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Crying during sex?

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 February 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 24 February 2009)
A male United States age 22-25, *onnorIsCute writes:

Last weekend, my gf and i tried anal sex for the first time. The initial penetration hurt her a lot, but we took it really slow and i was able to enter her fully. The pain seemed to go away and i was able to start to thrust gently. But right in the middle of things she began to cry. I asked if it hurt and she said no, it was ok. But since we were in the missionary position, so I could see that she was still kinda sobbing. We've had regular sex a bunch of times and nothing like this ever happened. I pulled out and just held her, but she couldn't really explain what was bothering her? Can anyone help????

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009):

You two are on the younger side so she might have felt very dirty and gross. This is not something girls talk about with each other because it is very taboo. She might have been in pain but to scared to ask you to stop because you wanted it so bad. Let her know that she doesn't need to do it. Also missionary is the most painful way to have anal. If you do it again try it in doggy position.

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A female reader, aimee-elizabeth United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2009):

I can relate to this question, and i believe that your girlfriend felt completely vunerable. this would have been a completely different feeling to sex, and therefor overwhelmed your girlfriend. and as it was quite painfull you girlfriends emotions will have been extreemly mixed and therefore made her very emotional. The fact that your girlfriend may have also felt no pleasure from this the first time, she may have felt slighty used (even though im sure that was not the case) you need to explain that if she does not want to do this again she does not have to. xx

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A female reader, LauraM United States +, writes (24 February 2009):

LauraM agony auntI totally agree with Jessica, because I can relate to it. The same emotion came over me....it's kinda like being overwhelmed by what's happening. Once ur past the pain, you feel totally vulnerable..... you're laying there, spread apart and thinking, OMG my bf is in my butt!!!! I don't want to say it's humiliating, but it can feel that way a bit. Once it starts to feel pleasurable, though, that emotion subsides.

Anal sex takes trust, so definitely talk to her and tell her how close you feel to her during the act. I am pretty sure this is an emotional and not a physical thing. Once she is past the emotional part of being penetrated there, she will also begin to enjoy it physically.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009):

Although I've never experience anal sex, I've cried/teared up when I just had sex (in missionary position). To some, missionary position is just..a position. That is my favorite because I make complete eye contact with my lover. I felt so connected with him when he penetrated me that I teared up, hah. (eyes-Windows to the soul)

It was a .."screw the world and make love to me all night" moment..*sigh*...

There wasn't any pain involved but it was a rush of emotions that I couldn't hold in. I cried the 2nd time I had sex and it was hard to explain to my guy at that moment why I was crying. He also stopped and held me in bed.

He asked "what's wrong". I told him nothing was wrong. When I got home, I thought about it and it wasn't that something was wrong, everything just felt right. It's a new experience, maybe she just didn't know how else to express herself.

ggive her time and hopefully she'll open up on her own. Do not pressure her for an answer. :) GOOD LUCK!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (24 February 2009):

Tisha-1 agony auntDrop the subject for now, after you gently tell her that if and when she wants to talk about it, you're ready to listen to her. Otherwise, just leave it be. Not everyone enjoys or tolerates anal sex, and she may be in that group.

If she does talk about it, LISTEN very closely and don't respond until you understand what she is trying to say to you. You might need to repeat her words back to make sure you've got the point.

Take care!

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A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (24 February 2009):

maybe she wasn't enjoying it at all, but didn't want to hurt your feelings. it does sounds anal sex is not for her so i think you should talk to her about it and maybe not do it again unless she mentions it.

for a man anal sex is exciting, but for a woman...i can't think of anything worse then a cock in my ass! think i would cry too. but just talk to her and tell her you don't have to do it again if she does not want to. she obviously was not happy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009):

talk to her - see what she says. if she doesnt like it then don't do it again.

Star.x.

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A male reader, Lunchbox United States +, writes (24 February 2009):

Men and women view anal sex very differently. As a man I could say that anal sex is awesome and i'm sure you can agree. But we usually don't think about how our partner might feel about it. She can feel emotionally torn. The anus was not made to be putting things inside of it, rather it is for other things to come out of it. She may have felt a bit of disrespect from you. Even though i'm sure that was the last thing you were trying to do. Women as well as men have morals, and anal sex might have been against her morals.

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A female reader, jessica04 United States +, writes (24 February 2009):

jessica04 agony auntAnal sex can be very painful at first, and scary. I have never heard of trying anal while in the missionary position, so maybe things weren't feeling right.

If she said the pain was fine, then I think she may have gotten overwhelmed by what you two were doing. If she decides she would like to try again sometime, go very slow. I say this a lot to you kids, but use lots of lube, and try to stimulate her anus to relax her a bit. Use a new condom to prevent fecal matter from entering the vagina if you move on to vaginal intercourse. Sometimes anal sex takes a while to work up to. Try putting a finger cot (finger sized condom, found in med supply isle of drug store/ pharmacy) and lube, and see how that feels for her. You can still be missionary while doing this so you can see how she reacts.

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