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I love him and he doesn't know!

Tagged as: Dating, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 June 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 16 June 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So, I have a friend who I've recently started to have feelings for. I actually think that I love him because every time I think about him, I get all emotional....The only problem is, is that he has a girlfriend. He used to like me, but I didn't know how to take a compliment, and it came off as if I didn't like him. I wish he knew that I loved him. What should I do about my situation?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010):

Please be honest with him and just tell him you love the bones of him . . this sounds like a second chance to me. But only tell him if your sure its what you want cos if he is happy with his girlfriend and you tell him you care it will change things for you both and then if he leaves his girlfriend and you decide actually no i'm mistaken he is left with no one and you've split them up for nothing. Make a definite decision and act on that. Good luck

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A male reader, It-Jay Nigeria +, writes (16 June 2010):

It-Jay agony auntI'll advice u to become more friendly and closer to him than ever. Make sure it's platonic till u're sure of his love for u. Since he's got a gf then it will only take his love for u for him to develop interest again. U don't need to make moves than him. All u need do is giving him the green light. If he doesn't show interest then u'll have let him be.

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (16 June 2010):

TimmD agony auntYour options are limited because he has a girlfriend. All you can do is be honest with him. Tell him you know he used to have feelings for you and you realize you were too blind to see it. Then tell him you just wanted him to know you have feelings for him and if anything were to ever happen between him and his girlfriend you'd like to go out with him sometime.

This is probably the best way to proceed without pressuring him into cheating or anything.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010):

Well, that depends on how much time he has been with his girlfriend. See same thing happened to me. Only I was the girlfriend. Well, not the same, i know but i was in this situation. See his best friend (who was a girl) had a chance for 5 years and he even liked her but nothing happened then he met me and we fell in love and she then felt the need to tell him but didnt and just tried to tear us apart. He really appreciated her friendship and used to even like her but now he had developed deep feelings for me. As time went by she hated my guts but come on! she had five years! I saw him once and that was it, we've been inseparable ever since. But she still hopes our relationship dies. And because he loves me he even insulted her once and doesnt want to see or talk to her ever again (yay) What she doesnt know is that 2 years have passed by and he gave me his virginity and i gave him mine. And I even had a miscarriage once. See, some things happen inside relationships that you as an outsider cannot see. Things that bring couples together and make a bond almost impossible to break. Which is why i ask you how much time has it been since they are together, because if they already started to create their world at the same time he may be forgetting about ever liking you. So you should be like her and me, never be scared if you want something pursue it! fast! life is short and there are other girls who wont lose their time. So if its a new relationship i say you should tell him. Yeah! Tell him! whats the worst that can happen? you lose him forever? trust me us women have supernatural powers and if you dont tell him she will notice sooner or later and make him erase you herself so theres only one way to go. Tell him. Maybe he'll leave her for you, maybe he wont. Point is you'll get an answer and wont have to wonder anymore. And that is worth it. Because you can move on and if he doesn't like you anymore you can find someone whos for you and stop focusing on someone who is already in love because that would be pathetic and you would be putting yourself under her. So be straight up honest, no fear. Maybe that'll even give you some points!!! What man doesnt like a girl that knows what she wants?!! I say do it! the heck with it! Good luck swetie! Blessings!

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A female reader, Chelle.x United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2010):

Chelle.x agony auntDefinatly tell him babe. If he's a good friend then he will understand. Tell him you made a mistake before by not getting with him and that you still have feelings for him? x

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A female reader, Chelle.x United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2010):

Chelle.x agony auntDefinately tell him! Yeah it's complicated because he's got a girlfriend but think about if you don't tell him and you regret it? I would deffo tell him. If your friends then telling him shouldn't affect your friendship. You never know he could feel the same?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010):

Could it be that you really are just a bit jealous of the time his new girlfriend takes away from the time you used to spend with him? I am sure if you are his friend that you and he are dependent on each other for that support and affection, this does not translate into romantic love, however, you may be seeing him in a different light because he now has a girlfriend.

What can you do about that? Nothing, nor should you. It isn't respectful to him or his new relationship. Right now you still have to be "just a friend", if he wants to talk to you about his girlfriend, listen and support, in short don't stop being a friend. More than likely this romance will run it's course sooner or later, most relationships at this age do not last. You on the other hand need to be dating guys, too, this may make him take note of his deeper feelings as well. Not to make him jealous, but to take care of yourself, go ahead and date.

If you both become single again, then you can go ahead and make your move. Realize though that you will be sacrificing a great friendship for a romance. If you love him, is it worth the risk of losing the friendship if it doesn't work out? Only you two can decide that.

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