A
female
age
36-40,
*higirl
writes:Not long ago I read a question asked by a man, if sex for women was different with different men. He then went on to say that sex for a man is in general the same no matter the woman he is with.So, it doesn't matter if a woman is good in bed or not? Do guys all experience the same satisfaction, the same pleasure and feeling, no matter the woman they are with? Is it that simple? Because I'd not bother doing the extra's if it doesn't matter you know... So, guys, how is it? Is sex the same no matter what woman it's with? Here's that other question btw:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/question-for-the-ladies-do-you-find-that.html Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): I'm the guy who posted previously. Here is what I actually said:As a man, I'd have to say the old saying that "sex is like pizza -when it's good, it's good. And, when it's bad, it's still pretty good!" But, I find myself wondering if that's because it's relatively easy for a man to reach orgasm, so we're probably going to do that with almost every woman we're with. Granted, I want it more often if I'm extremely attracted to a woman, but the actual physical experience isn't that much different. I'm not saying it's exactly the same with all women, it's just that for me most of my orgasms are about the same, so there's not huge difference from one woman to the next in that respect.I specifically said "I'm not saying it's exactly the same with all women". I guess that if my orgasms were much different with some women than with others I wouldn't be "shallow, selfish, and focused on just his own release"? Is a man a "crap f**k" if there isn't a huge difference in orgasms from one woman to the next? If I said that my orgasms with some women were crap, whereas with other women they were mind-blowing, that would mean I was deep, unselfish, man of virtue? Really? Do us men need to have sex with a lot of women until we find one that gives us some sort of a hugely different orgasm, whether it be good or bad? Are we all "crap f**ks" if we don't have really bad orgasms with some women, and really great orgasms with other women?I have not had sex with a lot of women, so my experiences have been somewhat limited. My experiences have all been in the context of a relationship with someone I was attracted to and knew fairly well. I guess it's possible that if I'd had sex with 100s of women I might have found a few that were really good in bed, and some that were terrible in bed, and perhaps my orgasms would have felt much different. I didn't get married to my wife because there's a huge difference in my orgasms with her relative to other women I've been with. I married her because I love her, I admire her, I think she's a great person, I'm very attracted to her, I like spending time with her, and I like coming home to her every night. For me, I find that sex with my wife is good even if she doesn't jump through a lot of hoops, etc. Perhaps I'm just easy to please, but I don't need a lot of extras. The main focus for me is making sure my wife is satisfied. My orgasm is about the same whether or not we have a lot of foreplay, whether it's after a couple minutes or after 30 minutes, etc. But, overall I do normally like it better if it lasts longer. So, I don't rush it, I make sure she's enjoying it, and I hold off to make sure she's satisfied. I'm going to like it either way, so my focus is on her enjoyment.I also don't feel any temptation to cheat on my wife because I don't think I'm missing out on mind-blowing orgasms with someone else. Maybe I am, but I doubt it. To each their own.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): I would say most women are SIMILAR, but no two are identical in terms of sensation. FOr example, my ex was small, had prominent inner labia and was VERy soft when giving oral. THe sensations when doing either vaginal or oral sex with her was very soft and "enveloping". My current GF is tall, lean, has practically non-existent inner labia, gives very agressive blowjobs. THe resulting sex is less stimulating physically, but she makes up for it with the intensity, lustfulness and things she does.
Even internally, women are different. THe amount of wetness, roughness of the vaginal walls, placement of the cervix or angle of the vagina are always a tad different. THe physical angles of different womens pelvises, legs, etc also make some positions better with one women over another. Doggy style was phenomenal with my ex, but with my current GF, he vagina does not "jut" out there as much when on all 4's, so I dont go as deep and consequently, doggy is not as much fun.
I've been with women who were similar physically, and the sex was maybe, shall we say, "reminiscent" of a prior lover in terms of sensation, but due to looks, personality and just situation, it was definitely not the "same".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): ofcourse it is not the same. obviously he has never been in love before. because sex with the person you love is a whole lot diffrent than casual sex.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 I would say THAT man who said that is telling you that HE percieves no difference. Sex is the same for HIM, no matter who it is.
I suspect he is pretty shallow, selfish, and focused on just his own release if his experiences are the same results with a different gal.
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A
male
reader, Philips  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 First segregate the sex in two parts: The intercouse and The orgasm. They are not the same for most guys.
When I ejaculate i get an orgasm, and i've never experienced a poor quality or high quality orgasm. It's always the same. The logic is: Nothing matters once you get an erection.
If a girl can arouse a guy, the guy will definitely thinks she is sexually attractive. From here, whether the girl is good or bad in bed doesn't change the orgasm we get when ejaculate.
However the intercouse which leads to ejaculation is what makes sex great or bad. In a normal relationship it is the intensity and authenticity of the intercouse which is relevant, not the orgasm, because that can definitely be acheived by ejaculating.
In a normal relationship men will place more value on the intercouse, even if they themselves don't want to make the effort. They want a participative sex partner who, like you say 'does the extra'. If the girl just lay on bed and does nothing then it will be a pretty dull and boring sex but i will ejaculate and i will have an orgasm but it will still be poor sex.
When you have sex with a man you can satisfy two of his basic needs; physical (orgasm), emotional (intercourse).
You can satisfy only one of them or both at a time.
I think its getting too long so i'll leave it here and if you need explanation just ask. This answer has been given in "a normal relationship" point of view, not in a "booty call" point of view. Coz they r not the same.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Well, you can have good sex and bad sex with the same person. There's rutting, lovemaking, hatef***ing, marathon sex, quickies, tantric sex, his-or-hers nights, or any of a thousand other ways to screw - and combinations thereof.
If sex can vary so much with the same person, I don't see why it shouldn't vary from person to person. And that's just technique, before we even bring emotions, enthusiasm, or physical attractiveness into it. I'm not speaking from a huge sample, but there are definite differences between the girls I've been with. Just as one example, every girl has a different way she likes to be touched, and it takes time and attention to really figure out what works best for her. The time and attention to learning one girl's body make each one a unique experience.
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A
male
reader, Roshii +, writes (26 July 2011):
 No it's defiantly not, suggesting its the same is to suggest your not really into said person.
I can safely say with a 100% certainty that sex isn't exactly the same with each person as it was with those before them.
:D
Roshii
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (26 July 2011):
chigirl is verified as being by the original poster of the question *missed out on the entire point. Here I've been thinking it depends on the woman as well when this might not be true. That's all. I'd hate to think sex with a woman who loves you and is enthusiastic in bed with you is the same as sex with a mattress.
I'm glad to hear that might not be the case! That sex with me, for example, wont be the same as sex with any other random girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): No way is it the same for men with every woman. I think the guy that said this must have been a really crap f**k!!
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A
male
reader, Roshii +, writes (26 July 2011):
To answer your follow up, Great sex is achieved by a true connection with a person, the guy in the question is basically talking about what stimulants are needed for each sex, women generally need more, and men are relatively simple. Its all pretty biology orientated and boring.
But what do you feel like you've missed out on?
Roshii
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (26 July 2011):
chigirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I always thought it was the same with men as with women, that is depends upon their partner and the connections etc, but this man in the question I linked to has me wondering if I've completely missed out.
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A
male
reader, Roshii +, writes (26 July 2011):
I think its a little more complicated than that, Men sexually need less stimulation to reach orgasm, which means if a man was to just have sex he would reach climax regardless of who it was. Satisfaction or level of climax you reach is down to extra stimulants, for example How attracted his is to said woman would play a major factor in how he felt during sex. Also if you keep the simplicity of sex in mind, if a man was to have sex with two women one who moved and one who didn't. The women who moved would stimulate him more than he was doing himself. therefore it would feel better than if he were to do it himself. The other stuff you talk about , or foreplay you do together isn't only a build up to sex but is indeed a sexual act in its self. If you cant be doing with doing that chances are your not with the right person yet. (or which is more likely Your not really into foreplay) one could argue that pleasure is pleasure, but i disagree, because there are out side factors that effect how the brain translates the stimulant. If you take yourself as an example of a average women, for you to become aroused you need more than just physical stimulant, You need mental stimulant, which comes from attraction or said act. Emotional stimulant which comes from how you feel about the person as well as the extra physical things the man can do whilst having sex. All this boosts your sexual encounter and helps you to reach climax. So where as a man only needs physical stimulant of his genitals to reach orgasm, if you apply the above method or types of stimulant it would increase his enjoyment. There is also the element of the female genitals too, how tight or lose she is, how wet she gets etc. all this plays a factor and since all women are different this plays a big part. I hope that helped , feel free to inbox me if you have any other questions Roshii
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Since sex has a lot to do with the mental, then overall I can't imagine that's possible. Given that guys also say things like, "she's best in bed." "she's bad in bed." etc... or describe the best sex of their lives then unless someone is just absent-mindedly pounding away with someone he couldn't care less about, I can't imagine the whole thing could possibly feel the same. But I'm not a guy, so everything I know is second hand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): as a woman am I allowed to answer this question?!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Offcourse it does. Sex feels totally different at emotional and physical level with each women.
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