A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been together nearly 2 years. Unfortunately most of the year we are spent separated by 200 miles. She works in a big city where as I live in the countryside, where we both met and are from.I love her dearly, and she loves me. But I am constantly worried about her safety. I am not naive and I am not over the top but I care, like anyone would, that she is always treated well and is safe.The city she lives in is quite big and probably quite rough, she has to walk to work every day and back. She keeps telling me that men keep saying rude things to her, or suggestive things like "nice arse sexy" apparantly was said to her today. But this seems to be happening all the time, like more days than not something will happen. Like today just now, some weird man came up to her from behind and said that in her ear! When we were on the phone!!! I didn't hear it, but she suddenly went really silent and then just told me what happened. So I tell her not to rise to it, what else can I do?Then, 10 minutes later, she rings me again saying that some man in a car wound down the window and made a suggestive gesture towards her! She rang me up so upset.This was just today for God sake! I don't know what to do. This has happened a lot since she has been back in the city. I basically want to know, is this normal?! For women to put up with?I don't want to come across as naive, I know there are arseholes and brainless men out there that get off on this kind of thing, but seriously, this often? Like several times in a week? She is not asking for it either, she doesn't wear provocative clothes or things like that. She is not that kind of woman who likes attention from men. It frightens her, and I hate it and I wish it would stop. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (7 September 2010):
 There are creeps all over - even in the country. So yes, to some degree it is "normal" for women to get into uncomfortable situations, or potentially threatening situations. She should learn how to take care of herself. If she is living independently in a rough city, that is even more reason to learn, and take extra precautions.
Maybe she can try carpooling more often, taking a self-defense course and/or buying pepper spray. You won't always be around to protect her, so my feeling is that she should make an effort to protect herself. If she knows that she is capable against a pervy assailant, she'll feel more confident and so will you.
Learning and using safety skills will be handy for the rest of her life. Good luck to the both of you, sweetness!
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (7 September 2010):
 I don't mean to sound like I'm over simplifying this.... but the options seem clear. She either stays in the city and lives with it or she moves away. I understand you are upset for her safety and I would too if it were my partner, but are there different routes for her to walk? Public transportation? Her own car? The easiest way to deal with it is to examine what options you have available. If you try telling us "She has no options, she has to do this because of her job..." then obviously the option is to change jobs.
Sometimes there are no EASY solutions, just solutions. How much you two dislike the situation she is in should show just how willing you are to change. If you choose her job over her safety then you obviously feel her job is more important.
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A
male
reader, hugo95 +, writes (7 September 2010):
Out of interest, which city is it?
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