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... Send *essica04 a private message | | | *essica04's profile:I am 23 and live in the U.S. in Las Vegas.
As far as education, I am a senior psychology major with an emphasis on child development, and minor credits in counseling.
As far as my personal life, I have been there and back! I was pregnant at 17, which ended in a miscarriage. I married my H.S. boy friend when I was just 18 and still in school. He was in the U.S. Army and I spent almost 3 years as a military wife. Our relationship was always abusive, and we divorced just over a year ago.
I don't know which part of all that people will count as "credentials" for giving advice, but take it as you will. I have an opinion on just about everything, and I promise all of my readers that I will try my best to offer sound, unbiased advise. But I ask you to take everything I say with a grain of salt. I won't always tell you what you want to hear, but this is an advice site, so you asked.
Most of my advice is based on relationships and basic sex-education questions. I will never speak about that which I have no experience. |
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I need to get it sorted but I've never been so scared to go to the doctor
Q. My foreskin is really tight and it hurts when it's pulled back. had this problem all my life. yeah i know, see a doctor right? well it's bloody hard to do that for a few reasons: 1/ I'm embarrassed. 2/ I can't bring myself to say what the problem ...
A. 6 April 2009: What?! Forget about her, you should still do this for your own comfort. Better to get it done now than go through the same ordeal with someone else.
I hope you're doing ok. What a witch to leave you now.... (read in full...)
When will I start?
Q. Well, Im 13 soon to be 14. Mainly for girls to answer, but I haven't gotten my period yet and im worried that theres a reason for it. Is there? Or does it just come slower for some people?...
A. 5 April 2009: If you still haven't gotten your period by the time you are 15-16, then I would have a talk with a doctor. Really though, there is no "set" age, and some girls don't get theirs until they are 16 even.
Don't stress, just be happy you don't have to ... (read in full...)
How do I get out of being naked at a sauna on a second date?
Q. I have just started seeing this guy and for our second date he wants us to go for a sauna. I have never been before and I am a little worried what do you wear, he says he wears nothing, I am not up for that on a second date, I am not that confident ...
A. 3 April 2009: How did you meet this guy? I mean, if a mutual friend set you two up then maybe he just has no clue about how odd this is, but if you never knew of/him before, then I would tell him to pump the breaks a bit.
A spa/sauna is pretty intimate... (read in full...)
My husband has left me for a man, what do I do? How do I tell the kids?
Q. Hi there. I'm Tania, and I've got a grown-up son who's 22, and a daughter who's 23. Both are doing well in their jobs, my 22-year-old son a freelance website designer, and my 23-year-old daughter who is a motor mechanic. After 16 years of marriag...
A. 3 April 2009: Right now you need to worry less about him and more about yourself. Tell your children as they have a right to know what is going on in their family. Is he their father? Would they eventually be able to contact him?
Look, your kids love you, and... (read in full...)
I have razor rash! How can I avoid this when shaving?
Q. i shave my public hair and now i have gt little red dotes all over .. lots . wtf !! i cant shave now cause it iwll get worse and they will get caught in the razor and i dont think they will go away !! help !! is this common ????? what can i do ??...
A. 3 April 2009: Don't shave quite as often. I personally only shave my bits about 1-2 times weekly, its really all I can stand.
Make sure the shower is hot. Soap up and rinse off first so you're all clean, and then use a bit of shaving cream on the out parts to... (read in full...)
He wants me to dominate him in bed...
Q. My boyfriend is trying to get me to be dominant. But i hate that. I like being controlled in bed, and even outside of bed. He want's me to be on top. But i have a lot of self consious issues, and i really don't want to. But i want to make him as ...
A. 3 April 2009: If you absolutely do not want to be on top, then you should not be pressured into it. Ask him why he doesn't seem to want you do enjoy yourself, since that is what will happen when you do things you are not used to or comfortable with.
On the othe... (read in full...)
Slept with my teacher and his gf found out
Q. i really need some advice. first off i'm 16, almost 17 and im in my last year at high school. im really sporty and a few months ago i started getting friendlier with my male teacher. we always have a joke and a laugh and he pays me alot of attentio...
A. 3 April 2009: Here's the deal, they're both abusing you to some degree.
He had sex with a minor student, which can get him fired, possibly even imprisoned. Whether you like it or not, he made the decision to break the law. You have no reason to protect him, esp... (read in full...)
Is it ok to tell her that I'm sexually frustrated?
Q. Hey guys, I want to ask one question; Is it disrespectfull to tell your girlfriend that you are sexually frustrated? Well I am 17 years old, and my girlfriend is 16. We are dating for like 10 months now. I haven't ever foreced her to have ...
A. 3 April 2009: The thing is, if she isn't interested in sex right now, or even making out and being physical on some level, but you are, then you might want to end the relationship.
Bottom line is that she shouldn't feel pressured to do anything she doesn't ... (read in full...)
I don't like his kids!
Q. my problem is that i hate my boyfriend's kids.. he wants to bring them from chicago to live in our apartment in dallas! and the worst part is that its not only one kid, he has three (13, 10 and 8 years old)!!!!!!!! we have been living together...
A. 3 April 2009: You knew that he had kids, bottom line. The possibility always was there that his kids might some day come live with him, and you either ignored that fact or lied about being ok with it.
Either way, if you want him 100% for yourself, that will nev... (read in full...)
Is it ok to tell her that I'm sexually frustrated?
Q. Hey guys, I want to ask one question; Is it disrespectfull to tell your girlfriend that you are sexually frustrated? Well I am 17 years old, and my girlfriend is 16. We are dating for like 10 months now. I haven't ever foreced her to have ...
A. 3 April 2009: The thing is, women are more aware of your frustrations than you know. We usually strive to find a balance between enough sex for you, and enough rest for us.
So yes, telling her that you are frustrated when she is probably having sex with you... (read in full...)
We're not on the same level of comittment
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for over a year now. we got into a huge arguement over several issues the other night. he told me flat out that he does not want marry me anytime in the near future. toward the end of this i told him that i ...
A. 3 April 2009: Where a relationship will end up can often be a hard balance to find between men and women. One thing that women are usually more aware of is time, and the idea of the "biological clock".
My guy and I have the same discussions, but we are both hel... (read in full...)
I need to get it sorted but I've never been so scared to go to the doctor
Q. My foreskin is really tight and it hurts when it's pulled back. had this problem all my life. yeah i know, see a doctor right? well it's bloody hard to do that for a few reasons: 1/ I'm embarrassed. 2/ I can't bring myself to say what the problem ...
A. 3 April 2009: Yay! Good for you! I promise that when this is said and done with, you'll be like "Why did I not get that done sooner? What was I thinking?"... (read in full...)
Will I ever be able to get over the fact I had an abortion?
Q. Well I also have another question. And thank you all who answer! I was pregnant about a month ago. I wanted to keep my baby but everyone around me kinda brainwashed me into thinking it was best to get an abortion. My mom told me it was too hard and ...
A. 3 April 2009: For what it's worth, I really think you did the right thing, all things considered. But I know your feeling of loss. You made a tough decision, and no, a lot of these feelings won't go away for quite some time, if ever, but they should lessen.
... (read in full...)
He has some big issues and I feel I can't go on like this for another 20 years! Help!
Q. I'm afraid I have to leave... I don't know what is with him. He says he loves me, but I don't feel it. He is not looking at me nice, and he never wants me in bed. He is impotent, but not sick. He can have night erections. He says I should trust ...
A. 3 April 2009: If he is still having night erections while sleeping, then he most likely has a psychological issue going on.
How long have you been in counseling? Is it just counseling for him? For both of you?
If he is willingly going to counseling, and ... (read in full...)
Gangbang..who is the daddy?
Q. I am 24 and married fo 2 years. Recently (the last 8 months or so)my gusband and I started swinging with his step bother and wife.We have also has a group ogy involving 5 other men (all unprotected). I just found out Im pregnant and I hvae no idea ...
A. 2 April 2009: Your husband has a right to know just as much as the potential "real" father.
Talk to your husband about this, he is just as much at fault for this situation since he was in on the swinging action.
I'm not against swinging, do as you like, but... (read in full...)
Friends don't like my boyfriend but I feel hurt and in love
Q. I need help! a lot of help. Well me and my x bf have been on and off for a year. my friends hate it but im really happy even though im hurt when we break up. He says the sweatest things and i feel like my friends dont see the side of him that i do. ...
A. 2 April 2009: You're friends know you, I'm guessing, longer and better than he does. So they have seen you during your ups and downs and are probably more objective about how down this guy makes you feel at times.
True in the end you have to follow your hea... (read in full...)
Hormonal changes in women during their period... quick poll!
Q. Quick poll: when a gal goes on her period: -Guys: does it happen that she can become difficult to deal with? As in, she's much shorter tempered and you can agitate her more easily? -Gals: do you tend to get short with people including your o...
A. 1 April 2009: The answer is the exact opposite. Rationale and thinking like that are exactly what pegged women as less than men for centuries. that women were hystrionic, unstable, and moody. Unless you think of your girl friend as a victim of her menses, I would ... (read in full...)
Circumcision issues.
Q. I love my penis in every way, except that I wish that I still had a foreskin.. Unfortunately I was circumcised at a young age (4), partly because of cultural reasons and partly because I had a tight foreskin which made it difficult to retract all ...
A. 1 April 2009: To be honest, even as a grown woman I cannot look at a picture of an uncircumcised penis without giggling (no offense to those guys who have not been circumcised).
Especially in American culture, circumcised penises are just regarded as the norm... (read in full...)
Advice needed... I don't know what to do, should I stay or get out of this stressful relationship?
Q. My girlfriend of almost 11 months now treats me like shit. She's controlling, demanding and takes me for granted... did I mention disrespectful... she insults me all the time and smacks me in the face or butt when she get's angry. Now I love her ...
A. 1 April 2009: Umm, I think if you reread your question then even you will have to agree that this relationship sucks and you should get out of it.
Leave, take time to yourself, and then find a nice girl who isn't so controlling. ... (read in full...)
Do we need to use protection and should I ask him to be tested?
Q. Do we need to use protection? Me and my boyfriend fool around, lately naked. We don't actually have intercourse, he just insterts his penis in the opening not inside, he doesn't ehh cum or anything, he has been sexually active before with at least ...
A. 1 April 2009: 1) Yes you need to use protection. Though he doesn't ejaculate in you, the seminal fluid or "precum" that emits from his penis contains sperm in it. Even if it is just in the opening of your vagina, you can still get pregnant.
2) You need to use p... (read in full...)
I need to get it sorted but I've never been so scared to go to the doctor
Q. My foreskin is really tight and it hurts when it's pulled back. had this problem all my life. yeah i know, see a doctor right? well it's bloody hard to do that for a few reasons: 1/ I'm embarrassed. 2/ I can't bring myself to say what the problem ...
A. 1 April 2009: I believe this is called Frenulum Breve, but the name escapes me, even the spelling, sorry.
1) This is very common, not so much in the states because we circumcise boys, but if you look at general statistics for the UK you are far from being al... (read in full...)
Do these things take time?
Q. I'm seventeen years old and have a boyfriend of 2 months who's a year older than me. We get along really well and I have strong feelings for him, but I'm one of these people who aren't really familiar with the sexual side of relationships, I've had ...
A. 1 April 2009: For most guys, yes, these things take time. Also, if he isn't the kind of person who is open to having intimate talks, then it kind of leaves you in a rut with nothing to do but pent up your feelings.
I do agree that you shouldn't be trying t... (read in full...)
What do you think: shaved or natural?
Q. how do i ask if my boyfriend likes shaved pubic hairs or natural? what do you think are better? i dont want this to interrupt me and him , i dont want it to be a turn off when we first decide to have sex....
A. 1 April 2009: Haha, OldGuy, I totally hear where you're coming from. But alas, times have changed. Maybe in 20 years young men will be saying "You still have labia majora?!" and I'll be forced to run into the hills crying and screaming over a society with no ... (read in full...)
She used to be a HE! UPDATE
Q. This is an UPDATE to my question yesterday, "She used to be a HE!" I read your responses. All of you, that replied to me, were right. I love her. She is everything I ever wanted, regardless of her past. I marched round there last night and told her ...
A. 1 April 2009: That's wonderful! Congratulations and good luck to the two of you!... (read in full...)
Motivation tips?
Q. Dear all cupids out there, This is less of a love and relationship question and more of a question about life so i would be really grateful is anyone could answer it; thank you! So at the moment im finding it hard to become motivated. Espec...
A. 1 April 2009: Think of where you want to be in life, when all is said and done with in school. Can you achieve that without good marks?
At your age, school is a long, tedious process that seems to have no like at the end of the tunnel.
Try making short ter... (read in full...)
Just wish we could be a normal couple!
Q. I am a 49 year old woman and I have know the man I am with for 45 years. We were 4 years old when we met. We started dating when I was about 17 years old. We have 3 children. Boy 30, girls 23 and 18. We started living together in 1986. We are still ...
A. 1 April 2009: Talk to him, ask him about his behavior and his thoughts on your relationship.
If you would like to work on a "normal' relationship, or at least at getting things back to the way they were, then I would suggest couples counseling. It just sounds l... (read in full...)
Just found out my husband used to cheat... I'm pregnant what do I do?
Q. I have been married for 3 years and am pregnant with my 2nd child.Recently found out from my husbands x room mate that while we were engaged he was bringing girls back to the house and sleeping with them.Help what should I do.I heard a girl at a bar ...
A. 1 April 2009: Wow, what a great roomie to put this stress on his friends pregnant wife.
You should sit down with your husband and tell him everything that you were told. Tell him your fears and thoughts, and tell him you want some answers.
You also need... (read in full...)
My feelings for my boyfriend aren't as strong any more
Q. My boyfriend who is 25, and me, 21, have been dating for 3 and a half months. After a while, we started arguing about small things, but it would escalate to him losing his temper and threatening to break up with me. I would always be the one ...
A. 1 April 2009: You saw his true colors, and it was a huge turn off. What you also need to understand is that losing the feelings you had for him is your mind's way of protecting you from what sounds like a potential abuser. The guy is bad news, trust your famil... (read in full...)
What's he waiting for?
Q. Ok so i've liked this guy for a while and i think he likes me. We flirt alot, he asked me who i would prefer to go out with out of 3 other guys and him i said him and he said that out of all my friends he would probably choose me. He asked me what ...
A. 1 April 2009: Well, what are YOU waiting for?
Don't let someone string you around, grab the bull by the horns and ask him out instead. Nowhere is it etched in stone that a girl must wait around twiddling her thumbs until the boy she likes asks her out.
... (read in full...)
Sex isn't good..will it get better?
Q. Soo i met this guy a few months ago and eventually really started to like him. Then a few nights ago we had sex and then we did again last night but the thing is hes not that big 'down there' and the people i been with before were bigger so when he ...
A. 1 April 2009: If you like him enough to stick around with him, then help him out during sex. Sometimes you can find angles or a position that really helps you get going.
Guide his hips to what feels good for you and try to get him to penetrate from differen... (read in full...)
Making out on the first date?
Q. do u think its appropriate to make out with a guy on the first date? would he think of the girl as a someone who gives in easily?...
A. 1 April 2009: Sometimes when the chemistry is there, you just can't ignore it.
I wouldn't personally, unless it was someone who I had known previously. If it's a blind date, or someone you just met last weekend, I might tone things down a little bit.... (read in full...)
Too scared to ask her out...
Q. I love a girl called Lois, I'm too scared to ask her out. You see me and her both have a lot of stuff in common and we kissed once. But this is the complicated part were both 13, she's seeing a 17 year old. I asked her out in class by reading a poem ...
A. 1 April 2009: I'm sorry to hear that, but kudos to you for having the guts to go ahead and ask her out. It probably doesn't seem so great now, but there are grown men and women who can't muster the courage to put their feelings in the open and ask a person out.
... (read in full...)
Blowjob information
Q. My boyfriend keeps suggesting oral sex, I have never done it before and jusr wondered when you give a blow-job, this sounds silly, is it just the fact of putting him in you mouth, what do you do with your tongue....
A. 31 March 2009: Think of when you have a popcicle, and you put the whole thing in your mouth, your tongue is just pressed down by it.
When you get a little more comfortable, simply slide your ongue around a little bit. Since his penis will be taking up most of ... (read in full...)
Do antibiotics affect contraceptive pill? Could I be pregnant?
Q. another "could i be pregnant" question, sorry. I know you guys get a lot of these but i have read through a few and not found any like this, so here goes. Im on the contraceptive pill but have been taking antibiotics for over a week now, Will t...
A. 31 March 2009: Yes, some antibiotics completely cancel out the intended affects of the pill.
Your pharmacists will be the one to know whether or not this particular antibiotic can or will do so.
Always tell your doctor that you are on birth control, even if... (read in full...)
What do you think: shaved or natural?
Q. how do i ask if my boyfriend likes shaved pubic hairs or natural? what do you think are better? i dont want this to interrupt me and him , i dont want it to be a turn off when we first decide to have sex....
A. 31 March 2009: My experience with men has told me that they prefer no hair. Some don't mind a little "landing strip", which is like a mowhawk on your vagina, lol, but that's the most hair anyone has told me they're ok with.... (read in full...)
Sex in the rest room!
Q. Dear cupid, Two days ago I had sex with my boyfriend in a public restroom at my boyfriend's favorite place (it's a pool hall), I didn't meet him for like 3 weeks because he was in Australia. I missed him a lot and I just can't stop myself of doing ...
A. 31 March 2009: It's probably not the first time two people have gotten freaky in the bathroom.
Go back, laugh it up with your friends, just maybe don't do it again. No need to push your luck ;)... (read in full...)
I'm so close to giving birth and all I want is for him to be around with me
Q. I've been with my boyfriend exclusively for about 8 1/2 months and am 7 1/2 months pregnant. We've had alot of drama in the past, but ever since I started dating him exclusively I've been the happiest I've ever been in a relationship. I hone...
A. 31 March 2009: How is your relationship with his parents? I would talk to them first, and ask them to sit with you so you can all talk with him about how you are feeling.
He needs to understand taht when this baby comes, there will be no more video games, o... (read in full...)
Friend receiving threats and demands for money
Q. Okay so, My friend is getting stressed over a phone call she had today. From what i gathered shes been threatened by her parents to be kicked out the house for various reasons. If her grades are not good then shell be kicked out She has...
A. 31 March 2009: In the US, parents are required by law to provide adequate clothing, food and shelter, rent free.
Luxery items like a cell phone are not required, nor are brand name clothes. So I can understand if she would have to pay for her cell phone, b... (read in full...)
She used to be a HE!
Q. I really don't know what to do here. I've been with my girlfriend for one year. It's been going great and she's perfect, or so I thought. We met at work. I'd always had an attraction to her and I was overjoyed when I found out that she liked me as ...
A. 31 March 2009: She is a victim to a society that does not allow for understanding of gender identity issues.
As a psychologist, I fully believe that she was always a she but just born with the wrong body.
But the biology remains that she was once a man.
W... (read in full...)
Romantic night in...
Q. I want to plan a romantic night for me and my boyfriend. I was thinking making dinner having a few drinks and dressing in something hot with sexy underwear underneath followed by some hot love making! Does this sound good to guys? or what else can...
A. 31 March 2009: Just stay away from garlic and heavy cream... which is pretty much the same as saying stay away from italian foods for dinner.
My guy reeeeeaaaally likes it if I am on top. He loves the view, he loves knowing I am in control and he loves being ab... (read in full...)
Why has my boyfriend still not introduced me to his family???
Q. Why after 4 months in a relationship and 5 months prior to that 'dating' - has my boyfriend whom I love, not introduced me to his family? I'm starting to get seriously paranoid!! Not only has he met my family and friends, but he's actually formed ...
A. 31 March 2009: Have you asked him why?
Maybe his family dynamic is much different from yours, maybe he is embarrassed by them. You never know until you ask. Just tell him you would like to met his family now, and wish it had happened sooner. If he says no, then... (read in full...)
I can't believe he broke up with me because he was overworked. Is this something guys do?
Q. I got into a relationship (my first) last year and really clicked with the guy. I thought it was going great. Problem is he was a postgrad student with lots of work to do. We broke up after 5 months because he just couldn't physically handle a ...
A. 31 March 2009: It is common for grad students, or those just entering the work force to not be in a new relationship because of the time they have to spend at work or school. In fact, graduate students have a high divorce rate for that very reason.
I would ta... (read in full...)
Too scared to ask her out...
Q. I love a girl called Lois, I'm too scared to ask her out. You see me and her both have a lot of stuff in common and we kissed once. But this is the complicated part were both 13, she's seeing a 17 year old. I asked her out in class by reading a poem ...
A. 30 March 2009: Ok, here is the red flag that I see that no one else has touched on; she is currently seeing someone! and he is much much older!
First of all, she shouldn't be with a 17yr old is my opinion, but anywho......
Did you two kiss while she was wi... (read in full...)
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