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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 14 November 2011: @ Miamine
I was about to go off on a rant about how feminists don't criticize their more extreme elements... but then fridge logic kicked in and I realized that's exactly what *you* are doing, so I'll just shut up and concede that, yeah, I probab... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 13 November 2011: Man, go out of town for one week and this thread lights up. Nice.
@ HappyPlace
I was not trying to accuse you of being abusive - though, looking back at what I wrote, it was not particularly clear, so my apologies for that and any offense I ma... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 4 November 2011: "... the idea I'm abusing him is incredibly funny to me."
Abuse is not funny, nor is it dependent on relative size differences, particularly in cases of emotional abuse. CDC stats show that women are just as frequently abusers as men, and emot... (read in full...)
Do I get a boob job and give up sensitivity?
Q. I can't decide whether or not to have a boob job! I have really small boobs and so does everyone else in my family and there's no hope of them growing anymore (I'm a 32A/AA). For ages now I've been thinking about getting a boob job but I still don't ...
A. 2 November 2011: Plenty of guys like small boobs, and *every* guy would think boogasms are awesome. I'm not just saying that - I prefer about a B-cup, but one of the most passionate lovers I've ever had the pleasure to know had a really flat chest, probably about ... (read in full...)
How do I keep a guy interested without going overboard?
Q. So, I've met a few lovely guys in the past few years, who I would have loved to have a relationship with, but I keep blowing it. I fall for them quite quickly, text them more often than I should and think I come on a little too strong (without being ...
A. 2 November 2011: Try not texting at all. Instead, actually call them to set up dates, say two or three things, then hang up. Keep conversation limited to dates or to setting them up, unless he initiates it - in which case, feel free to be expressive, just don't ... (read in full...)
Do most men want a younger woman and can't get turned on by their older wife?
Q. I'm really puzzled now. I want to know the truth about sexless marriages, when it is over 20 years long marriage. Now we reached 1 year with no sex, due to my husband lack of sexual desire, what started with an ED. But it stayed undiagnosed ...
A. 2 November 2011: The answer is a bit complicated. Bear with me. I'll explain the factors at work, but exactly which of them is working the strongest with him is not possible for me to say. Use your best judgment.
I'll start with the bad news: yeah, men want you... (read in full...)
Dangers of Porn
Q. I was listening to the recent case of Vincent Tabak who killed his neighbour after he had watched violent porn, particularly of men placing their hands around woman's throats and tying them up in the boot of a car!!! So what did he do, he strangled ...
A. 2 November 2011: Hmmm. The OP seems to be reacting to a deliberately-provocative article.
"He used to stare at women too and I believe this was the influence of porn. He now lowers his eyes when we are out..."
Nope, that was the influence of biology and a la... (read in full...)
Why would a woman refuse to do a DNA test to prove to him that he is the father, if she was certain that he was the father?
Q. I had a friend ask me for advice and I was just wondering if I can some other people's ideas before giving him any advice. My friend had a one night stand with a girl (I know for certain it was not a relationship, just a once off) anyway a few ...
A. 30 October 2011: Two possible reasons:
1) She's basically honest, but insecure, and considers asking for the test to be the same as caller her a liar. She needs to man up and accept that men deserve the same certainty about their children that women have had thro... (read in full...)
Why are guys so quiet after sex?
Q. why are guys so quiet after sex? after sex all my boyfriend wants to do is sleep and hardly talks. seems like hes in a bad mood. usually im not the type to always be that sleepy after sex. i dont mind laying there and cuddling but i cant just lay ...
A. 30 October 2011: After orgasm, a man's body releases a lot of hormones that make us really drowsy (Google "refractory period"). Combine with the physical exertion and it basically knocks us out. It's biological; he could ignore it and force himself to talk and ... (read in full...)
I enjoy going out. But guys, in error, think I'm ready for one night stands. Nooo.! But am I missing out ?
Q. i enjoy going out and having a good time with friends, but often guys assume this means that i'm down for one night stands. i've only slept with one guy in my life and he was my ex boyfriend, but now i feel like guys are not even interested in you ...
A. 30 October 2011: "i can't help feeling like maybe i'm missing out on something"
You're not. Promiscuity isn't for everyone. It's not even good for most people, just a small minority. Don't try it.
"i feel like guys are not even interested in you unless you p... (read in full...)
I'm ready to date him, but he's clearly not interested.
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I need some advice on how to move on. I know this is a question that has been asked over and over again, but I really need help breaking out of my fantasy. I am still in love with someone who once loved me. He wanted a rela...
A. 30 October 2011: @ CindyCares
"If he takes rejection so badly and so personally, he has a big ego and a closed mind."
If that was true, it would have to be true of the OP as well (she has taken it rather personally). I don't believe that of either of them. ... (read in full...)
Is it true that A Man can't win? Why does it seem that women are ALWAYS right? Feels like that to a guy !
Q. We've all heard the saying that a man can't ever win. But no-one ever explains why! So, quite simply, here it is. Women make the rules. And even if the man makes the rules, Women enforce them. For example, Have you ever had a situation that spa...
A. 28 October 2011: I felt the same way at your age, but I don't think I have enough objectivity to say whether I was right, or just deluded. It gets better, though.
Take control of your own life. So long as you are honest but discreet, polite but firm, and conf... (read in full...)
Did I do something wrong by refusing to pay for my wife's new dress?
Q. Hi, I really got to get this out as I don't know what I am doing wrong, maybe there are some factos which I am not taking into account. My wife and I are both young working professionals, my salary is higher than hers by around 30%. We bough...
A. 28 October 2011: You cannot convince this woman with logic. Don't even try, she'll just classify it as "mansplaining" in her head and dismiss it. More importantly, caving in and buying her the dress (or anything else) would not have made the problem better, and ... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong? Why do guys only want to sleep with me and not have a relationship?
Q. hey, i am 21 and know people say im still young should be enjoying myself not worried about realtionships but (and please dont judge me) iv slept with 53 boys and only 3 if had a realtionship with. it isnt that i dont what a reationship beca...
A. 26 October 2011: The answer is that no guy wants to put more effort into sleeping with a girl than the last guy did. Think of it from his perspective: if the last guy had to invest only a few texts and a few beers before sleeping with you, the next guy is not going ... (read in full...)
My ex left me because I'm a wuss.
Q. So lately I have been thinking about my ex and how she left me. Basically it was a LDR and we always tried to make time to see each other every day. She's pretty much moved on but I still miss her a ton, and think about her everyday. At one point I ...
A. 26 October 2011: I know that feel, bro.
Take up a physical activity. Rock climbing, weight lifting, boxing, something that will let you work out your tension in a physical way. Plus, when you're sore and tired, it's easier to deal with emotional stuff than whe... (read in full...)
I'm ready to date him, but he's clearly not interested.
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I need some advice on how to move on. I know this is a question that has been asked over and over again, but I really need help breaking out of my fantasy. I am still in love with someone who once loved me. He wanted a rela...
A. 26 October 2011: It's not going to happen, I'm sorry. You get that part; but accepting it emotionally is another thing entirely.
You're not giving any details about him or yourself, so I'm going to have to make some guesses. Apologies in advance if I'm wrong.
... (read in full...)
I always have to text first
Q. if he doesn't text me first what does that mean? i always am the one to start the conversation......
A. 26 October 2011: It depends on how long you've known him, what your relationship status is, and whether or not he normally texts anyone. Depending on those factors, what it means could run the gamut from "nothing at all" to "he isn't into playing games" to "he's ... (read in full...)
We've gone ring shopping -- but he still hasn't proposed! How long is too long to wait?
Q. My boyfriend and I will have been together three years as of this coming February. We have talked about getting married and have even gone to look at rings on multiple occasions. To my knowledge, he has not gone back by himself to look again or make ...
A. 26 October 2011: Given that he's about to get his degree, this is a particularly stressful time for him. It's alright to be concerned about whether he will propose or not (though long term, I think you will both be much happier without the ring or the piece of ... (read in full...)
How do you keep conversations going in relationships?
Q. Conversations, How do you keep conversations in relationships going, I always found it hard to i mean you are always texting, calling, being around your spouse i dont understand how you keep finding conversations or ways to keep things fun and not ...
A. 23 October 2011: Well, it helps to separate your ideas into their own sentences.
Joking aside, I understand where you're coming from. It's not so much that I run out of things to say as that what I like to talk about is often boring to women. I enjoy arguing ... (read in full...)
Guys do you do this? Girls do you endure this?
Q. My boyfriend says he loves me and isn't looking for anyone else. I commented today about how lame skankygirl pirate costumes are. He said he hopes they're around for a long time. I'm insecure by nature and the thought of him looking at other...
A. 23 October 2011: "I commented today about how lame skankygirl pirate costumes are. He said he hopes they're around for a long time."
You asked, and he answered honestly. Ask yourself if you want him to be honest, or to lie in order to give the "correct" answer. ... (read in full...)
It's the small things he doesn't do which make me feel unappreciated
Q. Hello. Just wondered If I am being unreasonable, as my partner said, sometimes it's good to get an outsiders perspective! Live with my partner of 4 years. I work near enough full time and study full time. He works full time. I do pretty much all ...
A. 23 October 2011: Did you try asking him to cook something instead of just assuming he would? I'll bet he would have been willing to, and only got defensive after you got angry. It was thoughtless of him, true, but we've all had thoughtless moments. It's e... (read in full...)
Do you think a longterm monogamous relationship is a realistic hope to have in modern society?
Q. Hey, Do you think a longterm monogamous relationship is a realistic hope to have in modern society? I'm asking because my bf of 1.5yrs has been making hints about marriage, and it made me wonder if anyone out there actually manages a happy marriage ...
A. 23 October 2011: Relationships, sure. Plenty of folks do. I don't think marriage helps, though. Frankly, can you think of even one situation where a couple would have failed (by which I mean either broken up, or stayed together miserably) but for marriage? On ... (read in full...)
The girl I'm dating says "Just enjoy the ride" she doesn't see us long term. Should I keep dating her?
Q. Hi I've been dating a girl for 5 months now, i often mention long term plans, but she always says she doesn't think we will be together long term, as she feels she will sabotage the relationship at some point without knowing it, she also says th...
A. 23 October 2011: Most girls who will sabotage things don't even bother to tell you first. You've gotten lucky. A relationship *cannot* work if both people don't believe in it working. Period. Break it off now before you get any more emotionally invested, and ... (read in full...)
What advice do you have for an ugly girl?
Q. What advice would you give to an unattractive girl? Not beauty advice but life and dating advice...
A. 21 October 2011: For the purposes of this answer, I'll take at face value your statement about ugliness, but you should probably get a second opinion from someone who knows you and who you trust to be objective.
First, maximize what you do have. Stay fit, dre... (read in full...)
How the HELL did this happen!?!?!??
Q. Hi, I'm 14, turning 15. Today, I realized I like (like as a bf) someone that i thought i hated for a long time! Me and him always argue about something but we have mutual friends so we end up together a lot. Recently me and him ended up actually ...
A. 19 October 2011: Haha, that's how things started off with me once or twice.
Two things at work here: first, chicks dig guys who are willing to be stubborn and kind of argumentative. Not petty, just up front about what they think without caring what anyone e... (read in full...)
23 and never been kissed or in a relationship
Q. Why am I single? I feel like everything I do gets effed up or something. And really badly too. The guys that are into me I'm not into. The guys who it was mutual with either didn't want to be in a serious relationship or there was a whol...
A. 19 October 2011: Alright, I think I see part of the problem here. You listed a lot of physical description, your education, and then declared yourself boring. Listen, looks are your best tool for getting a guy interested, and it sounds like you have those, but for ... (read in full...)
23 and never been kissed or in a relationship
Q. Why am I single? I feel like everything I do gets effed up or something. And really badly too. The guys that are into me I'm not into. The guys who it was mutual with either didn't want to be in a serious relationship or there was a whol...
A. 18 October 2011: Examine your standards, and compare them to what you have to offer - and remember to frame your own traits in terms of what guys value, not what you value. Feel free to post what you think is attractive about you, and I'll be happy to follow up ... (read in full...)
What makes men feel special?
Q. Alright men, I like this guy alot, and things are fine, but I want to do something... special. Something thats not sappy, and too romantic, but fun, and will impress him. So what sort of things do men apperciate, in that sence. The best way t...
A. 18 October 2011: "Were not "Dating" exactly... We have had sex already. a few times."
Hmmm. This could be a problem. Generally, sleeping with a guy before you're officially dating hurts your chances of getting a relationship (doesn't matter whether it's fair, it... (read in full...)
What makes men feel special?
Q. Alright men, I like this guy alot, and things are fine, but I want to do something... special. Something thats not sappy, and too romantic, but fun, and will impress him. So what sort of things do men apperciate, in that sence. The best way t...
A. 17 October 2011: This depends on what your relationship with him is. Give some more details (how long you've known him, if you've been dating him and if so for how long, any of his interests, that sort of thing) and we can give you something better.
But, in case ... (read in full...)
How can I keep other girls away from me ?
Q. yo, I've been having problems with girls eyeing me and asking me out. i keep telling them I'm with some one already. how can i keep them from asking me out when I'm already with someone?...
A. 17 October 2011: Become single. Seriously, when you're in a relationship every girl thinks you're awesome, and when you're single it's twice as hard to meet new girls. It's called preselection, I'm not joking.
Or, consider it one of those problems that's r... (read in full...)
I was innocent! A girl accused me of rape so her boyfriend wouldn't think she cheated! Its ruined my life!
Q. A girl I had a fling with cried rape on me and even though I was proved innocent it's ruined my life. It seems no one 100% believes me and still questions what happened. A couple of months ago I was out with a few mates in a club and got chatting to ...
A. 15 October 2011: The law may believe you're innocent until proven guilty, but many people still believe that where there's smoke, there's fire. This is one of the unfortunate consequences of that fact, and it is a grave injustice indeed. False rape accusers ruin ... (read in full...)
What exactly is making out
Q. Alright, I will make it directly so that you guys won't be feel bored about it. PEOPLE, tell me the correct term of "making out". Till now i thought making out is just a kissing. Yes, even though i am in high school I don't have much information ...
A. 15 October 2011: It's just lots and lots of kissing in one sitting. Maybe some groping, heavy breathing, whispered nothings, and other stuff like that on the side, but the focus is on lots of kissing all at once.
Don't worry about being a bad kisser in the begi... (read in full...)
To me my wife is perfect. How do I help my wife to accept that I love her? she's still blaming herself for something that was not her fault, before we met.
Q. I need advice on how to help my wife. We've been married a little over 3 years, have 1 daughter, and she is pregnant again with our 2nd. If our 2nd child is a boy we are going to stop, if it's a girl, we will have a 3rd trying for a boy. I ma...
A. 14 October 2011: This isn't one of those things you can convince someone of with words. It'd be nice if you could just sit her down and explain, "This chart indicates that my love, affection, and attraction towards you are within expected variance of the trend ... (read in full...)
Do men generally avoid a woman who has experienced sexual abuse in her past?
Q. Hello Everyone. I understand the moment anyone who mentions sexual abuse o/r abuse of any kind screams a red flag, but do men usually avoid women how have experienced abuse? Would you place a stigma on her as being emotionally unstable and avoi...
A. 14 October 2011: I can't tell from your question if this is purely hypothetical, if if you're asking for yourself, so I'll just assume the latter for now because it makes the pronouns easier. Apologies in advance if that's wrong.
I think this is going to vary wid... (read in full...)
She has my number but hasn't contacted me... Girls, how long before she might contact me?
Q. Im a 20 something guy and want to get female opinions on something. I know usually 'guy gets girl tel number and it goes from there' - but 3 days ago a situation happened - where I helped a girl in a tricky situation, and followed it up by writin d...
A. 12 October 2011: @ mishmash
I understand your logic, but it's not how guys work. Players don't hand out business cards, shy guys do. Players (and decent men with their acts together) always, always get the girls number, because men like that understand that it'... (read in full...)
What is like to love and be loved back?
Q. What does it feel like to love someone and loved back. (falling in love) I never been in a relationship before. Is it the best thing that can happen in life?...
A. 12 October 2011: It's not bad. Love is a wonderful thing. Not the only wonderful thing, not by a long shot, and not even for everyone, but it works.
That said, it's a bit different for everyone, and I strongly believe there's a big difference in how men and wome... (read in full...)
She has my number but hasn't contacted me... Girls, how long before she might contact me?
Q. Im a 20 something guy and want to get female opinions on something. I know usually 'guy gets girl tel number and it goes from there' - but 3 days ago a situation happened - where I helped a girl in a tricky situation, and followed it up by writin d...
A. 12 October 2011: I doubt she will. Chicks rarely make that effort, especially if you don't give them your number face to face. Best bet is just to go find another girl and write this one off.... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend be glad that I'm his first?
Q. Yesterday I told my boyfriend I was glad I'd waited to have my first kiss because it meant it was with him - I was 18 at the time - and he replied: "although I wouldn't have minded at all if your lips had known other men than me, I'm also glad I'm ...
A. 10 October 2011: He was trying to say that he's glad he's your first, but trying to do it without making it seem like that's the only thing he likes about you - basically trying to say he likes you for you, and not your lack of history. He might have minded a bit ... (read in full...)
How do I approach this guy?
Q. I'm shy and don't know how to approach this guy.. He is in one of my school clubs but i dont have any classes with him. I do know that he is shy as well. I dont want to randomly approach him and have him thinking i am strange. So how do i approach ...
A. 9 October 2011: Think of two things you can talk about at length. Doesn't matter what they are, just pick them. Then go say "Hi," comment on something about him or the situation around the two of you, and start talking. If, and only if, you run out of things to ... (read in full...)
Why do girls get so mad? Why don't girls forgive mistakes?
Q. why do girls hate you if you do one thing that makes them mad? i liked this girl a lot then i said something on facebook she didnt like and now we avoid each other and dont talk....
A. 9 October 2011: Never apologize. She is creating drama for drama's sake. Act like it didn't happen, and tease her if she brings it up. Next time you see her, walk up and start talking as if nothing happened.... (read in full...)
I feel like my faith in men is non existent right now! It seems that jerks always win!
Q. I was seeing someone for about a couple of months. But he dumped me by text, coz he "wanted to be single". I said I deserve better and that's your loss. Months later he apologized and said he made a mistake etc etc. He asked to meet me for coffee. ...
A. 9 October 2011: People who break the rules always win, because the rules of social interactions in large groups rarely have any real penalties for breaking them.
Now, the jerks may always win, but who they beat changes. You need to accept that you got into a c... (read in full...)
My "best friend" (girl) walks around me naked, teases me, and then when I try to do something, she refuses sex saying it would ruin our friendship!!
Q. So this girl I met this year is like amazingly gorgeous, and she has been my supposed "best friend" for a couple months now, even tho ive never been in a platonic relationship. The thing is were both really attracted to each other and she "swears" ...
A. 9 October 2011: Chicks can make great friends, but only if you can handle them. Until you are ready to see a hot chick parading around, strutting her stuff, and not care, you're better off restricting relations with females to either actual dating, or to girls who ... (read in full...)
He NEVER will talk to me in public! Am I just his booty call? PS: he also has a girlfriend
Q. So, there's this guy. I really really like him, and he seems to like me back. But he NEVER talks to me in public. Only when its just me and him. He has this girlfriend that he claims to love. But when he's with me he says he doesn't even care...
A. 8 October 2011: Have you considered that you are expecting loving, romantic behavior from a guy who is a cheater? He's going to do the bare minimum to be with you. If you ask for more, he'll put up with it for maybe a couple of weeks before moving on to someone ... (read in full...)
My wife was adventurous with men in her past but I have to beg her for sex
Q. Can someone explain why is it that my wife could have sex in every sort of way possible with different men and now that I am her husband I am stuck with just nothing. I literally have to beg her for sex...she never wants to experiment like she did ...
A. 7 October 2011: If Tisha's information is accurate, then it looks like the problem runs a bit deeper than I had originally thought. I would characterize it as two fundamentally reasonable propositions being pushed in unreasonable ways.
Let me elaborate. A women... (read in full...)
My wife was adventurous with men in her past but I have to beg her for sex
Q. Can someone explain why is it that my wife could have sex in every sort of way possible with different men and now that I am her husband I am stuck with just nothing. I literally have to beg her for sex...she never wants to experiment like she did ...
A. 6 October 2011: This is one of the risks of marrying a promiscuous woman - not only do you face the normal risk that her interest in sex will drop off, but you'll know (if not details, then at least generally) that she has it in her to be wild and fun. It's not ... (read in full...)
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