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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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He wants a baby but not marriage?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. (He's in his early 40's and I'm in my early 30's.) We recently got pregnant, but I had a miscarriage. Though this pregnancy was unexpected, we had discussed wanting to have kids together in ...
A. 8 December 2011: "He still wants to move forward with getting pregnant again soon, and keeps saying that we could get married after we have the baby. Why after we have the baby and not now?"
I think you're trying to imply concern that he may be trying to put if o... (read in full...)
He wants a baby but not marriage?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. (He's in his early 40's and I'm in my early 30's.) We recently got pregnant, but I had a miscarriage. Though this pregnancy was unexpected, we had discussed wanting to have kids together in ...
A. 7 December 2011: The problem is (and ask him, I'm sure he'll agree) is that marriage is not a "commitment." Every state in the U.S. has no-fault divorce. You can literally walk away and take his children anytime you like, mail him the divorce papers, and that's ... (read in full...)
Things that you love about yourself and dislike about yourself
Q. Basically i find these days that people either are extreamly hypocritcal where they think everyone has something wrong with them except them, or people have very low self esteem (including myself). I have learnt in the last year tha...
A. 6 December 2011: Flaws: I'm cynical, cocky, argumentative, inflexible, nerdy, judgmental, and I drink too much.
Strengths: I'm realistic, confident, outspoken, reliable, well-read, proud of my convictions, and I'm a good drinking buddy.
It's all in how you l... (read in full...)
Do men get aroused because of dirty thoughts or romance during sex?
Q. alright this question goes out to the men out there! do men get aroused or to he more specific get an erection during sex with their girlfriend/wives because of dirty thoughts like "oh i'm doing something so dirty"or because of the romance,...
A. 6 December 2011: Personally, I wouldn't date a girl unless I could feel both romance and lust with her. I can love a girl, respect her, and act like a gentleman toward her, then still want to tie her hands to the bedpost and do "dirty" things. I prefer the word ... (read in full...)
Why do men focus so much on female orgasm?
Q. Why do men focus so much on female orgasm? My bf is insecure because he's only been able to make me orgasm twice orally in the 4 months we've been together and if I don't orgasm, he sees it as failure and it prevents him from being hard again to ...
A. 6 December 2011: Decent men believe, as I do, that if we can't get the woman off on a regular basis, she'll be unsatisfied and find it elsewhere. On top of that, it's just so *satisfying* to see a satisfied woman. So, yeah, I can see why he would worry.
Somet... (read in full...)
Should I change myself for him or stay the way I am?
Q. So my man is 9 years older than me, he is stuck in his ways n believes women should act n be a certain way. I'm conflicted because I'm falling in love with him and I am nothing like what he believes in. My question is should I change ways and be ...
A. 3 December 2011: Are the changes he's talking about good ones? Do they match up with the kind of woman you want to be? Are they something you might actually want to work up to, even if you're not sure you can? Then yes, by all means, change. Self-improvement is ... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as a "leg-fetish"?
Q. I understand the whole foot-fetish thing, but is there a specific fetish toward 'legs'? A female friend and I were discussing what we were in to and I told her I'm a sucker for a killer set of legs, which she said is a foot-fetish. However, I'm not ...
A. 3 December 2011: @ So_very_confused
Come to think of it, every time I've slept with a woman, her legs were right there...... (read in full...)
We're both virgins, should I expect him to be somewhat skilled?
Q. Okay, this might be a little odd and maybe shallow, but I was wondering: guys, how were you the first time you had sex? And girls, were you pleasantly surprised or not? I ask because my boyfriend and I are planning to have sex for the first time and...
A. 3 December 2011: It was fumble-in-the-dark for me, it'll be that way for him, same as every guy. I was just thanking every god I could think of that I lasted ten minutes (no word on Odin's opinion). Fortunately, I knew that I had no idea what I was doing; I knew a ... (read in full...)
What is with men being attracted to teenagers?
Q. I've seen a few questions on here about this. Guys if you're in your twenties why don't you want to date someone your own age? Why do you want to be with someone who hasnt even finished school? Is it because it's forbidden?...
A. 2 December 2011: @ OP
I'm talking about instinctual desires, not rational wants. Even then, some people really want kids at 16 - I think this sight gets a couple of teenage girls in here a week asking why they want children.
But think in terms of instincts. A... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as a "leg-fetish"?
Q. I understand the whole foot-fetish thing, but is there a specific fetish toward 'legs'? A female friend and I were discussing what we were in to and I told her I'm a sucker for a killer set of legs, which she said is a foot-fetish. However, I'm not ...
A. 2 December 2011: Your friend has no idea what she's talking about. Liking legs is not a foot fetish. Liking legs is as normal and common as liking tits and ass.
Her statement makes about as much sense as if her attraction to a good set of shoulders was a "hand ... (read in full...)
How do you feel about nick-names in a loving relationship? Do you have a favorite nick-name?
Q. Does your loved one give you nick names? Or a nick name? And which one do you love the most? I think nick-names can be a barometer of a relationship. If the nick-names stopped happening then I would know there was a problem, even if nothing had been ...
A. 1 December 2011: I'm not usually big on nicknames, but I did date one girl for a while who *loved* old black-and-white movies. So, for a while, I'd call her a different old-fashioned term for "woman" at random. Dame, broad, doll, dish, skirt, little lady, curve, ... (read in full...)
Would it be better to not get married and disappoint our families?
Q. I am due to get married in three months. For the past two years I have been catching my soon to be wife in darting chat rooms. She has been clumsy and left things around,including guys phone numbers. I have never been able to get past this as she ...
A. 1 December 2011: DO NOT marry this woman. She will cheat on you, then divorce you and take everything, and she'll sleep like a baby afterwards.
Your families will be far more disappointed by an acrimonious divorce than they would by sensibly calling off the marr... (read in full...)
He's gone from callimg me "hot and sexy" to "beautiful and gorgeous," does it mean anything?
Q. Hi Guys, I realise this isn't a serious thing and it isn't a problem, I am just wondering and don't have anyone I can ask. Thanks for your responses in advance. I have been seeing a guy for a while now, he was my friend before hand and he has...
A. 1 December 2011: CaringGuy is exactly right - it's a promotion. "Beautiful" and "gorgeous" are words that men usually reserve for those once-in-a-blue-moon perfect girlfriends, and for Scarlett Johansson.
The reason you've never heard them before is exactly ... (read in full...)
Am I being self-centered and uncaring by refusing to listen to my wife complain constantly?
Q. My wife is from another (very poor) country, and her family is still in the other country (in addition to her parents, she 5 brothers and sister). Her family constantly asks her for financial support, and she's helped them out quite a bit over...
A. 1 December 2011: You're making the right decision. Whether she is mature enough to react appropriately is another thing.
Family loyalty is important, but that runs both ways. It's every bit as bad to take advantage of family as it is to refuse them the help the... (read in full...)
I always thought love should feel like you are falling in love again every day but I realised thats not possible, now I'm worried I have ruined my relationship because of this....
Q. I think I'm addicted to the feeling of falling in love, the one that's not supposed to last. I always pictured my dream relationship to be like I'm falling in love with the person all over again every day for the rest of my life. But now I see that ...
A. 1 December 2011: It can be perfect, for a given value of "perfect." You've taken the first step towards more realistic expectations, and that step is the hardest. It's not too late to save things with your current man.
First, go do something nice and romantic... (read in full...)
What is with men being attracted to teenagers?
Q. I've seen a few questions on here about this. Guys if you're in your twenties why don't you want to date someone your own age? Why do you want to be with someone who hasnt even finished school? Is it because it's forbidden?...
A. 1 December 2011: People's sexual instincts date from caveman days, not from the modern age (actually, all of our instincts do, but we'll stay on sexuality for now). The key point is to ask yourself, what sort of behavior and desires would have led to the most ... (read in full...)
Marriage stereotypes....
Q. After having heard some comments last night, and searching the web a bit for answers, I have this question, and would like to hear different inputs. The topic is marriage, and it appears to me that there are certain stereotypes out there. A...
A. 23 November 2011: Correction on my last post: friend was married 10 months, not 6. Apparently I'm not a math person after all. Not sure if that matters, but there it is.
Anyways, won't be able to respond for a while, got Thanksgiving to get to, so apologie... (read in full...)
Marriage stereotypes....
Q. After having heard some comments last night, and searching the web a bit for answers, I have this question, and would like to hear different inputs. The topic is marriage, and it appears to me that there are certain stereotypes out there. A...
A. 23 November 2011: @ Chigirl & Miamine
Yes, a lot of the things that happen when a marriage ends can happen when a relationship with kids ends (not that I see "Well, bad things can happen anyway!" as a particularly strong argument for marriage). But a girlfrie... (read in full...)
Marriage stereotypes....
Q. After having heard some comments last night, and searching the web a bit for answers, I have this question, and would like to hear different inputs. The topic is marriage, and it appears to me that there are certain stereotypes out there. A...
A. 23 November 2011: Actually, that view describes mine near-perfectly. I can't speak for everyone who holds that view, but I'll throw my two cents in if it helps.
Why men shouldn't marry:
Because there is nothing in it for us. At all. At least, not since the ad... (read in full...)
What are healthy fantasies?
Q. I am a 26 year old male, and like most people, I masturbate. I am saving sex for someone I am in love with- but in the meantime I have to make due. I'm wondering how many people can relate to my issues or what their opinions on my concerns about th...
A. 22 November 2011: @ OP
Just remember that sex is a skill like any other - you weren't born knowing how to walk or talk, and had to do it wrong a few times before you figured out how to do it right. A worthwhile girl will understand that. Take the time and make... (read in full...)
What are healthy fantasies?
Q. I am a 26 year old male, and like most people, I masturbate. I am saving sex for someone I am in love with- but in the meantime I have to make due. I'm wondering how many people can relate to my issues or what their opinions on my concerns about th...
A. 22 November 2011: There are a lot of questions in this post, so I'll just answer them at random.
Look for some of the amateur porn - there are plenty of healthy, loving couples (with normal-people bodies) who filmed themselves and put it online. Some of it is re... (read in full...)
I "insulted" my husband about his performance in bed and I think I deeply wounded his ego. How do I fix it?
Q. I "insulted" my husband and I think I deeply wounded his ego. He cant please me in bed and he has stopped trying to quite a while back. I told him that what he is doing isn't working. He told me he never had problems pleasing women in the past. I ...
A. 22 November 2011: Yeah, you did insult him. Pretty harshly, in fact - you strongly implied that he's never been able to please a woman. Give him a little time to cool down. In the meantime, you can plan your strategy to fix things up. There's no reason your sex ... (read in full...)
Has anyone got any quotes/sayings that they live by or feel inspired from?
Q. I know this is a relationship website, but I am getting a quote painted on my wall above the mirror, I want it to be something that when I wake up and look at everyday, I feel inspired by it! Something about either, life, success, our future, ...
A. 21 November 2011: I got a few. Not sure what you're looking for; they're less about "inspiration" than they are about "sticktoitiveness," but they work for me. I've always found that more traditional "inspirational" quotes lose their luster and seem more vapid the ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend thinks I'm not manly enough
Q. I have an amazing wonderful girlfriend but it gets extremely annoying and upsetting because she can't see me as "manly". I don't like football and she thinks I'm not a man. I tend to show my emotions more and I'm a little sensitive and sh...
A. 21 November 2011: No man should ever put up with a girl questioning his manliness. I would dump her immediately, personally. But her type is the norm, I think, not the exception; all that sets her apart is she was upfront about it. The problem may reoccur with ... (read in full...)
Is it common for men to invest so much and then stop contact after 2 weeks?
Q. Hello, I need advice. Please. I had 2 incredible dates with this man. We kept in touch almost every day for 2 weeks. He brought up lots ideas for future dates and complimented me a lot. Not just on beauty but on my personality, jokes, interests. I ...
A. 17 November 2011: Sometimes, after showing a lot of interest, a guy will go home, slap himself on the forehead, and say, "Dammit, I probably look too eager now... better to just ignore her for a while or she'll think I'm desperate."
It's only been, what, four day... (read in full...)
A little primer on women and sex...
Q. A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
A. 15 November 2011: @ Tisha
Thanks for the feedback on my feedback. Now I just can't stop feeling sorry for the couple with the ultimatum though...
Yeah, there is external stimulation going on in the position I outlined, true. So, yeah, it's "cheating," but ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I'm "playing the game" right with this physically affectionate man!
Q. There's this guy I really like but I'm not sure if I'm sending him mixed signals or not being affectionate enough towards him. Let me explain, he's really affectionate towards me most of the time: taking my hand out of the blue, hugging me, kiss...
A. 14 November 2011: Yeah, it's totally fine if you initiate contact. You won't even lose your "shy" image over it, if you want to keep that. Especially hugging - plenty of people do that, so you don't have to worry about seeming to forward. And hand-holding is ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 14 November 2011: @ Miamine
I was about to go off on a rant about how feminists don't criticize their more extreme elements... but then fridge logic kicked in and I realized that's exactly what *you* are doing, so I'll just shut up and concede that, yeah, I probab... (read in full...)
Sex while music is playing?
Q. Hello everyone, just after a few personal opinions here! Do you think it's a good idea to have sex for the first time while music's playing in the background or can that be a distraction from (or to) your partner? I'm thinking classical music, ...
A. 13 November 2011: There was music on during my first time, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was. I don't think I even really heard it, I was too wrapped up in the moment.
Probably doesn't matter whether you put anything on, or what it is.... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if I'm "playing the game" right with this physically affectionate man!
Q. There's this guy I really like but I'm not sure if I'm sending him mixed signals or not being affectionate enough towards him. Let me explain, he's really affectionate towards me most of the time: taking my hand out of the blue, hugging me, kiss...
A. 13 November 2011: If you like it, show it! Otherwise, he'll think you're not interested. Hard-to-get is vastly overrated. If he holds your hand, give his a little squeeze, or lace the fingers up. If he hugs you hug him back and squeeze for just a few seconds ... (read in full...)
I keep striking out with the ladies, need help! is being 40 pounds overweight a factor? What needs to be done?
Q. so in my interaction with the ladies, I've heard this line WAY too much: "you're such a great guy, a girl would be real lucky to be with someone as nice and real as you are." All the while I'm thinking, "if i'm such a great guy, then why don't y...
A. 13 November 2011: Here, read this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-be-attractive-a-beginners-guide-for.html
Additionally, get into shape. Being 40 pounds overweight is definitely hurting your chances, not to mention your health. Eat a healthy diet, lo... (read in full...)
A little primer on women and sex...
Q. A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
A. 13 November 2011: "It's more like, come swoop us up in your strong, masculine arms, carry us to the feather bed, lay us back gently and then caress us till we die of pleasure."
True, every woman I've ever dated liked that, but all of them also frequently wanted t... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 13 November 2011: Man, go out of town for one week and this thread lights up. Nice.
@ HappyPlace
I was not trying to accuse you of being abusive - though, looking back at what I wrote, it was not particularly clear, so my apologies for that and any offense I ma... (read in full...)
How do I word something to her that makes her realise that it's not appropriate to cancel dates at the last minute when a lot of prep has gone into them?
Q. I met a girl through internet dating. She was lovely and I'd really like to see her again. We've been texting each other etc and seem to get on ok, but she doesn't seem as keen to chat as before we met up. Having said that, she's been ill and - ...
A. 13 November 2011: Say exactly that - "Next time, please cancel as soon as you can, rather than waiting." The tone of voice is far more important than the words here; you want your tone to be firm, but not passive-aggressive or rude. If she gets mad about it, don't ... (read in full...)
How can I draw boys attention to me without turning into a slut?
Q. how can i draw boys attention to me without turning in to a slut? ive never had a boyfriend, not even a little girl relationship, i think im ready for one now but i dont have the confidence to tell anyone that i have the hots for them, i myself dont ...
A. 13 November 2011: If a guy says you are too good for them, it means one of two things:
1) The guy sees you as innocent, like a little sister, and doesn't want to "corrupt" you;
2) The guy is trying to politely let you down and say he's not interested.
I... (read in full...)
His ultimatum: Get rid of my online friends and date site profiles,or he is going to leave!
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months has given me an ultimatum. Either I get rid of my on line friends and Date Site profiles,or he is going to leave. I have been on them for 3 years and enjoy it. I feel a bit like he is telling me what to do. Which shall I go ...
A. 13 November 2011: Online friends are one thing, but if you're in a relationship, it's customary to deactivate your dating site accounts. He probably does trust you, perhaps a lot, but there is literally no reason to have a dating site profile except to find other ... (read in full...)
She doesn't think I love her as much as I do, how do I prove it?
Q. Hey, um okay. I reaaaalllllyy love this girl. My girlfriend. We've been together for almost 7 months. Everything is going great except, she doesn't think I love her as much as I do. So what can I do to make her see, theres no one else for me? I love ...
A. 13 November 2011: "So what can I do to make her see, theres no one else for me?"
Nothing at all. It's counterintuitive, but believe me, nothing is a bigger turn-off to women then seeing a man desperately trying to "prove his love." Simply be in love, keep doi... (read in full...)
Does it sound like this guy might like me, or am I imagining it?
Q. Hello agony aunts and uncles. I have a problem: I'm really, really dense when it comes to knowing if a guy likes me! I've been trying to figure out what kind of signals this one guy is sending and I just have no idea... Can you help me? I met thi...
A. 4 November 2011: Who cares if you're getting that vibe? If you like him, go for it. Ask him out, or at least make it blatantly obvious with your body language that you would be open to getting asked out (play with your hair while smiling and making eye contact ... (read in full...)
Men are selfish!
Q. Ok, the title says it all and I am sick to death, borderline disgusted by the selfish nature of men. Let's not deny it. It is 100% true. I have no problem attracting men. But here's the thing, The second an attractive woman ignores the man who is c...
A. 4 November 2011: Every man has the capacity for good and evil. We're also very tribal and team-oriented. IF a man thinks you're on his "team," that you're loyal to him and that you make his life better by being around, he'll treat you the way a good man should. ... (read in full...)
What do guys look for in a girlfriend?
Q. What do guys look for in a girlfriend? Young guys that is, in their late teens, early twenties....
A. 4 November 2011: I'm going to replace the word "girlfriend" in your question with "keeper," as in a girl worth keeping.
And that's pretty simple. Three things:
1) Look your best. Stay thin, grow your hair long, pay attention to your clothes and makeup. You... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 4 November 2011: "... the idea I'm abusing him is incredibly funny to me."
Abuse is not funny, nor is it dependent on relative size differences, particularly in cases of emotional abuse. CDC stats show that women are just as frequently abusers as men, and emot... (read in full...)
Do I get a boob job and give up sensitivity?
Q. I can't decide whether or not to have a boob job! I have really small boobs and so does everyone else in my family and there's no hope of them growing anymore (I'm a 32A/AA). For ages now I've been thinking about getting a boob job but I still don't ...
A. 2 November 2011: Plenty of guys like small boobs, and *every* guy would think boogasms are awesome. I'm not just saying that - I prefer about a B-cup, but one of the most passionate lovers I've ever had the pleasure to know had a really flat chest, probably about ... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 2 November 2011: Hmmm. The OP seems to be reacting to a deliberately-provocative article.
"He used to stare at women too and I believe this was the influence of porn. He now lowers his eyes when we are out..."
Nope, that was the influence of biology and a la... (read in full...)
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