to be alone and single forever, which is also unpleasant in its own right, as human beings are social creatures by nature.
I choose to try to give people the benefit of the doubt and hope that all will eventually turn out well for me in the end in the love department. Sounds cliche, but once you find the right person, all will work out in the end.
Good luck. Try to stay optimistic.
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