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... Send *ichard_EMids a private message | | | *ichard_EMids's profile:Hi - I'm Richard.
Good to meet you. I live in the East Midlands of England, just in case you thought my surname was EMids!
I have had a wide range of life experiences - from ecstasy to tragedy. Like anyone who finds this site, I have had some ups and downs on the relationship front, despite being a "decent guy." Single or relationship status, they both have their merits. Neither is better, they are just different. I have two fantastic children sorry, fantastic teenagers. Life-loving, sensible and well mannered.
I'm into many different outdoor activities. Also reading, travel, biking and learning. I play badminton and go the gym. I like history in it's widest sense.
I had a 30 year career in management until the accountants and lawyers cut all the fun out. I work part time now which allows me to do all sorts of other things with my life. I am the same age as the number of cards in a pack. All of them....... Clubs, Hearts, Diamonds, and Spades (in that order).
I'm happy to try and help anybody solve their own problems by stimulating their thoughts, providing perspective or simply passing on some practical suggestions.
(where do I put my favourite car/ favourite film/ most unusual place.....)
AMENDMENT: Could you please change it from teenagers to young adults and add the word 'beautiful.' Thanks. |
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In love with a pathological liar and the lack of trust is eating me up inside.
Q. This is a long story! I have been with the same girl for over a year now and I am very much in love with her. I am sad alot of the time because I don't trust her. In the first month we were together I asked her if she still was in contact with oth...
A. 15 October 2007: I have just seen Waterloo Sunset comment "leopards never change..." which has reminded me. Before I decided I did a bit of introspection and looked at my worst weakness (timekeeping) and asked myself if I could ever "cure" myself. I decided not. It ... (read in full...)
In love with a pathological liar and the lack of trust is eating me up inside.
Q. This is a long story! I have been with the same girl for over a year now and I am very much in love with her. I am sad alot of the time because I don't trust her. In the first month we were together I asked her if she still was in contact with oth...
A. 15 October 2007: I feel for you. I had a similar experience (similar but not the same) I went out with a very respectable lady.I loved her so much, and she loved me. Only problem was her lies, I couldn't tell what was true and false. All I can tell is what I did. I ... (read in full...)
Why am I letting what other people say, and the way they say it affect me so much? Please help.
Q. Hello I would be so grateful for advice or experience from anyone. I am 35 and I am at a crisis point of change in my life – trying very hard to make some big and difficult decisions and I have so little support. A brief background is that, with ...
A. 14 October 2007: Hi . To answer to your final question - there might not be a simple cause - sounds much more like a build-up of many small factors which have led to a slight (and it does seem slight)....... a slight loss of confidence/self belief. Sounds like you ... (read in full...)
I see him everyday, how can I forget him and move on?
Q. I am completely in love with a guy who works with me. We had an affair for 18 months when I was divorcing my husband and his girlfriend had left him. We are sexualy crazy about each other but, he is not sure if something else is there. A couple of ...
A. 13 October 2007: Hi - sorry to hear about your situation. I know what it's like. You are right to try and move on - but I do understand that your heart (and mind )won't let you. You are also thinking rationally by recognising that it will not be good for you to live ... (read in full...)
He told me what he did with prostitutes, and it turned me on.
Q. hi i need help ive been with my partner 25 years not a brilliant 25 years but even so i do love him he has in the last two years seen 3 prositutes i was totally gutted, never felt so sick in my life just could not imagine he would ever do that, he ...
A. 13 October 2007: Nothing at all wrong with you. This is simply an example of unconscious sex drives that I believe everyone has. You don't know they are there until something brings them to the surface. Has it helped you cope with what your husband did ? If so maybe ... (read in full...)
Want to be friends with my ex and have my ex husband as a friend with benefits. Am I asking too much?
Q. Hi Would be interested in others opinions on this.. I recently met up with my ex husband, we split 16 yrs ago. We have been having some fun for a few weeks now, and slept together twice. Our kids get on well together. He only split from their mum a...
A. 11 October 2007: Hi - good to hear everything is going well. Sounds like you're handling it all very well to me. Not everyone is going to be "happy" all of the time, so don't set a criteria that is impossible. If you like your independence that's fine - although ... (read in full...)
He doesn't make me feel sexy! What can I do?
Q. I am happily married to my soul mate and the love of my life. he gives me everything i need and want. But he doesn't make me feel sexy. He always wants to have sex and gives me many of compliments. we talk about everything and i mean everything. we ...
A. 1 October 2007: Three things stand out in your posting: (1) Husband doesn't make you feel sexy (2) Husband accuses you of having sex with another man - which you are. (3) Husband feeling hurt pushed you into having affair.
It does seem as if you are trying to blam... (read in full...)
He wants us to swing! I don't think I can take this change in him! Help!
Q. Hello! My Husband has been going through something for about a month now. We are married 7 years now and have 2 children a 5 year old and 11/2 year old. A month ago he told me I wasn't attractive to him anymore. So the past month I have been wor...
A. 1 October 2007: Hi Patricia . Love, trust and respect are essential in a relationship. This applies to the feelings for yourself as well as your partner. Only you can decide whether you want to do this. If you're comfortable with it then that's OK. If you're not ... (read in full...)
We're back together, but my feelings haven't returned after our split! What can I do?
Q. Help! My partner and I got back together a couple of months ago after splitting up in February but whilst we were apart I lost all the feelings and love that I once had for him and I know now that I can't get these feelings back enough to make the ...
A. 1 October 2007: What can you do? Seems there's only one option to me , the right thing. Tell him. Just what you've said here. It's fair to him, and fair to you. What is the alternative? Keeping a lie going so he's happy and you're not. Then what? It seems you know ... (read in full...)
I want her back, but it could destroy me. Do I gamble???
Q. Do I gamble and try and get something back with my ex? For those of you who haven't bee keeping up. My girlfriend of 2 years split with me back in June, because she was going to University. We had endured a long distance relationship sin...
A. 30 September 2007: Hi. It hurts I know. Just listen to all the songs on the radio and CD's. One person remaining in love with the other after a split goes on everyday. Here's my advice:
1)If you accept it's over,(admit defeat as you call it) you can move on and y... (read in full...)
Is "living together for the kids" possible... ?
Q. i have been going through a really difficult time with my husband and have tried everything to sort it out and have come to the conclusion that there is no point on trying anymore.the dilema is neither of us can afford to move out does anyone think ...
A. 28 September 2007: Hi. Sorry to hear of your troubles. It's not easy I know, I've been in your situation from the man's point of view. I could give you a whole load of advice, but much of it might not be relevant. So could you provide a little more information please. ... (read in full...)
SITE NEWS: Wanted, your ideas for features and improvements!
Q. Hi I'm looking to get some input from everyone on what you'd like to see on the site. How can I make it easier to use? What new features would you like to see? Any annoyances or bugs you'd like to fix? Can I make the moderati...
A. 28 September 2007: 1)My point also concerns the rating of answers. It appears that both the 'original poster' and general viewers are able to rate the answers given. Could this be separated?
A feedback from the original poster along the lines of the Ebay feed... (read in full...)
My husband has E.D. and I don't want to divorce just b/c of a bump in the road! Please help me with my marriage.
Q. I am a 48 year old women, have been married for 27 years and my husband has never been a romantic type. but since he has been diagnois as a diabectic 7 years ago he has E.D. and are relationship has been strained. I love my husband, but i am not in ...
A. 26 September 2007: Hi - I'm similar age. You deserve 10/10 for being such a good wife. Fortunately I've never had to deal with this prob myself (so far) - so I can only make some creative suggestions. I don't understand why he doesn't understand you need caressing ... (read in full...)
She let other guys do things she hasn't ever let me. I'm confused?
Q. Please help.... I've been with my girlfriend for 2 1/2 years and Ive mentioned here and there about either cumming in her mouth or swallowing. She said its gross and she cant do it so I understood. Last night we were talking and it came out that...
A. 26 September 2007: Hi Siuel20. I can understand why you feel hurt and can't stop thinking about it. I think I would feel the same as you if she had done it with other guys but not with you. Fair enough if she said "done it once and didn't like it - never again." It's ... (read in full...)
My bf told me he slept with a married woman 14 years ago, should we continue this if our moral compasses are so far apart?
Q. My boyfriend slept with a married woman about 14 years ago at work. He wants to forget about it but since he has told me, it practically broke up the relationship because it is something I would NEVER do (I've always thought people who do this are ...
A. 23 September 2007: Hey - sorry to hear you've got hung up on an issue from the past that is going to affect your future. Would it have been better if he hadn't told you and then you wouldn't have this problem - but then he would be dishonest. Which would you have ... (read in full...)
Are we playing a dangerous game, here?
Q. Ok an ex question...again.. Been split from a yr long r/s for 4 months now. Alls fine there and we are on friend terms. He pays me to do his ironing and we spcialise because his daughter gets on so well with mine. He knows my ex hubby, used to go ab...
A. 19 September 2007: Hi. I've read your post twice and I don't see what is dangerous. What do you feel makes it a "dangerous game?"
There's much less risk to this than if you started dating somebody totally new to you.
It's a bit like a product that you used regularl... (read in full...)
She wants a divorce, but I still love her. And the thought of being a part time father tears me apart!
Q. My life has just fallen apart. After 9 years of marriage and being together almost 15 years, my wife has told me she no longer wants to be married to me. We have had a tough time over the last 4-5 years after my son was born, my wife has suffered...
A. 17 September 2007: Sorry , questions - not answers - and I might be looking down the wrong road here. Was it post-natal depression? Is she still being treated for depression? Does she still take medication? Has she recently changed her medication or stopped taking it ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lost his rag with me and now wont speak to me or contact me. What should I do?
Q. Ok, I am 50 and my b/f is 55. We have been dating for 5 months. We have a great relationship. He tells me he loves me and shows it to me in many ways. He will do anything for me. He has a son (24) with some medical concerns who lives out of state. ...
A. 17 September 2007: I don't think you need to be wished luck - you're working it out together. I guessed it would probably be OK if you gave him some space. He was under some difficult emotive pressure. It also sounds as if he is very focussed when there's a problem to ... (read in full...)
How many times a week should a guy in my position masturbate in a week?
Q. Am really wondering how often somebody without a partner especially a boy(20-25yrs) should mustarbate in a week if its right at all...
A. 16 September 2007: To answer your questions: Yes it's right, but if you're not comfortable with it then don't do it. Frequency: minimum 1/week, maximum 50/week.... (read in full...)
Am I being stupid?
Q. Am I being stupid? I have a great wife, who is a great mother with our children and in 12 years we have never had bad problems. My problem is that she had a couple of relationships in high school and as she says she was "forced to have sex". ...
A. 16 September 2007: Hey - don't allow this emotion to get out of conrol!!!!!
First, observe yourself when you think about it. Identify exactly what is bugging you : she's had sex b4 meeting you; she was taken advantage of; she enjoyed it; you imagine her having sex;... (read in full...)
Am I being unrealistic when I sit here and hope to experience that magic feeling?
Q. Hi I'm very confused right now. I'm in my 30s looking for something which most people I speak to say will never happen. I've been in a few relationships, with the longest being for 6 years which ended last year. The reason we finished is that I am ...
A. 9 September 2007: Would you say that you generally go for the same type of guy? If Yes, it might be useful to re-examine your initial attraction.... (read in full...)
I'm developing feelings for my girlfriend's daughter! What should I do?
Q. I'm 29 and have strong feelings for my 33 year old girlfriends 17 year old daughter. I keep trying to forget about these feelings, but I can't! What should I do?...
A. 9 September 2007: I agree with Kenny below. If you can't stop your feelings then you should go. I am not against age gaps - it's the 'family' relationship that's the problem. You are effectively the stepdad. YOU have to do the thinking here though - not rely o... (read in full...)
My ex was straight in bed with other women after we split. But says he still loves me. Why do people use sex to get over a relationship?
Q. I posted this the other night and got only 2 replies so i thought i would try at a different time of day to see if i can get more opinions... Do you think a man can love you if he sleeps with his ex within weeks of you splitting? And then meet...
A. 9 September 2007: Hi. No not all men do this. Some people do, female and male. I also keep reminding myself that I had a "lucky escape" - although some days it doesn't feel like it. Back to you - it sounds like you are still suffering the aftershock and h... (read in full...)
My husband flirts with other women, takes their numbers but says its innocent.
Q. I have discovered that my husband has been flirting with other women - but would like advice on whether he's going too far. I have been with him for 5 years, married for 2. Last night he came come late and drunk, about 3am. He fell asleep mid text...
A. 8 September 2007: Hi Hollykb. Yes he is going way, way too far. Maybe has already gone too far. You can either put up with it ! You might want to give him a final chance to stop. You could start behaving the same as him. Or you could start planning divorce. ... (read in full...)
My long distance love has broken up with me. Is there any hope she will come back?
Q. My fiancee recently called off our engagement and broke us up, more so taking a break.. We had been together for 4 years and 2 months. We are a long distance relationship but have never had problems, until now. We see each other twice a year, every ...
A. 8 September 2007: Sorry - but I think you are in 'false hope' mode. I think you're just going to have to set yourself a time limit to wait, then move on. Decrease contact with her. Then stick to your time frame. It'll be tough - but look through the different stories ... (read in full...)
How do you attract the right kind of guy and stop them messing you around?
Q. hey everyone! So far i havent had very good experiences with guys,they either mess me about or dont seem to notice that i exist! Im going to university in 2 weeks so was wondering, does anyone have any advice on how to attract the right type of gu...
A. 8 September 2007: First you have to decide what you mean by the right type of guy. ... (read in full...)
I met this guy, all was going good for a few weeks. Then he wanted to call it off. What can I do?
Q. i am approaching 50, i have been on my own for 8 years. i met a guy i was at school with, for six weeks he couldn't get enough of me, in his words i was his number 1, he would do anything for me, he was so kind and thoughtfull. he seperated earlier ...
A. 8 September 2007: Hi - I'm similar age. Doesn't sound good. Were you together for six weeks??? It's difficult to tell what's going on - is he very busy workwise? - or maybe he's just lost interest. Did you have any interests together? And any future engagements ... (read in full...)
I think my husband is having an affair. He tells me I'm not in a position to say anything!
Q. how do you survive in this situation i married a guy though my parents didnt like him and definetly didnt want me to marry i have a three month old baby my husband has a baby ,from cheating of course with a girl who has no respect for o...
A. 8 September 2007: My suggestion would be: STEP 1 - I think you ought to show your parents/family your posting. You need help and support. Don't worry too much about them saying "I told you so..." - they will probably say it - but then after that will realise what hel... (read in full...)
Should I trust my wife after she kept this from me??
Q. I've been with my wife since I was 19 and she was 18. We went to high school together and have a loving marriage of 15 years. Prior to our getting together ( a few weeks) she hooked up with another high school friend and I suspected they had had ...
A. 8 September 2007: Hi - unless you have any other reasons to doubt her then I would say let it go if you can. She was a teenager. It was 20 years ago. She might have hidden it because she wanted to keep you. Despite having sex with this other guy she still chose you ... (read in full...)
I think he cheated... What do you think?
Q. I think my partner is cheating on me, please advise We have been together for 14 years, and have lived together for nearly 7. I have a son by a previous relatonship who has left home. We live with our two other children who are 6 and 3. For so...
A. 8 September 2007: Hi Dnnl203. Well it's not looking good. It seems that he is lying, and something is very wrong - but it might not be an affair. You could suggest that if he has nothing to hide that you swap phones for a few days. Suggest also that you witness him ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lost his rag with me and now wont speak to me or contact me. What should I do?
Q. Ok, I am 50 and my b/f is 55. We have been dating for 5 months. We have a great relationship. He tells me he loves me and shows it to me in many ways. He will do anything for me. He has a son (24) with some medical concerns who lives out of state. ...
A. 5 September 2007: Hi LostSoul. I'm similar age group. I can see both sides here. Looks like you're both "right" in your own ways. Don't underestimate the stress he's probably under. I would suggest letting him "come around" in his own time. Some people do take a ... (read in full...)
Earnestly seeking the truth
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I am jealous of his ex-girlfriend and I'm driving myself crazy. I've talked about it with him a million times...he is always understanding, although it's waring on him...and he is always honest, completely. He was with her for 3 y...
A. 5 September 2007: Then you have to look into yourself to see what is causing the jealousy/insecurity (easily said -difficult to do). Have a chat with a friend who you can really trust. You are possibly trying to compare yourself in some way to his ex-gf. We are all ... (read in full...)
If I confront her she will know I violated her trust
Q. Ok so I posted here b4 about my girlfriend's boss sending her inappropriate text messages at all hours of the night. I've gotten some good feedback but here are a few follow up questions. Almost everyone says to confront her about this right now but ...
A. 4 September 2007: Hey - I'm with you on this. Don't confront but maintain your suspicion and keep watching. If you confront with little evidence, cheaters become more careful to deceive. If theres nothing happening - then no harm has been done. If there is - then you ... (read in full...)
Earnestly seeking the truth
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I am jealous of his ex-girlfriend and I'm driving myself crazy. I've talked about it with him a million times...he is always understanding, although it's waring on him...and he is always honest, completely. He was with her for 3 y...
A. 2 September 2007: Hi Truth Seeker. You're absolutely right - Yes you're driving yourself crazy; Yes - he is telling the truth (actions speak louder than words); Yes - he is over his ex-gf; Yes - she can just be a friend (but don't think she is that anymore). Thin... (read in full...)
Don’t know if he got too "settled" in the relationship or I tend to overanalyse things and expect perfection!
Q. I have been seeing this guy (34 years old) for 3 months and I feel confused as to what is going on in this relationship. I don’t know if he has just got a bit too settled in the relationship so is not making so much effort as he did at first (which ...
A. 2 September 2007: Hi UK Female 30-35 . Your question: Is it me or is it him? Answer: It's probably both of you - you're both human - both unique and different people. Your question: How do you deal with this? Suggestion: Sit down on your own and imagine you are your ... (read in full...)
Angel Broken heart
Q. I went for a job interview 5 years a go and met this nice lady, also met her husband.. I felt something that never happened before in my life when saw him, i was looking at him and he was looking at me also.. since that day i could forget him i ...
A. 1 September 2007: Hi - just read your story today (Saturday). Different and new activities will help give your mind a rest. Try reading - a new novel; read about a hobby; study a new subject that might interest you - Design; Psychology; History etc. Take up a new ... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with looking up skirts! Yes i know, sounds strange, whats going on???
Q. not sure if you could help me.I supose its an addiction.I am obsessed with womens knickers and constantly try to look up womens skirts,even schoolgirls.I know its wrong but i love to see the secrets.one day i will be caught and arrested,am i a ...
A. 1 September 2007: Hi Andy - If you say you're harmless - then it's OK just to look and fairly normal (not schoolgirls). Use responsible ADULT websites to satisfy your interest. Don't go any further than that. However, on the one hand you say you are harmless - b... (read in full...)
I have a married woman chasing after me. Do I need to play hard to get?
Q. I have a married woman chasing after me. Do i need to play hard to get? she has been married for 14 years and has two children. I have already told here i was attracted to her. her response was "that why i told you i was married up front" i am a ...
A. 1 September 2007: How would you handle it when her husband finds you? Maybe he's followed you. Will there be a fight? Or your possessions wrecked. Could somebody get injured? Or maybe she is bait for a threesome with her husband? If you're happy you can handle... (read in full...)
He seems to enjoy the chase and we keep breaking up, only for him to be chasing me again, and the cycle continues. Is this going to go on forever?
Q. I am in this strange relationship for 2 years now. He chases after me, I feel intense feelings of joy and excitement (absolutely high), we get closer, I start chasing him, we become very intimate and then he pulls away, says his frightened. I feel ...
A. 31 August 2007: Where do you want the relationship to go? Tell him what you want in the future - and ask him what he wants and see if you can both agree. Also tell him the state of your patience and tell him how many more cycles you are prepared to go through.... (read in full...)
We've been together 10 yrs. She cheated near the begining. I suffer from depression and she's behaving differently lately. What's going on???
Q. hello everybody im new here ive been going out with a girl 10 yrs.at the start it was great,then she did the dirt on me. she wasent going to tell me only sombody else saw her then she came and told me.i was heartbroken and from then on ididnt ...
A. 31 August 2007: I can sympathise with you. If you remain in your current psychological place - do you think things will get better or worse? Imagine that one month ahead things are starting to get better due to you taking 2 or 3 steps to improve your situatio... (read in full...)
We watch porn together but i found a mag with only women in,he hid it from me, should i be hurt?
Q. My boyfriend and I watch porn movies and magazines together but I recently discovered a magazine that wasn't porn, just women,I feel more hurt because it wasn't porn and he hid it from me. Am I wrong in feeling this way? ...
A. 26 August 2007: You are both human.He is not wrong to look and you are not wrong to feel hurt. So don't fall out over it.... (read in full...)
He said he prefers porn to me sometimes.
Q. Alright, I need some advice on what I should do or say in this situation. Last night my boyfriend and I were talking about us getting married, Just the cutsie, lovey dovey conversation. Well to bring up a past problem, when I would go to bed my ...
A. 23 August 2007: The three answers from females below are exactly right. Its normal. Do you sometimes want to go shopping on your own and sometimes together?? Your relationship sounds fine - in fact better than fine - there's a lot of intimate honesty. Follow the ... (read in full...)
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