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*ichard_EMids agony aunt

*ichard_EMids

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*ichard_EMids's profile:

Hi - I'm Richard.

Good to meet you. I live in the East Midlands of England, just in case you thought my surname was EMids!

I have had a wide range of life experiences - from ecstasy to tragedy. Like anyone who finds this site, I have had some ups and downs on the relationship front, despite being a "decent guy." Single or relationship status, they both have their merits. Neither is better, they are just different. I have two fantastic children sorry, fantastic teenagers. Life-loving, sensible and well mannered.

I'm into many different outdoor activities. Also reading, travel, biking and learning. I play badminton and go the gym. I like history in it's widest sense.

I had a 30 year career in management until the accountants and lawyers cut all the fun out. I work part time now which allows me to do all sorts of other things with my life. I am the same age as the number of cards in a pack. All of them....... Clubs, Hearts, Diamonds, and Spades (in that order).

I'm happy to try and help anybody solve their own problems by stimulating their thoughts, providing perspective or simply passing on some practical suggestions.

(where do I put my favourite car/ favourite film/ most unusual place.....)

AMENDMENT: Could you please change it from teenagers to young adults and add the word 'beautiful.' Thanks.

< Prev1234567891011Next > [12 pages, 446 answers]

Am I right to ask my ex if she has sex with this new guy, or to wonder what are their plans? We still share activities in common as friends and I'm jealous!

Q.   Hi there. I have been in a serious relationship for the last 7 years. Serious as in total love, mortgages, kids etc etc. The relationship ended in october, this is how. In September my ex told she wasn't happy, even though she had just signed to a...

A.   15 February 2008: Hi Martin. When one person in a relationship says it's over, it's over! She is moving forward. You are stuck at last September. You have no right to ask anything. I know how tough this is for you. You are just going to have get through it. Hold... (read in full...)

Has anyone else ever experienced losing consciousness after orgasms?

Q.   When I have an orgasm and predominantly when it is via masturbation, my experience may sound somewhat bizarre...but it gets really euphoric. When I climax I experience an almost dream-like state and I feel semi-conscious, I am not sure if I pass out ...

A.   14 February 2008: Yes me. Over the years I have been criticised from time to time for losing consciousness after great sex. (I ignore it). For about about 15-20 minutes I'm gone. Ever since I can remember - it's not an age thing. It's so refreshing though. R... (read in full...)

Should hate him for what he has done to me?

Q.   I don't no where to begin, there has been so much going on in my relationship. He started off really nice, loving attentive, he has always been possessive and at the beginning it was nice. But then he started to control, and be nasty, he blamed me ...

A.   14 February 2008: OK - the question is why you feel unable to free yourself from this guy. Everything you have said here makes it quite apparent you know this relationship is bad. So, if you know it's bad, why can't you you get out of it? Whats holding you back? That... (read in full...)

What shall I do if it gets to the point where he wants sex??

Q.   Ive been dating this guy for about 5 months now and here it comes.. hes 18.. im 14 . yes i know thats a big age gap but i really love him .. Everything has been great so far but lately we have been talking about sex alot (i have a extremely perverte...

A.   13 February 2008: Hey - thanks for your update. Well done. Strong girl. This is good for you in so many ways, not just sex/morals. You are earning respect. You will develop confidence. You will learn more about people in general. You will know understand more... (read in full...)

Do I forfeit university to stay with him???

Q.   I recently posted a question about my boyfriend ignoring me for the last 2 weeks, well I actually found out why, I have recently been accepted to a really good university which is 4 hours away from our home. He really doesn't want me to go, and ...

A.   13 February 2008: Hi there - You can still apply the answer I gave you to your updated situation. Same principle. (by the way, ignoring you for 2 weeks is either sulking or being manipulative). Despite your comments and your boyfrnds fears, we all know that rel... (read in full...)

He is abusive, I want him to leave, he won't

Q.   I'm in a verbal and sometimes physical abusive relationship and I want out. I don't know what to do we are not married but we have a little girl together and he says if I make him leave he will take her and I won't see her. I don't have the money to ...

A.   11 February 2008: You need to update which state you're in and someone should be able to give some practical advice.... (read in full...)

What shall I do if it gets to the point where he wants sex??

Q.   Ive been dating this guy for about 5 months now and here it comes.. hes 18.. im 14 . yes i know thats a big age gap but i really love him .. Everything has been great so far but lately we have been talking about sex alot (i have a extremely perverte...

A.   11 February 2008: Stick to what you want - which is you don't feel ready. It's a good test. If you tell him NO. If he does love you he'll stay, if he doesn't love you, he'll go. If you give in and say YES, if he does love you he'll stay and he doesn't love you... (read in full...)

It makes me so jealous when my bf talks about celebraties being fit...what shall I do??

Q.   My boyfriend talks about models and celebrities being buff and good looking and it makes me sooooo jealous. I try laughing it off or talking bout celebrites being buff myself but that makes it worse!! I really dont like it. What shall i do?...

A.   10 February 2008: 1) Tell him he's starstruck and annoying 2) Do it as well 3) Do it about anyone passing 4) Start wearing low top, short skirt and talking about what sex might be like with that boy who went by 5) Find yourself a new b/f who isn't starstruck 6) ... (read in full...)

Is there any way to get pregant without having sex??

Q.   Is there anyway that you can get pregnant without having sex? I've heard you can get pregnant if you were suppose to be a twin cause there egg some how got inside of you is this true please help i really want to know........

A.   10 February 2008: Natural insemination (Sex) and artificial insemination (at a clinic). Don't understand your "twin thing" unless you mean a fertilised egg has been inside you since you were in your mother's womb. No - that's just stupid in so many different ways... (read in full...)

Can smoking make your breasts smaller??

Q.   I had come back from holiday like a month ago and i had lost a lot of weight, this made my breasts a lot smaller too. For over a month i have also started smoking and this has made my breasts even more smaller. I hardly have a cleavage now. Does ...

A.   10 February 2008: Probably. Smoking has lots of effects, one of the most common is it supresses your appetite, so you eat less, lose some weight, some weight comes off your boobs, so.......your boobs get smaller. And you're living proof. Another reason to stop smok... (read in full...)

Can smoking make your breasts smaller??

Q.   I had come back from holiday like a month ago and i had lost a lot of weight, this made my breasts a lot smaller too. For over a month i have also started smoking and this has made my breasts even more smaller. I hardly have a cleavage now. Does ...

A.   10 February 2008: Probably. Smoking has lots of effects, one of the most common is it supresses your appetite, so you eat less, lose some weight, some weight comes off your boobs, so.......your boobs get smaller. And you're living proof. Another reason to stop smok... (read in full...)

How can I get rid of his ex permanently from our lives??

Q.   I joined this site last year complaining about my partners ex, she's still being a bitch, slagging me off at regular intervals and now she's taken to sending mail to my address for my partner. We've been together for 13 months now and still she gets...

A.   10 February 2008: Well if theyve got kids, she will still need to communicate. Decide whether each communication is legitimate or harassment. The get solicitor to send a letter detailing the harassment, dates, times etc.... (read in full...)

Do I forfeit university to stay with him???

Q.   I recently posted a question about my boyfriend ignoring me for the last 2 weeks, well I actually found out why, I have recently been accepted to a really good university which is 4 hours away from our home. He really doesn't want me to go, and ...

A.   10 February 2008: Hi C. Maybe I can help you decide for yourself: Imagine a mother who stopped her child starting school at age 5 because she loved the child? What are the reasons the mother would do this? What are reasons why the child should go to school? ... (read in full...)

Husband blames me for his abusive behaviour saying he is not happy due to my weight. My situation makes me depressed.

Q.   I was so glad to see all the Answers replying to weight-related questions because I have been upset many times by my partner telling me I am 'fat'. I was bigger than I am now when I met him 3 yrs ago) and have lost a couple of stone in the last 2 ...

A.   9 February 2008: I thought about this answer hard before posting it. Here's what I say: Go back to gym and lose weight. You win all round if you do. Think about it. You lose weight, he shuts up. If he doesn't, then you've called his bluff, his problems now stan... (read in full...)

I am willing to have a secret affair with a co-worker (we both have troubled marriages.) Please advise.

Q.   I am 34 years old, married for 6 years, with 2 children. My husband and I have began on a rocky road. His family caused alot of trouble between us the first 2 years. We finally got past that, only to run into financial trouble. My husband is a ...

A.   9 February 2008: Ok Advice: Don't do it. Reasons: You fall in love. Torn between kids and lover. Go crazy. He falls in love. You won't leave. He goes crazy. Becomes a terrifying liability. Your husband finds out. Goes crazy. Both men have fight. Somebody gets hur... (read in full...)

Help with my survey...

Q.   dear cupid I am currently doing a survey and would like to know how many percent of the world population are fat and skinny, how many are average weight and how many are underweight also can someone also define what average weight means? thanks...

A.   9 February 2008: Sorry, just noticed you're doing a survey. Ok I'm 80 kgs , about 176 pounds. I'm fit, so I would say average. That's the results for two of us in, just leaves the other 6,600,000,000 to respond now ... (read in full...)

Help with my survey...

Q.   dear cupid I am currently doing a survey and would like to know how many percent of the world population are fat and skinny, how many are average weight and how many are underweight also can someone also define what average weight means? thanks...

A.   9 February 2008: I can answer this so easily for you. 50% of the world's population are fat and 50% are skinny. There you go - an accurate answer. No one can say this is not true. Average is defined mathematically, it's the mean. To determine fat and skinny y... (read in full...)

How do I make myself more sophisticated without shunning my family values and without giving up a part of myself to please my guy?

Q.   Shane is extremely good to me. I've never had someone care for me as much as he has. But at times he wishes I would dress more sophisticated. He’s accustomed to dating very feminine, classy women, and I guess he assumed when we met that I was much ...

A.   9 February 2008: There are pretentious people. There are natural people. There are sophisticated people. And there are some who are very good at being everyone but no one in particular. There is a saying, " You are what you are and you is what you is." You can make ... (read in full...)

Can we get over the fact that we've each slept with other people?

Q.   Ive just started dating this guy a few months ago and everything was going great till we told each about sexual history let's just say at 19 he's had ten times about sexual partners i have, (3) or so he claims, and he knows im Bi but when i told ...

A.   9 February 2008: When you first meet you create an image of each other in your minds. The image is constantly re-inforced by the everyday surface behaviour. When you share your sexual details, you are now revealing more about yourself, hidden aspects. Sometimes ... (read in full...)

I could never live with my husband again but I cannot get the courage to go to a solicitor about divorce because of my fears!

Q.   I am 50 years old and separated from my husband. Eight years ago he gave me std's and a couple of months later i lost my mother and so was too weak to fight him. I have never been happy since in fact i just lost interest in life i think and i got ...

A.   9 February 2008: Hi. I'm 53 and live in England. I guess because you are still married you are feeling guilty about your new man. Regarding your fears and reluctance to proceed with a divorce. I guess there are two aspects to the fears. 1)Husbands retribution and 2) ... (read in full...)

Do I listen to my head or my heart? I know it's a bit complex but what do you guys think?

Q.   I few years ago I fell in love with a much younger man, in a very strange way. I never acted on it. He was in love with me too, but we never did anything about it. As it was hopeless in so many ways. One is I'm married and have children, they are ...

A.   9 February 2008: Hi. Your question isn't clear, but this sounds like a matter of gambling to me. How brave are you? You are not writing in saying I'm in an unhappy marriage , I need to get out. You're saying, I think I've met someone better than my husband. And the ... (read in full...)

What do men mean when they describe their wives or girlfriends as "controlling"?

Q.   What do men mean when they describe their wives or girlfriends as "controlling"? If a man isn't exactly complaining, yet that is the 1st word he uses to describe the wife/GF, is this a compliment? Hate to sound so stupid, but I'm serious and need to ...

A.   9 February 2008: Picking out one single word in anyone's speech and using it in isolation to come to a conclusion would be a huge, huge, huge mistake. (Are you a journalist by any chance?) Ask the person to elaborate. Take care, Richard... (read in full...)

Found receipts of my husband's, which I suspect to indicate porn watching. What do you think?

Q.   What is Video Pay TV on a hotel receipt. Is it porn? Found it on some of my husbands receipts when he was away on business. He denies it is porn, but has viewed porn many times behind my back, and would deny it no matter what anyway. He says he ...

A.   9 February 2008: Hi. Some answers for you to consider: Video Pay TV is what you have to pay extra for on top of what is included in the hotel room rate. Depends on the hotel. It's how they make a little extra out of their customers. It could be sport, the latest f... (read in full...)

I'm not even thinking about sex but holding her hand turns me on.

Q.   Hi Everyone! I have a problem, when I hold my girlfriends' hand or when we are close to each other I don't know why but I get an erection. Is this normal? I'm not thinking about sex when I'm with her so I don't know why I get an erection. Please ...

A.   8 February 2008: It would be abnormal if you didn't get an erection.... (read in full...)

My children's grandmother wants to take custody of them from me!

Q.   Hello, My name is Faith and im 21 years old. I have triplet 5 year old girls Their father died 11 months after their birth. 3 days ago his mother demanded that the children went to live with her as im struggling. Im not. I work a part ti...

A.   7 February 2008: Hi Faith. I am taking your post very seriously because I have seen something like this before. I'm sticking with fact finding for the moment. As someone else has suggested, Citizens Advice would be a good place to start. If you can, Go and have a ch... (read in full...)

My children's grandmother wants to take custody of them from me!

Q.   Hello, My name is Faith and im 21 years old. I have triplet 5 year old girls Their father died 11 months after their birth. 3 days ago his mother demanded that the children went to live with her as im struggling. Im not. I work a part ti...

A.   7 February 2008: Why do you think she has said thsi? What has brought this on? Richard... (read in full...)

Why can't I move on?

Q.   My ex partner and I were together for 7 years then split up a year ago. He got a girlfriend straight away, almost too quick if you get my drift. He cheated on me twice in the relationship. I am still in love with him and he keeps phoning and texting ...

A.   7 February 2008: This is very simple. You loved him much more than he loved you. The problem is that you are still living in hope. But you gave all you could in the seven years. For whatever reason, it wasn't enough or it wasn't needed by him. So you can't move... (read in full...)

My partner still flirts online, can I salvage our relationship?

Q.   I have been with my partner for nearly a year, I have been cheated on in the past and my now partner keeps really hurting me by flirting online and with most women he meets. I really blew my stack at the weekend, as I logged on to my email, and cl...

A.   7 February 2008: You're a person for whom trust is essential and you're with a person who is oblivious to your need. Take care, Richard... (read in full...)

She doesn't see anything wrong with posting trashy pics of herself on line. Am I being out of order?

Q.   I'm going to try to be as fair on this question as possible. I'm not going to leave anything out, even things that I did. My girlfriend and I have been together for years. Toward the beginning of the relationship, she posted a picture on one o...

A.   7 February 2008: Hi buddy. Putting promiscuous photos wearing revealing clothing on a website is like advertising. It's saying here is my body, are you interested? She might just as well be on a dating site, because it boils down to the same thing. It's saying ... (read in full...)

Been snooping through my bf's cellphone and questioning his ex, he found out but never accused me of intrusiveness. I don't know what to think?

Q.   hi, i started checking my partners cellphone and read a few messages from his ex nothing too detailed so I never bothered too much,then more textes were coming and they met a few times , when I asked him he made up excuses but never seemed to bother ...

A.   5 February 2008: He hasn't lost it because he hasn't got anything to hide. You seem disappointed. Take care, Richard ... (read in full...)

I'm very unhappy in my marriage! Ever been in a similar situation and how did you finally decide to leave?

Q.   I am mid 30s have been married 12 years and have no children. Each day I put up with arguments with my husband. I feel put down, undermined and belittled. He seems to critique things that I do around the house and pulls me up if they are not how ...

A.   5 February 2008: I can't really offer any advice. Seems like you are in the final stages to me. The realisation this relationship is fizzling out. Not much help am I? But even confirmation helps. Good luck, Richard... (read in full...)

AM I A FOOL?

Q.   I had an affair which has subsequently culminated in the end of my marriage. My lover attempted to leave his wife several times during our affair but never quite found the strength. He finished our relationship around the same time my marriage broke ...

A.   5 February 2008: Look - you've both cheated. How much pain have you two brought onto other people? His wife. Your husband. His kids. I'm sure there has been so much crying and heartache. Maybe he compares his wife's loyalty to yours and realises where he is bette... (read in full...)

My husband cannot see how serious his pot-smoking problem really is. Please help.

Q.   I have been married for over 20 years. My husband has always smoked pot. I always thought this was just a phase, and that he would grow up and quit. We have grown children, and it was a big issue when they were young. I almost left him then, but ...

A.   4 February 2008: Sorry, I hit enter by mistake just then. A final point I would like to make. From my own experience, I hadn't realised how much children contributed to the cohesion of a relationship. When the children /young teens no longer want to do 'family thin... (read in full...)

My husband cannot see how serious his pot-smoking problem really is. Please help.

Q.   I have been married for over 20 years. My husband has always smoked pot. I always thought this was just a phase, and that he would grow up and quit. We have grown children, and it was a big issue when they were young. I almost left him then, but ...

A.   4 February 2008: Ok, I understand much more now from your last update. Thanks. No one can question your tolerance; nor your underlying integrity which is emerging as a very strong characteristic. So you have two years. Will he choose to start doing something now,... (read in full...)

My husband cannot see how serious his pot-smoking problem really is. Please help.

Q.   I have been married for over 20 years. My husband has always smoked pot. I always thought this was just a phase, and that he would grow up and quit. We have grown children, and it was a big issue when they were young. I almost left him then, but ...

A.   3 February 2008: Hi there. I'm glad you took my response in the right way. I was concerned you might kick back against it. How did the letter go down? I don't know what you wrote, but give him time to think it through. I sense that deep down you just want hi... (read in full...)

How do I know if I'm good in bed?

Q.   How can I tell if I'm ok in bed? Can I simply tell by somethings that he does? Or should I just get the courage to ask him? Will he think it's weird if I randomly ask how I am in bed? ...

A.   2 February 2008: Hey - asking someone if they're good in bed? No, don't ask. Never. Some questions are never asked, and thats one of them. That's one of those questions that you will never get a straight answer. Watch for body language instead. Take care, Richar... (read in full...)

My husband cannot see how serious his pot-smoking problem really is. Please help.

Q.   I have been married for over 20 years. My husband has always smoked pot. I always thought this was just a phase, and that he would grow up and quit. We have grown children, and it was a big issue when they were young. I almost left him then, but ...

A.   2 February 2008: He will see it as he has always been like it, so why the sudden change in your outlook? You saw it as something he would grow out of. Both of you are right. Equally right. What was a big issue when the children were young? That's what you see, but ... (read in full...)

What levels of detail would you want to know if your wife cheated on you?

Q.   Hey all there. I' coming again with an additional question. My wife cheated on me and I want to thank all the persons who gave me quite helpful advice. You can see my earlier question on http:/...

A.   1 February 2008: The person who has to get over this is you. Nobody else. And it is very important that you do get over it. Not bury it. There is no logic to why we handle certain situations in certain ways. We are human. If you feel you need the details, then you ... (read in full...)

What should I do for the best.

Q.   Hi, I have been with my partner Julie for seven years and we have a son aged five. We have been very happy for most of the times but the last 6 weeks have been hell. Julie started drinking heavily just before xmas. Her attitude towards h...

A.   28 January 2008: Ok hold your ground. Don't move out. If she wants to move out that's her choice. This isn't good. You should mentally prepare yourself for break up. You neeed to think through the possibilities. Most importantly, who is going to have your son. Don'... (read in full...)

Girlfriend's past involved threesomes, 2x rape, or was this just 2 big mistakes? What am I to believe?

Q.   Hello there!! I have this little problem with my girlfriend. Only recently after her many lies she told me that she had two times on two different ocassions sex with 2 guys. But it gets much more complicated than this. The first time it happened...

A.   28 January 2008: The nub of the matter is, you have a hang-up about her sexual past. If you had had a couple of 3somes , maybe FMF, would you be feeling better? Wouldn't this issue go away if you'd had more experiences than her?? A 4some; an orgy; and a nice night ... (read in full...)

How can I get him interested again and spice things up for us?

Q.   i have been with my partner for 7 years now.i love him so much and i still really find him attractive.he claims he hasnt went off me but the last time we made love was many months ago.we do get on apart from the odd tiff.i have stopped trying to ...

A.   28 January 2008: I think you should look back and see if you can identify any particular cause. Has something happened since you last made love? Several months is a long time. You can try asking him, but from previous people posting similar questions, it doesn't ... (read in full...)

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