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... Send *essica04 a private message | | | *essica04's profile:I am 23 and live in the U.S. in Las Vegas.
As far as education, I am a senior psychology major with an emphasis on child development, and minor credits in counseling.
As far as my personal life, I have been there and back! I was pregnant at 17, which ended in a miscarriage. I married my H.S. boy friend when I was just 18 and still in school. He was in the U.S. Army and I spent almost 3 years as a military wife. Our relationship was always abusive, and we divorced just over a year ago.
I don't know which part of all that people will count as "credentials" for giving advice, but take it as you will. I have an opinion on just about everything, and I promise all of my readers that I will try my best to offer sound, unbiased advise. But I ask you to take everything I say with a grain of salt. I won't always tell you what you want to hear, but this is an advice site, so you asked.
Most of my advice is based on relationships and basic sex-education questions. I will never speak about that which I have no experience. |
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I don't want her man!
Q. I'm married and have been for seven months. I used to like this one guy. And he cheated on his gf with me (this is not the guy that I am married to.) This happened two years ago. Well, I have been trying to tell her about certain inci...
A. 24 February 2009: If she doesn't want to hear it, why do you feel the need to force it on her? Why are you so concerned with what they do now? You are married, let them live their lives and get past his indescretions.... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin, he's not
Q. Ok so there's this guy I really like, he's 19 and I'm 18. I'm a virgin and I just found out that he's not, but he only did it once when he was a senior and with a girlfriend he had had for over a year. He's a really great and sweet guy and when I ...
A. 24 February 2009: If his past upsets you, you need to figure out why. Are you a very religious/ moral person who believes in waiting for marriage? Whatever your views are, he was not with you at the time. You have no right to punish him for something he did a year ... (read in full...)
My partner feels nothing when we have sex
Q. I have been with a guy for about 4 months now (my first gay relationship) and we are very much in love. I have a fantastic time with him, except for the fact that he 'feels nothing' when we have sex. He says that he has been like this for around 3...
A. 24 February 2009: Was the spark ever there for him? I don't doubt that he likes you, but he is having some trust/ intimacy issues if he says "something has died" iside of him. This is a sad situation for you, but you can't fix him. He needs to realize that you are ... (read in full...)
Crying during sex?
Q. Last weekend, my gf and i tried anal sex for the first time. The initial penetration hurt her a lot, but we took it really slow and i was able to enter her fully. The pain seemed to go away and i was able to start to thrust gently. But right in ...
A. 24 February 2009: Anal sex can be very painful at first, and scary. I have never heard of trying anal while in the missionary position, so maybe things weren't feeling right. If she said the pain was fine, then I think she may have gotten overwhelmed by w... (read in full...)
Is this legal? Or not?
Q. I'm 17 and my state's age of consent is 18. He's 19 and his state's age of consent is 16. We're not having actual intercourse yet (he lives about an hour away) and probably won't by the time I turn 18, which is in 2 months. But we hav...
A. 24 February 2009: If you are underage, he could face crimes for exploiting a minor. The webcam stuff could be used for child pornography charges. Wait until you're 18, just to be safe. ... (read in full...)
I was fine during foreplay but lost it during sex
Q. I was going to have sex with my girlfriend of only 2 weeks, when I was 14, almost 15. I know this was a stupid thing to do, and I should never have even considered it, but I felt ready. It was my one chance, and I didn't want to muck it up. I was ...
A. 24 February 2009: Next time, try with a girl who you have been with long enough to know if she will be supportive and understanding of you. Also, nothing beats a soft platform and warm temperatures for setting even the most basic of 'moods'. I think all that h... (read in full...)
First time anal or any sex
Q. How bad will first time anal sex hurt? Also, what position is best the first time? This will be my first time for nething so I want it to be perfect!...
A. 24 February 2009: I hate to scare you, but I have never heard of anyone having painLESS anal sex for the first time. The anus generally does not want to accomodate a penis moving in and out over and over. The muscle is forced open, and that general feeling is usually ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about what people think about the age difference
Q. Im 15 nearly 16, i am going out with a girl 2 and a half years younger than me (13 nw). i really like her and think that the relationship may go somewhere. I do not mind the age difference and neither does she but when my friends found out they were ...
A. 24 February 2009: As long as her parents are ok, I think your fine. Just be preapared (as you have already found out) to have others who disagree with what you're doing. Sometimes age really is just a number.... (read in full...)
I'm worried about what people think about the age difference
Q. Im 15 nearly 16, i am going out with a girl 2 and a half years younger than me (13 nw). i really like her and think that the relationship may go somewhere. I do not mind the age difference and neither does she but when my friends found out they were ...
A. 24 February 2009: While she may be excepionally mature for 13, the preconceived notion is that there are huge differences between 13 and 16 yr olds. More than just what your parents might think, what would/ do hers think? If they over react, you could be looking... (read in full...)
What sexual position do women enjoy the most?
Q. Simple one really...what are a woman's favourite sex positions that satisfy her the most? I think my girlfriend is getting bored of missionary... ...
A. 24 February 2009: Every woman is different. I prefer missionary, but am always willing to try new things. My good friend cannot climax unless she is on top. Another friends vaginal canal is too shallow and she enjoys being in a 'spooning' position so that her guy ... (read in full...)
Did she or didn't she
Q. my girlfriend confessed to having sex with another guy. she even gave some detail. after a couple of days she told me she made it all up! i dont know what to believe! my gut tells me that she did! what do i do?...
A. 24 February 2009: Even if she didn't, trust and honesty are some of the building blocks of a working relationship, and she isn't respecting that at all. Is she doing one of those "relationship tests" to see what your reaction would be? That isn't much better than ... (read in full...)
My mom and I don't get along..how can I emancipate from her?
Q. I don't know what to do!!!! I'm done with all of it an I want out and I want out now!!! I f*** up my life every chance i get but I'm not acting out for attention. I'm acting out to get away. I love my mother to death but for as long as i can ...
A. 24 February 2009: Emancipation ususally only happens if you show you can support yourself financially. At 13-15, I doubt a court will support you on that. Do you have another parent or relative who would be willing to take you in? You could ask to have guardianshi... (read in full...)
I cheated on my husband, and then lied to him about how far I went with this man. How do we move on in our relationship?
Q. Hello, I have a huge dilema, I cheated on my husband and it all came out about 9 months ago,the affair stopped and my marriage is still intact, although it has taken a lot of trust and patience from my husband.I have been married a long time and ...
A. 24 February 2009: The only way to validate his learning to trust again is to reward him with the truth. Yes, there is a strong chance he will react in a harsh way, but if he is trying to forgive you, he needs to really be able to forgive all that you did. The longe... (read in full...)
For anyone who has forgiven a cheating partner, how did you do it? How long did it take you?
Q. How do I forgive my boyfriend for cheating on me? How do I get the images of the two of them out of my head? A short background: My boyfriend broke up with me last March and slept with a girl that night. We got back together a day or two later...
A. 24 February 2009: A year ago my husband and I divorced because of what I thought were our "differences". Several months later, after I had several friends hinting, he finally admitted to me that he had been cheating of me for two months before our divorce with the ... (read in full...)
Should I ask my wife to repeat last year's fun?
Q. my wife tried another guy for her birthday last year as a one off. we both found it a great turn on at the time and have since. she hasn't asked yet about this year but i would like her to. do you think i should ask or wait untill she brings it up...
A. 24 February 2009: I would ask her. I don't know much about open relationships, but if it were me, I know I'd be shy about asking to be with another guy again. Maybe she thinks one time meant one time only, and she doesn't want to hurt you by asking?... (read in full...)
No label to my status?
Q. i've been seeing this guy that i've liked for 3 years for the past six weeks, and when we first kissed i asked where we would go from there and he said we should just go with the flow! and evertime i say i'm going to say something to him as to where ...
A. 24 February 2009: Wow, this is exactly what happened with me and my boyfriend, except that I didn't say anything for 5 months, and the whole time he was thinking we were a couple and I was thinking he only wanted to be casual. I know how frustrating it can be.
... (read in full...)
I kissed another girl, but I didn't plan to cheat, help?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 2 and half years now. Last week when she was away I went to the cinema with a friend of mine who is female as it was her birthday. After the film while waiting for her mum is was a bit cold so we hugged ...
A. 24 February 2009: Are you sure this was a one time thing? Have you ever had feelings for this friend before? You have two options; 1) You can keep this a secret between you and your friend. This requires that your friend not tell anyone either, not even one of her ... (read in full...)
Risk of pregnancy if I only touch her vagina with my penis?
Q. i want to know that could my girl friend fall pregnent if i only touch her vagina with my penis tell me soon...
A. 24 February 2009: During foreplay, the penis can sometimes give out a clear fluid, seminal fluid, which acts as a sort of lubricant for the sex (possibly) about to happen. Seminal fluid can carry sperm in it, which is why condoms and/ or spermicide are so important. ... (read in full...)
Is this normal? Does this mean that first time sex will hurt?
Q. Sorry if this is gross but I am very worried. I am a virgin but have done gym and horseriding my entire life and used tampons for several years. I do not think I have a hymen as I can't see it or feel it and I have fingered myself. However ...
A. 24 February 2009: Pain during vaginal intercourse for the first time is different for every girl/ woman. There is no conclusive way to really answer this for you, other than you finding out for yourself. Personally, my first time did not hurt at all, but there still ... (read in full...)
Can you get pregnant and STD's by penis up the butt?
Q. Im a 14 year old girl. I have a Amazing boyfriend who would never hurt me, We talked about the future, and we desided to wait a longg time before we have sex. he does finger me, and i have gave hand-jobs to him only. hes the only one i been with but ...
A. 24 February 2009: Because you can never be 100% sure that someone does not have an STD, you should always take care to guard against it. Condoms all the way.... (read in full...)
Can you get pregnant and STD's by penis up the butt?
Q. Im a 14 year old girl. I have a Amazing boyfriend who would never hurt me, We talked about the future, and we desided to wait a longg time before we have sex. he does finger me, and i have gave hand-jobs to him only. hes the only one i been with but ...
A. 24 February 2009: Can you get pregnant? Not likely. But here is why you should still use a condom: Anal sex and leave small tears in the skin that is forced to stretch, making it possible for infected semen to get into the blood stream. If you are participating ... (read in full...)
Got drunk, unprotected sex, now afraid of pregnancy!
Q. Umm ok... on the seventh of this month I got drunk and made a mistake with a guy. I had sex with him and we didn't use protection. Well... I was supposed to start my period like the next day after that or so but I didn't. I sort of have an irregular ...
A. 24 February 2009: Ok, honey, I don't want to judge, but earlier to Armymedic you said this was on little mistake? You weren't even having sex with your BF, you were having drunken sex with who you call a 'druggie' and now because you don't have any money to buy your ... (read in full...)
He still has the woman who was once his wife still living with him!
Q. Okay! SO the last time I needed advice, it was about my boyfriend and how I thought he was cheating on me. Well now that I've moved on from that, I've been feeling a little better. A few days ago I came across somebody else, but he's a pastor. We ...
A. 24 February 2009: Hmmm, if it were me, I wouldn't step foot into that relationship if he was still living with her. Maybe it's purely for financial convenience, but there could still be some lingering ghosts in that house.
My advice is to tell him up front that unt... (read in full...)
Why has my ex started calling me again?
Q. My ex has been calling me lately. What does he want? We dated for 4 years and broke up a year ago. I caught him with another woman in his bedroom on New Years day 2008. What a way to bring in the New Years right? (Hahaha I can at least laugh about ...
A. 24 February 2009: My ex husband cheated on me, and hid the fact from me for several months after our divorce. When I got a new BF, he started accusing me of cheating! He turned into a total snob on me, and was rude and hateful...
... Kind of makes sense now, huh... (read in full...)
Should I be telling her these things or should I be keeping them to myself?...
Q. Hi all, I'm going to go on a little rant as I need to vent my worries. They vary in relative importance and some may think I shouldn't be including such varied situations alongside each other. Some things i probably shouldn't be sharing but i need a...
A. 24 February 2009: 1) You cannot control how she acts. If she doesn't get all emotional or fired up when mentioning the rape, then maybe therapy has helped her sort through those tough emotions. Don't ask her to dig them all back up. It is good that she is in ... (read in full...)
Is it normal not to feel anything during oral sex?
Q. My ex boyfriend liked to go down on me a lot but I couldnt really feel anything from it. I mean, its not that I couldnt orgasm, I didnt feel ANY pleasure whatsoever and I can only orgasm through masturbation. He is the only one I have ever been with ...
A. 23 February 2009: I agree entirely. Have him play around with your clit and see where that takes you. Experiment with different pressures from his tongue or have him use his fingers around that area as well. If nothing else you'll have fun practicing.... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my b/f's ex wants to bring up their past, what do you think?
Q. My boyfriend was with his ex for 5 years. They have been split up for 2 years now and me and him have been togeher for 9 months. When he split up with his ex they were still sleeping together and she got pregnant she got rid of the baby and my ...
A. 23 February 2009: If he truly has moved on from all of their past, then I don't think he should be seeing her to bring back old, painful memories. You are right on that part. I can understand though that he might still have some feelings of responsibility t... (read in full...)
I forgave my abusive boyfriend but I cant seem to forget!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. About six months ago we had a fight which lead him to pushing me and choking me. He told me he could never be with me because of what he had done. I love him so much that I couldnt let him go. ...
A. 23 February 2009: I too was in an abusive relationship, though, like yours, it wasn't at an epic "Ike and Tina" level. My ex husband and I used to fight to the point where I wouldn't let him walk away to cool down, and eventually he would lose his temper on me. It... (read in full...)
Is it normal not to feel anything during oral sex?
Q. My ex boyfriend liked to go down on me a lot but I couldnt really feel anything from it. I mean, its not that I couldnt orgasm, I didnt feel ANY pleasure whatsoever and I can only orgasm through masturbation. He is the only one I have ever been with ...
A. 23 February 2009: I'm just curious, can you not feel any sensation? Like, was it numb, or just not great feeling? Also, what kind of masturbation practices do you perform? Clitoral stimulation or vaginal penetration? Deducing what has made you orgasm before might ... (read in full...)
He didn't tell me he had an STD! Do I have it now?
Q. Ok I am freaking out right now! This guy ive been seeing has a profile on positive spot.He didnt tell me,I found it on google.What is positive spot? Well,that was my first question too! Its a dating website of sorts.what sort? For people who have an ...
A. 23 February 2009: HPV is carried by men but infects women. From the literature I have read, he would not show many, if any, signs. I too had a small scare with HPV where it came to light that my ex husband had slept with a woman who had the virus. Because he was m... (read in full...)
I can't stop thinking about how my dad cheated on my mom.
Q. OK so here is what happened: Last weekend I went on a family weekend getaway with my parents and some other extended family. The cabin we were staying in had no insulation and anything said downstairs was heard upstairs. I was upstairs in bed,...
A. 23 February 2009: Please talk to your parents, both of them. I honestly feel that you all should go seek family counseling to help you and your parents cope with this.
Sometimes peoples resolve fails them, and I am sure that is all that happened to your dad, tha... (read in full...)
Caught between two people.
Q. I moved to a new town just over a year ago. When I first got there I met someone and we became friends. After a couple of months, we started dating and I fell in love. The only problem was that I wasn't fair to this person. Before I left ho...
A. 23 February 2009: The worst thing to do is to be in a relationship based on pity. I know how you must feel, like the weight of this person's world and happiness rests solely on your shoulders, but you are not responsible for their attitude. If your friend who moved ... (read in full...)
My fiance won't let my friend come to our wedding because shes a lesbian.
Q. My fiance won't let my friend come to our wedding because shes a lesbian. She says The Dike (that's what she calls her when my friend isn't around) will eye up all the bridesmaids and also she doesn't want her to come because there going to be a lot ...
A. 23 February 2009: I have to agree that I find it amazing that you were able to put aside your beliefs about homosexuality (I'm assuming you're o.k. with it), for this woman who cannot respect you in return.
If you love her, that's great, but she's breaking one of t... (read in full...)
No matter what I do I just can't seem to make him cum! Help!!!!
Q. My boyfriend is 18 and experienced and I'm 15 and still a virgin, but we've touched and I had oral for the first time with him and our sex life seems great but he can get hard, but cum with me. I mean I can get him hard in less than 2 minutes but no ...
A. 22 February 2009: Pump the brakes, kid! I hate to judge, but he is way too old for you. Not only could he go to jail for what he is doing to and with you, but the social penalties are greatest for you! You need to be with a boy your own age who you can take things ... (read in full...)
How should I kiss my friend?
Q. Hey, ok so my friend and i are crushing, umm friday were gonna go out, with a couple of friends, the thing is that, what if i want to kiss him or he approaches? I haven't had my first kiss. I wouldn't know what to do. people talk about all these ...
A. 22 February 2009: Take it slow! Nothing is wrong with a closed mouth kiss, and if you try kissing like Paris Hilton on your first time, you'll end up looking like a fool!
Notoriously, first kisses are sloppy, wet, and can involve some teeth-banging. I know it sound... (read in full...)
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