A
female
age
41-50,
*anielleZ
writes:My husband has admitted that he has or is emotionally cheating on me with a female friend. When I asked him to end the friendship he says I am being unfair and that I don't understand how hard it is for him to make friends (we live in a small town and he works from home). He hides emails/chats/texts from me and it seems to me that he uses the fact that our little girl and this woman's little girl our the same age therefore they can play together. How convenient. This woman is married to a co-worker of mine and has 3 children all under the age of 6. I feel like she uses this relationship with my husband for excitement in her dull, dreary life. I have asked him if I gave him an ultimatum what would he say. The hesitancy was in his eyes, but he finally said he would choose me over her. I cannot not take it anymore.
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female
reader, weebooger +, writes (31 July 2011):
 if he went as far to say he is emotionally cheating hes just steps away from actually jumping in bed with her. if there was nothing there but a friend ship then he wouldn't be hidding anything from you. if nothing is really going on he would willingly allow you to read the text and emails to put your mind at ease. sure after he would probablly give you greif about not trusting him but in this case i don't think you should trust him. he is hidding things from you that he shouldn't and that is just a red flag that something is going on. maybe he isn't actually jumping into bed with her but there has to be more to it that friends if hes hiding. chances are if you don't put a stop to it then it is going to evolve into something phsical.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): Having friends and emotionally cheating on your wife are two different things. So you are not unreasonable to ask him to drop this woman. The fact that he tells you that you are being unfair, shows how warped his judgement is becoming. He needs to get back into the workplace and start mixing and socializing with people again because he sounds bored and lonely. I'd take this womans husband aside and have a private word with him. Explain what is going onto. He needs to be aware that there is a problem. If you both combine your objections there is a better chance of your husband and his wife coming to their senses and realizing they are entering dangerous territory.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): When my wife, stay at home mom, was married to me with small children, and had a "friend", who helped her out of her dreary dull home life while I was at work they got close. She hid the phone calls, etc.
She eventually invited him over, he also helped her out (or she helped him out of his/her pants - whichever way you want to put it) on our bed, in the garage, in his bed at his house, at his workplace, in the park, on walks, etc, etc.
This is how affairs begin. First, a fresh new breath of air, soon you aren't so boring to someone and they tell you so, and the next thing you are off to the races.
Get your husband a book.
"Not Just Friends" by Nancy Glass.
Tell him your marriage is important to you. If you don't, he may take this as a signal that you don't care, and she may begin caring more in his eyes.
They are always "just friends".
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A
female
reader, JustAGirl.x  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 then he needs to choose you over her and cut of all contact with her as soon as possible, if he loves you he will do this and wont even question it.
the fact that he is hiding emails and text which they are sending between them both shows what a scumbag he really is!
if he doesn't end all this contact soon, you need to leave this relationship because your just going to end up hurt, he isn't being fair or honest at all and you need to decide whether or not you can put up with that, and i really think your an idiot if you do.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (30 July 2011):
 At least your husband has come out and stated what is going on and I think you are rightfully upset.
I think he needs to understand that you come first. He promised to love you and only you above all others when he married you. I think he needs to be reminded of that fact.
Sometimes these online friends can easily become more than just "friends" especially if you all live so close together. Plus, he may be confiding in her, confidential information about himself and you. That can be dangerous as that puts your family's secrets in someone you know that could use it to her advantage.
There are really no easy answers here, other than your husband needs to straighten up and fly right. It is time for you also to sit down and discuss with him that you are uncomfortable with the situation and that you don't want to hear his rationalizations as to why her family and your family can be friends.
I think you also need to discuss what your husband finds so attractive about this woman. Let's state the obvious -- it takes two to play -- and your husband is definitely finding an outlet with her. While you state she has a dreary and dull life, it may be in fact that your husband feels the same about his. It is the white elephant in the middle of your room, but I think you and your husband need to figure out if he is happy and what you can do together to increase intimacy and excitement with one another. This will take effort and honesty and may require a therapist / councilor to talk to.
Good luck.
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