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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Does grammar matter when people communicate today? Or is it a lost cause? What's your pet grammar issue?
Q. First off I will admit it: sometimes I mis-spell words. And another thing, sometimes when I'm in a hurry I abbreviate some words. And when I was at University I used to have the best set of abbreviations in Contract Law. If I needed to refer to ...
A. 22 May 2011: Here's another issue I have with communication - when you use words like "tend," "usually," or "often," but the other person hears "always." Or when people generally ignore adjectives and adverbs because they're too busy getting hung up on the ... (read in full...)
Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 22 May 2011: Maybe Cerberus is right about some guys enjoying expressing power over women through porn. Or even most guys. I don't know, that's not why I do it.
I'm more with Janniepeg on this one, dominance (up to and including cumming on the face) or inequ... (read in full...)
Friends and drinking?
Q. This may seem like an odd problem but...no matter how much I drink I just cannot get drunk! I started university last year and before that thanks to the friends I had and a fairly strict upbringing I'd never really drank alcohol in large amounts. My ...
A. 19 May 2011: First off, find a drink you can enjoy for the taste. Then just sip it slowly, be a social drinker. You may get lucky and find something that affects you more (for instance, whiskey and vodka have the same alcohol content, but whiskey gets you more ... (read in full...)
Hate myself for feeling jealous at my gf's success
Q. This is gonna sound like I am a jerk but I am gonna be honest because I need help, if you can help. I am dating this girl, she's real pretty and an aspiring actress. I am a regular guy with an office job. I encourage her but truthfully I am ...
A. 18 May 2011: It's not job status chicks dig and stay loyal to, it's confidence and composure. Job status is just one measure of those things.
If you get bothered and nervous about her success, she'll lose her attraction to you for being insecure. As an actre... (read in full...)
My husband dictates how I'm to dress
Q. my husband and have ben married year. for as long as ive known him hes been concerned with the way i dress. he dictates how i dress. im not allowed to wear short dresses or hot pants or low cleavage showing tops. he expects me to dress like...
A. 18 May 2011: It's certainly possible he's just controlling or insecure, but before you decide that's the case, examine your own motivations and behaviors to see how they are affecting him.
Is he concerned that you're more interested in showing it off for him,... (read in full...)
We had sex on our first date and now he's ignoring me
Q. Hi, well a few months ago I met this guy on a bus and we got talking and it was an instant attraction. I totally fell for him we didn't exchange numbers we added each other on Facebook and I found out he had a girlfriend. I just forgot all about him ...
A. 18 May 2011: If you are willing to sleep with a guy on the first date, he won't respect you. If you're willing to be with a guy who will dump his girlfriend just to be with you, he won't respect you. If he doesn't respect you, he won't bother to make the sex ... (read in full...)
Guys hit on me and I rejected them, so why do I feel bad?
Q. Okay, so I submitted this once and got no replys so i am trying it again. So please please help me! this weekend I went to a friends house and got on facebook and two different guys kept calling me hot and sexy, and I told them I had a boyfriend....
A. 18 May 2011: Was this you?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-guys-hit-on-me-i-feel-badly.html
Give it a day or two, there are only so many users.
Anyway, you're probably the kind of person that wants other people to be happy. I'll bet you hav... (read in full...)
What type of girl appeals more to men?
Q. This a question I have wondered for a while, and men would probably find answering this one easier, but what type of girl do guys usually go for? I know it's personality that counts and I would never change how I looked to please someone else, bu...
A. 18 May 2011: Depends on what a guy wants. If he just wants a fling, the sluttier she looks/is, the better. Too much makeup, hair extensions, and revealing clothes would tend to indicate an easier lay. If he's looking to actually date the girl, natural-looking ... (read in full...)
About these teacher/student sex scandals...do you think that there is a double standard for the punishments?
Q. About these teacher/student sex scandals - do you think that there is a double standard for the punishments? do you think male teachers have it worse than female teachers? do male students get lucky? do female students get abused?...
A. 17 May 2011: Certainly there's a double standard. Female sentencing discount at work - get probation where the men get hard time. Plus, there's the court of public opinion. Even when people agree there's something sick about women who sleep with underage male ... (read in full...)
Why is it the second you ignore a guy, he comes running?
Q. First off, I apologize in advance to any decent guys out there; know that I'm not trying to stereotype you, I'm just really frustrated. I have had this on again/off again thing with a guy for over a year now. He'll do the most amazing things s...
A. 17 May 2011: Here's why, in one line: "Anytime I WANT him to come and talk to me, he never does!" Because you keeping WANTING him to come and talk to you. His behavior is being rewarded by the fact that you keep coming back to him no matter how bad he is. ... (read in full...)
When a girl stops giving oral does it mean they are no longer into you?
Q. Hi Just looking for some advice really Ive been with my partner for nearly three years now, things are great except for one aspect. We still have sex regularly, but the oral sex (from her) has gone from frequently to hardly ever- even as...
A. 17 May 2011: Talk to her about it. Don't be confrontational, but be firm. If you're still having sex often enough, she's still into you, so you've got that to work with. But the bait-and-switch about blowjobs (or anything else) is unacceptable. It'd be like ... (read in full...)
Question for the men on penis sensitivity....
Q. confused. question for the men. do you like the girl to exploit this sensitvity on the head of the penis or not? ...
A. 17 May 2011: I like it, sure, but you're better off finding out from whichever guy you're with right now, see what he likes. Asking him outright is an option, or you could just try stimulating it and see how he reacts. And of course, even good spots can b... (read in full...)
Why will he flirt with me online, but then act awkwardly towards me in school?
Q. I have been friends with a guy (i'll call him A) for a few years, but in the past 2 years we have gotten to know each other a lot better than we used to, we're much better friends now. A talks to me on things such as MSN and facebook, and we'll ta...
A. 17 May 2011: For a lot of guys, it's easier to flirt with a girl you don't care about in person, and easier to flirt with one you do care about online. And teasing is almost always a good thing. At the very least, it means he thinks you're fun. I'd say go... (read in full...)
Does playing 'hard to get' and being slightly unavailable keep a guy?
Q. Hello everyone. I have a question - does playing hard to get work and how do you do it? I am always the very willing one, always available, always wanting to spend time with my guy, quite needy and I always end up losing the guy I'm with! I think I ...
A. 17 May 2011: Don't read The Rules, they'll backfire horribly. As for your question, hard to get works pretty well before age 30. After that, not so much. It's a matter of using body language and voice tone that say "yes" with words that say "not yet." It's... (read in full...)
Do sociopaths attach strongly to their victims--even if they don't feel empathy?
Q. I was with a girl for a long time who I believe was a sociopath. I dont wanna go into the details, but she had all the characteristics: she lied constantly, said very sweet things to me--as well as a bunch of other guys, was promiscuous and viewed ...
A. 16 May 2011: @ Spinnaker - Thanks for clearing that up.... (read in full...)
Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 16 May 2011: @ Anon (same one as before) - If I'm not being clear, I apologize. If the last class you were in was 30 years ago, there's certainly at least a generational gap. Maybe a cultural one, if you aren't American. I'll explain.
1) The "social ... (read in full...)
Is my wife of 21 years cheating?
Q. Well here goes. I suspect I already know the answer to this question but here goes anyways. I suspect my wife of 21 years is cheating on me. Over the last 2 years my wife has really changed. She is from the Philippines and the last time she went ...
A. 16 May 2011: Well, getting mad over snooping is normal whether she's cheating or not. But every sign I see here indicates she's cheating. As in, I'd put good money on it.
Now, what you have to decide is how to react. Either leave, or give her one last cha... (read in full...)
One spot that seems too sensitive?
Q. Hello! So my guy and I will have our foreplay, but there is one spot on my clit that seems to be just too much for me. Such as it is so sensitive it hurts. Why is this?...
A. 16 May 2011: It's normal, some girls have that. Depending on where exactly it is, he can either avoid that spot, or try to stimulate the area around and near it rather than directly contacting it.
Your tolerance for the sensation may change from moment t... (read in full...)
I'm afraid it won't last because he "gets bored with girls easily!"
Q. i'm literally at a loss for what to do. i've been talking to my brothers best friend, who is his college roomate. Im younger than both of them by a year. We had a thing that lasted about 3-4 weeks, although nothing official. things were great, like ...
A. 15 May 2011: Stay away from him and guys like him. They are very skilled at creating attachment in order to get fast sex, then moving on to the next pretty young thing. When you leave a girl who is still in the midst of the initial infatuation, its easier to ... (read in full...)
Do sociopaths attach strongly to their victims--even if they don't feel empathy?
Q. I was with a girl for a long time who I believe was a sociopath. I dont wanna go into the details, but she had all the characteristics: she lied constantly, said very sweet things to me--as well as a bunch of other guys, was promiscuous and viewed ...
A. 15 May 2011: Dude, chicks like that are toxic. They are the kind of girls who will punish you for being nice to them, then desperately act nice and sexy when you try to leave. When you actually stand up to them, and make it clear you are not tolerating any ... (read in full...)
Why is my friend always embarassing me?
Q. Your Open Question: Why does my friend do this? am really upset:(? ? ? Am really upset, last week I went to a prayer meeting with the youth at my church and after the service my cousin's boyfriend gave me a lift home and in the car there were 3gu...
A. 15 May 2011: Either she did it to hurt you and make herself feel better, or she did it because she thought shame and embarassment would be more effective at changing your behavior than quietly pulling you aside. The fact that she wasn't there to pick you up ... (read in full...)
Could you tell me what I'm feeling?
Q. To be honest, I just really don't know how I feel inside and was wondering if people could give me an idea of what I feel. I am emotionally restarted right now, like I know what makes me laugh and I can feel okay, but anything more its just a ...
A. 15 May 2011: What you're feeling is normal for a breakup. Everyone deals with it a little differently, and it takes a different amount of time.
With that said, what you need to do is move on. Let her go. No contact at all. You are trickign yourself... (read in full...)
Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 15 May 2011: Hmmph. I step away for one week on vacation, and Godwin's Law of relationships (mentioning rape) seems to have already taken effect: the last side of an argument to mention rape wins. Oh well, still a fun debate.
@ Eyewideopen - Margins are from... (read in full...)
Do you have to be a "bad boy" for girls to like you?
Q. This question is for women ,I never had a girlfriend and I'm still looking. But I heard girls like the "bad boys". I'm a sweet heart guy and I do have confidence, faith, and not a pushover. I am responsible and I would protect my girlfriend from ...
A. 15 May 2011: It's more the capacity to be a bad boy than the actual act of being one. A girl has to konw that you have the strength to stand up for her when needed, and the self-respect to leave her if she does not respect you (after all, no one likes a ... (read in full...)
Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 10 May 2011: @ Anon
I think what JMTMJ meant was that women do want their men to act like the studs in romance movies, or the long-suffering men who wait forever while women play around in Sex and the City. That sort of thing. I'm having a hard time seeing h... (read in full...)
How do I give a blowjob that makes my boyfriend feel good?
Q. Ok i need help. My boyfriend likes getting blowjobs but i dont think im doing it right.i dont have guy parts so i dont know what feels good. How do i give a blowjob that makes my boyfriend feel good?...
A. 9 May 2011: Use your lips to provide friction. Use your tongue, and don't use your teeth. Vary your speed according to what he responds to, and to what you're able to perform comfortably, but once you find a rythym he likes, stick with it for a while. ... (read in full...)
What is "Masculine"? - A body language question
Q. Hello all, Allright guys. Amidst all the serious questions on relationships, dating, marriage, break-ups etc, I thought of giving you guys a breather. This is a sort of trivial question, but am sure it can make for a casual chat topic. I am a...
A. 9 May 2011: 1. Sitting with one ankle on the knee, leaving your lower leg parallel to the ground, is only a slight improvement on the knees crossed posture. If you're looking for a more masculine sitting position, use anything that takes up more space - legs ... (read in full...)
Guys, do you like tall girls?
Q. Question for the guys, Do guys prefer a woman to be tall? Not taller than them, but not too short? Why do some guys dislike dating short women? Is is to do with the sex? lol ...
A. 9 May 2011: I prefer short girls, myself. Not to the point where it's a criterion, just a preference. But if a tall girl has proportionately long legs, the ones that go up a mile, that's always nice to see.
Guys in general may have different preferen... (read in full...)
What are the signs a guy ISN'T looking just to toot it and boot it?
Q. So firstly, thanks in advance for trying to help! How do you know if a guy genuinely cares about you, or if he's just acting all sweet and innocent to get what he wants out of you? There's this guy whose known for being a flirt-- not exactly ...
A. 9 May 2011: " - we don't talk that often..." Inconclusive. Decent men and players both do this. "- he NEVER curses around me..." Inconclusive. He may just think you don't like cursing. "- when I found out he had a girlfriend..." Player-sign. I... (read in full...)
Did I say the right things to my ex?
Q. I am currently 18 and i am in love with my ex girlfriend who is 17!!! I broke up with her about six months ago because she was so busy with school work and alot of peer pressure at school . Since then we have talked on and off and she recently went ...
A. 9 May 2011: "I told her that i would always be there for her when she needed someone and i told her that i would never give up pursuing her no matter how long it took or even all the obstacles i might have to go through to win her back." Now, this is a very k... (read in full...)
Gettin any kind of attention from males makes me very uncomfortable
Q. Right, so some backstory, through most of my years in middle and high school I was mocked daily for being ugly. I never felt comfortable in my own skin and hated myself. It took a very long time to learn to draw confidence from within, and although ...
A. 9 May 2011: Assuming you're just average looking, you're probably just really approachable. Some girls just have a vibe, a way of dressing or carrying themselves, that makes it seem like they'd be easy to talk to or flirt with.
Unless you live in the deep... (read in full...)
How can I avoid turning into my parents?
Q. I'm 24 and I'm afraid of this happening one day. I don't like my father, he's always in a foul mood, he's very negative. So I don't like being near him much. He tries and rules the house through fear. He sears and yells alot. Not a good way to ...
A. 9 May 2011: One of the hardest things about growing up in a bad environment is that the lessons we get raised with stick with us forever. If you get yelled at a lot as a kid, your first instinct as an adult is often to yell when you're frustrated.
Even ... (read in full...)
What does it mean to say someone is "damaged"?
Q. So Aunts, I have a question. I have been hearing this statement a lot in the past few years. "You don't want to date her; she's damaged," or "Because of all his experiences, he's unfortunately damaged." What does it mean to be "damaged"? A...
A. 9 May 2011: "Damaged" means they have suffered some trauma in the past, or just have such a messed up personality, that they are unable to form healthy relationships - or at least that forming such relationships is far more trouble than most people would put up ... (read in full...)
How do I gently dissuade this guy from forming any stronger feelings for me?
Q. I need some help please. There is a guy that I am quite friendly with, (to be perfectly honest it is more of a pity based friendship on my part - I feel sorry for him) and he has dropped several hints that he LIKES me and has even mentione...
A. 8 May 2011: Be honest with him, and do it quickly. Don't hesitate, don't water it down, just tell him you're not attracted to him. Think of it like removing a band-aid. He'll hurt at the moment, maybe even get mad and walk away, but in the long run it will ... (read in full...)
Why is it bad to lose your virginity to a Prostitute?
Q. I'm a 28 year old male virgin, who has never had a girlfriend. I have asked dozens of women out in my life though I was always rejected. There were plenty of women that I liked but did not approach them because I knew they had boyfriends already. I ...
A. 6 May 2011: Before I say this, let me point out that I'm morally opposed to prostitution. Little bit of devil's advocate is in order, though.
First, the anon below is correct, most women simply cannot empathize with a man who can't get laid. A man can be a... (read in full...)
Waiting For Sex : Am I Making A Mistake?
Q. I'm just 22 yr old virgin whose never dated, and would prefer waiting to have sex until around the 6th or 7th month in a (long term) relationship. But it seems most men can only wait for 3 weeks. I actually wanted to wait until marriage, but as I ...
A. 6 May 2011: You're not making a mistake, you're paying the natural consequences of your choices. Same principle as the girls who put out early and get used. Every choice has consequences, good and bad.
Personally, I'd wait a few months, and have. It partl... (read in full...)
Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 6 May 2011: Had a thought just now. This example is probably too specific to apply as a general rule, but I hope it might push the discussion more towards some kind of consensus.
Given that mutual sexual satisfaction is a vital part of any relation... (read in full...)
Does showing possessiveness and jealousy flatter or anger your partner?
Q. Hello guys, if you show your boyfriend your jealousy that you do not want him to go to his bar even though he wants to go, does that make you controlling? or does that make him want to do more things that makes you upset? do you think, when i...
A. 6 May 2011: Two points to make here.
1) This isn't one of those things where a trait is always good or always bad. You want to show just the right amount of jealousy. Not too much, not too little. The "right" amount of jealousy depends on the guy in quest... (read in full...)
Does grammar matter when people communicate today? Or is it a lost cause? What's your pet grammar issue?
Q. First off I will admit it: sometimes I mis-spell words. And another thing, sometimes when I'm in a hurry I abbreviate some words. And when I was at University I used to have the best set of abbreviations in Contract Law. If I needed to refer to ...
A. 5 May 2011: Punctuation is easy enough; given a few tries, most people can figure out what the marks all mean. There is one exception: the semicolon. Almost never gets used, but I think that's because it's harder to link to type of verbal pause. Messes ... (read in full...)
Why do guys give mixed signals?
Q. Hi all. Can you tell me why men give women mixed signals? For example, they show you a lot of attention and clearly like you one minute and then the next they ignore you? Just when you were so sure you had them hooked, they suddenly act lik...
A. 4 May 2011: Not all guys do that. And women do it to.
Some guys do it because they are trying to make a good impression. If they feel that they overplayed things one day, they may try to under-play it the next to make up for it. In these cases, it's not... (read in full...)
Is one of your exes better than your current partner?
Q. Ok guys please be truthful. I want brutal honesty! Are your exes better than your current gf? I realise that your exes are exes for a reason but all that aside, in terms of being a person, being attractive, being more fun/sexier/funni...
A. 4 May 2011: In my case? Some women I've dated have been objectively hotter, or nicer, or smarter, or better in bed, or whatever. Admittedly not a giant sample, but I suppose one could rate one or two of them as being significantly better than the rest in most ... (read in full...)
Is Pornography cheating?
Q. The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
A. 4 May 2011: Just would like to point out that, to the brain and body, the response to masturbation (with or without porn) and to sex is *not* the same. In men, sperm count is significantly higher during actual intercourse than it is during masturbation. Maybe ... (read in full...)
We talk on phone but never on facebook. Why?
Q. Hi everyone, i appreciate u guys alot. Just have a quick question i need answers to. My boyfriend and i are very much in love with each other, we are both on facebook, but he never posts on my wall or say anything to me on facebook, he talks to ...
A. 3 May 2011: He probably just doesn't want his girlfriend-talk aired out publicly. Either its sexual in nature, or its lovey-dovey, or its otherwise the kind of talk he wants kept private. If he doesn't use the chat function, it's because he wants to say those ... (read in full...)
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