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... Send *ichard_EMids a private message | | | *ichard_EMids's profile:Hi - I'm Richard.
Good to meet you. I live in the East Midlands of England, just in case you thought my surname was EMids!
I have had a wide range of life experiences - from ecstasy to tragedy. Like anyone who finds this site, I have had some ups and downs on the relationship front, despite being a "decent guy." Single or relationship status, they both have their merits. Neither is better, they are just different. I have two fantastic children sorry, fantastic teenagers. Life-loving, sensible and well mannered.
I'm into many different outdoor activities. Also reading, travel, biking and learning. I play badminton and go the gym. I like history in it's widest sense.
I had a 30 year career in management until the accountants and lawyers cut all the fun out. I work part time now which allows me to do all sorts of other things with my life. I am the same age as the number of cards in a pack. All of them....... Clubs, Hearts, Diamonds, and Spades (in that order).
I'm happy to try and help anybody solve their own problems by stimulating their thoughts, providing perspective or simply passing on some practical suggestions.
(where do I put my favourite car/ favourite film/ most unusual place.....)
AMENDMENT: Could you please change it from teenagers to young adults and add the word 'beautiful.' Thanks. |
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I still have a sick feeling in my stomach
Q. My husband and I share our computer and he didn't log out of his email account. I looked (rightly or wrongly) and I found out that my husband has been viewing porn sites, not only viewing but emailing women as well. In one of the emails it looked as ...
A. 8 November 2007: Hi - I can understand how you feel. It's not a nice feeling. I am going to take the view that you still want to be married to him and he wishes to remain married to you. So now - we look at the situation to see where you go from here.
He has give... (read in full...)
I'm scared of making the first move.
Q. hi my husband walked out on me and our 2 daughters 5 mnths ago an we are getting divorced but his best mate an i r aware of a spark between us an we r both aware of it as we have spoke about the situation an he has made it clear that he really likes ...
A. 7 November 2007: Hi there - I don't know the situation between you and your husband and your two daughters. All I will say is that if you want your divorce to get really messy then it probably will if you start seeing his housemate. This might affect your settlement ... (read in full...)
I need to control my snack habit
Q. Most nights when I get home from school I have loads of snacks and it is worrying me because I don't want to get over weight. Like tonight, I have a packet of crisps, ice cream and a biscuit. I don't intend on having so many snacks but I can't help ...
A. 7 November 2007: Hi - my daughter also used to come home from school and just wanted to eat. She still does and is still at school/sixth form. She normally went for biscuits, cake, bowls of cereal or chocolate snack bars. She would then be annoyed with herself for ... (read in full...)
He reaches the finishline too quickly! How do I slow him down?
Q. I am seeing/dating this guy whom recently we became sexually involve. The first time he came too quickly within minutes of intercourse. So I didnt say anything. Now it is our fifth times or sixth times and it is still the same. What can I do to he...
A. 7 November 2007: Hi Julialove83.
He is ejaculating quickly because you excite him so much. Here's a few suggestions:
Have sex, let him ejaculate - wait for a while - play with each other , have sex again, he'll take longer.
Assign one whole day to on & off loveme... (read in full...)
I'm married, never cheated on my husband, and the tests reveal I'm HIV positive. How do I tell him this...?
Q. How can I handle my life? I'm 30 yrs old I have i'm married for 6 yrs now. i didn't have sex with other guys but when i tested my blood i'm positive with HIV, do you recommend to tell to my husband? He will kill himself and I belive him he didn'...
A. 6 November 2007: Hello Hiwotmitiku. Let me tell you I had a blood test some years ago and was told I had leukaemia. Further tests showed I didn't have leukaemia. It was a false reading. The point I make is that these things need checking. Checking by qualified ... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and my brother is 17, what should I do?
Q. i m 16 years old. my 17 years old brother wants to suck my boobs and wants me to give him a blow job. Please tel me what i should do....
A. 4 November 2007: Well your brother is straying away from what he knows to be right and is trying to involve you. Some boys have overwhelming sexual urges at this age. If he didn't have a younger sister what would he do? He needs to find a girlfriend? This ... (read in full...)
I discovered my dad is having sexual online relationships with over 20 different men. What do I do?
Q. I am 19 and no longer live at home. One day i went to my parents house to visit but they were not there. So i thought i would check my email while i waited. When i went onto yahoo mail, my dad had not signed out of his account and something just ...
A. 3 November 2007: Tricky. You have uncovered something that you should not have. You have to consider what will happen by telling: 1) your father 2) your mother 3) your sister 4) no one. You would know the dynamics of your family better than anyone on this website. ... (read in full...)
Have I lost my lust for life?
Q. Please help.... I have been with my partner for 9 years and we can't stop fighting! We argue every day about sommthing - i am so bored in the relationship and i know he is too - we very quickly escalate into full hatred and he has called me so...
A. 3 November 2007: Hi. For someone who is 32 you do sound very down. What are you doing in your life? Would you say that you are relying on your partner too much for fulifillment? Should you take the initiative and start to bring new interests into your life (I don't ... (read in full...)
Is it unfair to think my husband should stand up for me?
Q. My husband has a new business partner, who I sense does not like me. We are in each other's company a lot. Last night the partner made a very negative comment to me and about me, in front of my husband. My husband obviously knew I would be upset, ...
A. 3 November 2007: Hello.
It took me many years to understand that when people make disparaging remarks it says far more about them than the target of their comments. Allowing them to continue can be very revealing. You gain the upper hand.
Ignoring negative... (read in full...)
Why does my husband attempt to get me jealous?
Q. Why does my husband after cheating on me and ending the affair makes up stories of girls hitting on him? I used to be jealous before the affair, but I realize I was pushing him away. Now that I changed he makes up stories of girls persuing him. Why?...
A. 2 November 2007: Hello. You're saying that your husband had an affair, and now teases you about other women flirting with him!!!! I would call that mental abuse.
Why would he be doing that? There's not an easy answer - but I guess it's some sort of power game. It's... (read in full...)
Will my wife ever trust me again after I cheated?
Q. ive been married for 3 months now i have three children and 1 on the way i got married recently but i have cheated on my wife and now the girl i have cheated with is saying she is pregnant after my wife found out and i told her it was over i loive ...
A. 1 November 2007: Hi. Finding out if your wife will ever trust you again is one of many issues you have on your plate. Seems like you have 3 children plus 2 on their way. A wife that may opt for divorce, and division of assets , child custody and maintenance ... (read in full...)
I want to leave him. How can we avoid an arguement?
Q. I need some serious advise if anyone can please help. This is going to be long, so please be patient. My husband and I will be married for 3 years in January. We have known each other for nearly 7 years and have a daughter who just turned 5. We were ...
A. 1 November 2007: Hi Nadani . I don't know if I ought to be offering advice for the relationship or the household chores. Lets try the household chores first as that may (???) be the root of the problem. There are many ways dividing / allocating the household tasks ... (read in full...)
My husband wakes me up every night at 2am... touching me! Why?
Q. This is sort of an odd thing, but here goes. Every night almost, I am waken up by my husband rubbing my citoris with his fingers. This usually happens at around 2-3 a.m. We have a 6 month old baby and I am 5 months pregnant. Well, he only gets ...
A. 1 November 2007: I don't think it's odd (the same thing every night might get a bit boring though). He's probably just waking up feeling sexy after a short sleep has relaxed him. Many men feel sexy in the morning after a good nights sleep. His sleeping pattern is ... (read in full...)
How can I shave and not bleed?
Q. Pubic Hair.!! i have only recently started shaving. and wen i shave up wards it really hurts and it bleeds. its there any cure on stopping this? because if i shave downwards it doesnt get rid of any pubic hairs..?...
A. 1 November 2007: Hi. May I offer some advice about shaving. I've done it every morning for almost forty years!!!
1) Buy a good quality razor. Doesn't need to have lots of blades in it. In fact for this area of your body, a single blade is probably better.
2) Us... (read in full...)
He dumped me 3 times in 5 weeks and now wants back again. Do I give him one more chance?
Q. ive been seeing this guy for 2 weeks then we finally ended up getting together he then asked if we could have a baby together so we agreed and decided he would move in with me. after a month i keep getting people saying his past to me and so i ...
A. 1 November 2007: Hi - Well you are where you are at the moment. Break-ups and make-ups was what it was all about when I was your age. At that time I couldn't understand my feelings very well - breaking up would be a test on myself - and on my girlfriend - it was an ... (read in full...)
I looked through my boyfriends phone and found out more than I wanted to know.
Q. Ok here's the deal- I've been w/my boyfriend for almost a year now. I love him more than anything and I want to trust him, but sometimes I get that feeling in my gut that something's off. Like he'll be sitting there just texting away on his phon...
A. 1 November 2007: Hi. It's difficult to tell what is going on at the moment. It could just be flirty behaviour - but nothing more than that, including the ex-gf text and the boobs text. If you are both of similar age then you are both still maturing and learning ... (read in full...)
I want to leave my husband for my secret boyfriend, but am afraid my family will be angry
Q. I am in such a difficult situation that I am feeling really desperate with nobody to talk to about it. I have been married for 11 years and have been unhappy for the majority of it - although I have tried to dig in and keep going trying and hoping ...
A. 31 October 2007: Hi. I sense your desperation and can understand how you feel. I also sense you are feeling confused which is probably affecting your thinking. I am trying to help but I don't fully understand what has happened in the past. What made you move back in ... (read in full...)
I've got a new guy, how long should I wait before getting intimate
Q. If you're dating a guy, you get along great and there's obviously a lot of sexual tension between you. How long should you wait before you get intimate...would 2 to 3 weeks be too early? or do you think you should wait longer?...
A. 31 October 2007: Hi. I guess I know why you are asking, but I can't give you a specific duration. I can only suggest how to go about deciding:
What is your concern if you leave intimacy too long? What effect would it have?
What is your concern if you start intimacy... (read in full...)
Even though it is just a friendship, since she kept it a secret I am disturbed and want it over
Q. 8 months ago I discovered my wife was emailing an old guy friend I had never met that she had known from high school. She had written like 40 emails, all very long, one a day. I was very hurt and mad that she did not even bother telling me as ...
A. 31 October 2007: If you insist she stops - she might comply but feel bitter for evermore or, she just might carry on without you knowing. If you let her carry on - presumably you can still see what's being said and it's in the open.
Maybe it's an old boyfriend and ... (read in full...)
Braces will make me feel worse about my appearance. I feel ugly, what can I do?
Q. I am a 15 and i regard myself as ugly, i have only ever had one proper boyfriend and i am about to get braces. I know i shouldnt be talking like this but i do have really low self esteem. No one has ever told me i am pretty or beautiful and lets ...
A. 31 October 2007: I had a brace when I was 14 for about a year. I hated it. It made my mouth sore. I felt very self conscious. But I am so glad I did - I smile without a moments thought. Better one year of the brace than forty years of nervous smile. And guess what ... (read in full...)
My fiance booked an appointment with an escort a year ago. Can I believe him that he was 'only mucking about'?
Q. Hello, Three weeks ago I discovered that my fiancé had visited some websites of local escorts (i.e. prostitutes). Absolutely shocked, immediately I checked his e-mail account and found out that he had sent an email for appointment of one of them ...
A. 31 October 2007: Hi. Yes you are right - would have been logical to have given phone records to you. And used the phone in your presence. I am all in favour of giving the benefit of etc ....... but he is sounding a little ridiculous. It is very hurtful when someone ... (read in full...)
I find her offer extremely tempting, but I have some concerns about it
Q. Hi i have been given the come on by a mates wife, he recently had a affair and she found out. now she want to try and see what its like with someone else. she proposed that we should get together and try it. we have done some kissing and pe...
A. 31 October 2007: Seems she wants revenge. Chances are she will want her husband to find out - and will make sure he does somehow. She is ready with her justification to her husband. Then when it all blows up and calms down again - it will be your wifes turn to take ... (read in full...)
What are my chances? Am I crazy?
Q. Dear Cupid 1. I fell in love with a guy 11 years younger than me, I'm 33 - he is also in love with me. 2. I'm divorced 3. 2 kids 11 and 3 4. We met online 4 months ago 5. We have not met face to face 6. Same religion - but culturaly differ...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi Mobeni - I think you just need to be realistic and not have false expectations. One area where you might just be getting carried away a little is in saying you both love each other when you haven't yet met. I'm sure your feelings for each other ... (read in full...)
How can men move on so easily? Do they actually move on easily?
Q. Why do men jump from woman to woman, are they in love with anyone or just themselves. How can you be sure if he loves you, if he is constantly with this one, that one, the next one. How can men move on so easily... ...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi - some men are like this and some women are like this. It is one type of behaviour that is followed by both sexes. The reasons vary: excitement; improvement; pain avoidance; variety etc. If you are finding a pattern in your life that you are not ... (read in full...)
Do men realise they really like someone after they get dumped??
Q. Question for men.. do men realise they really like someone after they get dumped?? May sound like a silly question but I had to break up with someone I really like because he wasn't sure about whether he wanted a relationship, just wonderin...
A. 30 October 2007: Hi there anonymous. Well, there is no single answer for men in the same way that no single answer is appropriate for all women. That said, there are some men who find it more difficult to understand and measure their feelings. ... (read in full...)
I'm back with my ex but I don't feel the same towards him. What do I do?
Q. I need help getting to the bottom of my feelings. My partner and I split up earlier this year after 4 years together. After quite a few conversations in between then and now, we decided to try and make it work again. He was the one though that ...
A. 29 October 2007: I think you probably have got to the bottom of your emotions. You just need a way to understand their strength. Maybe this might help. Think of the phrases people use to describe how they feel : madly in love; head-over-heels; love him with all my ... (read in full...)
All I seem to focus on is the negatives...how can I stop this and have a normal relationship??
Q. Hi everybody. Hope somebody can help me here or if somebody is in a similar situation. I have met a lovely guy who travels alot for his job but when we see each other the time we spend together is great, he is very caring and very affectio...
A. 29 October 2007: Hi there - this is simple to answer but the difficult bit will probably be getting you to see it!!! If have depression you will focus on the negatives. (with the emphasis on WILL). This is what depression is. If you have met someone you really care ... (read in full...)
I cant get her past out of my head, but I need to so that we can have a life together
Q. My girlfriend of almost two years, “Sara”, just asked me to marry her. She is a realist. And for a women like “Sara” to have reached a point in her life where she would even consider marriage again (as she was briefly married to her high school ...
A. 28 October 2007: Hey Chicago1000 - that's an incredible story I've just read. You are the special / unique one, and you don't realise it. I think "Sara" does. You are very very brave and a fantastic inspiration. I was going to wish you luck but that's not what you ... (read in full...)
Can I cope with being a single parent in the future?
Q. I am about to leave a relationship that I have been in for 5 years. We have a 3 year old son. After years of trying I have realised that I am 100% not happy and really just want to move on. Of course I want to also ensure my son is happy too and ...
A. 27 October 2007: Hi there. Well don't worry about it because I am sure you will meet someone. Might be another single dad for example. No it won't put most men off - might put a few off that's all. Concentrate on doing what you've got to do and making sure your son ... (read in full...)
How do I end it?
Q. Im 47 just divorced and fall into with a man 18 years older than me. 18 months on seeing each other I start to find him too old I dont no how to end it and worry cant find someone else after leaving him I dont no what to do...
A. 27 October 2007: Hi there. It would help if you can give some more information - about you - about him - about your sitution - about your reasons. Why don't think you will find anyone else? Against the present question I can only think of advising you to tell him ... (read in full...)
We've had excellent sex but recently while in the act his errection disappears. Is it me? (he insists not)
Q. my bf of one year and i have amazing mind blowing sex, but just recently while we are having sex his errection disappears. This has happened on more than one occasion and when it does he gets quite frustrated with the whole ordeal. He says hes not ...
A. 27 October 2007: Hi Hotty. It could be anything that's causing it. It's not an age thing at 34 . All I would say is it is extremely unlikely it is your looks - so I would get that out your mind - you don't just go from being turned on by someone to turned off by ... (read in full...)
Can anyone please help us to work things out? Please take some time to read this.
Q. There are several threads on this site that are similar to what I am about to present, but none go into the open, honest detail that my wife and I have with each other, and so I would like to present this here, and which I would like the community's ...
A. 27 October 2007: UK US Translation: One stone = 14 pounds. Bum = Butt... (read in full...)
I feel so alone right now, because my mom told the entire family that I masturbated.
Q. I feel so alone right now, because my mom told the entire family that I masturbated. She was so mad at me, and I am in tears about this. I don't understand why she thinks that it's so wrong!...
A. 27 October 2007: Well that wasn't very nice of your Mom - maybe she was angry. Mom's do things without thinking sometimes. They have so much on their minds. It must be very hurtful though. Spend some time surfing the net, chatting with friends - or look through the ... (read in full...)
Long story - I need advice please...
Q. Okay, here is what I need advice on. I've been seeing this girl for almost 2 years. the last 8 weeks has been the hardest. She has a friend that lives in San Fransisco. 8 weeks ago she goes up to hang out with her friend. She likes to go out to ...
A. 27 October 2007: You are on the end of a piece of string - she gives it a little tug and you're there. To lose you again or get you out the way she just does something you don't like - you get mad and finish it - she is a free agent - goes and does what she wants. ... (read in full...)
Can anyone please help us to work things out? Please take some time to read this.
Q. There are several threads on this site that are similar to what I am about to present, but none go into the open, honest detail that my wife and I have with each other, and so I would like to present this here, and which I would like the community's ...
A. 27 October 2007: Ok Milamber here goes:
No - I am not a clinical psychologist - did an A level in it. Doesn't help my answer for you though.
I am older than you, 20years probably, and have always had an interest in what makes sexual taste - that does help my answe... (read in full...)
What exactly is the grieving process?
Q. my dad died a year on wednesday and i dont think i have grieved yet but i am not sure coz i dont no what what you do when you grieve, could some one please help me ps i dont like talking about it with anyone x ...
A. 26 October 2007: Yes you are probably still going though the process.You don't have to do anything - it happens automatically. You will know when you are nearing the end of grieving when you start focussing on the future more and more. When you realise life is for ... (read in full...)
Am I being stupid? I love my boyfriend so much!
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for two years. I absolutely adore him and we had a perfect relationship until one day the police came to my house and cautioned him for sexual harrassment. It turns out he had been ringing a woman and talking dirty to her ...
A. 26 October 2007: Hi. You've written your question out very well. Well done. Makes it much easier for people to offer you their advice.
You are at the crossroads. There's lots for you to consider. But first - the simplest choice is to keep walking away. It is easi... (read in full...)
He is scared to make me his 'official' girlfriend.
Q. I was seeing a guy and we split up. After a month he realised he really missed me and we got back together. It was mainly due to the fact that I went out with his friend first and we got together his friend was angry (I never slept with his ...
A. 26 October 2007: Hi. Some guys are uneasy about commitment. I was. The problem for you is that you could be waiting
and waiting
and waiting
and..........you get the picture.......for however many years before he decides to confirm your status.
It's not his ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to stand my ground??
Q. Hey everyone, I'm the kind of guy that i don't care where my gf goes im in anohter country and i have been away from her for over a year. I'm back in 2 months but i don't think i can get passed this next obstacle. She wants to go to a Hallowee...
A. 26 October 2007: You're travelling to different countries! Wow ! Sounds so good. Hey - you've got it right. Life is for living.
I had a friend who wanted to travel for a year - she wanted to go the Far East and Indonesia - Bali in particular I recall. She was kill... (read in full...)
I have a strange habit where my mother is concerned
Q. I am a 20 year old student who left home for uni recently. But before I left I did something really horrible. I got drunk the night before I left in the house and went and hid in the linen closet in our bathroom. I waited for my mother to come home ...
A. 26 October 2007: Hi. I'm glad you posted this message because it is really interesting. When I first read about Freud's work much of it made some sense, but I have always had difficulty understanding/agreeing with some of his theories, especially the Oedipus ... (read in full...)
My fiance booked an appointment with an escort a year ago. Can I believe him that he was 'only mucking about'?
Q. Hello, Three weeks ago I discovered that my fiancé had visited some websites of local escorts (i.e. prostitutes). Absolutely shocked, immediately I checked his e-mail account and found out that he had sent an email for appointment of one of them ...
A. 26 October 2007: Hum - I am normally in favour of giving people a chance - and in your case I would still say you have to give him a chance. However, something is not right here if he has left it so long to chase you. He had some explaining to do - and if it was all ... (read in full...)
Can anyone please help us to work things out? Please take some time to read this.
Q. There are several threads on this site that are similar to what I am about to present, but none go into the open, honest detail that my wife and I have with each other, and so I would like to present this here, and which I would like the community's ...
A. 26 October 2007: Hi - just to let you know I've read it. I understand many of the psychological points you are making. I need a couple of days to think about it. Interesting. ... (read in full...)
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