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... Send *ichard_EMids a private message | | | *ichard_EMids's profile:Hi - I'm Richard.
Good to meet you. I live in the East Midlands of England, just in case you thought my surname was EMids!
I have had a wide range of life experiences - from ecstasy to tragedy. Like anyone who finds this site, I have had some ups and downs on the relationship front, despite being a "decent guy." Single or relationship status, they both have their merits. Neither is better, they are just different. I have two fantastic children sorry, fantastic teenagers. Life-loving, sensible and well mannered.
I'm into many different outdoor activities. Also reading, travel, biking and learning. I play badminton and go the gym. I like history in it's widest sense.
I had a 30 year career in management until the accountants and lawyers cut all the fun out. I work part time now which allows me to do all sorts of other things with my life. I am the same age as the number of cards in a pack. All of them....... Clubs, Hearts, Diamonds, and Spades (in that order).
I'm happy to try and help anybody solve their own problems by stimulating their thoughts, providing perspective or simply passing on some practical suggestions.
(where do I put my favourite car/ favourite film/ most unusual place.....)
AMENDMENT: Could you please change it from teenagers to young adults and add the word 'beautiful.' Thanks. |
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My ex has walked out of a long distance relationship with me after 2 years, supposedly because of distance, and now she's walked into another one!! Help me..
Q. Hello. it's Andy, and I'm not happy.. Tonight I finally checked my ex's profile on her facebook, after not doing so for some time. Turns out. she's going out with a guy who she used to go to college with. I'm a little taken back by this. What's ...
A. 18 December 2007: The reason that would make you look desperate is because you are desperate. You don't want to look desperate - it's not a good image. To stop being desperate you need to spread the risk, increase the chances. Talk to more females, get more phone ... (read in full...)
My ex has walked out of a long distance relationship with me after 2 years, supposedly because of distance, and now she's walked into another one!! Help me..
Q. Hello. it's Andy, and I'm not happy.. Tonight I finally checked my ex's profile on her facebook, after not doing so for some time. Turns out. she's going out with a guy who she used to go to college with. I'm a little taken back by this. What's ...
A. 17 December 2007: Hmmm - Here is range of responses I get from my beautiful daughter who is 17, when I ask why she didn't reply to my texts: (1)Forgot to charge it. (2) Topped up yesterday but its gone. (3) I think I left it in the taxi (4) I lent my friend my phone ... (read in full...)
My ex has walked out of a long distance relationship with me after 2 years, supposedly because of distance, and now she's walked into another one!! Help me..
Q. Hello. it's Andy, and I'm not happy.. Tonight I finally checked my ex's profile on her facebook, after not doing so for some time. Turns out. she's going out with a guy who she used to go to college with. I'm a little taken back by this. What's ...
A. 15 December 2007: Hey Andy - there's too much focus on one person. Go out and get some more phone numbers! Set yourself challenge of getting two phone numbers next time you're out. And two more the next time. They don't have to be potential 'life partners,' just ... (read in full...)
My ex has walked out of a long distance relationship with me after 2 years, supposedly because of distance, and now she's walked into another one!! Help me..
Q. Hello. it's Andy, and I'm not happy.. Tonight I finally checked my ex's profile on her facebook, after not doing so for some time. Turns out. she's going out with a guy who she used to go to college with. I'm a little taken back by this. What's ...
A. 15 December 2007: Hhhrrrraaaaay.
Next post ???...... "This new g/f is so hot and I need sleep"... (read in full...)
Both in a relationship, but thinking about eachother 24x7
Q. To keep it brief, i dated my ex about 13-14years ago, only for a month.I was 17 she was 15, we only ever kissed, I split up with her and apparently broke her heart. She's recently gotten back in touch with me online and we caught up with the past...
A. 14 December 2007: Hey - Yes - I do understand. I am trying to get you to see the situation in reality. You have gone from being a logical guy to someone who's feet are not on the ground anymore.
You might feel you are dying, but I know it's a bad feeling. Inst... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is in jail for abusing his sister when she was younger... Am I stupid for staying with him?
Q. Well, my boyfriend is in jail now. He has been in there for almost 7 months. His sister called the cops and told them that he raped her ever since she was 8 and he was 10. Of course, i didnt believe her, but he is in jail, but then again, all the ...
A. 14 December 2007: Hey - thanks for the update. The first poster hello1 who wanted him locked up forever will have a surprise, she has sent me abusive mail today. So sad. Hope things will start to get better for you and your boyfrnd.
Take care
Richard... (read in full...)
I want to end the attraction for my own mother. Please help, I'm ashamed of myself.
Q. hi guys i'm a guy and just turned 16 last month i live with my mom after my parents divorced i have a problem which i can't tell anyone, i'm attracted to my mom sexually. it's been 2 years now i love going through her underwear, smilling, playing...
A. 14 December 2007: Hi - it's the Oedipus Complex. It's a deep, deep, deep desire according to Sigmund Freud. I never had these feelings, but then they are supposed to be so deep that you don't know about them says Mr Freud. As for going to a psychotherapist, they are ... (read in full...)
Once a man has a history in Cheating, is it statistics or signs he will continue on this pattern?
Q. If a man has cheated on his first wife and divorces her. Then marries the Gf he had the affair with and cheats on her and divorces her.Will he continue this pattern with the current Gf?...
A. 14 December 2007: There is a higher chance the behaviour will be repeated in my opinion.... (read in full...)
I'm in love with another woman but don't want to break my wife's heart!
Q. im a married man of 22 years i recently met a woman and fell deeply in love, she is not married but has two children. i cant seem to leave my home or wife but want to be with her she is the other half of me. my children are grown hers are still ...
A. 14 December 2007: Hi - you answer your own question in a way. "I have fallen in love with someone else but don't want to break my wife's heart!!!" Seems there are three people in this. One is going to have heartache. But it won't be you. So which one do you choose to ... (read in full...)
Why do I come so quickly?
Q. i'm a 16 old male and i was wonder y do i cum so fast i cam only go to a max of 5min...
A. 14 December 2007: The reason why a 16 year old male ejaculates so quickly is because thats what you are - a 16 year old male. There is only one way to slow it down at your age in my opinion, - do it more and more often, sex or masturbation. Do it till your balls are ... (read in full...)
She's 'turned off the tap' and sleeps in the other bedroom. Can anyone help?
Q. I have been married for 6 years and have a step daughter and we have had a child who is now 17 months old. My wife has recently told me that she wants to leave me to have some time on her own. She will not say that she wants a divorce but she won't ...
A. 14 December 2007: Hey. First let's look at the possible reasons in over-simplified form. There's a lot going on here. No surprise you're confused.
1) She wants out. 2) She's genuinely confused 3) She wants your attention.
1) She wants out. This could be first ste... (read in full...)
Both in a relationship, but thinking about eachother 24x7
Q. To keep it brief, i dated my ex about 13-14years ago, only for a month.I was 17 she was 15, we only ever kissed, I split up with her and apparently broke her heart. She's recently gotten back in touch with me online and we caught up with the past...
A. 14 December 2007: Of course it would make it easier for you. You start to behave unlovingly first, then unreasonably until she starts to react, then you justify that for more bad beahviour on your part. She does the same. Eventually, she makes the decision to split. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is in jail for abusing his sister when she was younger... Am I stupid for staying with him?
Q. Well, my boyfriend is in jail now. He has been in there for almost 7 months. His sister called the cops and told them that he raped her ever since she was 8 and he was 10. Of course, i didnt believe her, but he is in jail, but then again, all the ...
A. 14 December 2007: Hi. Are you stupid for staying with him? YES and NO is my answer.
For boys, when the sexual awakening occurs, it can produce a very powerful drive. That is nature's way of sending a young male out in search of a 'mate' to continue the species. Unfo... (read in full...)
Worried I've become to fond of a girl I've only met online...
Q. I really like a certain young lady, who i came across on the internet, she has said that she really likes me as i have to her. I have not yet met her in "real life" however we regularly speak on the phone, i feel a bit stupid being so concern...
A. 14 December 2007: H Shanus. I liked your comment about feeling a bit stupid over someone you have never met. It is a strange concept for us to understand, but it happens so much to so many people all the time. I keep meaning to see if any psychologists have done any ... (read in full...)
We have a brilliant relationship and hot sex life, so why does he need all these virtual chats?...
Q. why is my husband addicted to chatrooms and online flirting? why can't he realise what he's doing to me. i've caught him many times and every time he says it will stop. we have a brilliant relationship and hot sex life, so why does he need all this ...
A. 14 December 2007: Get some photos of someone, a series of photos of the same woman who is not very attractive, you know ugly, bad teeth, unwashed hair, no make-up, a wart or two. Get a friend to write on the back of one of the photos something like "Loved our chat. ... (read in full...)
I want to do something special, just to show him my love. Suggestions?
Q. hey everyone, i am wanting to do something nice for my boyfriend just because i love him. he has been working out of town and i just wanted to show him that i love him. any ideas or suggestions? thanks...
A. 14 December 2007: An all over body massage with oil.(baby oil, not Mobil oil)
Richard
(not cooking oil either)... (read in full...)
He loses his erection a bit when I go down on him. Whats wrong?
Q. Hey everybody. I want to start out by wishing you all happy holidays!! Anyways, I have a problem. Everytime I go down on my boyfriend he always goes a bit limp. Not completely but it goes down a bit. Everything is fine when we have sex. He has...
A. 14 December 2007: Hi - oould be a whole list of things. Here's what I can think of: 1) Could be anxiety - but unusual that it just affects oral sex. So probably not. 2) You're not doing it how he likes it - ask him while your doing it ..is this nice...and keep trying ... (read in full...)
Both in a relationship, but thinking about eachother 24x7
Q. To keep it brief, i dated my ex about 13-14years ago, only for a month.I was 17 she was 15, we only ever kissed, I split up with her and apparently broke her heart. She's recently gotten back in touch with me online and we caught up with the past...
A. 14 December 2007: I see that you want to leave it to fate/time. I did mention the dangers of this approach in my last paragraph.
Good luck... (read in full...)
How likely is it be that I could be pregnant?... How do antibiotics affect the protection system provided by the contraceptive pills?
Q. I am taking the contraceptive pill and had also been on antibiotics. I had unprotected sex but when this took place I hadnt taken any antibiotics for over 24 hours so i am not sure if they were still in my system and therefore affecting how my pill ...
A. 13 December 2007: Hi - Best advice is to go to your GP/Doctor as MissMel suggested. If you are worrying in between time go to website www.netdoctor.co.uk or www.patient.co.uk or type in NHS Direct on google. Take care... (read in full...)
My roommate sabotages my love life
Q. I recently met a guy when I was out with some friends, including my roommate, who was one of my best friends at the time. The two of us hit it off right away, and he spent the entire night by my side, talking and joking with me. He walked me home to ...
A. 13 December 2007: Seems like you have your very own 'filter' to sort out the good guys from the bad. Meet them first. Let them meet your roommate. If they sleep with her behind your back, you had a lucky escape. If they don't - might be worth considering for longer ... (read in full...)
My wife says no sex until I loose weight! Am I wrong to be thinking I shouldn't have to lose weight to save my marriage?
Q. my wife married met me, married me, and great sex with me, i was a big man when she met me....now we've been married for 5 years and fot the last few years, she dosnt want to have sex with me anymore becasue of my weight, she says i need to lose ...
A. 13 December 2007: Hmm peoriaman makes a good point. Has she done this because she deep down she wants a divorce? Or is it just a convenient way of withdrawing from sex knowing that you won't lose weight?... (read in full...)
She's 'turned off the tap' and sleeps in the other bedroom. Can anyone help?
Q. I have been married for 6 years and have a step daughter and we have had a child who is now 17 months old. My wife has recently told me that she wants to leave me to have some time on her own. She will not say that she wants a divorce but she won't ...
A. 13 December 2007: Hi - Two points 1) Do you feel you are responsible for the financial problem . Could you say? Or do you feel she is being unreasonable? 2)I don't understand the bit about you being family orientated. Pubs and clubs etc. Could you clarify please?... (read in full...)
Should I tell this guy's wife, that my ex gf is cheating with her husband?
Q. I've known for a while now that my ex is seeing a guy who's married with kids and I didn't really think anything of it. Now my brother has made me feel like I have some sort of responsibility to tell his wife what he's up to with my ex. My ex ...
A. 13 December 2007: Hmm Babyduck makes a good point. But while reading it the thought occurred to me that some people who know what husband is up to might avoid talking to the wife (rather like the situation when someone has had a close one die). She might gradually ... (read in full...)
Was I mis-diagnosed as having Bi-Polar disorder?
Q. Did my psychiatric nurse misdiagnose me as having bipolar? My dad was verbally abusive growing up, and then, I dated two guys in college who sexually assaulted me. So, I went to see a psychiatric nurse last summer. After talking to me for about 15 ...
A. 13 December 2007: Hi - Diagnosing any mental condition is extremely difficult. So Yes, it is possible the nurse got it wrong. You have put it very well yourself in your last paragraph, "....anyone can go to a doctor..."etc. And again with, "Don't we all go through ... (read in full...)
My ex has walked out of a long distance relationship with me after 2 years, supposedly because of distance, and now she's walked into another one!! Help me..
Q. Hello. it's Andy, and I'm not happy.. Tonight I finally checked my ex's profile on her facebook, after not doing so for some time. Turns out. she's going out with a guy who she used to go to college with. I'm a little taken back by this. What's ...
A. 13 December 2007: Chlez has sent a very good question all the way from Zambia......."Are you gonna tell her when you find a girlfriend?"... (read in full...)
My wife says no sex until I loose weight! Am I wrong to be thinking I shouldn't have to lose weight to save my marriage?
Q. my wife married met me, married me, and great sex with me, i was a big man when she met me....now we've been married for 5 years and fot the last few years, she dosnt want to have sex with me anymore becasue of my weight, she says i need to lose ...
A. 13 December 2007: Hi - well there's a good range of answers here. My suggestion is that you trade. "If you do this...then I'll do that." She really should be putting sex back into the relationship and taking on a challenge as dificult as your weight loss. If she ... (read in full...)
Should I tell this guy's wife, that my ex gf is cheating with her husband?
Q. I've known for a while now that my ex is seeing a guy who's married with kids and I didn't really think anything of it. Now my brother has made me feel like I have some sort of responsibility to tell his wife what he's up to with my ex. My ex ...
A. 13 December 2007: It seems it can be likened to reporting any other violation. Would you report someone stealing from their employer? Would you report someone breaking into your neighbours car? If they are caught the perpetraters are discouraged to do it again. The ... (read in full...)
My ex has walked out of a long distance relationship with me after 2 years, supposedly because of distance, and now she's walked into another one!! Help me..
Q. Hello. it's Andy, and I'm not happy.. Tonight I finally checked my ex's profile on her facebook, after not doing so for some time. Turns out. she's going out with a guy who she used to go to college with. I'm a little taken back by this. What's ...
A. 13 December 2007: Andy - there is some very good advice on this page.
The two anonymous females are giving you the benefit of their perspectives on what you have described. They haven't given you short sharp answers, they have thought carefully about what to say ... (read in full...)
New feature: Keyword + phrases links
Q. Hi There are over 40,000 questions here on dearcupid and some absolute gems in amongst them. Problem is it has been hard to make associations between similar questions in order to get the most out of the site. So, I've introduced a new feat...
A. 12 December 2007: Hmm Technology!!! The poor agony aunts will soon be out of a job!!!... (read in full...)
How messy will a hand-job get?
Q. I'm super inexperienced, as in I've never done anything for a guy. My bf has done some things for me, but I haven't returned any favors because I dont know how to! I've been reading up on hand jobs, I think i have that pretty figured out. So my ...
A. 11 December 2007: I didn't know there was a pop music connection here - so is that why Billy Ocean chose his name???... (read in full...)
I met a great girl but she has just discovered she's pregnant by her ex. Should I support her or break up?
Q. I just recently met a great girl and I connect with her like I never have with any other girl and we really really like each other.. but she just recently found out she is pregnant from her ex. it happened about a month ago before she met me. should ...
A. 11 December 2007: Hi buddy - I didn't quite know how to answer this initially. But behind this question there are many serious implications. I can't give you an answer but I can help you think:
How does she feel about you?
Will the ex want her when he knows she's ex... (read in full...)
I keep getting flashbacks of seeing him in bed with his ex. How do I avoid being driven crazy?
Q. I can't stop thinking about how my husband had sex with his ex... I am in much pain when I see my husband's kids because of the flashback that I have seeing him with his ex in bed making these kids! Horrible thought, but it's true. We've married ...
A. 11 December 2007: I do not know enough about the health service in Canada so I cannot make any specific recommendation. However, this is a good website to start. Have a look at the pages to give you a better idea.
http://therapytoronto.ca/
Richard... (read in full...)
I keep getting flashbacks of seeing him in bed with his ex. How do I avoid being driven crazy?
Q. I can't stop thinking about how my husband had sex with his ex... I am in much pain when I see my husband's kids because of the flashback that I have seeing him with his ex in bed making these kids! Horrible thought, but it's true. We've married ...
A. 11 December 2007:
Hi - Sorry to hear you're feeling like this. These thoughts are obviously affecting you quite badly because of your changed feelings towards his children. You also seem to be wondering how much longer you can endure things as they are.
Becau... (read in full...)
40, married 20 years, and I'm not enjoying the life I have now. What can I do?
Q. I have been married for 20 years. I have 2 children -19 and 17. At the beginning of our relationship we had a lot of money problems and had 2 houses repossessed and he was abusive towards me - he has the stitches from where I ducked and his fist ...
A. 10 December 2007: Hi - well it seems both husband and wife have reached the same conclusion. However, you have asked for help but in what area did you feel you wanted help? Please update if you have some areas where you seek guidance or opinions.
Richard... (read in full...)
Both in a relationship, but thinking about eachother 24x7
Q. To keep it brief, i dated my ex about 13-14years ago, only for a month.I was 17 she was 15, we only ever kissed, I split up with her and apparently broke her heart. She's recently gotten back in touch with me online and we caught up with the past...
A. 10 December 2007: Hi buddy - I'll give you my view. We make choices as we go through life. You made a choice not to be with this girl originally. You made a choice to have kids. They depend on you to some extent. I think you have to weigh up how much disruption and ... (read in full...)
My ex husband cheated on me and I was laden with guilt for seeing a married man - so I ended up confronting his wife. Opinions?
Q. I am a recently divorced 57 year old woman. I met a man the same age as me through work. We started a friendship which ended up being very passionate. After about three months he told me he was actually married. He said his wife lived in another ...
A. 9 December 2007: Hi - I just think this man's deceit triggered the submerged feelings of betrayal you have from your husband's cheating.
If you feel you have done the best for your own inner peace then thats good. I don't think you have caused any harm to anyo... (read in full...)
My ex seems to expect me to simply be her friend after all the hurt she's caused me... But her Father died today. Now I have the chance to be a friend, but I'm worried that I may hurt myself. What can I do?
Q. Hi everyone, I posted a question earlier today, but there has been a serious and tragic twist since this morning. My girlfriend broke up with me almost 6 months ago after she decided our long distance (240 miles) relationship was too much to bear...
A. 9 December 2007: Andy - I really do think you are going to hurt yourself by "putting an arm around her shoulder." You are still in love with her. You are still emotionally vulnerable.
I know this is a traumatic time for her but you are not her boyfriend anym... (read in full...)
We had great holiday sex but havent since we came back...any advice??
Q. Ok, here is my problem, me and my boyfriend have a great and varied sex life. We went on holiday recently and had sex twice everyday which was great. He told me it was more sex than he had ever had throughout his marriage. This was a major complime...
A. 9 December 2007: Hi - To answer the question you ask, I think if you don't talk to him soon, then it has the potential to become a subject you both avoid. This would not be helpful.
I also think you need to discuss this between you to allay any doubts that may be d... (read in full...)
Should I believe him when he says he can date??
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been asked out by a man who shares alot of my interests. We have become friends and he initially said he was seperated but now the date is drawing nearer he's told me he still lives with his wife under the same roof but both hav...
A. 7 December 2007: He maybe genuinely in the process of breaking up with his wife, or he may be cheating on his wife. But how you find out I am not totally sure. I was in this situation for a while myself - living in the same house as ex. Women in this situation have ... (read in full...)
I fantasise about men but the thought of doing it for real it repulses me...am I gay??
Q. I fantasise about being with men all the time, more than women. I also fantasise about being a woman satisfying men but when it comes to doing it for real the thought repulses me. Is this normal, am i gay?...
A. 7 December 2007: Hi - I don't know if this means you are gay. Fantasies are a stimulating scenario played out perfectly. They are not real. But they are normal. You might have fantasised of getting revenge on some people by blowing them all out in a crazy killing ... (read in full...)
I feel like I want to break up after I proposed.
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for nearly 2 1/2 years now and everything was great, couldnt ask for anything more so i decided to ask her to marry me (im 21), she said yes. My problem is that since i proposed about 1yr ago ive been feeling ...
A. 7 December 2007: I'll give you some Maths to help you wotk it out.
1 unhappy person marrying 1 happy person = 2 unhappy people
Break up with her now = sadness x 1
Break up with a planned wedding date = (sadness x 3) + family problems.
Break up with her when ma... (read in full...)
I'm not happy about my marriage but I can't seem to end it...
Q. I am not happy in my marriage, but i keep letting my husband come back because he keeps asking me over and over if i want a divorce and i tell him yes and then the next day he asks me the same question. It's like i cant end it, last night i laid a...
A. 7 December 2007: Apart from your 'itchy feet' is there anything else wrong with the marriage? What is your husband's view? An additional post would be appreciated.
Returning to you, it appears it isn't just your marriage that you are not happy with. You are not ... (read in full...)
I slept with my friends husband...and now I am pregant with his child!!
Q. I slept with my friend’s husband and I got pregnant and she thinks it is another man baby. I have and want to tell her because, I have to go for child support and the paper is going to get served. Should I just let her find out through him? And it ...
A. 7 December 2007: Hi Kim1234 - in friendship terms I don't think it matters whether she learns from the child support people or from you. What is important is you have an unborn child that needs to be protected from harm. The health of 'Mum' is also important to the ... (read in full...)
Why can't he see a future with me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for two years now and we love each other alot, but everytime I talk about the future he says he doesn't want to get married or have kids and to enjoy right now together. He says he wants to achieve alot in life, bu...
A. 7 December 2007: Hi there. The situation you describe is very common. What is happening is that when you talk about the future, you have one view in mind and he has another. You both have different ideas of the future.
Expressed another way, your needs are diff... (read in full...)
He was taken back when he found out I liked him. He's acting normal, but he keeps bringing it up randomly now. What can I do?
Q. hi. i like my flatmate at uni.We had a lot of fun, but recently h found a note under my mattress saying that i liked him. He was taken aback and shocked and so i lied and said that i wrote the note three months ago and that i didn't like him ...
A. 6 December 2007: Say to him:
"If I've got this wrong then I'll come on a date with you, but I think you like me. Am I right or wrong?"... (read in full...)
He told me he loved me and that he was getting a divorce... but now he's not sure!
Q. I used to see this man i work with as a brother because he was married and i just didnt see him any other way. Then he told me he loved me and that he was getting a divorce. At first i told him no, and then i realised i really liked him. We w...
A. 6 December 2007: Well you proceeded to go forward with him, against your better judgement, based on the fact that he told you he was getting divorced. Now the facts have changed, and he's putting that 'on hold.'
So you need to go back to your original position. By '... (read in full...)
Gave up everything for boyfriend and now he doesn't want to be in a relationship.
Q. I, ve been with my partner 2 years, I gave up everything to move away with him. He is a lorry driver and works long hours he said he still loves me but not enough to be in the relationship right now. He said he doesnt want to be in a relationship ...
A. 6 December 2007: Hi - he has made a clear decision. You should do the same. They keep your head straight. Don't wait, it never pays. Get on with your life. If your paths cross in the future you might get back together or you might not.
He's doing the decent thin... (read in full...)
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