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... Send *ichard_EMids a private message | | | *ichard_EMids's profile:Hi - I'm Richard.
Good to meet you. I live in the East Midlands of England, just in case you thought my surname was EMids!
I have had a wide range of life experiences - from ecstasy to tragedy. Like anyone who finds this site, I have had some ups and downs on the relationship front, despite being a "decent guy." Single or relationship status, they both have their merits. Neither is better, they are just different. I have two fantastic children sorry, fantastic teenagers. Life-loving, sensible and well mannered.
I'm into many different outdoor activities. Also reading, travel, biking and learning. I play badminton and go the gym. I like history in it's widest sense.
I had a 30 year career in management until the accountants and lawyers cut all the fun out. I work part time now which allows me to do all sorts of other things with my life. I am the same age as the number of cards in a pack. All of them....... Clubs, Hearts, Diamonds, and Spades (in that order).
I'm happy to try and help anybody solve their own problems by stimulating their thoughts, providing perspective or simply passing on some practical suggestions.
(where do I put my favourite car/ favourite film/ most unusual place.....)
AMENDMENT: Could you please change it from teenagers to young adults and add the word 'beautiful.' Thanks. |
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Gave up everything for boyfriend and now he doesn't want to be in a relationship.
Q. I, ve been with my partner 2 years, I gave up everything to move away with him. He is a lorry driver and works long hours he said he still loves me but not enough to be in the relationship right now. He said he doesnt want to be in a relationship ...
A. 6 December 2007: Hi - he has made a clear decision. You should do the same. They keep your head straight. Don't wait, it never pays. Get on with your life. If your paths cross in the future you might get back together or you might not.
He's doing the decent thin... (read in full...)
My hormones are killing me and I want to know if it’s all right for me to date even though I’m still married officially, or is it considered cheating?
Q. I have been separated from my wife for over a year and looking forward to get divorced soon. My question is this: My hormones are killing me and I want to know if it’s all right for me to date even though I’m still married officially, or is it ...
A. 6 December 2007: Hi buddy. I know you didn't intend to provide some humour, but be heartened that you made me smile with what I thought was your suggested chat-up line!!!!!!! Read the very last sentence!!!!!!!!!
Good luck - Richard
(Go ahead and date if you are ... (read in full...)
He looks at local woman on match.com, can I trust him?
Q. I need advice. My boyfriend of 2 years has recently been caught checking out match.com. When I found out I asked him about it and told him how it made me feel. His response at first was to deny it and then admited that he did but only to see if he ...
A. 6 December 2007: Hi - well I'll give you similar advice to what I have told a guy whose girlfriend is doing the same thing.
Carry on seeing him, you might as well carry on enjoying whatever benefits he provides. Meanwhile start looking out for someone else like... (read in full...)
I am upset with her because she slept with two guys during our 'break'. But I also slept with someone else! Advice?
Q. My girfiend of 4yrs and I broke up for a couple of months recently, but we remained in contact throughout and even slept together a few times. We got back together which I was happy about until she admitted sleeping with 2 different guys during ...
A. 6 December 2007: Hi buddy. Well you two were on a "break" as you say. There doesn't seem to be any doubt you were on a break because you both slept with different people. You describe it with hindsight as "on a break", but at the time of course, you had broken up. ... (read in full...)
She claims she's never met these other guys online..so do I give her a 2nd chance?
Q. Ive been seeing my girlfriend for a while now. She is away at college and recently when visiting her I discovered messages on her computer between her and a few other guys. She suggested to most of them suggested phone sex and meeting up behind my ...
A. 6 December 2007: Yes - carry on seeing her, you might as well carry on having sex with her. Meanwhile start looking out for someone else like she is, get a few phones numbers. That way, if you later find out she is lying you've got someone else. If she isn't lying, ... (read in full...)
I'm cheating on my boyfriend, but I'm going to end it as I love him to much, should I tell this friend that I also love him even though we are going to stop seeing each other/
Q. I have been cheating on my boyfriend for four months with my male friend, who is also attached. I have been thinking of ending my relationship with my friend, even though my feelings for him are extremely strong, because ultimately I don't want ...
A. 6 December 2007: Hi - if understand this correctly your two questions are:
1)Is it possible to love 2 people at same time?
2)Is there any point in telling him you love him?
Well why don't you stay with male friend and finish with your boyfriend. Why do you think... (read in full...)
He knows I like him but he still hasn't backed-off...what does this mean??
Q. hi, I like my flatmate at uni, but recently he found a note under my bed saying that i liked him. He basically was taken aback so i lied and said that i used to like him but not anymore because that was the only option i had. I told him that i ...
A. 5 December 2007: Say to him:
"If I've got this wrong then I'll come on a date with you, but I think you like me. Am I right or wrong?"... (read in full...)
We never wanted this to happen...but now neither of us can bear to break it off.
Q. Hi, I am semi-happily married and have fallen for another girl. This girl is also happily married and she has fallen for me. Neither of us went looking for this since we were both in seemingly happy marriages. Now my marriage is under strain a...
A. 5 December 2007: One of the great things about marriage is that when you have a problem or dilemma you've always got someone to talk it through and give you some advice.... (read in full...)
I'm having an affair, but neither of us will leave our partners, now he's flirting with other girls in the office, what should I do?
Q. I have been married for almost 13 yers now and a year and a half ago I fell for this man who happens to be my boss- we have had sex a couple of times and he says he loves me. But he is also married and I don't know what his intentions are. Howver, ...
A. 5 December 2007: Whenever you are anxious and troubled talk it through with your spouse. That's one of the benefits of marriage.
Richard... (read in full...)
Why do I always get paranoid and think I will be ditched for someone else??
Q. Hi all, I am 33 and am currently dating a man of 38. We have only had 5 dates so far. Last night I took him to a dinner party with 7 other friends. There was a single girl there of a similar age to me who I thought was quite attractive. I notice...
A. 4 December 2007: Ok Marplechick ( I love this name ) so lets forget last nights dinner party and your boyfriend who may have been quite innocent, and focus on why you feel like you do.
You can do a lot to understand this yourself. Did something happen in your past... (read in full...)
Is her lying a problem, or am I creating a problem?
Q. I have a question that concerns "lies". I want to first explain a few things in our relationship. I have been dating a wonderful woman for 2.5 years. She's a great friend, and a better lover. However, I have a concern that seems to continue to ...
A. 4 December 2007: Hi - yes I would be concerned. So had she stayed with this other guy or what? Had she even been to her parents?
There is one thing we do know for certain - people who tell lies have something to hide. Having had some similar experience I would have... (read in full...)
I found out he cheated, he then chose her over me, but I still want him back, how can I do this?
Q. I have been with my mate for 13 years, in October I found out he was cheating on me. (he was not the one told me) I confronted him and made him choose. He chose her! Since then,we talk maybe once a week, and he says he is sorry and that he did not ...
A. 4 December 2007: Hi - well I do understand what you're saying but you really do need to think this through more. You should ask yourself why did he start cheating in the first place?
If you succeed in "luring" him back it will probably be because she loses him,... (read in full...)
My husband keeps contact with his ex. What should I do??
Q. My husband and I have been together since college. We have two young children. Last year he contacted some friends including an ex-girlfriend from high school through reunion.com. I recently found out that he has been in contact with her this...
A. 4 December 2007: Hi - thanks for your reply. I know I didn't offer any emotional advice, just the practical side of things. I know you must feel badly let down and you hve two children as well to think about. It must have been a terrible shock. I hope everything ... (read in full...)
Does this just happen with age?
Q. What would make a man lose his erection during sex? My b/f, sometimes loses his erection halfway into our lovemaking. I wonder if he's losing interest in me? He seems to start out okay, he wakes up with an erection, we start messing around, we ...
A. 3 December 2007: No - age has no impact. You say "sometimes" this happens. The first person to ask is him. What does he say ? Sometimes men have an idea what's causing it.... (read in full...)
I am in love with these two girls and feel so lonely...what is wrong with me??
Q. I grew up with and with an overly angry father who played Ultima Online every night. When he was stressed out from work he would usually try to take it out in-game, but would often accidentally take it out on his wife and his three children. I won'...
A. 3 December 2007: You are like you are because of Lord Blacthorn's Revenge, possibly because someone incurred the Wrath of the Lich King and you have dark circles under your eyes because it is the Age of Shadows. Seems obvious to me.... (read in full...)
My bf has started working away and I feel lonely and now I have slept with his friend. Please help.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend now for over a year and im in love with him. but recenlty he's started working away and i've felt lonely and slept with his freind - i feel really guilty and don't know what to do. Please help....
A. 3 December 2007: That was stupid!!! With his friend??? Sometimes I just have to say how it is. You have no real choice, he'll probably find out. You'll have to tell him.
What would you do if he told you he slept with your friend??
You need to figure out why you ... (read in full...)
How can we get past all these silly arguments??
Q. Hi, I am going out with my partner for the last 2 years. We moved in together about 3 months ago. It's been pretty up and down since then. We argue a fair bit. I have a son from my previous relationship (he's a teenager) and I think my partner ...
A. 3 December 2007: Change your outlook. Just say - Honey, I don't want to argue with you over petty issues and if we have major issues lets discuss them.
Richard... (read in full...)
Is my husband hiding an affair??
Q. My husband is hiding something. We have been married for 16 months and I have had a horrible gut feeling for almost year. He is the kindest, loveliest man you can ever imagine meeting but some things just dont add up and his mood is tempramental. A...
A. 3 December 2007: Phone his friend who he has fallen out with and say you are a bit concerned about his behaviour lately and that he is becoming obsessive about his weight. See what happens?
Doesn't look good though.
Take care
Richard... (read in full...)
Will my husband be able to tell I had sex before??
Q. I am having relatonship with my boy friend from last four years. We share physical too. Now i m getting marry to another person will my husband able to judge i had sex before. Pls reply soon i m worried...
A. 3 December 2007: No - he cannot really tell if you are virgin or not. If this marriage is arranged you must say you are a virgin and maintain the pretence that you have never had sex. You will have to behave as though you are innocent. Do not tell him you are not ... (read in full...)
She is all I want but she forgives her bf again and again. I am sick of waiting it out...what do I do??
Q. I was dating this girl for about a month and fell in love with everything about her and i know she felt the same way. She has told me. At the same time she started seeing this other man that i know and he officially asked her to be his a week lat...
A. 3 December 2007: Hey buddy - you have got to accept the reality and look to your future. You are stuck right now. All I can suggest is that you go and do something extreme to wake your senses. A parachute or bungee jump or something.
Good luck
Richard... (read in full...)
Lost the spark, been trying to regain it... but nothing. Is it over?
Q. After 2 years and 10 months of going out, I just can not find that spark with my girlfriend any longer. We've gone through these phases before in the past, but this time seems very different. I no longer look at her and desire her for sex, and ...
A. 3 December 2007: You have described more than enough reasons to demonstrate this relationship is over.
So why are you "scared of ending it?" What exactly is making you scared. Is it telling her? Is it emotional support? Is it companionship? Whatever is the answ... (read in full...)
Is it worth spending time with this guy after this??
Q. Im with this guy almost 6 months.First 3 we were almost every day together,but now as he works abroad we are not. Anyway he claims To LOVE ME, and constantly was telling that to me. I do love him for sure, but there are number of things that mak...
A. 3 December 2007: He probably thought if you can spend money on alcohol ahead of bus fares and food then you are getting your priorities wrong. Maybe this was his way of getting you to change your ways.
So he has probably gone away and asked "Is it worth to spen... (read in full...)
How do I make her break her bitter shell so we can recover what we lost??
Q. My love and I have known each other for 5 years now and since day one have had a deep connection. We have been a couple for a year and eight months now. We have had our little break ups and things have been as rocky as they have been beautiful. M...
A. 3 December 2007: All the time you date, trust and confidence builds. If one person does something to break the trust, it has to be rebuilt. The rebuilding period depends on the severity of the breach and whether the matter was aggravated by lying.
The injured part... (read in full...)
Was my one-night stand really an affair??
Q. I cheated a few years ago and at the time did not class it as an affair. I told my husband it was a one night stand as that's what I thought it was. I knew the other guy we were friends but we only slept together once and because of the guilt an...
A. 3 December 2007: Infidelity. You were unfaithful. You broke your marriage vows. Playing with definitions to ease your conscience is futile. Seek counselling for what is a problem of conscience for you.
The counsellor will endeavour to find out what has happened in y... (read in full...)
Our marriage is amazing but I am ready to start a family and he isn't. Please help.
Q. Help Please, I was recently married to the most amazing man and we are very happy. We have been together for 7 years and have a very healthy relationship. The problem is that i am very much ready to start a family but he isn't. I obviously don'...
A. 3 December 2007: Hi - I have two questions to ask him:
1) Why doesn't he want children now?
2) If not now, when?
Richard... (read in full...)
My dreams end with strange deaths, of animals. Is this bad or dangerous?
Q. Dear All, I seem to be reading an awful lot these days and I keep reading til really late but I find it difficault to sleep even then - I've never fallen asleep with a book in my hand- but never really know when I fall asleep, because my clock is...
A. 3 December 2007: It is thought that dreams are just the way the brain relaxes and recharges for the next day. Simply unwinding, or uncoiling if you like. If you are having recurrent dreams these are believed to be habit, triggered by the same emotional feeling and ... (read in full...)
Since having our daughter 9 months ago my boyfriend has been really distant...
Q. Hi Since having our daughter 9 months ago my boyfriend has been really distant, a couple of months ago I was told I have post natal depression which luckily hasn't effected my relationship with my daughter, but it has with my boyfriend, he sh...
A. 2 December 2007: Sorry to hear about your post-natal-depression. OK - a few random suggestions:
1)Maybe invite his mother or sister over. Let them see how things are. Could they have a word with him.
2)Rather than expecting to just help out when needed - give him... (read in full...)
My husband keeps contact with his ex. What should I do??
Q. My husband and I have been together since college. We have two young children. Last year he contacted some friends including an ex-girlfriend from high school through reunion.com. I recently found out that he has been in contact with her this...
A. 2 December 2007: Hi - well there's no need for you do anything right now. That's if their plan is to "run-off" when kids graduate. You have got lots of time. Just make sure you keep your lid on! Look at possibilities before rushing into decisions.You have got a ... (read in full...)
Are there tell-tale signs that a guy is falling for you??
Q. We met 14 months ago and we see each other once a week. My gut feeling is that he cares more than he wants to. But how can you tell? Do guys have tell tale signs when they are starting to fall for you? (we are committed to others at this time)...
A. 2 December 2007: How can you tell your married lover has fallen for you?
I suppose you could call his wife and ask her if sex and affection has noticeably reduced in the last 14 months.
If she says "No" then he's having a blast and he hasn't fallen for you.
I... (read in full...)
How can I confirm to his wife he is having an affair with me without anybody knowing it came from me?
Q. I am having an affair with a married man who doesn't love his wife any more but loves his children. He thinks he needs to stay in the marraiage just 4 the kids. His wife thinks he is having an affair and asks if he his having an affair but he won't...
A. 2 December 2007: Are you his mistress who wants to feel like No:1 or are you his future lifetime partner who will love him forever?... (read in full...)
My husband keeps contact with his ex. What should I do??
Q. My husband and I have been together since college. We have two young children. Last year he contacted some friends including an ex-girlfriend from high school through reunion.com. I recently found out that he has been in contact with her this...
A. 2 December 2007: Thanks for the additional information. Thats great. Will respond shortly - today - Sunday.
Richard... (read in full...)
Do emotionally abusive people change that much in two months??
Q. I broke up with my fiance 2 months ago. We hadn't talked for about 3 weeks and he texted me saying he wishes me well, saying I didn't have to respond. I texted back the same. Well yesterday he called me from an unknown number and I answered...
A. 2 December 2007: In my opinion, moral compatability is crucial. This is worsened further by the christian difference. I just sense you two will always hit problems.
Take care
Richard... (read in full...)
Help! I'm going "Password" crazy! How can I remember them all!
Q. Can everybody please help me on this one? Everybody. I have so many different passwords and PINs. Mobile phones, PC access, websites, bank accounts, email, Paypal. I'm way the past the stage of being able to remember them. I thought it a good idea ...
A. 2 December 2007: Err! What is IMBD ?... (read in full...)
I am sick of being second best...what should I do??
Q. I have been going it with a man 10 years my senior (I am early 30's) He has terrible money problems that he refuses to address. He has moved away to get the great job he wanted but still makes no attempt to repay his debt. When he comes to visit...
A. 2 December 2007: Mmmm. Regardless of your question for the moment, I would say that most people can make change in their lives, but generally these are small changes. Rarely do people make major life changes.
I would put three suggestions to you:
1) He doesn't ... (read in full...)
Do you ever forget your first love??
Q. Hi, i want to ask everyone who has been in love two questions: Do you ever forget your first love? Would you get back with them if you had the chance?...
A. 2 December 2007: No. Yes.
... (read in full...)
I am sick of being second best...what should I do??
Q. I have been going it with a man 10 years my senior (I am early 30's) He has terrible money problems that he refuses to address. He has moved away to get the great job he wanted but still makes no attempt to repay his debt. When he comes to visit...
A. 2 December 2007: Mmmm. Regardless of your question for the moment, I would say that most people can make change in their lives, but generally these are small changes. Rarely do people make major life changes.
I would put three suggestions to you:
1) He doesn't ... (read in full...)
My mum is dying but my aunt is acting like she is already dead.
Q. My mum was diagnosed with a terminal brain cancer in March and she is now getting worst. It has been a very tough time for the family since the diagnosis and it has not helped the way her sister (my aunt) has been acting since then. The doctors sa...
A. 2 December 2007: Hi - I'm really sorry about your Mum's condition.
Regarding your question. If your mother and aunt have property and cash in joint names, then if your mother dies her share goes to the people she has named in her will. Seems like your Aunt is tryi... (read in full...)
Why do I always get paranoid and think I will be ditched for someone else??
Q. Hi all, I am 33 and am currently dating a man of 38. We have only had 5 dates so far. Last night I took him to a dinner party with 7 other friends. There was a single girl there of a similar age to me who I thought was quite attractive. I notice...
A. 2 December 2007: Hi Marplechick (great name). Is this just a little bit of insecurity on your part and a boyfriend who likes to 'study' female company OR would you say this is a recurrent theme in your life which has destroyed previous relationships? I can't tell ... (read in full...)
Once you cheat will you cheat again??
Q. OK, a poll: Do you think once you cheat you will always cheat? Even if you found your soul-mate, married and are happy with each other and both agree that finding each other was the best thing that ever happened to you? I cheated and know it was w...
A. 2 December 2007: No I don't agree with the phrase - once a cheater always a cheater. If it's true it would apply to other areas of deception wouldn't it??? Once a thief, always a thief. Once a liar, always a liar.
Good luck
Richard
... (read in full...)
My husband keeps contact with his ex. What should I do??
Q. My husband and I have been together since college. We have two young children. Last year he contacted some friends including an ex-girlfriend from high school through reunion.com. I recently found out that he has been in contact with her this...
A. 2 December 2007: Hi. You are right not to do anything until you have thought this through and taken some advice. How long have you been married? Could they meet in any way without you knowing? Are you able to continue monitoring his contact without him knowing? How ... (read in full...)
How to stop loving an ex?
Q. I have been separated 5 years and divorced 3. He was the love of my life, it wasn't perfect, far from it. Generally we were happy. I thought after 17years I would grow old with him. Infidelity (His) became an issue, not once, not twice but the la...
A. 2 December 2007: Hi Cassandra - I know exactly what you mean. Fortunately I think I have got over this myself. You do it by introducing more into you life. You haven't said much more about yourself so I 'll leave it at that.
Good luck
Richard
... (read in full...)
Help! I'm going "Password" crazy! How can I remember them all!
Q. Can everybody please help me on this one? Everybody. I have so many different passwords and PINs. Mobile phones, PC access, websites, bank accounts, email, Paypal. I'm way the past the stage of being able to remember them. I thought it a good idea ...
A. 30 November 2007: Thanks for replies for everyone. I guess it needs to be "peronality suited" more than "security suited" to be practical.
Richard... (read in full...)
Help! I'm going "Password" crazy! How can I remember them all!
Q. Can everybody please help me on this one? Everybody. I have so many different passwords and PINs. Mobile phones, PC access, websites, bank accounts, email, Paypal. I'm way the past the stage of being able to remember them. I thought it a good idea ...
A. 27 November 2007: Thanks for the advice so far. I'm giving these some serious thought. ... (read in full...)
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