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Why does my husband want to gangbang me with another guy?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 June 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 13 April 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, *ingster111721 writes:

so, i have been with my husband for a little over a yr and we've been married for 4 months of that year. i know...we moved way too fast...but i am also 8 months pregnant...

anyways, i've always known my husband has always wanted to try the whole swinging thing with other couples...but i'm not quite into that type of stuff....but i am open and may try it someday. last night, he admitted to me that he wants to ummm go down on a guy. just to try it once. he also wants to "gangbang" with this guy he goes down on. yeah, some wierd fetish he has. he says its just a "fantasy" and if it never happens he is ok with it....i just dont know if i could handle having sex with anyone else. i thought that was the point of marraige...but i guess things change as times change. is my husband possibly closet gay?? and why on earth does he want to "gangbang" me with another guy??

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A male reader, Jlover1973 United States +, writes (13 April 2017):

This really isn't all that uncommon.

Quite a few men have these kinds of thoughts and tend to be motivated to act on them however keeping in mind if he came to you and spoke to you about it he's trying to be honest and open with you rather than secretive that's something you should have Grace about him that means that he truly cares about you and truly loves you. And although they're a lot of myths about men being gay just because they want to experiment with something that's not the case if he's telling you he would like to try this but has never done it before that indicates that he is what is called bi-curious. Rather than be disgusted with him over this simply because Society tells you that's what you should do. I'm going to ask you one singular question. Do you love and care about him? Because if you do then no more need be said except that if you ever become comfortable with the ideas that he has spoken to you about that's when it's something that needs to be confronted in the meantime always talk to him about his feelings about these things get him to open up and be honest with you about his feelings. Because truthfully he says that he's okay if it never happens but the simple fact of the matter is he brought it up to you that means that it's Weighing on his mind heavily and if something weighs on a man's mind eventually he tries to do it in secret not intending to hurt the person he's with but because he needs to get it out of his system otherwise it eats at his mind over and over and over. Now to address your earlier question is he gay the simplest answer is no because though all my sexual men have been known to get married to hide the fact that they are gay they openly tell their partner far in advance of the Sham marriage they don't engage in sex they actually adopt children to cover up the fact that they're gay. And the reason for this is sex with a woman for a gay man is repulsive. But I don't think that he's necessarily straight either Again by curious which means he has it as a fantasy and you would like to explore it but that does not necessarily mean that that's what turns him on. Rather than dwelling on the sexual fantasies that he spoke to you about the best thing you and your husband can do is sit down and talk about everything that you don't know about one another to get to know each other better and in turn make your relationship stronger. As far as the sexual thing being a concerned that speaks to me about a level of maturity not just in you but in anyone that makes that their number one concern I feel that in a marriage the biggest concerns should be with matters of the heart. So if this is really that big of a concern for you then I think you need to step back and evaluate yourself before you try to evaluate your marriage I'm not trying to be critical I'm only pointing out my experiences in life what I've seen and what I've dealt with so if this is taken out of context as being insulting I apologize. I'm simply stating that in any relationship especially in a marriage sex should not be the biggest concern the biggest concern or concerns should be how well you know each other how you truly feel about each other how will you communicate and how well you can come together for teamwork in a time of need these are the more important factors. You should both be able to emotionally lean on each other for support and be there for each other when you're hurting both physically and emotionally. If you're incapable of doing that with each other then I'm sorry to say this but your marriage is destined to fail anyway.

But even if that does occur keep in mind you both have a child together do your utmost to remain friends so that you can both be there for your child without fighting all this being said I hope I was able to provide a type of insight that was helpful

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010):

I don't think your husband is either "gay" ( women don't appeal to "gay" men and they're not interested in them sexually - which sure doesn't sound like YOUR husband ) or a "cuckold" ( which is usually a husband who wants his wife to humiliate him by forcing him to WATCH her have sex with other men and sometimes does involve her forcing her husband to orally service the other men as further humiliation ! ) - it's not at all unusual for a husband to want his wife to have sex with other men - there are a LOT of us husbands who do ! Some husbands don't even want to be present when their wives have sex with other men - they just enjoy their wives TELLING them about it - usually in great detail. Others just want to WATCH their wives have sex with other men ( although some do like to masturbate as they watch ) and still others ( like myself and apparently YOUR husband ) want to be actively involved ! Your relationship ( and marriage ) is very new - I'm glad you commented that you are "open and may try it someday" - couples do pretty commonly consider including others in their sexual activity to add some "spice" to a sex life that becomes routine or boring !

I'm also not surprised he's curious about sucking cock - I think a lot of us husbands become curious about it but are reluctant to ADMIT it for fear we'll be considered less of a "man" ! ( I hope you can appreciate his honesty and openess with you - too many guys simply seek it OUTSIDE their marriage and try to CONCEAL it from their wife - you don't have to look very far to see examples of THAT ! ) He may SAY "if it never happens he's ok with it" - TRUST me - he WANTS it - badly enough to TELL you he does ! I'm not "gay" ( and my wife would CONFIRM that I'm not ) - I'm not interested in a relationship with a guy ( and wouldn't be even if I wasn't married ) - and no other form of interaction with a guy appeals to me at ALL ! In fact sucking cock ONLY appeals to me with the thought of SHARING a cock with my wife - both of us sucking it TOGETHER !

My wife and I have not only talked about - we "simulate" it using her dildo and it turns us BOTH on ! ( It turns her on MUCH more than she THOUGHT it would and we've shared some INTENSE orgasms together DUE to the simulations ! ) I'm hopeful the time will come when my WIFE is ready to try it ( I already AM ready to try it ! ) and I hope YOU'LL get to the point of being willing to try it with YOUR husband ! We're talking about doing an orally bisexual threesome with another guy ( which is what YOUR husband wants to try ) but I really DO think she'd enjoy a "gangbang" with SEVERAL other guys - she is VERY passionate sexually - it's just a matter of her ALLOWING herself to shed her inhibitions enough to derive the PLEASURES multiple men can provide her one man simply can not ! Good luck to you two - it can be a whole lot of FUN if you get in the right frame of mind ! It's sex for sex's sake WITHOUT emotional involvement or commitment - just pure sexual satisfaction ! ENJOY !

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A female reader, kitty-cat=] United States +, writes (1 July 2010):

kitty-cat=] agony auntwell he could be... your married too fast. you should have told each other your craziest fantasies before you got hitched. he could be gay if he wants to blow a guy... never met a straight guy that did. sorry.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010):

Your husband is a cuckold. Google it.

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (29 June 2010):

TimmD agony auntI know you mentioned this, but I think it's more important than you realize: You married this man too fast. Having a child is not a reason to get married. Now, I'm not trying to pass judgment, it's just a part of my explanation. There are some guys out there that simply get turned on by another man (or men) having sex with their wives. Is this a crazy fetish? While it's not my personal cup of tea, no... it's not unheard of... but it is a little unusual. Is there something wrong with him? Not necessarily. The point is this is something you would learn in time while getting to know somebody. Have you ever considered the fact that there may be other things he hasn't told you yet? Maybe not sexual, but just other things in general.

I don't think he's gay. It just sounds like he's into watching his girl be dominated sexually by other men. And technically what he wants to do is a threesome. A gangbang involves 3 or more men on a woman. Make sure a true gangbang isn't a part of his fantasy because these are things you just may not (nor should you) want to do.

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