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... Send *ichard_EMids a private message | | | *ichard_EMids's profile:Hi - I'm Richard.
Good to meet you. I live in the East Midlands of England, just in case you thought my surname was EMids!
I have had a wide range of life experiences - from ecstasy to tragedy. Like anyone who finds this site, I have had some ups and downs on the relationship front, despite being a "decent guy." Single or relationship status, they both have their merits. Neither is better, they are just different. I have two fantastic children sorry, fantastic teenagers. Life-loving, sensible and well mannered.
I'm into many different outdoor activities. Also reading, travel, biking and learning. I play badminton and go the gym. I like history in it's widest sense.
I had a 30 year career in management until the accountants and lawyers cut all the fun out. I work part time now which allows me to do all sorts of other things with my life. I am the same age as the number of cards in a pack. All of them....... Clubs, Hearts, Diamonds, and Spades (in that order).
I'm happy to try and help anybody solve their own problems by stimulating their thoughts, providing perspective or simply passing on some practical suggestions.
(where do I put my favourite car/ favourite film/ most unusual place.....)
AMENDMENT: Could you please change it from teenagers to young adults and add the word 'beautiful.' Thanks. |
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Could my friend be anorexic? If so, what can I do to help her?
Q. I have a friend who is very skinny, like skeletal (UK size 4), and she hardly ever eats lunch at school with us, and if she does she will eat tiny amounts. She has been like this since I met her, about 4 years ago, and I don't know how long before ...
A. 25 November 2007: Hey. I have just checked a few websites. There is a nine step plan to helping some with AN on this website:
http://www.ehow.com/how_17631_support-someone-with.html
It sets it out in a simple practical way.
Bear in mind it might not be AN. So ju... (read in full...)
Could my friend be anorexic? If so, what can I do to help her?
Q. I have a friend who is very skinny, like skeletal (UK size 4), and she hardly ever eats lunch at school with us, and if she does she will eat tiny amounts. She has been like this since I met her, about 4 years ago, and I don't know how long before ...
A. 25 November 2007: Hi there. It's good that you are concerned for your friend.
Anorexia Nervosa is a possible explanation for her size, but there are other conditions that lead to being underweight, as well as just being naturally thin. If it is Anorexia Nervosa this... (read in full...)
Does true love die?
Q. If two adults truly love each other and are so miserable when they are not together and can't bare to be without the other person in their life but circumstances force them to end their relationship and not see each other, will those feelings stop ...
A. 23 November 2007: I would say neither. I think that for a while the "missing/pining" increases and then peaks before gradually declining. The decline can take a long time if the person doesn't meet anyone else. Personally, I don't think love ever stops. It diminshes ... (read in full...)
We broke up. Is seeing me every morning at the gym preventing him from missing me? Do I reschedule?
Q. Quick question for the men..My bf and I broke up after 3yrs, we just havn't been getting along latelty because of some problems, we broke up once before and he came back 3 weeks later saying he missed me and wanted to try again. This time he got ...
A. 23 November 2007: Hi there - yes I remember. That's good that he came to talk to you. Just take it steady, keep going to the gym, but not so you see your ex every day. It will make him wonder what is happening. Don't expect anything more from him than what you've ... (read in full...)
This is my second question about ex at the gym..please answer Richard
Q. I first posted my question on Nov 12th and got a response from richard,,,Pls respond back to me. Ok its day 10 after my last question about this....I miss him like crazy and i did excatly what Richard said to do..not sure if it worked..Yeste...
A. 23 November 2007: Hi there - yes I remember. That's good that he came to talk to you. Just take it steady, keep going to the gym, but not so you see your ex every day. It will make him wonder what is happening. Don't expect anything more from him than what you've ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to have a crush at my age?
Q. I can't get this guy out of my mind.... is it normal to have a crush at my age? We are both getting divorced, his is almost finalised, mine is just beginning. Am I just focusing on him, to take my mind off the real everyday nitty-gritty matte...
A. 23 November 2007: Hi - I am same age as you and also split. All I would say is watch your heart very carefully. There is a big danger of falling for the first one you meet. I can't explain why this happens - but I know so many where the same thing happened - ... (read in full...)
I miss him sooo much, what do I do, I have a very strong urge to be with him.
Q. I was having sex with a guy on and off over 4 years (when it all started I was 18 and he was 37) I put a stop to it simply because it was harder to get away and travel the 1 and a half hours to be with him, (we both had partners and still do) Thing ...
A. 23 November 2007: O.K. - think beyond the initial meeting. Then what ? ? ? ?
What happens next ? ? ? ?
Your mind is over-focussed on seeing him again without thinking where it goes after that. If you were really really serious, and he were as well then you wo... (read in full...)
I need advice on how to cure my mother's depression or get her mind off things. Are there any free councillors?
Q. i'm really stressed someone please help me. My parents have argued a lot but this time it has got really serious. So bad that my dad has said too much and my mum is in extreme severe depression and at a point where she cant even control her own ...
A. 23 November 2007: Hi there. Sorry to hear about your Mum and Dad. It's difficult for you, when they are like this. Well done.
What I say applies to England. If you are in another region the situation may be very slightly different.
If your Mum has anti-dep... (read in full...)
Undressing...
Q. My questions involve getting undressed. When making out how will we know when it is time to remove our clothes? Should I ask him to undress or just undress him? Should we undress in the bedroom or can we strip in route to the bedroom? Should kissing ...
A. 22 November 2007: Hi Lexi. I know it's important to you, I'm sure your motives are right. However, I do think you are planning this like a wedding reception. Sure, it's an important occasion. But it's not a formal occasion. It sounds like you are looking for some ... (read in full...)
My ex is still harrassing me and uses others to do it for him.
Q. I have had it. I am so sick of my ex bf and his stupid ways of geting back at me! I broke up with him 3 months ago and he is still making attempts to get my attention. I broke it off because he was abusive. Anyway, he got his friends to send me ...
A. 22 November 2007: Mmmm - He's still feeling bitter and can't move on. The best advice is to ignore completely. Don't respond in any way. They don't know if it's getting through. He wants you to yell at him. Don't. He wants you to respond. Don't. How do you know it ... (read in full...)
Should I give the "favorite customer" my number?
Q. I am 18 years old and work part time at a supermarket at the checkout. There is this guy who comes in all the time and always comes through my checkout! Always! I think he is pretty cute and he seems nice from what I have seen of him so far, from ...
A. 22 November 2007: No - don't give him your phone number. (Stranger-danger). And you are making yourself "too available" and vulnerable. Just say something like - "maybe you would like tell me your name and leave me a telephone number."
He knows where you work, and ... (read in full...)
My gf has a rather promiscuous past, she says those guys were a mistake but still holds on to those memories. Should I be worried?
Q. Hi, I (25) have been with my girlfriend now for 6 months and we are very very serious.. She (24) was a bit promiscuous in the past but has now devoted herself to me!! She still is friends with these guys and had some pictures of them on her computer ...
A. 22 November 2007: Hi buddy. No - you don't need to be worried. You have managed to erase her photos but have been unable to erase her memories. I would suggest E.C.T. as this affects memories but the only problem is it's not permanent. I'm not an expert but what ... (read in full...)
Ladies, what are your thoughts about tattoos? Can tattoos have a negative effect upon obtaining dates?
Q. Hey, so I'm wondering what most girls think of tattoos. I've already got one, a cross on my right bicep and I've never heard any complaints about it. But this Christmas I'm looking at getting a koi fish done on my forearm (half sleeve), and event...
A. 22 November 2007: Hey Joe. I'll give you another perpective. When I was 17 I bought this shirt in London. Expensive but cool, really cool. It made me feel good when I wore it. I got a really hot girlfriend about 2 weeks after buying this shirt!!! I wore it all the ... (read in full...)
He lied to me. How do I get over it?
Q. My husband had an 18-month secret relationship with a recently bereaved woman in another country: emails, texts, calls, lunches and an expensive birthday present. I don't think it got as far as sex, but was heading that way. Whilst I was u...
A. 21 November 2007: Hi - thanks for the follow-up. The problem in this type of situation is that for you it is an unresolved conflict - a battle goes in your head. He may want to move forward and try and forget all about it - but you will be stuck in the same spot. You ... (read in full...)
I feel I'm never going to get over this girl if I keep being such good friends with her, as she insisted. What can I do?
Q. I'm in college and I fell in love with a girl on my floor. She's the most amazing person I've ever met. She has a boyfriend though and says that me and her will never happen but she wants us to be friends. I tried telling her that I couldn't be ...
A. 21 November 2007: Hi buddy. You have answered your own question - but I guess you are seeking confirmation:
"I'm never going to get over this girl if I keep being such good friends with her."
You are absolutely right - that's good. Shows you are learning... (read in full...)
How do I shave my pubic hair?
Q. how do i shave my pubic hairs? ive tried multiple times before, but i cant get all of it and when i shave its all stubbly, is there a technique i need to use? thanks....
A. 21 November 2007: Hi - I haven't got time right now - but if you look through my answer page you will see I gave a fairly detailed answer to this question about 3-4 weeks ago. And you'll also see what other suggestions were made. Click on my profile. Sorry to answer ... (read in full...)
How do I stop a guy moving in on my girlfriend??
Q. I'm currently in a very happy relationship. My girlfriend and I are very much in love and I trust her completely. We live in the same dorm at college, and we have lots of mutual friends. Unfortunately, one of my friends from the dorm has recently ...
A. 21 November 2007: Hi. Your girlfriend doesn't have to be confrontational - she just has to be cold. Answer questions Yes. No. etc and don't ask any questions, don't empathise, don't agree, don't smile. Not rude, no conflict - just cold. Saves fights, broken teeth and ... (read in full...)
Am I right or is he wrong?
Q. I met this man during my divorce. I am 47 and been together for 6 months. I have Christmas at work but not allowed to take partners. He said we will be over if I go because he doesnt like it. He always emphazise he is a one on one person. He ...
A. 21 November 2007: Hi. I can see both sides here. I think a little jealousy is unavoidable when relationships are just getting off the ground - particularly when we're older and not teens. You're both right. How about a compromise - what if he dropped you off and ... (read in full...)
He lied to me. How do I get over it?
Q. My husband had an 18-month secret relationship with a recently bereaved woman in another country: emails, texts, calls, lunches and an expensive birthday present. I don't think it got as far as sex, but was heading that way. Whilst I was u...
A. 21 November 2007: Hi there. You have asked how do you get over him lying to you long term. The answer is you don't - he is the one that has to put in the effort. The question is being asked by the wrong person.
He lost the trust. He says he wants the rela... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want kids because ..he fears he might be abusive and/or violent with his kids.
Q. Me and my husband have been married 3 years now. We love each other to bits and I want to have a child with him. However the last couple of months my husband has been luke warm of the idea. When I eventually got him to open up about it he told me he ...
A. 21 November 2007: Hi. I am sure this has come as surprise. You need a little time to understand what he has said. Posting on website was good idea - as will help you.
As Irish49 has pointed out - by its nature, his statement/excuse is without doubt genuine. He has ... (read in full...)
Unhelpful cheat, we have no trust, shall I leave?
Q. There is no denying that I will have to leave my husband as I don’t love him any more no matter how much he tries now. The question is when and how ? I feel trapped in a prison of my own circumstances. We were university sweethea...
A. 18 November 2007: Hey Lovelygirl - these sound like the thoughts of someone trying to understand the strength of their feelings. The preparation to doing something they never expected/wanted to do. Are you still trying to justify splitting up with your husband? I ... (read in full...)
How will I ever handle this situation.
Q. My problem is embarrassing but I need help and don't know where to get it from. Apologies if the content is shocking, it's not explicit but it needs to be mentioned so you can understand my problem. On Thursday I got a phone call off my husband's...
A. 18 November 2007: Well, it seems to me that your husband is doing everything he can to get promotion. You could suggest he try wearing stockings and suspenders to work? If that doesn't work he should change his job. Has he considered going into politics ? ? ?... (read in full...)
She was my babysitter.
Q. My questions are regarding an older woman. She is eleven years older than me. Perhaps some background would be helpful. The woman we are talking about I have known for a very long time. She was first my babysitter and then she helped me with ...
A. 17 November 2007: You ask for advice about intimate communication:
Well, when you're in the middle making hot passionate love to her ....just don't call her Nanny!... (read in full...)
The nice boy I babysitted and tutored has become a MAN. I thought he was including me as a dear friend in his life but lately may want more. Would it be wrong to date?
Q. I don’t know how many people find themselves in my situation. My situation started with being a babysitter for a 5 year old boy. I was 16 at the time when I started babysitting him. I continued babysitting him until he entered Jr. high School. He ...
A. 17 November 2007: Where did you get this idea from? Mary Poppins was never like this! (.....was there a Mary Poppins 2 that I missed?)... (read in full...)
How can I improve my English?
Q. how can i improve my english language?I neen any body who is in position to help me by providing me all the necessary fascilities....
A. 13 November 2007: Hi. Listen to English radio . Try to find BBC World Service on your radio. If you can't find it - go to www.bbc.co.uk and look from there. Also try these websites for written English ...http://www.learnenglish.org.uk/ and ... (read in full...)
They might get divorced, what should I do
Q. hi, well at the moment i'm having family problems that i can't talk to anyone about. My mum and Dad had a massive argument a while ago and now they just aren't talking to each other.It's really hard for me and my little sister because we feel alo...
A. 13 November 2007: Hi there. Sometime this happens to Mums and Dads and it's really tough on everyone - everyone in the family. They have got so tangled up in their arguments they don't want to say anymore to each other. Sometimes a period of not talking does help - ... (read in full...)
How do I get her open up, since the death of her dad? You can tell how much she wants to and needs to cry but puts on a happy face for me and our daughter.
Q. Hiya need some tips on what to do here. Well my wife recenly lost her dad, shes taking this extremely hard but refuses to show any emotion. I say refuse she holds it back, i don't know if she does cry when i've gone to work because hes having time ...
A. 13 November 2007: What I say below might not necessarily apply if your wife has had any previous mental condition or disorder. There are cultural differences to grief, which may mean some aspects do not apply.
Grieving is pretty much an automatic thing that happ... (read in full...)
We broke up. Is seeing me every morning at the gym preventing him from missing me? Do I reschedule?
Q. Quick question for the men..My bf and I broke up after 3yrs, we just havn't been getting along latelty because of some problems, we broke up once before and he came back 3 weeks later saying he missed me and wanted to try again. This time he got ...
A. 12 November 2007: Hey - I have just seen comment below. The idea is to change the routine of it. Maybe it's not clear - I'm not saying cut off all contact - I'm saying change the pattern - change what is predictable. After a few days of not seeing - then see him - ... (read in full...)
Husband having midlife crisis?? I want affection from him but I've read men don't offer it during this time. What can I do?
Q. I am a 31 yr old female with a 37 yr old husband of 10 yrs, been together 15, have 2 boys, 4 and 7. Husband I think is going through midlife crisis. Last yr he decided to have an affair for 2 months in which i caught him in, he then moved out, ...
A. 12 November 2007: Hi Angie - sorry to hear of the situation you are in. You sound as if you are coping quite well given the circumstances - but maybe you felt OK at the time you typed out your question.
Mid life crisis - what is it ? It's not a proper condition. Horm... (read in full...)
We broke up since he was moving to another country. How do I get past seeing him with another woman at parties?
Q. My boyfriend of 7 years broke up about 4 months ago. we survived losing our son and also we had both cheated on the other during our relationship but we got past it. he was moving away but we got together and decided that since he was moving to ...
A. 12 November 2007: Hi - the pain is hard to take isn't it. And sorry you lost your son. Unfortunately losing a child often leads to all sorts of relationship problems even though you have something that binds you.
You have correctly identified that you need to get ... (read in full...)
We broke up. Is seeing me every morning at the gym preventing him from missing me? Do I reschedule?
Q. Quick question for the men..My bf and I broke up after 3yrs, we just havn't been getting along latelty because of some problems, we broke up once before and he came back 3 weeks later saying he missed me and wanted to try again. This time he got ...
A. 12 November 2007: Hi. Yes - you've got it exactly right. If he's seeing you everyday then he won't miss you anywhere near as much. Change the time you go to gym - but don't tell him - just do it. When you do "happen" to arrive one day - just as he's leaving - it ... (read in full...)
Lost my feelings for my abusive husband-should I leave?
Q. Hello, Im in my mid twenties and am married for less than a year, and been with the man for only 2 years. I have one child ( 2 yr old) from a previouse relationship where I was with the man for 6 years, and a newborn with my husband. Everythi...
A. 11 November 2007: Hi MamiOf2 - hope you are Ok. Firstly , do you believe you /your children are in imminent danger of being harmed??? The advice I give still applies, but you need to react very quickly - like tomorrow morning. There's a lot going on here - you will ... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble in revising for my exams, how to deal with the stress?
Q. im 15 and i dont know what to do, i have to revise so much for my exams but i just dont have any time, im seriously stressing, help!!!!!!!!!...
A. 11 November 2007: Hi. Well done - you have started considering this very early. Some don't start thinking about it until after Christmas and most start in the Easter holidays. You are well ahead - so don't get stressed.
If you feel the problem is time - then you ... (read in full...)
He's threatening to leave. What can I do?
Q. my boyfriend who I adore, respect, support and live together 4 years now are expecting a baby. We know each other 5 years and live together 4 years. Last year we bought a house and we were very happy. He has a degree in physics, speaks fluent French ...
A. 10 November 2007: Hi. I have been thinking more about your question since I first replied to you a few hours ago.
You are saying that these phases only started since you moved into new house. No sign of this before ?? Did the "phases" show before or after preg... (read in full...)
He's threatening to leave. What can I do?
Q. my boyfriend who I adore, respect, support and live together 4 years now are expecting a baby. We know each other 5 years and live together 4 years. Last year we bought a house and we were very happy. He has a degree in physics, speaks fluent French ...
A. 10 November 2007: Hi. I think the first thing to try to establish is why does he get these phases - these periods of mild paranoia or projection (the blaming of others for faults/problems within yourself). What is going on when this happens? It can be a pent up ... (read in full...)
Will he change if I move in?
Q. Ok ... so I'm 35 yrs old ... a mother of one ... divorced ... and dating ... again. We've been dating for 4 months and he lives about an hour away (which might as well be a billion miles to him). He begs me to move to his town, which is very ...
A. 10 November 2007: Hi uhuh. The very BEST advice I can give you is - don't do anything until you have known someone for at least six months.
Put aside what he says - and look at what he does - does he show commitment do you? (Seems like you're doing all the driv... (read in full...)
I need help telling someone.
Q. Im still in doubt with who i should tell and stuff. I mean, well i dont get along at home at all, my parents get physical with me sometimes and can be very argumentive. But i mean at school. Im just wondering who can i tell at school about the past ...
A. 10 November 2007: Hi there. You could contact Rape Crisis if you want to "talk" to someone rather than use a website. Go to : www.rapecrisis.org.uk and then click on Centres to find the contact details of a centre near to you.
There is also www.survive.org.uk for ... (read in full...)
Not sure if I want to remain with my partner
Q. Hi - Can anyone help as I don't think I want to be with my partner anymore. My partner and I had been seeing each other for just over 4 years when we split up in February. Things really hadn't been right since about September last year. We d...
A. 10 November 2007: Hi. It appears you have come to your decision - so you shouldn't be feeling guilty. When you have been apart for a while - the feelings fade - and you tend to see someone as they really are - rather than as thro' the rose tinted spectacles that your ... (read in full...)
Why is he doing this? I'm giving him the divorce
Q. I dont get this, after my husband cheated on me. I gave him the divorce papers and then he started to beg me to not break up. Why things like this happen? I don't get why would you cheat and then when the person you are is leaving you beg them to ...
A. 10 November 2007: Sorry to hear what happened. My opinion is that people don't think of the consequences when they cheat. They only think about "getting away with it." When they get caught they then regret their actions - or more accurately they regret getting ... (read in full...)
How to I Stop Having Urges to Self-Injure?
Q. I know this isn't a romance question but maybe you can help me anyway. Over the last year I've been having more trouble dealing with my problems in healthy ways, and when I am overwhelmed my knee jerk thought is to hurt myself, to cut myself ...
A. 9 November 2007: Hi fishdish (I like the name). I haven't self harmed and for most of my life didn't really understand this practice. However, last year I had a girlfriend who self harmed from time to time. So I can share what I know with you. Hopefully you will ... (read in full...)
I am beginning to hate my parents.
Q. Help! I'm almost 37 and live with my parents with my husband and 4 children. We moved in two years ago when my husband was an alcholic (recovered now) and the bottom dropped out- we lost everything we had. Now we live with my parents and are ...
A. 9 November 2007: Hi Stuck Here!!! Glad to hear things are starting to get better for you. I can understand that you don't like living with your parents - it must be very difficult.
The problems you have encountered over the last few years have probably led to a lot ... (read in full...)
I still have a sick feeling in my stomach
Q. My husband and I share our computer and he didn't log out of his email account. I looked (rightly or wrongly) and I found out that my husband has been viewing porn sites, not only viewing but emailing women as well. In one of the emails it looked as ...
A. 8 November 2007: Hi - I can understand how you feel. It's not a nice feeling. I am going to take the view that you still want to be married to him and he wishes to remain married to you. So now - we look at the situation to see where you go from here.
He has give... (read in full...)
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