A
male
age
51-59,
Richard_EMids
writes:In the week when Paul McCartney and Heather Mills agree monetary settlement, the question of fairness and behaviour arises. What are the benefits of marriage, if any? Isn't it just an unfair contract where if one party breaks the terms, the other party is penalised. There is no penalty for breaking the promises, and indeed it can be advantageous to some to deliberately break the terms. So, why would anyone get married?When the finances are split, should an unfaithful partner get a lower award?Would your advice to your son or daughter be the same whether they were involved with a potentially richer or poorer partner? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ariel +, writes (25 February 2008):
 Don’t you think Heather Mills hit Sir Paul where it hurt the most? His …. Pocket! She is not exactly poor. I think she is just like most jilted women –bitter. The advice I would give my kids would be: Not to enter into marriage lightly and to really consider the words I love you. I mean most people love someone because they look good on the outside. They say “however good or bad you feel about your relationship, the person you are with at this moment is the "right" person, because he or she is a mirror of who you are inside. And the mistake most make is, that someone "out there" is going to give (or take) something that is not already yours.” So who has let us down? Our parents? , Their parents ?, society? They also say when we struggle with our partners we are actually struggling with ourselves. Marriage is a journey that you have chosen to take with the person you chose .You hopefully chose that person because their energy matches yours and your dreams correspond. The love you feel for each other is unconditional and not what you can get or deserve. Blah ,what do I Know ? I am still discovering my marriage journey of 17yrs ,all I know is any doubt usually reflects my ego and fear .I believe you should look forwards never backwards and should live for the moment. All you can do is love and give without expecting anything in return.
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (25 February 2008):
Richard_EMids is verified as being by the original poster of the question So - are there any benefits????????
...............................
A
male
reader, leonard j. Douglas +, writes (24 February 2008):
Marriage is one moment of madness,Where two stranger marry each other. It makes no difference how long they have been going together,they still are stranger,in most cases, all of their married life. And If the marriage for this reason or that doesn't work out,they can both say, "I never knew her,or him,and it's true. Greedy before marriage, greedy within the marriage, spells greed in the divorce regardless of gender.
...............................
A
male
reader, leonard j. Douglas +, writes (24 February 2008):
Marriage is one moment of madness,Where two stranger marry each other. It makes no difference how long they have been going together,they still are stranger,in most cases, all of their married life. And If the marriage for this reason or that doesn't work out,they can both say, "I never knew her,or him,and it's true. Greedy before marriage, greedy within the marriage, spells greed in the divorce regardless of gender.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): I do not see any benefits in marriage in this modern era of society. Too many men claim that the sex in marriage dwindles to almost nothing in a very short time and they are afraid to divorce for fear of losing everything. They are in sexless marriages and loveless marriages.Women are out to grab as much money from a guy as possible, the Paul McCartney thing is a prime example. TheJohnny carson thing is another....look at the basketball players Micheal Jordan (richest divorce settlement in the history of the world) Shaq also in trouble....I can name over 100 famous men who have been dragged to the cleaners by greedy, ungrateful women, many of whom truly married for greed. Look at Russell Simmions wife Kimora Lee (life in the FAB LANE) this women totally intentionally gave him 2 kids to lock in their marriage and now has drained him completely. Please be very cautious and careful.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): I am 48 and i've been married twice in life. Both times ended in divorce and neither marriage lasted more than 5 years.1) My first marriage was to a woman I had known for yeas...we grew up together. My success in business and life went to her head. She spent a great deal of money on travel, partying, clothes, clubbing, etc. She had an affair and became addicted to drugs....we divorced. She got the house, 2 cars amongst $7500. a month in alimony and other things. I was devastated.2) My second marriage was to a woman 6 years my junior. She too spent money foolishly. Every single relative of hers would get a lavish gift, a niece would get a $40,000.luxury car for making honor roll in school, a cousin would get a washer and dryer just by asking her, a sister would get new furniture just by asking her....I gave up. AgainI lose materialistic things...houses, cars, other propertyand she hadn't contributed anything to the pot. I have since sworn off marriage forever and have never been happier. I do not recommend it to anyone in this day and age.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sandman  + ♥, writes (23 February 2008):
 I wish I could top Dr. John. But the fact is, he spoke on every subject I would have touched on.
Well done, Dr. John. Well done.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. John + ♥, writes (23 February 2008):
 A big problem with marriage in this day and age is that the parties entering into this contract have too much interest in what they can get out of a marriage instead of what they can put into it.
All too often people now look at marriage as an easily disolvable contract if things don't work out.
They have began to ignore the marriage vows and what they stand for.
However, not all marriages fail for the same reason. Nor is there usually one reason for the breakdown of a particular marriage. Nevertheless, I hear some reasons more often than others.
They are:
Poor communication
Financial problems
A lack of commitment to the marriage
A dramatic change in priorities
Infidelity
There are other causes I see a lot, but not quite as often as those listed above. They are:
Failed expectations or unmet needs
Addictions and substance abuse
Physical, sexual or emotional abuse
Lack of conflict resolution skills
Statistics show that the percentage of people who have ever been married by the age of 55 is, for both males and females: 95%
Percentage of married people who reach their 25th, 35th, and 50th anniversaries:
25th: 33%
35th: 20%
50th: 5%
The sad fact is that people seem to marry more for self gratification than for love.
I married my wife 28 years ago and I cannot imagine ever divorcing her. I loved her then and I love her lots more now.
It is shocking to hear so many say; "Wow, 28 years? To the same woman?" I am always proud to say with a smile; "To the same lovely woman." Doc
...............................
A
male
reader, xylplxym +, writes (23 February 2008):
To answer your question as to why anyone would want to get married, you would have to look outside the legal realm.It seems to me that you have lost sight of what marriage really is and where its benefits are. Or perhaps you've mistaken a strictly legal marriage for the true kind. I say this only because judging by your answer, you seem to think it's a legal or financial benefit that should be the incentive for marriage. That is not what marriage was intended for at all. However, if you look at it from a strictly legal outlook, yeah, it isn't the best contract to actually bind the two together and ensure they follow through with their promises. It is infact the divorce policy that is the real killer as everything is divided in half amongest both sides. But thats only looking at it legaly. If a couple is really serious about the commitment of marriage, the fact the law doesn't enforce it won't keep them from holding true to their promises. And thats really what marriage is; a commitment. Sure love, understanding, and kindness are important things, but without true commitment the marriage will fail. I'm not going to bother to explain anymore about what a true marriage is as that isn't what you are asking is it? But do I think that the unfaithful partner shouldn't receive an equal half? No, of course not; it is not the law's responsiblity to decide who was more faithful and thus deserves more. That kind of investigation will cause a nasty "he said she said" ordeal real fast. When ever I happen to see this kind of situation where a marriage ends, all that means to me is that they should never have gotten married in the first place. Not because marriage is a bad deal, but because they weren't truely ready for a commitment as serious as marriage.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (23 February 2008):
 I can't give a real opinion on this matter, as I have never been married. But I'm not blind, and I see the poster's point: with so many failures, so many horrific stories of what happens when people divorce, and the divorce rate so high, what is the point of marrying?
To me, the answer is that marriage was not supposed to be the mess it has become for so many. All of us have turned it into fighting to death. I wouldn't know but, would Heather have married Paul if he were not a Beatle and didn't have money? This was like a foretold ending.
Baby Duck, if your husband left you, he was a fool I'm sure Huey and Dewey (the little ducks) have received excellent advice from you. Like the one you give here.
...............................
A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (23 February 2008):
 I realize that it's different all over but I am going to give one example.
Let's say two people with careers marry and start a family. One of them leaves the career to stay home and rear the children. S/he works part time jobs to pay for the groceries, but focuses twenty years on being chief bottle washer.
The marriage ends. The homemaker does not have the earning power of the breadwinner, but everyone else in the family has benefited tremendously from his/her sacrifices the last twenty years. Without divorce laws as they are in the US, the homemaker would really be at a loss. As it is, it will still be quite a struggle.
Now, to take your question a step further. After the divorce, each ex heals and has a couple of relationships. Children are full grown and launching their adult lives. Is there a reason to REmarry?
As for your original questions, I am not sure. Although my marriage is not ending because of infidelity, I am of the opinion that many adulterers pleaded and begged for affection or sex and were being dismissed. So, in that case, the blame is shared. As for marrying one with more or less money, well ... that all comes down to values, doesn't it? We know it happens, but don't we all cringe to think that someone married for money, not for love? Isn't it pathetic when there is real love but it is thrown away because the suitor doesn't earn enough? When my young adult sons and I have these kinds of discussions, money is never a factor. I admit that one son is dating a girl from a family in our neighborhood and the other is dating a girl from a wealthy family, so it's a non-issue. That said, my emphasis is on communication, kindness and respect; never money.
...............................
|
