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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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My wife was adventurous with men in her past but I have to beg her for sex
Q. Can someone explain why is it that my wife could have sex in every sort of way possible with different men and now that I am her husband I am stuck with just nothing. I literally have to beg her for sex...she never wants to experiment like she did ...
A. 7 October 2011: If Tisha's information is accurate, then it looks like the problem runs a bit deeper than I had originally thought. I would characterize it as two fundamentally reasonable propositions being pushed in unreasonable ways.
Let me elaborate. A women... (read in full...)
Always the friend, Never the girl. How can I change this??
Q. Since moving out on my own nearly 2 years ago I've become friends with a lot of guys. It starts off as just hanging out, and then when it seems like either I or they start to have more feelings they find another girl. In a recent friendship, I had ...
A. 7 October 2011: There's a lot of pressure on guys - not only are we expected to make the first move, but if we make it and it goes badly it can screw up a friendship. Personally, I have avoided this by always asking girls out before I got to know them.
Eithe... (read in full...)
Women: How important is sex to you?
Q. WOMEN ONLY QUESTION............how important to you is sex? 1. I could take it or leave it 2. I love it 3. I only have sex as my partner wants to or 4. I hate it...
A. 6 October 2011: Not a woman, so i won't speak for them, but I would appreciate it if any respondents would tell us whether they are married or not.... (read in full...)
My wife was adventurous with men in her past but I have to beg her for sex
Q. Can someone explain why is it that my wife could have sex in every sort of way possible with different men and now that I am her husband I am stuck with just nothing. I literally have to beg her for sex...she never wants to experiment like she did ...
A. 6 October 2011: This is one of the risks of marrying a promiscuous woman - not only do you face the normal risk that her interest in sex will drop off, but you'll know (if not details, then at least generally) that she has it in her to be wild and fun. It's not ... (read in full...)
DC aunts, do any of you like going out to bars and clubs by yourselves?
Q. Do any women here like going out to bars and clubs on their own ? I'm in my 20's and dont really have many friends so i'm wondering whether to go out on my own ? I think i would feel nervous and self conscious though.i think men are brave to go out ...
A. 6 October 2011: I've gone out alone, either while traveling or back in college a few times when I was the only one still in town during a break, and it works out fine if you're willing to be outgoing and social, and willing to get shot down a few times before you ... (read in full...)
Are big areolae a turnoff?
Q. Are big areolae(2 inches) a turnoff? Is an areolae reduction a turnoff to men or are men ok with a reduction?...
A. 5 October 2011: Big nipples are just fine, don't worry about them. The reduction scars, however, will not usually be fine. Stick with what you've got; usually by the time a guy sees your nipples he's not in a state of mind where he will consider them a ... (read in full...)
Kisses and being called sexy
Q. I have a quick question.if a guy gives you a kiss on the lips and calls you sexy,does he like you ?...
A. 5 October 2011: He definitely wants to have sex with you. Whether or not he likes you cannot be determined for sure from just that action.... (read in full...)
My wife is not interested in sex
Q. HI, I am 36 years old, married and have three kids, 9, 4 and 3. My wife is also 36 and we have been married for 10 years. We have a nice life - good kids, good jobs, good family support. Due to the kids, we have spent the better part of the last...
A. 4 October 2011: "She said she is willing to be married and not be very sexually active."
Funny how women never seem to think of that before getting married. But, you're in it now, so the best you can do is try to fix things up a bit.
Foreplay starts when you ... (read in full...)
Guys -- looks or personality?
Q. Hello all I have a question for the guys out there. Would you rather have a super hot woman with a pretty face and nice bod but dumb and needy. OR Would you rather have a sweetheart with a kind and generous heart but average looks and weight. ...
A. 4 October 2011: It's not really a fair test - you're pitting hot & dumb against average & sweet. Plus, even anonymously, most guys would feel compelled to answer "personality," whether that's true or not, or not to answer at all.
Given the choice you've stated, ... (read in full...)
Is a virgin more attractive dating material?
Q. Hey everybody 2 quick questions mainly for girls do you believe that a virgin is more attractive as dating material than a non virgin and is an intelligent person more attractive as dating material than a dumb person?...
A. 3 October 2011: Most chicks prefer a man who is more experienced than she is - how wide a margin she prefers varies from girl to girl.
As for intelligence, you have to ask what girls mean when they say they want intelligence. In my experience, they don't ca... (read in full...)
Do girls like sweetheart guys?
Q. Do girls like sweetheart guys? I'm still single and I feel like I can't harm anyone, I would drive my girlfriend home from school or work etc. I would pay for meals, when shes cold I would warm her with a nice hug and might even offer her my jacket. ...
A. 2 October 2011: I'm going to go ahead and shamelessly promote my own article here:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-be-attractive-a-beginners-guide-for.html
That should get you going.
One further thing, though: commitment is like sex. What would yo... (read in full...)
Do men really want the same things as women?
Q. Do men really want the same as women? Like settling down have a family, kids etc! I just want that but finding it hard to find! Men I meet just seem to use you take advantage tell u that u are the best thing to happen to them, but they dont want the ...
A. 1 October 2011: Depends on a few things.
First, a man's age and accomplishments in life. Basically, he isn't going to want kids until he's a bit older and has had a chance to establish himself. Attempting to make a name for himself in his career takes time and... (read in full...)
Could I really just be a late bloomer?
Q. Okay, I'm honestly starting to believe I'm a late bloomer. Both my dad and my brother are both hairy guys. I'm 19 and my navel hair is just starting to kick in. Everybody keeps saying, "Oh some guys don't grow hair on their bodies." Bullshit, Both ...
A. 30 September 2011: My brother is the same way. I could grow a full beard at 16, and had a full chest of hair at 17 (fortunately still no back hair); he still has less hair below his neck than I do on one forearm. Other than that we're practically identical. It ... (read in full...)
If men want their women to look like porn stars, why don't us women care that our men don't look like porn stars??
Q. I'm 25, and I'm here to discuss pornography and men. Some but not all men complain their women don't look like porn stars/models etc. but how come women don't do the opposite and ask for 6-packs/chiselled bodies / big penises etc? Or if they do,...
A. 30 September 2011: @ Anon
Hmmm. Your ex sounds like he needs to think before he speaks. While I still wouldn't generalize, I'd say that in your case, yeah, he wasn't being realistic - or polite.
"I honetlt think women a totally right to FEEL compared if a ma... (read in full...)
If men want their women to look like porn stars, why don't us women care that our men don't look like porn stars??
Q. I'm 25, and I'm here to discuss pornography and men. Some but not all men complain their women don't look like porn stars/models etc. but how come women don't do the opposite and ask for 6-packs/chiselled bodies / big penises etc? Or if they do,...
A. 30 September 2011: "The media supplies what men want. how can you possibly claim this is not a comparison. Sure , it's unspoken but it's still a comparison with the message being sent that if given a choice of what to look at, this is the type of female body we deem ... (read in full...)
I'm 34 and feel I should be married but I'm only attracted to the "bad boys"!
Q. HELP! I'm only attracted to the so-called "bad boys". The ones in a band, or with dark hair and leather pants, etc. Metal. Goth. Punk. And the one thing in common. They break my heart. Because they start to act like they want something real and...
A. 30 September 2011: " I can't settle for a loveless marriage?"
Hopefully, you would also not inflict a loveless marriage on some poor guy.
The best thing you can do is stop dating or hooking up at all for a while, rethink your priorities, get comfortable with... (read in full...)
Did I cause offense? Should I apologise?
Q. I attended a get together with some friends the other day. These were a new group of friends so i got to chatting with some of them. There was this one girl who i started to chat to and we got a good conversation going. The conversation eventually ...
A. 30 September 2011: Don't sweat it. Treat it as a complete non-issue. That means no apologies, and don't act awkward about it, don't even think about it. If she wants to act awkward, that's her prerogative. Besides, you gave her a ride home, so it sounds like ... (read in full...)
Do I end it now or am I making a bigger deal of it than what it is?
Q. My boyfriend and I (and I use the boyfriend title VERY loosely since we're not officially boyfriend/girlfriend) have been together for 2 1/2 years. He moved in with me about 4 months ago because he had some financial problems. So far everything ...
A. 30 September 2011: This is a tough position to be in. I've seen a lot of women desperately hold on to a man they really love and want, but the guy does not want them the same way.
More and more I'm convinced it's not *despite* the guy's reticence, but *because... (read in full...)
Is it true that if I let her keep coming to me with her problems she will only see me as a friend?
Q. I really need people help with this one girl. Me and her met like last month and I started liking her a lot and I don't know how she feels about me, but she always seem to ask me to take her to places when she depress and stress and she always tell ...
A. 30 September 2011: "...she always seem to ask me to take her to places when she depress and stress and she always tell me about her problems."
I have never seen one of these setups where the guy is a listening ear turn into a romantic relationship. Not saying i... (read in full...)
If men want their women to look like porn stars, why don't us women care that our men don't look like porn stars??
Q. I'm 25, and I'm here to discuss pornography and men. Some but not all men complain their women don't look like porn stars/models etc. but how come women don't do the opposite and ask for 6-packs/chiselled bodies / big penises etc? Or if they do,...
A. 30 September 2011: "Some but not all men complain their women don't look like porn stars/models etc."
I call BS. What man is doing that? The most any man I know of asks is that his wife/girlfriend look her best; i.e., not be fat or frumpy. Leaving aside the fact... (read in full...)
Is it bad if I don't want to take my boyfriend to Homecoming?
Q. My friends say I'm being insensitive if I say I don't want my boyfriend to come to my homecoming dance with me but I just really want to go alone and enjoy it with my girls. Is this really that bad?...
A. 26 September 2011: I suspect he'll be of two minds about this - on the one hand, not really enthusiastic about homecoming; on the other hand, really reluctant to watch you go to a traditionally romantic/hookup kind of event without him. Besides, "I just want to be ... (read in full...)
I have led this guy on, just to get me over my ex. I don't really like him though. How can I let him down gently?
Q. Last week I followed some really bad advice and it's got me in trouble. A friend said to get over my ex I should casually try flirting with other guys. So I did this and a guy sent me a message asking for my number, I asked for my girls advice cus I ...
A. 26 September 2011: Be polite, but firm. The single most important thing is that, in trying to be gentle, you must not leave him with the false hope that he might have another chance later. You have to end it for good, and you have to be sure he understands that, or ... (read in full...)
Who has been cheated on? Reply here please.
Q. Has anyone overcome the pain of being cheated on? What can you say about that journey to trusting men again and loving someone new? Before your recovery, how did you treat seemingly genuine men that came along who attempted to court you? Wo...
A. 24 September 2011: "But my friend is a sensitive soul when it comes to upsetting someones feelings and she wanted to find a good reason to leave the relationship. Her only option was to sleep with her ex boyfriend and then come clean to him about what happened. It ... (read in full...)
Sex vs. emotional support.. Which one is more important?
Q. My boyfriend and I have a very terrible sex life. He also is not emotionally supportive and badgers me about how the sex is so bad/little. I tell him it is because I don't feel loved or have emotional support. He says that he will not emotionally ...
A. 24 September 2011: So each of you is holding what the other one wants hostage to your own demands...
I don't think this relationship stands much of a chance of working out, but if you really, really want to make the attempt, why not both give each other what you... (read in full...)
If a guy does not defend you around other girls, what does this show about his true feelings?
Q. What does it mean when a guy does this in association with others. With his friends around, he's nice and shy. His friends notice you but don't laugh or smile or anything. You find out that they later tease him about a girl from that nationality...
A. 24 September 2011: I could be wrong, but I think you're seeing this the wrong way. His remark to the girl sounds like the kind of flippant, sarcastic dismissal that works really well for getting someone to be quiet - that is, he really was defending you from her. ... (read in full...)
Trying to get together with her but I don't want her to think I'm hitting on her!
Q. On starting university a girl who is something of an acquaintance has come up to my hometown. I wouldn't say that I was overly interested in her at present (I don't know her well enough to make that judgement) what I would say is that we think and ...
A. 23 September 2011: It's better for a girl to think you're hitting on her when you're not than to think you're not when you are. There is no shame in flirting, or in being a man and noticing a pretty girl, and no reason to hide it.
That's true even if you're n... (read in full...)
Am I being demanding or is he being uncaring, and doesn't love me as much as it appears?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost half a year. Things are generally well, but I occasionally feel he doesn't love me as much as he says. We live quite a distance apart so have to be in touch mostly via text. He replies to them fairly well, ...
A. 23 September 2011: You are being a little too demanding here. Text messages are hardly the place for long answers - short, dry answers are the best you can really do. Email or phone conversations would be a better way to stay in touch if you want long exchanges, but ... (read in full...)
How do I interest her? Should I cut my loses or just be blunt and tell her I want to date her?
Q. There is this girl who I have been interested in dating for a while. We go to school together and we are pretty close. The only problem is she had a boyfriend for the longest time. Now she is finally single again. I never have been great at dating/ ...
A. 23 September 2011: Nothing destroys your chances with a girl faster than having a crush but not acting on it. At this point, there's basically no shot. Sorry to break that to you, every guy hast to go through it a few times.
If you want, you can try for a move. D... (read in full...)
Why do I always drive people away?
Q. I don't understand why, but I always drive people away. Especially with romantic relationships that are going well, I will always sabotage the relationship, but I do it with other people too. My friends and family... I don't make the time for the...
A. 23 September 2011: You've identified the problem, start building new habits. Make time for people, and follow through. Resist any impulses to blow them off.
You know exactly what to do here, it's just a matter of doing it. Stop worrying about why you do it - all... (read in full...)
18 year old with crush on 14 year old?
Q. hi guys i am 18 and i have a developing crush on a 14 year old girl and i just wanted to get peoples views on this is it weird to you or doesn't it matter to you? ...
A. 23 September 2011: Biologically, that's basically normal - in a state of nature (think caveman days), that'd be an ordinary matchup. Some cultures still consider that normal today. So, the attraction by itself is nothing to be ashamed of.
But, we as a culture ... (read in full...)
Good guy, great morals, solid education, awesome personality, huge heart... and deathly afraid of commitment!
Q. Well... if you saw my other question, you'd understand the background of my situation, but.. from an outsider's point of view, here's my current situation... I love a guy to pieces and secretly cannot threaten the fact that I will move on if he do...
A. 22 September 2011: Ask yourself honestly: what does he have to gain from commitment? Is he really "afraid" of it, or is the cost/benefit ratio of committing just not good enough? Frequently, women think of men as "afraid" when it really boils down to the man making ... (read in full...)
Any tips how to talk to this kind of guy and make them more open to me?
Q. Shy and geeky guys, please help I met this very nice guy through online dating. We had two dates and it seems that he is very shy and geeky. He kept talking about work and his coworkers. Most topics I brought up he can eventually brought back to ...
A. 22 September 2011: I used to be the same way. He just needs time to get comfortable with you. The reason he's talking about work is because it's a safe topic - he feels comfortable and confident about it, and it's unlikely you'll think less of him for being good at ... (read in full...)
Feeling lonely, stressed out and tired
Q. What should i do? I am always feeling soo lonely even when im with my friends, and surrounded with ppl, i just feel like they are just their .. and i am always feeling stressed out.. and tired , when i go to school .. i don't feel like talking to ...
A. 22 September 2011: You may be a natural introvert. Doesn't mean that you don't like people, it just means that social interaction takes energy rather than giving energy. There's nothing wrong with that, I'm the same way.
Take some time out during the day - either... (read in full...)
How do I put myself socially out there more?
Q. I generally feel well liked by others. I fit in with a range of different people. even people who I don't really know that well have said really nice things about me, along with those I do. but negative thoughts about myself have forced me to feel a ...
A. 22 September 2011: If you know even one person in a group, go ahead and walk over to the group and join the conversation. Just say hi, first to the person you know, then to everyone else. Depending on what's more natural at that point, either introduce yourself or ... (read in full...)
Why aren't men pursuing me?
Q. this has been a constant problem. A guy tries to go out with me and he ends up dropping me like a bad habit. I am beginning to think I freak the guys out for some reason unknown to me. Here's the story. Ill meet a guy and there's instant ...
A. 22 September 2011: "I always thought if a man likes a woman, he will pursue her at all costs."
Nope. By the time a guy hits hit mid-to-late twenties, he's basically tired of nonsense. Change "at all costs" to "if the costs are equal to or less than the benefits... (read in full...)
My 6 months old baby from another relationship is upsetting my new partner. How can I make this better?
Q. So, I know this duels as a parenting question, but since the point of interest is my relationship I figure I should ask it here. Some Background: I am married and have a child from a previous relationship. I'll spare you the gruesome details, and ...
A. 21 September 2011: If I'm reading this right, your husband was willing to marry you and dedicate his life to being with you, even though you have or were about to have another man's kid. That's huge, from a man. Most guys would not do that. He sounds as selfless as ... (read in full...)
He forgot my birthday and I am going to forget his. Am I doing the right thing?
Q. I've been this guy for about 4yrs. The past year has been nonstop fighting between us because he's constantly screwing up but for some reason, I always stay. I'm not even sure if I love him anymore, and most of the time, I absolutely can't stand him ...
A. 20 September 2011: Alright, this next sentence might sting a bit, but I'm saying it to help clarify how out-of-proportion you are making this: if he were writing in to describe your behavior, I would tell him to dump you with no second chances.
He forgot your bir... (read in full...)
Why is it okay for boys to be boys but women have to behave?
Q. Hi all. A quick question. Why is it that most men think they can flirt with many women, think it's their God given right to appreciate many females because they are men, but not accept it if a guy flirts with their wives or girlfriends? I ha...
A. 17 September 2011: I see just as many women out there who believe they have every right to flirt with guys, dress up sexy only when they're going out in public, or - in a few cases - to paw at and kiss gay dudes because it "doesn't count." These same girls get pretty ... (read in full...)
Commitment phobic boyfriend
Q. I have been with my partner now for 12 months on and off (I am 47 and he is 50). We have had some lovely times together but I think he is a commitment phobic. Every few weeks he will start a row with me, usually over nothing, he has a jealous pe...
A. 17 September 2011: Ask yourself what he has to gain by committing to you - and do it from his perspective; it's about what he values, not what you think he should value. Compare this to what he has now, again using his actual values. Does he truly to stand to gain a ... (read in full...)
Should I insist on a paternity test?
Q. I'm very angry at a friend for telling everyone her daughter is my child. This woman and her husband were close friends of my X wife and I years ago. The girl does resemble me, but I never had any kind of sex with this woman. Now half the town is ...
A. 17 September 2011: This is slander, possibly libel if she's been posting it on Facebook. Talk to a lawyer about getting an injunction, and possibly damages. I'm not a lawyer myself, but my understanding is you can't get a DNA test without her permission, which she ... (read in full...)
What does her answer mean?
Q. I used to hang out with her a lot in high school, but at the time I didn't act on my feelings. Partially because another boy told her how he felt and it didn't go well for him because she was going to leave town for college soon. And partially ...
A. 17 September 2011: "...from what I know about him he doesn't sound like a very good boyfriend."
That doesn't mean anything, chicks stay with crappy boyfriends all the time - what a girl considers a good boyfriend is very different from what most guys think of.
H... (read in full...)
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