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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Do I tell my guy friend that his girlfriend is a complete tramp and people are laughing at him behind his back because he is dating her?
Q. I have a male friend who has been dating this woman for about the last 6 months seriously. He and I had a past, but now we really are just friends and it is cool. He has always been hesitant about relationships since he was burned by who he thought ...
A. 29 July 2011: @ Person12345
I'm a bit surprised at your surprise. In my experience, women participate in slut-shaming far more often and more viciously. Not that men don't do it too, mind, it's just not as much that I've seen.
In their defense, it's an... (read in full...)
Do I tell my guy friend that his girlfriend is a complete tramp and people are laughing at him behind his back because he is dating her?
Q. I have a male friend who has been dating this woman for about the last 6 months seriously. He and I had a past, but now we really are just friends and it is cool. He has always been hesitant about relationships since he was burned by who he thought ...
A. 26 July 2011: While I'm usually the first to say a guy deserves to know when he's dating someone with an unsavory history, in this case your information comes only from rumors. They only seem important because, supposedly, people are laughing behind his back. ... (read in full...)
Does sex feel the same for a man no matter what woman he's with?
Q. Not long ago I read a question asked by a man, if sex for women was different with different men. He then went on to say that sex for a man is in general the same no matter the woman he is with. So, it doesn't matter if a woman is good in bed or n...
A. 26 July 2011: Well, you can have good sex and bad sex with the same person. There's rutting, lovemaking, hatef***ing, marathon sex, quickies, tantric sex, his-or-hers nights, or any of a thousand other ways to screw - and combinations thereof.
If sex can vary... (read in full...)
Is sexy an attitude or a physique? Can fat women be found desirable and sexy?
Q. I have a question for the guys: Can a fat girl be sexy and desirable? Being overweight, I have always seemed to have a hard time finding a partner that was attracted to me in a healthy way. What I mean is that it seems guys tend to fall in the e...
A. 26 July 2011: I think your observation is correct, men fall into either extreme regarded fat girls. Either they're fat fetishists, or they're completely turned off by fat - and the latter form the vast majority of guys. Still, if you live in a big enough city, ... (read in full...)
Any advice on what boys like and don't like, how to flirt with a boy, and how to gain confidence in myself?
Q. Ive just finished my last year in school and i start college in september. I never really had many boyfriends throughout my highschool years as i never really thought it was something i need. However, im now 16 and would like to have a boyfriend...
A. 26 July 2011: First off, keep focused on your goal of having a boyfriend. Don't get caught into the cycle of hooking up and getting only half of what you want. Time you spend with guys who aren't serious is time wasted. It's easy to fall into the pattern of ... (read in full...)
How can I stop my lack of trust towards women and the fear of unknowingly raising another man's child from affecting my relationships?
Q. Hi guys,something has been bothering me for a very long time and has affected my relationships with women big time! From an early age among friends and family members many have accidentaly discovered that one or two of the kids they were raising ...
A. 25 July 2011: Just get the test on the sly if you don't want to bring it up. Trust, but verify.
Besides, women have known since the beginning of time that their kids were really theirs. Getting a paternity test is the first way we have ever created for givi... (read in full...)
Guys: Why might I seem unapproachable? What can I do to change this?
Q. hi there. this question is aimed at guys specifically but ladies feel free to answer too. I am a 21 year old female and i am a university student. i have been struggling with trying to get dates. there are plenty of guys at univerity and i ...
A. 25 July 2011: "im not confident enough to approach guys myself."
Hopefully, this means you understand how tough it can be for guys to approach. It's expected of us, and most guys have to deal with rejection a lot. Your job is to make guys feel like they hav... (read in full...)
What do guys think of my body shape? Is it a turn off?
Q. i am really shy about my body. its not curvy and nice like most girls. im not fat, not one bit.. but im really tanky. so i have a guys body sorta. its really embarasing and i hate wearing bakinis because i dont like my body. what do guys think about ...
A. 25 July 2011: My first girlfriend hated her hips, called them her "boy hips," and would let her insecurities about them distract her from her good attributes (legs a mile long...). Know what bothered me most about her body? The insecurities it caused meant that ... (read in full...)
My sexuality is not up for debate, but one family member has said such awful things in front of my partner!
Q. Am needing some advice, so hoping someone out there can help. I’m currently in a long term lesbian relationship. My partner and I are very happy together and moved in together about 4 months ago and things are still going well. Everyone in my ...
A. 25 July 2011: Your aunt's opinion is just that, her opinion. It has no bearing on how things will turn out for you. It sounds to me like she was just saying what she thinks, and not actually trying to hurt you. So who cares what she thinks? Will you magically ... (read in full...)
Is she trying to shrug me off? Should I keep trying to contact her?
Q. There was a girl who I thought we got along very very well for 7-8 months, then she became very very withdrawn and quiet. We haven't spoken for 3 weeks now, I was the last one to text her. We met 3 years ago in a few days time, had we still bee...
A. 25 July 2011: I don't think she will respond well to the message. She will probably think it is awkward, and may just ignore it. It sounds like it's coming from a well-meaning, idealistic place, but is not the kind o thing I could see going over well.
As a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend earns more than me, should he pay for more once we buy a house together?
Q. Hi. I have just had an interesting conversation with my colleague. I am about to buy a house with my bf of 18 months. He has fronted the 10% deposit for the house as he has managed to save really well over the last couple of years whereas I am c**p ...
A. 25 July 2011: Your friend is in the wrong, here. Feeling entitled to your man's money means it's no longer a loving gesture when he does do something like front the deposit. He also should not be punished for being better with his money than you are.
Keep ... (read in full...)
Trying to pass off another man's child as my husbands....Is this really such a big deal?
Q. I have been married for 2 months, but pregnant with another man's baby. i dated by husband for 3 years, but he really treated me badly for a while. I fell pregant by him and he "forced", me to abort, which i regreted.I resorted to cheating on him ...
A. 25 July 2011: Regardless of his past behavior, inflicting further injustice is not the solution. What you're doing is cuckoldry, and it is evil.
Tell me this: would it be a big deal if your husband secretly switched your baby in the hospital for another ... (read in full...)
Nicknames for my boyfriend?
Q. My bf and i are thinking of nicknames for each other and i can't think of any for him, wanna help me out? Hes kinda nerd like science-y and he likes video games :)...
A. 22 July 2011: Nicknames are great, just avoid any lovey-dovey ones like "darling" or "sweetheart." They're annoying and they reduce your sex drive.
They should be personal, though. Like an inside joke. No need to get one yet, just wait until somethin... (read in full...)
Can sex be great all the time even after marriage and kids?
Q. He says "the sex always feel like the first time" with a smile. What does that mean? Everytime he says this I feel like I am always trying to give my best. I'm nervous because I know we have incredible sex but Ihope I will be able to keep up once we ...
A. 22 July 2011: It doesn't just happen (or not happen), it's entirely between the two of you. Are both of you willing and eager to sneak in the time for sex, even with the kids around? To do it even when you're tired at the end of the day, or to just tell the ... (read in full...)
Is this a red flag?
Q. I can't seem to relax on this issue that seems to be only in my head since I don't think my boyfriend has any idea how much this thing is bothering me that he told me the other day so here it goes... my boyfriend was talking to me about somethings ...
A. 22 July 2011: If he can cheat once, he can rationalize doing it a second time. Not to mention this particular girl shows no respect for others' relationships.
It's a red flag, a warning sign, not a guarantee of heartbreak. Just because he saw that the part... (read in full...)
Need guy advice: How can I keep my man interested in me?
Q. To all guys out there: Can you give me tips on how I can keep my man interested with me? I know and feel that he is in love with me and he says it all the time. We are together now for a year and we are still very much in love with each other....
A. 22 July 2011: Think back to when you first started dating. Make up two lists. The first list will be all the things you did that he loved, which initially attracted him to you, and which seemed to really draw him in. The second list will be all the things he ... (read in full...)
Am I doing too much analysis? Sometimes I think he doesn't care at all.
Q. Hi guys.. I have been "casually sleeping" with one of my ex boyfriends for a little over a month now. We had been broken up for almost 4 years, were both 20 now. (i'm almost 21) I state it like that because we do more than just casual sex. He u...
A. 20 July 2011: CaringGuy basically covered it. He only wants easy sex. I would only add that every hour you spend with your ex is an hour you're not spending finding a boyfriend who will be more forthcoming. On the other hand, if you're enjoying the uncertainty ... (read in full...)
Why are so many women so selfish? Even the great ones we love dearly!
Q. MY question is why do women expect us men to give them everything and anything they want that makes them happy, but they won't give us the simplest thing to make us happy; a blow job!? We go to all sorts of lengths, taking an interest in your...
A. 20 July 2011: Per standard policy, I'm going to take this seriously even though I think he's trolling, because I like feeding trolls.
"We go to all sorts of lengths, taking an interest in your likes, desires, hobbies etc. Supporting you in many ways. Buying y... (read in full...)
Boyfriend agrees that I love him more than he loves me. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
Q. Hi. Here is my thing. It transpires that I love my bf more than he loves me. We have discussed this and we mainly have just acknowledged that I do seem to love him in a more intense way then he loves me. Don’t get me wrong; he does love me. He goes ...
A. 20 July 2011: Getting into a discussion about who loves who more is counterproductive. No good can come of it.
Besides, the ways in which people express love are different. Some of the classically feminine ways of expressing love are easier to see, and we m... (read in full...)
Are these fears valid? I am afraid of my future husband's reaction in regards to my sexual history
Q. I feel so disgusted and upset with myself and I can't tell anyone. I turned 19 yesterday and have been on/off with a man who has narcissistic personality disorder for 5 years. He is a total jerk one day, super nice the next, it has always been lik...
A. 20 July 2011: Most men will be more concerned about having an on-again, off-again narcissistic boyfriend for five years than they will about ten seconds of anal. True, some guys care only about sexual history in and of itself; for most guys, sexual history is ... (read in full...)
Do I really have to "treat her mean to keep her keen"?
Q. I'll try and boil it down to basics. There's a girl who I really like due to many reasons; she's extremely attractive but the main being that we connect on many levels. Whenever I talk to her, it seems like we've known each other for ages, not ju...
A. 20 July 2011: Ask yourself what means more - what she *says* she wants, or what she actually *does* choose to go for. Actions speak louder than words. Almost any woman will say they want the perfect gentleman, but tell me this, who got her romantic attention - ... (read in full...)
If a woman already likes you, does it really matter what you say to them?
Q. Hope its ok to ask quite a short and simple question: Ive been told by a friend that in regards to a woman, when talking to them it doesnt really matter what you say, if they already like you, thats half the battle won. Us men can say some ...
A. 20 July 2011: If I had to put a number to it, I'd say it's 20% what you say and 80% how you say it, whether the girl likes you or not. As long as you're earnest, funny, and just a little bit arrogant, you can say almost anything to almost any girl and she'll dig ... (read in full...)
Should I wear my contacts on my date tomorrow?
Q. Quick question, I have a date tomorrow with this guy and every time he has seen me i've had my contacts in, I'm wondering should i wear them again tomorrow or not? I'm just thinking if this turns into anything, wouldn't he rather see what i look ...
A. 20 July 2011: I'm not certain from your question if the contacts are corrective or purely cosmetic. If they're corrective, that introduces a third option. There's always the chance he finds glasses really sexy. And who could blame him? Find out, maybe you ... (read in full...)
Will it be possible to have sex and get married after a sex change?
Q. Can a boy after sexchange converted to complete woman. After that can she fulfil her desire of being woman and establish sexual relation with another male friend and become his wife?...
A. 20 July 2011: Legally, it's a pretty gray area. Depends on whether the state really lets you re-define your gender in a legal sense, and even recognizes the union.
As a side note, I think the government should be removed from marriage entirely, leaving ... (read in full...)
Ladies - do you 'reward' a guy if he makes the extra effort?
Q. This is not really a problem, more just another question to help with my understanding of the opposite sex. I need all the help I can get in that regard, and Im not the most outgoing guy in the world, also a bit shy. I have experienced a co...
A. 20 July 2011: Any extra effort you go to for a woman will either be labeled as "sweet and romantic" or "Creepy," depending entirely on whether she finds you attractive. If it's worked out for you so far, you're probably projecting enough confidence, while ... (read in full...)
Nice Guys
Q. Nice guys- a lot of us have overlooked them, rejected them, or simply ignored them. Then, we become interested and they're married. So, it's like a chick flick scene where a pretty girl tells her nice guy admirer that he's too much like a brother ...
A. 20 July 2011: @ Cerberus
"...we can only change ourselves and one of the worst mistakes people make is not realizing that. "
Fair point. That's what I get for speaking out of conjecture and hope.
"For a guy one of the best ways to do that is working ou... (read in full...)
I sometimes cringe at the thought of sex. Is this normal?
Q. I have to admit that I sometimes cringe at the thought of sex. I've been with may partner for almost 2.5 years, and yesterday he got really upset when I turned down the chance to be intimate. He says I always have an excuse and it's very annoying to ...
A. 18 July 2011: Telling you that any other man would leave you for your disinterest in sex is the sort of thing that a manipulative guy would say... but at the same time, in this case he may have a point. Three times a week might seem like enough on the surface, ... (read in full...)
If we are just "friends", why did she get all dressed up to go out with me?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I know this girl and I like her, but she said she just wants to be friends. I was heartbroken at first but then said to myself, I like her enough so why not just be friends. So we made an arrangement last week to see a movie...
A. 18 July 2011: Being friends with a girl you liked and got shot down by is a tough emotional spot to be in. It makes it tough to meet girls who like you back - you're emotions are all in a tangle from spending so much time with the girl you like. I wouldn't ... (read in full...)
How do I catch THAT fish?
Q. The saying 'There's plenty of fish in the sea', followed by 'I dont care, I want THAT fish!' My problem is that the above saying very much rings true to my situation at the moment (in regards to a girl). Any suggestions on how one catches T...
A. 18 July 2011: If you're so fixated on one woman that no other will do, you won't get her. Believing that failing to get one particular woman will only cause you to avoid taking necessary risks. You might not work up the guts to ask her out, or you might do so ... (read in full...)
Nice Guys
Q. Nice guys- a lot of us have overlooked them, rejected them, or simply ignored them. Then, we become interested and they're married. So, it's like a chick flick scene where a pretty girl tells her nice guy admirer that he's too much like a brother ...
A. 18 July 2011: @ Cerberus
I was using the "treat a girl as special and wonderful" bit as an example of how boys are raised. We're in full agreement on that being the wrong way to have a successful love life.
What I really think it boils down to is that when ... (read in full...)
Random Chat-Ups - What does they mean?
Q. This is just a bit of a general questioning and open for discussion on the topic of being chatted up.. As a female when men 'hit on you' in the street during the day or in a bar, do you think these types of men are ever genuine or are they the type...
A. 17 July 2011: "...do you think these types of men are ever genuine or are they the type of men who are always hitting on women?"
Why can't it be both? The only ways to meet new people are to be introduced by mutual friends, or to talk to strangers. I'd be w... (read in full...)
What do I do? My husband ignores me!
Q. i have been with my husband for over 4 yrs. we hve a 3 yr old. he works a lot on his feet all day, hes a manager at a convenience store. he doesnt go out at all its work and bk home. i dont boss him around he has the freedom to do as he pleases hes ...
A. 16 July 2011: Sorry, hit "Add Your Answer" by accident. Continuing...
...Foreplay starts when you wake up. By taking an active, sexual role now, you're re-building his image of you from the pregnant or overweight one, into a sexual one, closer to the girl he ... (read in full...)
What do I do? My husband ignores me!
Q. i have been with my husband for over 4 yrs. we hve a 3 yr old. he works a lot on his feet all day, hes a manager at a convenience store. he doesnt go out at all its work and bk home. i dont boss him around he has the freedom to do as he pleases hes ...
A. 16 July 2011: "btw guys check me out everywhere we go and he wont notice or care i get compliments frm everyone but him"
I'll start by pointing out that telling him this would only damage the relationship more. If you haven't said it yet, don't.
A lot o... (read in full...)
I don't really know what to do in bed...
Q. Hi everyone, i need your help. i lost my virginity about 1 month ago, and everythings great. sex isnt painful and IS pleasurable. but everytime ive had sex i havent had to do anything at all (my boyfriend has done all the work). The other day i ...
A. 16 July 2011: Technique takes time and practice. Try different things with him, and be honest with each other about what worked and didn't work for both of you.
The more important thing is enthusiasm. Let yourself go - it may take time to build up the comf... (read in full...)
All my boyfriends have been cheaters ...
Q. i have seen many bad days. None of my relationship was successful. All my boyfriends cheated with me. M so stressed and unhappy. Now adays smal smal things irritates me and i start fighting with who ever comes cross. Please help me...how can i ...
A. 16 July 2011: Find the common thread in all your relationships. Something, or several somethings, are causing this, and all you have to do is find and change those things. Look for common threads in your history. I'll list a few examples, but without more ... (read in full...)
So what do guys really want?
Q. So what do guys really want? last night I went out with my friends to a pub/club and they were projecting music videos. Of course as "club music" videos go, they all had "hot" girls in them with skimpy clothes. My guy friends were all commenting ...
A. 16 July 2011: Don't get discouraged. There's good news and bad news. The bad news is human sexuality (male or female, straight or gay, old or young, or anything else) is not designed to be noble or pretty, it is designed to be effective, and that includes a lot ... (read in full...)
Is a sexless marriage common or should I do something about it?
Q. I have been reading a lots of different opinions on sexless marriages.Some says it is very common after long term marriage, that the marriage becomes sexless, for different reasons. And couples just keep living together sometimes a whole decade ...
A. 16 July 2011: It is common, but that doesn't make it right. Exclusivity requires availability, and if you both want a satisfying sex life, you have to be willing to take action.
The biggest thing you can do is avoid getting complacent. You need to think ba... (read in full...)
Are there any methods of temporary sterilization?
Q. What are some reliable forms of temporary sterilization for women? I'm on birth control, but I want something that's 100% without having to clip myself. I've never heard of one, but maybe others have? Are there anything out there? I'm currently ...
A. 14 July 2011: The other posters have covered contraceptives as well as is needed. There is another element, though: trust.
If you switch from using condoms and the pill to using just IUD's without condoms, there is still the risk of STD's if one of you chea... (read in full...)
Cheated and feeling very guilty, how do I get over this and have a healthy relationship with my girlfriend?
Q. I am a 29 years old man. I have a girlfriend who is living in a long distance with me. We used to live together and had a intimate relationship. Since she has left there was some problem between us. Basically it seemed that problem was only my side. ...
A. 14 July 2011: Be honest with her. Tell her you cheated, and see if she's willing to work things out. Being forgiven always feels good; at the same time, knowing we aren't lying to anyone feels good too. The most contented feeling you can get from a ... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable to ask what he wants?
Q. Hi, I met a guy a couple of months ago .. we met at a bar, he works/lives down the road from where I live. Gave me his number and asked me to get in contact. It was brief. So a few days later I did. We spent 3 to 4 weeks of sending a handfu...
A. 14 July 2011: "He comes across so so confidant on texts."
Everyone is a little (or a lot) different over varying forms of media than they are in real life. In real life, I rarely offer advice; in real life, most people just want comfort and a listenin... (read in full...)
Kids today indeed!
Q. I made a joke the other day to my boyfriend, and while it was a little sarcastic and crass, it was true. Let me start this off by saying that this site is a wonderful thing, and I have recieved some very valuable advice from it. I've also been t...
A. 14 July 2011: @ OP
You're right. While it's not a guarantee by any means, having sex the first time between 12 and 15 years of age means the person is far, far more likely to get STD's, have kids out of wedlock, get divorced after eventually getting married,... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want to do anything with our son
Q. I am back, with a little more problems and I got to the point that I do not know what to do (again!!!!). Now my bully husband does not talk to our son, does not want to do anything with him. We were back to our couple's therapy and left with th...
A. 12 July 2011: Can you link to your first question on this site, if there is more background info on it? No one here reads every question, so if the whole situation isn't all in one post, we can't give complete answers. With that said, I'll try to help from just ... (read in full...)
Nice Guys
Q. Nice guys- a lot of us have overlooked them, rejected them, or simply ignored them. Then, we become interested and they're married. So, it's like a chick flick scene where a pretty girl tells her nice guy admirer that he's too much like a brother ...
A. 3 July 2011: @ Eric.troy
I see what you're getting at. My issue is not in women's taste - sometimes it bothers me, but I understand it's just their nature, not their fault. Getting upset about that is about as productive as fat chicks getting upset about th... (read in full...)
Nice Guys
Q. Nice guys- a lot of us have overlooked them, rejected them, or simply ignored them. Then, we become interested and they're married. So, it's like a chick flick scene where a pretty girl tells her nice guy admirer that he's too much like a brother ...
A. 1 July 2011: @ CindyCares The issue is when you see pretty girls going for men without steady jobs, clean prison records, or basic table manners - well, for a decent guy, it makes you question whether you've really directed your energy the right way. I ag... (read in full...)
Nice Guys
Q. Nice guys- a lot of us have overlooked them, rejected them, or simply ignored them. Then, we become interested and they're married. So, it's like a chick flick scene where a pretty girl tells her nice guy admirer that he's too much like a brother ...
A. 1 July 2011: I suspect if girls showed more attention and affection for nice guys when they were young, the nice guys would be more likely to develop into the confident, decent men women like. It's kind of hard spending your teens and twenties dealing with ... (read in full...)
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