A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ive just finished my last year in school and i start college in september. I never really had many boyfriends throughout my highschool years as i never really thought it was something i need. However, im now 16 and would like to have a boyfriend sometime, the thing is im not that confident in myself. How do i get recognized by boys? Im not the type to flirt, but i really want to try as i want to experience having a boyfriend. Any advice on what boys like and dont like, how to flirt with a boy, how to gain confidence in myself?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 First off, keep focused on your goal of having a boyfriend. Don't get caught into the cycle of hooking up and getting only half of what you want. Time you spend with guys who aren't serious is time wasted. It's easy to fall into the pattern of feeling validated by sex, only to feel depressed when no relationship comes out of it.
Flirting is easy, have fun and make each other laugh. If one of you says something embarrassing, laugh it off and keep talking. For maximum effect, don't be afraid to touch the guy - touch his forearm when you lean in close, pat his chest when he makes you laugh, hug whenever you say hi, that sort of thing. Don't focus on doing it "right," just focus on enjoying yourself. Flirting is a lot like kissing; it seems like there would be a lot of technique involved, but as long as you just relax and don't try too hard, even a complete amateur can do a passable job.
For your appearance, dress to emphasize either your boobs, butt, or legs, one at a time. This will make you attractive but approachable. Stay in shape, grow your hair long, smile, and make eye contact just a little longer than is comfortable. When it comes to looks, you don't have to be the best in the room, you just have to be good enough. If you take care of your body and face, almost any girl can do that.
Don't be afraid to make the first move, or to ask the guy out. If you already have plans for the time he suggests, always offer an alternative time. Before going out with the guy, brainstorm two "safety" conversation topics. Even if you and he have the best chemistry in the world, sometimes conversations hit a lull. It happens, so be prepared. If you don't use your safety topics, save them for later. The main reason to have them is just so you feel confident; having a plan helps with that.
Make the guy wait for sex. This is not because we men like waiting, it's because we like and respect girls who make us wait. There's a difference. Being romantic and intimate with you should feel like being in an exclusive club, and taking things slow is a big part of making that happen. It also filters out most of the players. Once you've been with a guy long enough, though, and you've started sleeping with him, cut loose.
How you treat your boyfriend once you get one is going to depend on the guy. The specifics are just too individualized to give specific advice. So long as you respect him, and require that he respect you, you should be fine. When in doubt, don't be afraid to admit that you're not sure what the right thing for a girlfriend to do is in a given situation, and take his input.
Confidence is largely the ability to take risks and accept failure. You should be looking for the right man, not just any willing man, and that will probably mean saying "thanks, but no thanks" to a few sub-par guys. Be patient, not desperate.
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