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... Send *ichard_EMids a private message | | | *ichard_EMids's profile:Hi - I'm Richard.
Good to meet you. I live in the East Midlands of England, just in case you thought my surname was EMids!
I have had a wide range of life experiences - from ecstasy to tragedy. Like anyone who finds this site, I have had some ups and downs on the relationship front, despite being a "decent guy." Single or relationship status, they both have their merits. Neither is better, they are just different. I have two fantastic children sorry, fantastic teenagers. Life-loving, sensible and well mannered.
I'm into many different outdoor activities. Also reading, travel, biking and learning. I play badminton and go the gym. I like history in it's widest sense.
I had a 30 year career in management until the accountants and lawyers cut all the fun out. I work part time now which allows me to do all sorts of other things with my life. I am the same age as the number of cards in a pack. All of them....... Clubs, Hearts, Diamonds, and Spades (in that order).
I'm happy to try and help anybody solve their own problems by stimulating their thoughts, providing perspective or simply passing on some practical suggestions.
(where do I put my favourite car/ favourite film/ most unusual place.....)
AMENDMENT: Could you please change it from teenagers to young adults and add the word 'beautiful.' Thanks. |
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My fiance booked an appointment with an escort a year ago. Can I believe him that he was 'only mucking about'?
Q. Hello, Three weeks ago I discovered that my fiancé had visited some websites of local escorts (i.e. prostitutes). Absolutely shocked, immediately I checked his e-mail account and found out that he had sent an email for appointment of one of them ...
A. 31 October 2007: Hi. Yes you are right - would have been logical to have given phone records to you. And used the phone in your presence. I am all in favour of giving the benefit of etc ....... but he is sounding a little ridiculous. It is very hurtful when someone ... (read in full...)
Can anyone please help us to work things out? Please take some time to read this.
Q. There are several threads on this site that are similar to what I am about to present, but none go into the open, honest detail that my wife and I have with each other, and so I would like to present this here, and which I would like the community's ...
A. 27 October 2007: UK US Translation: One stone = 14 pounds. Bum = Butt... (read in full...)
Can anyone please help us to work things out? Please take some time to read this.
Q. There are several threads on this site that are similar to what I am about to present, but none go into the open, honest detail that my wife and I have with each other, and so I would like to present this here, and which I would like the community's ...
A. 27 October 2007: Ok Milamber here goes:
No - I am not a clinical psychologist - did an A level in it. Doesn't help my answer for you though.
I am older than you, 20years probably, and have always had an interest in what makes sexual taste - that does help my answe... (read in full...)
My fiance booked an appointment with an escort a year ago. Can I believe him that he was 'only mucking about'?
Q. Hello, Three weeks ago I discovered that my fiancé had visited some websites of local escorts (i.e. prostitutes). Absolutely shocked, immediately I checked his e-mail account and found out that he had sent an email for appointment of one of them ...
A. 26 October 2007: Hum - I am normally in favour of giving people a chance - and in your case I would still say you have to give him a chance. However, something is not right here if he has left it so long to chase you. He had some explaining to do - and if it was all ... (read in full...)
Can anyone please help us to work things out? Please take some time to read this.
Q. There are several threads on this site that are similar to what I am about to present, but none go into the open, honest detail that my wife and I have with each other, and so I would like to present this here, and which I would like the community's ...
A. 26 October 2007: Hi - just to let you know I've read it. I understand many of the psychological points you are making. I need a couple of days to think about it. Interesting. ... (read in full...)
I fancy my evening class teacher, how do I let him know?
Q. Have been single for 4 years, during which, only one man has caught my real interest. He teaches me, once a week, in evening classes.He does pay me attention, and occasionally flirts, but has never made a move, in or out of class. I have not made my ...
A. 26 October 2007: Hi there. Sorry but I have to pick up on your first comment - only one man has caught your interest??? Then if that's the case - you have to make a move don't you. So the question, as you rightly ask is how, without spoiling the rest of your ... (read in full...)
He cheated on his stag night, now she's pregnant!
Q. I have been with my husband now for 13 years we have 3 children and another one on the way. We got married in August and i have just recntly found out that he has been having an affair with somone who he met on his stag night, now she is saying ...
A. 26 October 2007: Sorry to hear this - you must be devastated. Well first you've got to ask yourself whether you can live with this, live with him, if he is saying sorry/bigmistake/neveragain. If you can and you believe him then - it will be hard, but some couples do ... (read in full...)
I want to meet up with this guy, is he blowing me off?
Q. Last week I e.mailed this guy I'd met vaguely through work colleagues, and asked him out for a drink. He mailed me back and we sent another couple of messages, and he said he'd phone at weekend. He didn't! I e.mailed him 3 days later, very ...
A. 26 October 2007: Hi there. Dating is funny at our age isn't it? I wouldn't do anymore - you've done enough. Either he's not interested or he got something else (or someone else) that is occupying his mind at the moment. Wait and see what happens. If nothing - keep ... (read in full...)
If she shaves before going out, does that mean anything?
Q. ok following up here with my last question..thanks for the feedback!! I talked to my GF and she still claims nothing happened other than virtual sex and I guess I believe her. I feel a bit of a panzy for not being tougher on this issue but I guess ...
A. 26 October 2007: Hey Sethoberman. There are always two sides to a story - but this does not sound good. You must be realistic here - I guess you love her very much but love sometimes makes you blind.
Let me get this right:
You know that she is having intimate... (read in full...)
My ex is deluded how can I get rid of him
Q. My ex called and left a message to tell me he was mailing me my stuff (we used to live together). Anyway, a few days ago I told him to stop calling me because he just kept it up. He agreed to leave me alone unless I contacted him. Well, I contacted ...
A. 25 October 2007: Hi there - I could be guilty of reading between the lines, so if I have got it completely wrong ignore my answer and only give me one star.
It does seem like he is trying (sub-consciously) at one last attempt - and I do sense from you that deep... (read in full...)
I'm dumping my cheating partner is there still hope for me?
Q. I have been in a relation ship for almost ten years. We each have a daughter from our past relationships and together we have a little boy with Down Syndrome (who is gorgeous). My trouble is that my man is not my man, he seems to be everybody else's ...
A. 25 October 2007: Hi Alejandra. You sound quite strong and reasonably self assured so I don't feel there is too much risk of you slipping back into this relationship.
But to answer you question: Keep thinking and doing the things that will make you feel conf... (read in full...)
The sex is great but he's married
Q. I have been seeing this guy that is 26 years older then me, he is married and has 3 kids 17,16,13. He does not like his wife and they dont sleep together or even speak. We have the BEST sex ever. I am so in love with him what should i do?...
A. 25 October 2007: Hi. You ask what should you do? Well - you don't have to do anything - you can carry on enjoying the sex. And carry on loving him if you are happy with the situation as it is. You don't say what you want - or what is causing you to ask this ... (read in full...)
Who is in the wrong here?
Q. I recently went to a party and got really drunk, I had a few people stay over and ended up sleeping with a boy from my school. The only problem is that he has a girlfriend in the year below. I really dont know what to do. Am i in the wrong,is he in ...
A. 25 October 2007: Well - when I was in my teens these sort of occurrences happened all the time, dating or not. Lots of "one-offs." Especially at or after parties/gatherings etc. so don't beat yourself up over it. In fact I would say the opposite - remember it with ... (read in full...)
Should I get rid of him and get on with my life?
Q. I have been married for 7 years. We dont do anything together or talk and have had no intimacy for 4 years. When he goes to the pub he comes home late expecting his dinner. I think I still love him but can't put up with it anymore. I need a bit ...
A. 25 October 2007: Hmmm - what do you think is causing this situation? I think that should be your starting point. Write down the reasons that you think - along with any possible suggestions/solutions. Now do as the others have suggested - have a chat with him - tell ... (read in full...)
I can get an erection over anything, even just hugging a mate. Advice, please?
Q. well im 17 and i can get an erection over anything and they're really hard, even just hugging a mate, i wear baggy trousers, tight underwear and a long jacket as it is. has anyone get any advise, pls?...
A. 25 October 2007: Well I'm over 50 and I still get them as you describe - without "hugging mates". I had to stay sat down for an extra few minutes this morning at work. I wasn't thinking about sex - it just happens as you say. It's just part of being a man. If you ... (read in full...)
Which is more important to you? Penetration or orgasm?
Q. I am taking a poll. I would like to know what people think to gauge what is 'normal' This is mostly for the women, but men can chime in, too, if they have something pertinent to say. I am one of those women who just doesnt cum by intercou...
A. 25 October 2007: I like the idea of "poll" type questions. Well done. I was thinking of doing something like this myself on different subjects.
As for your topic, I think direct feedback from the females is likely to be more reliable. ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling hurt and confused after unpleasants texts!
Q. Things are really playing on my mind so i have to write my story again, im married with children but currently going through a speration for the last few months. because ive just not felt loved during my marriage and felt like i was always taken for ...
A. 25 October 2007: Hi there - you don't say what it was you asked him in the text!!!
However, what has happened is a good indicator of your present state of mind.
Let me point out some of the phrases you have used:
....."really playing on my mind"
....."felt no... (read in full...)
Tell me what to do! I want to win her back!
Q. hi, i feel very bad last year i got interested in one of my colleagues at work she is a very nice person i started to approach her and felt deeply in love with her (I am 39 years old, and this is the first time to love at all in my life) she made me ...
A. 25 October 2007: Here is my perspective on what you have described: It seems to me that all you will have to do is wait - because this guy is never going to succeed is he ? He makes so many mistakes - takes so many risks - he is going to get caught out. All you ... (read in full...)
She hurt me so much. Why do I still want her back?
Q. My ex hurt me a lot, cheated on me, lied to me, deceived me, and yet part of me still wants her back. When she's hurt me, why does some of me still want to hold on?...
A. 22 October 2007: Look at my page - (my answers) and see the one "Are we doomed." Might be some points in there that help you. Prepare yourself for the next text - and do something that puts you in control. It will make you feel so much better, believe me. It might ... (read in full...)
She hurt me so much. Why do I still want her back?
Q. My ex hurt me a lot, cheated on me, lied to me, deceived me, and yet part of me still wants her back. When she's hurt me, why does some of me still want to hold on?...
A. 22 October 2007: Look at my page - (my answers) and see the one "Are we doomed." Might be some points in there that help you.... (read in full...)
She hurt me so much. Why do I still want her back?
Q. My ex hurt me a lot, cheated on me, lied to me, deceived me, and yet part of me still wants her back. When she's hurt me, why does some of me still want to hold on?...
A. 22 October 2007: Look at my page - (my answers) and see the one "Are we doomed." Might be some points in there that help you.... (read in full...)
Are men able to cope with more than one thing at a time?
Q. i ve been seeing someone for about a month. we ve agreed to be exclusive and things were going great. however he s been having some personal problems in the last week and has been ignoring any attempt ive made to get in touch, which really hasnt ...
A. 22 October 2007: Well I know I can - but I suppose if I am honest and I have got a lot of non-relationship issues to deal with like work, relatives, officialdom etc then I probably put the relationship matters further down the priority. It's probably wrong I know, ... (read in full...)
Are men able to cope with more than one thing at a time?
Q. i ve been seeing someone for about a month. we ve agreed to be exclusive and things were going great. however he s been having some personal problems in the last week and has been ignoring any attempt ive made to get in touch, which really hasnt ...
A. 22 October 2007: Well I know I can - but I suppose if I am honest and I have got a lot of non-relationship issues to deal with like work, relatives, officialdom etc then I probably put the relationship matters further down the priority. It's probably wrong I know, ... (read in full...)
How do I get over these self esteem issues?
Q. I don't really know where else to go with my little problem so I am coming here and mostly I just want to know what you guys would do in my situation. I've been with this man for 3.5 years, after about a four month courtship. Our relation...
A. 21 October 2007: Hi. Hope things are better at the moment. There's a number of things where I can give you feedback:
You've probably realised now that it's not wise to get angry if your man doesn't get an erection at a certain point in time. Men can't really cont... (read in full...)
He says I've got problems that are bound to come out again and our relationship will always suffer from them if we come back to what he had. How do I convince him?
Q. I hurt my boyfriend and lost his trust. However, I have a depression and he knows it. So he says that he does not want to go back to our previous relationship but does very much want to help. He is around me still. But we don't go out on da...
A. 21 October 2007: I think I was "your boyfriend" 10 months ago. Many similarities. When I was hurting I kept my distance because I couldn't take any more pain - so she accused me of punishing her.
Sounds to me like he loves you so much.......but he is hurting even... (read in full...)
My neurotic sister is causing problems. What can we do?
Q. My 88year old dad died almost a year ago. My younger sister (45years old) took it very hard (she's neurotic anyway). We have a great deal of property that belongs to us all (Dad had 4 children) my sister will not cooperate in the selling o the ...
A. 21 October 2007: Hi - it's Richard again. Just a couple more thoughts. Maybe there's a legal website you could check out similar to this. What about if you sold your house and moved into one you've been left. If it's land - is there a legal way of dividing up the ... (read in full...)
I hate women, why!?
Q. OK, I am having immense feelings of hatred towards women. I am a funny, smart and relaxed (and tall and reasonably good looking!!) guy, but I have ZERO success with women! I HATE how they won't talk to you unless you talk to them. I hate how they ...
A. 21 October 2007: Hi - how are you? What is it that you hate? Maybe your feelings of hate are getting confused. Not unusual - most mens feelings get a little confused - quite normal in fact. Is it the female species you hate? Is it approaching them that you hate? Is ... (read in full...)
Falling for a co-worker. What should I do now?
Q. I am a 40 year old married man. I have a 3 year old child. My wife is a good person. At my work I am falling in love with my co-worker. She is very attractive, beautiful and sexy looking and 8 years younger then me. She is also a married and has a 5 ...
A. 21 October 2007: Do you think that we should have a relationship with everyone we feel drawn to? If so - then it's better not to get married if you hold this view.
Seems your choices now are: 1)Stay with wife, remain true. 2)Leave wife. 3)Tell wife you will have... (read in full...)
Are are doomed to be better if we broke up and lived our separate lives?
Q. I’ve been with my fiance for 5 years. She has a young daughter (aged 8) who I look after as if she was my own. Earlier this year I discovered that she had been texting, e-mailing, etc several men. The messages were suggestive (by them and her) an...
A. 20 October 2007: Hey - well you've made it so far. I can sympathise - I've through something similar - not exactly the same. Same sort of girl as yours by the sound of it - but older. She was always getting attention from men (fair enough - she was very beautiful) ... (read in full...)
My neurotic sister is causing problems. What can we do?
Q. My 88year old dad died almost a year ago. My younger sister (45years old) took it very hard (she's neurotic anyway). We have a great deal of property that belongs to us all (Dad had 4 children) my sister will not cooperate in the selling o the ...
A. 20 October 2007: Hi. Seems to me there are two approaches: (1) You try find out whats at the heart of her obstinacy - seems like she's trying to make a point - or wants some respect - or some attention - or recognition. Not sure how you do this if she won't talk to ... (read in full...)
Are sex noises a turn-on??
Q. hi! This is sort of a question for males, but female input is also appreciated. im 17, not that that is really important right now, but i was wondering: do guys enjoy it when women make noises during sex? is it a turn on, or just really annoying...
A. 20 October 2007: Yes - it will push his drive further. And words of abandonment. Just let go - don't act. Deception is s turn-off. Have fun.... (read in full...)
Is a female who performs oral sex still a virgin???
Q. I have a curious question, if a female did oral sex once but she never had any sexual intercourse before, Would she still be considered a virgin?...
A. 20 October 2007: Yes - she is a virgin - because she has not had a penis in her vagina, to put it bluntly.... (read in full...)
I should forget her, but I can't stop thinking about her.
Q. Hi. I'd really like some advice or opinions from people who have been in a similar situation to me. Firstly, I have been with my girlfriend for 5.5 years ( I am also a girl) and we have just decided to break up. We both agreed it was for the best. ...
A. 20 October 2007: Hey. Your feelings come across loud and clear. Exciting isn't it. Where do you think it is going to lead? Where do you want it to lead? It's very early days. What does she want? There is so much more for you to know before you can decide. All you ... (read in full...)
Any suggestions to find out what I want?
Q. hi i have been split from my husband for 6 months he wants me back and we have been seeing each other again for 3 months but i cant make my mind up whether i want to go back .i dont want to lose him completely but i just cant make my mind up .any ...
A. 20 October 2007: Hey - try these: (1) If you won £1million on lottery next week who would you be with?
(2) If you could have a magic wand and change one major thing about your husband, what would it be?
(3) Ditto = yourself.
(4) If you are diagnosed with health ... (read in full...)
Feeling like Ozzie and Harriet
Q. Been together with my hubby 5 years but were more like brother and sister, never had brill sex life but now non existent anyone got any idea were to go from here ?????...
A. 19 October 2007: Can you give us a bit more to go on please. Why do you think it is like this ? Is it him - or you - or both of you? Who is missing it between you? How are you both dealing with it - could you help each out - with your hands?... (read in full...)
She hurt me so much. Why do I still want her back?
Q. My ex hurt me a lot, cheated on me, lied to me, deceived me, and yet part of me still wants her back. When she's hurt me, why does some of me still want to hold on?...
A. 19 October 2007: I know just how you feel. Doesn't make sense does it!!!
My belief is that irrespective of how much they lied and cheated - when it was good - it was very good, and some part of you cannot let go of that vision you had of the future. This leaves you ... (read in full...)
Is there a way to domesticate a Macho Man?
Q. I am with a macho man. Who are they macho man?? Please shed some light. I am a very sensual woman and suffer greatly this "harsh" treatment. The only time he becomes attentive to my needs is when I make him feel jealous. Then instead of complaining ...
A. 18 October 2007: I think it's worth asking how would you feel if someone tried to change you?
Why try and change him?
... (read in full...)
During the bj, I just can't seem to swallow b/c of what I was brought up to believe! How can I get past this?
Q. I really enjoy giving my husband blowjobs but when it comes to his cummin in my mouth and swallowing his fluids which i really really want to but i just cant seem to get past my inhabitations of what i was brought up to believe; which i know makes ...
A. 18 October 2007: Keep licking the side while he is ejaculating - it's very pleasurable, very very pleasurable. Don't stop licking till he's finished. It's not necessary to swallow to give satisfaction - just keep the oral sensation going while he is coming. Try it. ... (read in full...)
Is my husband of 10 years gay?
Q. Hi I have been together with my husband for 14 years; been married for 10. I'm confused. I think he may be a little gay. He goes on about a lad at work all the time and he also is really homophobic. Not sure if that is a good enough reason to th...
A. 18 October 2007: There isn't a lot of information to go on - so all these are guesses. Someone does not have to be all out gay - they can be bi-sexual. And they can be be bi-curious. There's clearly something causing you to think here....I'm not saying he is ... (read in full...)
I don't want to choose between the important men in my life.
Q. I am in a relationship, which is going really well, I've never felt so valued or loved. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man. We have been seeing each other for 18 months, the thing is that he wants to make it more permanent, and move in ...
A. 17 October 2007: The initial idea is hard to take for your son - understandably. Don't forget these are probably emotional feelings he has - which are not necessarily rational - or fair. Try to let him become accustomed to the idea gradually. Little by little. ... (read in full...)
Shouldn't he be the one getting therapy, since he caused the marital problems? Who is in a denial here? Does therapy work? He said it'd be better if I didn't dig back to our issues...
Q. Am I losing my mind. I am so unhappy in my relationship that the only way to keep peace and not to bring up stuff from the past that affects our immediate future is to talk to people with more marital problems than i have and help them solve theirs. ...
A. 17 October 2007: You are in this together - you are married - which means the benefits are shared - and the problems are shared - and the responsibility for solving problems is shared.
Not sure if it's therapy that's required or counselling - semantics mayb... (read in full...)
His mom says he shouldn't get in a serious relation with anyone since he's joining the military...
Q. well i have a question for you all out there...me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months 2 weeks and 3 days...we are both in love...but now his mom has a problem with us dating...she says that since he's joining the military he shouldn't get ...
A. 17 October 2007: Well - you have a choice and your bf has a choice. His Mum can offer advice. You should consider where this relationship will go for you - and he should condider it for himself. Then decide. Good luck.... (read in full...)
In love with a pathological liar and the lack of trust is eating me up inside.
Q. This is a long story! I have been with the same girl for over a year now and I am very much in love with her. I am sad alot of the time because I don't trust her. In the first month we were together I asked her if she still was in contact with oth...
A. 15 October 2007: I have just seen Waterloo Sunset comment "leopards never change..." which has reminded me. Before I decided I did a bit of introspection and looked at my worst weakness (timekeeping) and asked myself if I could ever "cure" myself. I decided not. It ... (read in full...)
In love with a pathological liar and the lack of trust is eating me up inside.
Q. This is a long story! I have been with the same girl for over a year now and I am very much in love with her. I am sad alot of the time because I don't trust her. In the first month we were together I asked her if she still was in contact with oth...
A. 15 October 2007: I feel for you. I had a similar experience (similar but not the same) I went out with a very respectable lady.I loved her so much, and she loved me. Only problem was her lies, I couldn't tell what was true and false. All I can tell is what I did. I ... (read in full...)
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