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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Should I study film in college, which is my passion, or get another degree as a fallback?
Q. I know this is relationships but i really could use some third party advice! I'm going to university and want to know whether i should study the what i hope to pursue a career in, or whether i should study something else?? Basically, i w...
A. 14 August 2011: Get a more useful degree, something applicable (Anything outside of liberal arts - try math, science, engineering, agriculture, even business). If filmmaking is your passion, make and edit films in your spare time with friends.
The film industry... (read in full...)
I hear my parents arguing about sex and it's grossing me out!
Q. Hello all. This is not really a question regarding myself beyond the fact beyond that the situation is seriously traumatizing me and really, starting to piss me off. My mom went through menopause 5 years ago and apparently, no longer posses...
A. 14 August 2011: I'm not sure why you think a divorce would be less painful for you than hearing them argue. Back when I was twenty, my girlfriend of the same age went into a pretty deep depression when her parents divorced - it didn't help that I was young and had ... (read in full...)
What body type do ladies find attractive?
Q. Everyone will have a different answer, I know, but... what type of body do you girls like in an 18 year old lad? As in skinny, slim and toned, bulky or lots of softness? I'm doing a bit of weight training to get biger and just wondered what people ...
A. 12 August 2011: There are chicks who dig skinny guy, chicks who dig bodybuilders, and everything in between, but I have yet to meet a woman who won't absolutely melt for a toned butt, toned abs, and a V-shaped torso (best viewed from behind).
Focus on getting ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend goes with his friends when they try to pull women?!
Q. Hello! My boyfriend's friends these days are all singles! His other friends have all gone abroad or etc. This group he now drinks with on weekends are singles who go 'on the prowl' when they are out. I didn't think too much about it, but he told ...
A. 12 August 2011: Have you ever been out with a bunch of guys trying to get laid? He's not chatting up some woman while his mates are kissing, he's serving as home base at a table while all but one or two of the guys sit there trying to work up their courage. He's ... (read in full...)
How are some people so immune to nudity?
Q. My boyfriend wants me to watch this show game of thrones. The story sounds interesting but he told me there is a lot of nudity. To me then it sounds like porn with a really long story. I want to try to enjoy it since he loves the show but I can't ...
A. 12 August 2011: It's a very good show, and for the most part the nudity is relevant to the story (more so in the book; a few scenes in the latter half were made up for TV, and it shows) and tells you something about the characters. It's not porn, it's just a ... (read in full...)
Any tips or advice for someone who hates going out?
Q. Hi everyone. I’m wondering if anyone’s got any tips/advice for someone who hates going out. This weekend, I’m off out with a bunch of girls for my friend’s birthday. It’ll be a clubbing/heavy drinking sort of night but I hate that sort of thing. I...
A. 12 August 2011: It's tough to blow off a birthday, but no one says you have to go on random weekends. Just be honest and up-front about it, you love your friends but don't enjoy clubbing, so you would rather spend regular weekends doing something else. Be ... (read in full...)
Is it normal that guys forget their girlfriends when they are around their friends?
Q. I don't understand sometimes what's up with my bf. Ok, we currently live together. During workdays, he gets to go home first and he always never fails to follow-up on me if I am on my way home or always ask me why I was late for only a few minutes ...
A. 12 August 2011: Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like being separated on weekends is a mutual preference. So being apart from each other isn't the issue.
So, flip the situation around. How would you feel if, while you were out one night, he stopped ... (read in full...)
How can I gain a great personality?
Q. Hi. Ok, so i recently found out what the guy i like, likes in a girl. He said he likes a girl with a great personality, who can have a bit of banter and who makes an effort. I always make an effort, without a doubt its just the great personal...
A. 12 August 2011: Banter is the back-and-forth funny/witty things people say to each other. The best way I can think of to practice it would be to go out people-watching with some funny friends, or with this guy. Just watch people on a busy sidewalk and make ... (read in full...)
Guys, whats the first thing you notice on a girl?
Q. Just out of interest, i would really like to know.. Guys, what is the first thing you notice on a girl? Eyes, Smile, Boobs, Bum, Hair, Lips, Hands.. What is it? ...
A. 12 August 2011: Her best feature. Men can appraise a woman's looks incredibly fast, and quickly focus on the best part. I'm typically a boob man, but can think of plenty of times when I noticed a girl's hair, butt, legs, lips, or what have you.
If you want to ... (read in full...)
Kinda old for a first date and not sure how to keep her interested?
Q. Good news, I got a girl I will be potentially going out with. Bad news, I have no idea what to do now? I have no previous dating experience which is a bit sad at this age, I know. I suppose the first date could be as simple as a movie and dinn...
A. 11 August 2011: Congrats on getting past the first step!
The most important thing here is attitude. You have to be willing to accept that things may not work out, and the important thing is not to say the "right" things to keep her, but to say the things y... (read in full...)
Gay and 17 and afraid to approach guys in school
Q. I'm 17 and realizing my sexuality that I'm bisexual and it took a while for me to realize that because I was afraid of being gay. But I surely know I'm gay but I having a hard to worrying what others think. No one knows about me I feel like it's ...
A. 10 August 2011: I would suggest opening up to a handful of trusted, close friends first - without flirting with them or hitting on them. I'm straight, but even the widely-accepted practice of chasing girls' skirts is much easier with a good support group, so i can ... (read in full...)
He wants visitation but does not want to pay back child support.Does the father pay in these circumstances?
Q. My ex found out that a child I had a year ago may be his. He had a paternity test and my son is his. However, he knew I was pregnant with his kid but I told him I had a miscarriage early on. He saw me a month before I was due and asked about my bell...
A. 10 August 2011: Don't worry too much about the legal side, US courts will almost certainly give you what you want. Speak to a half-decent lawyer; they'll get the courts to enforce child support, but courts rarely enforce visitation (they skim a few bucks off ever ... (read in full...)
The Top 3 Fears That Prevent Successful Relationships
Q. Do you have a fear that prevents you from getting into- or maintaining a good relationship? Well it’s not as uncommon as you may think. There are actual terms for these conditions. Such as… 1. Pistanthrophobia. Also known as the fear of trusti...
A. 10 August 2011: While it's true that a lot of people have these problems, I think it's far more common to falsely perceive the other person as having them. Chalk it up to the Fundamental Attribution Error - when someone doesn't yet trust us or commit to us, we ... (read in full...)
Why guys can never admit to there feelings?
Q. I want to really know why guys can never admit to there feelings? This one guy I like really seems into me. His actions scream out. Like he holds my hand when we go longboarding and we kiss every now an then. But then some of his friends tell me ...
A. 10 August 2011: Exposing one's emotions leaves one vulnerable. This is doubly true for guys, and we learn it at a much younger age - first from getting beat up in grade school (or watching others get beat up), then from getting shot down when we first start ... (read in full...)
Are girls jealous that I hook up with guys that they can't get with?
Q. im single and when i get drunk i like to have fun every now and then ive hooked up with a few guys that i know and like from school. are these girls jealous of me for hooking up with a few guys from school that they couldnt get with?...
A. 8 August 2011: I think you're misunderstanding the nature of men and hookups. I'll explain; if you already understood this stuff, just let me know.
Guys like sex. A lot (no revelations here yet). And guys will happily hook up with a girl who they would ne... (read in full...)
Why does someone cheat when they have what they want at home?
Q. Before I continue with my question, I just want to clarify that I do know all about the saying "Wanting your cake and eat it too" BUT for the life of me I can't fully understanad why either a man/woman would decide to live with either their BF/GF ...
A. 8 August 2011: Because they have what they want, and then can get more. Because a lot of people don't really care if they do something wrong as long as they get what they want. Because some people believe (in some cases correctly) that they are attractive enough ... (read in full...)
Not where I want to be in life. Should I wait to date?
Q. Hi, There is much wisdom here, so I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my situation. I am not where I want to be in life. I do not make enough money, and am not sure about my career. Because of this situation, for years I have held...
A. 8 August 2011: Here's the thing: do you expect you'll magically understand all the intricacies of dating and relationships the moment you decide to start? Or do you expect there will be a learning period, perhaps a long one?
Once your career and life are "per... (read in full...)
Why do guys get more attractive as they get older?
Q. How come it seems that guys who didn't used to be so great looking back when they were younger, most the time end up looking really attractive when they get older? Because my brother turned 23 and celebrated with a party and all his friends he h...
A. 8 August 2011: Keep in mind that men and women are programmed by evolution to find certain features attractive. What men find attractive in women is the whole set of indicators of youth and fertility - what we think of as being hot is in fact just a number of ... (read in full...)
Would you move in with someone you didn't love?
Q. IF you are a man and you didn't love or want to spend the rest of your life with you gf, would you move in with her? ...
A. 8 August 2011: I personally wouldn't, but lots of men would.
The reason I wouldn't is because I value my independence and privacy, and I enjoy that part of a relationship where each person goes to the others' apartment.
The reason most guys would is because... (read in full...)
I don't know if what I want in a man even exists?
Q. I dont know if what I want in a guy exists? I meet lots of guys, and they are interested, but I always find myself wanting to combine them. Cant seem to get all the qualities in one person. At the moment, I have guy 1 and guy 2, guy 1 i...
A. 5 August 2011: You need to accept that the perfect person does not exist. You yourself are not perfect, either, but if these men are chasing you, they've likely figured that out and come to terms with it.
I'd say what you ought to do is stay single until yo... (read in full...)
My ex believes all love should be unconditional, does this sound ridiculous?
Q. For those of you who haven't read any of my older questions I'll inform all of you by saying that me and my gf were together for 5 years until last may when she had feelings for another guy so she replaced me with him. She had actually been seeing ...
A. 5 August 2011: 1) The idea of unconditional love is BS of the highest order. There are always, always, always things one person can do to make the other person not love them anymore. What if the two of you had kids, and one of you put them up for adoption ... (read in full...)
I really want my sex buddy to be my boyfriend
Q. hi everyone i really want my fuck buddy to be my boyfriend we always talk about going out places together but it never happens i really like him but he comes round we have sex and he goes home which leaves me feeling miserable we get on really well ...
A. 5 August 2011: If you continue to see this guy, you will only get hurt. He's not interested, though he may decide to feign interest if you keep at it. Once you're a FWB with a guy, you can say with 99% certainty that he will never want to be a boyfriend. It's ... (read in full...)
Do men forget that they like to moan and whine too?
Q. I've been with my partner over 2.5 years. We are planning a future together, and so on. Lately, he's been working in a management position and says frequently that he is stressed by work. I don't know why, but he seems to have less tolerance f...
A. 5 August 2011: Every living person is a hypocrite, because we are all intimately familiar with our own problems, but not so with those of others. What that means is, when he whines, he believes his situation is honestly bad enough to be worth whining about; when ... (read in full...)
I said I needed to focus on my self and now he is mad!
Q. I met ths guy to months ago and have fallen head over heals for him. I think he likes me too. But...... A couple of days ago I told him I needed to fall back and focus on me. Soooo today I texted him, he responded back so then I texted him and ...
A. 4 August 2011: He's probably upset because "Time to focus on me" is often girl-code for "I'm about to cheat on or break up with you." In all likelihood he cares about you, but is mad and annoyed because he thinks you're toying with him.
Best bet is wait abo... (read in full...)
The girl he likes on this competition show has a strong resemblance to his ex wife, should I leave him over this?
Q. Me and my bf watch this competition show. we usually pick our favorites. i noticed that the girl he picked has a strong recemblance to his ex wife. when they dont show her enough on the show he starts complaining that they dont show "his girl" ...
A. 4 August 2011: Even with the follow-up information, I'd say you're seriously overreacting. It sounds like he just has a set of physical features he is strongly attracted to, which she happened to have. Having the pictures and contact information are not, in and ... (read in full...)
What's the point of meeting people online?
Q. I found myself frightful about the online datings and similar sites. Why can't men approach women face to face? This online dating sites acts as a barrier that keep them out of touch with reality. women get all dress up and wait, wait for them to ...
A. 4 August 2011: So, you're saying men are weak for not approaching... yet women are never under any obligation to approach? Why not take your fate into your own hands and act, rather than waiting to be acted upon?
If you think it's men's job to approach... (read in full...)
Would a guy date a person like me?
Q. I think i have a really high sex drive. This in itself is not a problem but im just wondering if it is normal to have one as high i as i believe i have. I get myself off at least once a day and on some days it can be up to 5 or 6 times. I don't h...
A. 4 August 2011: "I have been very unsure about whether to post this problem on here as it is pretty personal and not something that i would normally discuss with anyone."
It's completely anonymous Internet stuff. Post anything you like.
Just from the traits ... (read in full...)
Dating tips?
Q. How can I find a girl I really like? I've been really depressed lately and haven't been talking to many girls because I always get lead on. Tips?...
A. 3 August 2011: Not a hijack at all, Cerberus. Tisha suggested I go ahead and put that post up as an article, so I've done so.
OP, you ought to check it out:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-be-attractive-a-beginners-guide-for.html... (read in full...)
Guys: Are you intimidated by pretty girls?
Q. ok so im going to ask a question which im sure many of you will find sounds shallow and conceited. but i genuinely am asking because i have a problem and im not fishing for compliments or trying to make anyone angry. so if you find this question...
A. 2 August 2011: I know you say you try to look approachable, but you might not be coming across that way. Approachability is every bit as important as looks when it comes to meeting new people. Smile and make eye contact for a bit longer than is comfortable, then ... (read in full...)
Dating tips?
Q. How can I find a girl I really like? I've been really depressed lately and haven't been talking to many girls because I always get lead on. Tips?...
A. 29 July 2011: There are many tips to give, but too much at once will only confuse things, so I'll just give two for now.
1) Confidence. Have it. Develop it. And remember that a confident man isn't afraid to take risks, to get rejected, to walk away from a g... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you ever approach an average looking girl?
Q. I am wondering if there is anything that an average looking girl could do to grab a guys attention? Is there a (non-slutty) way she could dress? A specific perfume? Any behavior? Something she could say? Have you ever developed an attraction fo...
A. 29 July 2011: "I am wondering if there is anything that an average looking girl could do to grab a guys attention? Is there a (non-slutty) way she could dress? A specific perfume? Any behavior?"
Sure. As long as you take care of your appearance, you can do f... (read in full...)
Incredibly attracted to a guy and don't know if I can resist him for much longer
Q. I am 35 and have a warm attractive intelligent man working on my house. He has a good body and is tall and athletic. He used to be a lecturer but was made redundant and now runs his own specialist business. I have a loving relationship with my ...
A. 29 July 2011: Give yourself some credit. You are not out of control, and you can completely resist this. You, and you alone, all totally and completely responsible for your own actions. Feelings are one thing, how we respond to them is another.
There... (read in full...)
How can you tell if you are a good kisser?
Q. Ok I,m 19 years old but i never had much experience with fellas I only ever kissed 2 guys before but I,m being set up with a new friends brother and we,re meeting tonight. The thing is I don't know if i,m a good kisser let alone anything e...
A. 29 July 2011: Kissing is hard to do wrong if you don't get too aggressive too quickly. Don't bite hard or stick your tongue more than about an inch into his mouth until you've had a bit more practice, and remember to come up for a breath every so often, make ... (read in full...)
I need your opinion on wedding invitation protocol.
Q. I need your opinion on wedding invitation protocol. My wife has this male friend, who for a short time was her boyfriend, and they still stayed friends, even now. When my wife and I got married 3 years ago, we invited him (big of me I know), but ...
A. 29 July 2011: Your wife is suggesting the high road (and if you haven't already, take the time to show her your appreciation for sticking by you), you're suggesting a refusal to acknowledge an insult (which I think was intentional, but I wouldn't put money on ... (read in full...)
Is a guy cheating if he comes up with a new position after not having had sex for a while?
Q. If guy comes up with a brand new position after not having sex for a while with his partner, does it mean that he is cheating and he discovered it with someone else? ...
A. 29 July 2011: Most likely he didn't have sex for a while because he was bored with his sex life, then looked it up on the Internet or heard about it from a friend.... (read in full...)
Is this guy just being nice? Or does he like me?
Q. I have a guy friend who is from my hometown and I've known for a long time, although we were never close but just had mutual friends. I always thought he was cute, and invited him as my date to a wedding a year ago. Since then, we would talk via ...
A. 29 July 2011: It sounds like he's into you from what I'm reading. It sounds like he wants to upgrade from his old girlfriend to you.
The real litmus test is this: ask yourself, if you were to show up naked at his house, and he knew he would never be caught, ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has aftershave that ex gave him and I don't like it
Q. I know this sounds ridiculous, but my boyfriend has this aftershave that his ex-gf bought him and when he wears it it makes me really angry inside. He obviously doesn't know this because I would look like a joke. He's wearing it more and more and it ...
A. 29 July 2011: Speaking as a guy, he won't be deeply insulted or anything if you just tell him the truth. In a gentle, polite tone of voice, tell him it makes you anxious when he wears the scent his ex gave him, and ask him nicely not to wear it anymore. Offer ... (read in full...)
Worried all the time bout relationship
Q. I got this problem which is really annoying. I'm always terrified that my girlfriend is going to dump me or stop loving me. Even the smallest action sends me into worrying and i have to physically stop my self from calling and txting her all the ...
A. 29 July 2011: You are setting yourself up for failure. Few things push a girl away faster than seeing that her man is desperate to keep her. You need to come to peace with the idea of not being with her. Desperation is the anti-confidence, and confidence is ... (read in full...)
Why did he move on so fast after he said he wanted to be single?
Q. I was dating this guy for a little while not that long then he broke up with me saying i became too clingy and that he doesn't want to be with anyone for a while but it has been two days i called him and he had someone over and he hung up in my ...
A. 29 July 2011: He lied because he thought it would make things easier if you thought he wanted to be single, rather than thinking he just wanted to be dating someone else. Whether he thought it would be easier for both of you, or just for him, depends on the ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my guy friend that his girlfriend is a complete tramp and people are laughing at him behind his back because he is dating her?
Q. I have a male friend who has been dating this woman for about the last 6 months seriously. He and I had a past, but now we really are just friends and it is cool. He has always been hesitant about relationships since he was burned by who he thought ...
A. 29 July 2011: @ Person12345
I'm a bit surprised at your surprise. In my experience, women participate in slut-shaming far more often and more viciously. Not that men don't do it too, mind, it's just not as much that I've seen.
In their defense, it's an... (read in full...)
Do I tell my guy friend that his girlfriend is a complete tramp and people are laughing at him behind his back because he is dating her?
Q. I have a male friend who has been dating this woman for about the last 6 months seriously. He and I had a past, but now we really are just friends and it is cool. He has always been hesitant about relationships since he was burned by who he thought ...
A. 26 July 2011: While I'm usually the first to say a guy deserves to know when he's dating someone with an unsavory history, in this case your information comes only from rumors. They only seem important because, supposedly, people are laughing behind his back. ... (read in full...)
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