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... Send *essica04 a private message | | | *essica04's profile:I am 23 and live in the U.S. in Las Vegas.
As far as education, I am a senior psychology major with an emphasis on child development, and minor credits in counseling.
As far as my personal life, I have been there and back! I was pregnant at 17, which ended in a miscarriage. I married my H.S. boy friend when I was just 18 and still in school. He was in the U.S. Army and I spent almost 3 years as a military wife. Our relationship was always abusive, and we divorced just over a year ago.
I don't know which part of all that people will count as "credentials" for giving advice, but take it as you will. I have an opinion on just about everything, and I promise all of my readers that I will try my best to offer sound, unbiased advise. But I ask you to take everything I say with a grain of salt. I won't always tell you what you want to hear, but this is an advice site, so you asked.
Most of my advice is based on relationships and basic sex-education questions. I will never speak about that which I have no experience. |
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Too scared to ask her out...
Q. I love a girl called Lois, I'm too scared to ask her out. You see me and her both have a lot of stuff in common and we kissed once. But this is the complicated part were both 13, she's seeing a 17 year old. I asked her out in class by reading a poem ...
A. 1 April 2009: I'm sorry to hear that, but kudos to you for having the guts to go ahead and ask her out. It probably doesn't seem so great now, but there are grown men and women who can't muster the courage to put their feelings in the open and ask a person out.
... (read in full...)
I can't believe he broke up with me because he was overworked. Is this something guys do?
Q. I got into a relationship (my first) last year and really clicked with the guy. I thought it was going great. Problem is he was a postgrad student with lots of work to do. We broke up after 5 months because he just couldn't physically handle a ...
A. 31 March 2009: It is common for grad students, or those just entering the work force to not be in a new relationship because of the time they have to spend at work or school. In fact, graduate students have a high divorce rate for that very reason.
I would ta... (read in full...)
I don't know her that well, but should I bring her a gift too?
Q. Quick question, was invited to a girls birthday party, and I said that Ill bring sum mixers for shooter drinks, that will require around 4 bottles of liquor, as i know the one that she likes. she is a new friend, and a new group of mates, should i ...
A. 31 March 2009: I would put a bow on one of the bottles for her own personal "collection", but bring the rest since this party sounds like it's a pot luck of sorts and everyone is probably bringing food or drinks.
If you want to bring anything extra as a gift, ju... (read in full...)
Why do I care that my ex has someone else when he was so horrible to me when we were together?
Q. I have a simple problem, one that I pretty much buried myself in and that even typing seems child-ish, but I can't help the way that I feel. I dated a boy for almost 2 years before we broke up because he had gotten out of hand (ie. yelling at ...
A. 31 March 2009: Wow, honey I am in the exact same situation.
My backstory is that my ex husband (also my first BF in school, and we dated for 3 yrs) and I divorced just over a year ago after being married for 4 years. He cheated on me, physically abused me, spen... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a rape fantasy!
Q. My girlfriend and I were talking about fantasies. She said that she has always had a rape fantasy. I was a bit weirded out at first but we acted it out in the end. Now, she wants me to act out the rape fantasy again, except this time she wants to ...
A. 31 March 2009: I would sit her down and try to find out where these fantasies are coming from.
To me, this is a reflection of a desire to be controlled (obviously) by an absent father figure. Perhaps her own dad was distant or uninterested in what she did grow... (read in full...)
Do all parents feel like this?
Q. My daughter's boyfriend is taking her for a night away with dinner for her 18th birthday after a big family party (he won this in a competition seemingly) and sent me a text to ask how I felt about it. They have been together two years and so all ...
A. 31 March 2009: hmm, well at least he asked. I know my parents weren't too thrilled with me seeing my ex even after we got married (he had to live out of state for the military). It's just a protective nature because you understand the "mistakes" that can be made ... (read in full...)
Why would he keep the earrings? An excuse to see me?
Q. Cutting to the chase, me and this guy were casually seeing each other between October till about mid January. After the middle of January things dwindled off. He called me the day before Valentine's, I didn't pick up so he left a voicemail casually ...
A. 30 March 2009: I think this is just about earrings, nothing more. He is just being a nice guy who isn't about to throw away earrings that couls possibly have been expensive, and it's not like you two hate eachother, so he has no reason to not give them back.
... (read in full...)
Missed period. How long before I can take a pregnancy test?
Q. I had cramping last monday, thought my period was comming a week early, but it didnt. I am now 3 days late for my period - i run a very reliable cycle and tested on the first missed day but it was negative. i will test again in a few days but was ...
A. 30 March 2009: I got a positive the week after I had unprotected sex, which was also the week I was supposed to get my period.
I used EPT.
For a more reliable test, go to your doctor. I'd wait another week though, since at home tests rely on detection of a p... (read in full...)
Too scared to ask her out...
Q. I love a girl called Lois, I'm too scared to ask her out. You see me and her both have a lot of stuff in common and we kissed once. But this is the complicated part were both 13, she's seeing a 17 year old. I asked her out in class by reading a poem ...
A. 30 March 2009: Ok, here is the red flag that I see that no one else has touched on; she is currently seeing someone! and he is much much older!
First of all, she shouldn't be with a 17yr old is my opinion, but anywho......
Did you two kiss while she was wi... (read in full...)
Can long term drug use cause erectile dysfunction?
Q. I have been dating this man for 5 months, everything is so great and perfect-except for the bedroom. He has a problem keeping it up. Sometimes it works and everything is wonderful, but there are a lot of times when it just dies before we even ...
A. 30 March 2009: It depends on the drug, but the answer is yes. What kind of drug are we talking about? Prescription? Illegal narcotics? Need more info since every drug works differently and causes different physiological changes to the brain and body.... (read in full...)
My friend's dad beats her and I don't know what to do to help her
Q. today my friend came over and started crying it took me 15 minutes to get her to tell me wats wrong...she told me that if she gets in trobule her dad will beat her mom and sometimes her..i'm soo scared for her i didnt know how to react when she ...
A. 30 March 2009: She needs help, and at the very least you can tell a counselor and keep it anonymous Tell them you do not want to be named. But I would talk to her about reporting it. Help give her confidence and courage to tell someone who can help her and her ... (read in full...)
What can I do for my mum to accept my boyfriend?
Q. im seeking for help don't know what to do. i have a boyfriend who really love me and i also love him but my mum don't want to accept.i don't know what to do, he invite me on the beach with him but i don't know how i will tell my mum about it because ...
A. 27 March 2009: It sounds like she is just being a protective mama.
It might help if he comes over to your house more often so she can "sniff" him out. When she keeps getting shown time and time again that she has no reason to dislike him, she will begin to accep... (read in full...)
Need suggestions for extremely difficult work situation
Q. Ok I desperately need as many opinions and thoughts as possible as this is quite an important decision I need to make with in the next few hours - the more help I get the better. The economy in the UK right now is extremely bad - the value of our...
A. 27 March 2009: Take the job. Many companies are only hiring internally for new positions, so getting your foot in the door with them can lead to a better, full-time position.
If nothing else, it's a job, and no one says you cannot keep looking for a better o... (read in full...)
Will it hurt for both of us if it's our first time?
Q. I am a virgin and i was just wondering, if my first time with a women that is also a virgin, will it be painful for her or me, or both of us at the same time and how painful is it if it is painful? And i know that a woman bleeds after her first time ...
A. 27 March 2009: It may hurt for her, but every woman is different. My first time did not hurt at all.
I have never heard of a guy hurting from his first time, but I am not a guy, so I cannot give an answer. My ex lost his virginity to me, and he mentione... (read in full...)
Thoughts about first time sex
Q. Hi everyone! Okay I'm not saying that I'm going to have sex or anything I'm just very curious what is it like the first time you have sex? Does it hurt? Does it feel good? Is it amazing or what? I need to know!!:) it would really help me out for ...
A. 27 March 2009: Well, it's only amazing if you and the person you're doing it with are really special to each other.
My first time didn't hurt at all, but this is not true for every girl/woman.
It might not even feel good the first time, but since you have t... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to put a label on our relationship..and I'm tired of this attitude
Q. i need seriouse advise. i have been dating this guy for 1 year now and it has trully been an emotional roller coaster, he foudn me at my weakest point and some how i feel in love with him, which surprised me. im tired of not being able to be ...
A. 27 March 2009: If he won't tell you where he wants this relationship to go, then it isn't going to go anywhere.
I think you've waited long enough. He obviously feels he has some wild oats to sow, and for some reason thinks it is OK for him to waste your time and... (read in full...)
He can't love me fully because of her
Q. me and my bf have been dating on and off for 3 yrs now, and im 20 and he is 30. he is recently divorced with a 7 yr old daughter.these past yrs have been the best and worst of my life. he never buys me anything or take upon the men duties such as ...
A. 27 March 2009: It's understandable that he would do things differently the second time around if he got burned so badly the first time.
He needs to learn to trust, and if after several years he still hasn't accepted your loyalty and faithfulness to him, the... (read in full...)
My friend's dad beats her and I don't know what to do to help her
Q. today my friend came over and started crying it took me 15 minutes to get her to tell me wats wrong...she told me that if she gets in trobule her dad will beat her mom and sometimes her..i'm soo scared for her i didnt know how to react when she ...
A. 27 March 2009: You go straight to your school counselor and tell them what she told you. They will make a report to Child Protective Services, who will send a social worker to investigate.
You need to really talk to her about reporting this. I know she is scare... (read in full...)
Should I tell him? Or not?
Q. Just recently I was informed that my brother is getting married.Im extaticly proud for him but something is nagging at me.in the past i never really saw my brother because we had differnet moms and his mom and my dad are divorced.sometime after in ...
A. 27 March 2009: I do think you should sit down and talk with your brother with your dad present, and tell him exactly what you told us.
Is it a safe guess that he might have jealousy issues because you were part of your dad's "new family"?
I think he is wron... (read in full...)
How do I know if I'm REALLY pleasing her in bed?
Q. I'm a 20 year old male, and I want very much to please my girlfriend with oral sex. However, she is very stoic and reserved in bed, so I can't tell if I am doing a good job or not pleasing her, I've asked her straight up, and she always just says it ...
A. 27 March 2009: There are other signs that sometimes a woman is not aware she is giving off, like if her hips rock and tilt, or if her breathing becomes shorter and gasping. Also, look up and see what her nipples are doing. For the most part, they will be erect and ... (read in full...)
I'm interested in my music instructor
Q. Ok, so here's my dilemma. I'm a seventeen year old girl, but I turn 18 in about a month, by the way, and I take private music lessons. The problem is, I really like my teacher, and I would like to have a relationship with him... he's an adult, but ...
A. 27 March 2009: Probably not the best idea to put your feelings out there right away, even if you are 18. In his mind you are still in HS.
Not saying it shouldn't happen, but unless you know that he is interested, has no GF, and wouldn't get in trouble at work,... (read in full...)
Did YOU bleed your first time???
Q. Hey! I know this probably just sounds like I'm being a nosy bitch, but I've started going out with this guy, only been with him 11 weeks! I'm 17 in 3 weeks and I'm still a virgin, he's 20 and he's also still a virgin, and although I'm not jumping ...
A. 26 March 2009: It's different for every girl. My friend said her 1st-4th time hurt, but she is also naturally very tight. Also, she didn't bleed at all.
There's only one way to find out though, lol.... (read in full...)
Did YOU bleed your first time???
Q. Hey! I know this probably just sounds like I'm being a nosy bitch, but I've started going out with this guy, only been with him 11 weeks! I'm 17 in 3 weeks and I'm still a virgin, he's 20 and he's also still a virgin, and although I'm not jumping ...
A. 26 March 2009: My fist time didn't hurt at all, but I did bleed.
If you have the option of planning ahead, maybe lay on a folded towel, one that you can just toss.
Also, when it does finally happen, just relax. Don't get worked up over anything, just l... (read in full...)
"I am a good man without money" What does it mean???
Q. Hello, I have been dating this man for 8 months now , He first told me when we met that he dated other women and even got engaged but broke up because of money issues he said he just leaves when any women makes any money demands he said he alway...
A. 26 March 2009: He sounds like he is trying to weed out the gold diggers, but he's going about it all wrong.
Instead of trying to scare off women who only want him for his money, he is also scaring off good women who don't care if he is rich, but would like a h... (read in full...)
Why do women in abusive relationship return to the guy?
Q. Why do women in abusive relationship return to the guy? i've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, which im 15 and hes 18, and even though i break up with him when he leaves brozes on me, i ALWAYS go back. my mom was in a domestic violence relation...
A. 26 March 2009: Telling someone IS an option. If he hasn't told people he is with you, then he's using you. This is a control tactic where he is making you keep something secret out of fear of losing him or incuring his anger. You always have an option to tell ... (read in full...)
Am I gay because I watch lesbian porn?
Q. Hi. So I posted a question before, but I am still feeling very uncomfortable and frustrated with myself. Here's the whole story. I am 18 years old and go to an all women's college. I chose to come here because I knew I would never have to worry ab...
A. 26 March 2009: If you are not physically or emotionally attracted to women and have only ever like men, then your straight.
Watching little more than overpaid actresses does not make you gay. If it did, then would guys be gay for watching porn that involves... (read in full...)
Should I continue with him?
Q. my ex, which i think we're back together already, is using me for intimacy, and even though this really good guy is dieing for me, i don't want him, i want my ex. i keep on going back to him cuz i feel that with out him i will die. he is older an...
A. 26 March 2009: You will not die. Your feelings just seem so strong because your little body is pumped up with hormones that your underdeveloped brain cannot properly process yet (Im a psychology major, I know this stuff).
Honestly, if you know he is using yo... (read in full...)
Why do women in abusive relationship return to the guy?
Q. Why do women in abusive relationship return to the guy? i've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, which im 15 and hes 18, and even though i break up with him when he leaves brozes on me, i ALWAYS go back. my mom was in a domestic violence relation...
A. 26 March 2009: Women who were raised with domestic violence and see the one parent always going back to te abuse are much more likely to go back themselves.
Your BF is too old for you anyways.
I know this is much more easily said than done, but leave. Dump ... (read in full...)
Meeting my boyfriends father
Q. Hey Everyone, I'm 18, and I'm meeting my boyfriends Dad for the first time in a few days. (my boyfriend is my age too) I'm actually staying with them for 2 weeks, so I just wondered whether anyone could give me some advice on how to act,...
A. 26 March 2009: My BF's dad recently flew me out to their home for a week over New Years. We didn't hit it off at all, but I still sent them a thank you card and some pictures from our trip.
Just be yourself, but remember that you still need to be the girl tha... (read in full...)
1 of 2 guys could be the daddy
Q. Ok im 15 years old im goin to be 16 in november. My boyfriend is 24 whom will be 25 in october. Come to find out im pregnant. The thing is, is that im not so sure who the father is...It can be one out of two people.... my boyfriend that i have been ...
A. 26 March 2009: Well, here's the real crux of the matter; unless your parents are 100% ok with you dating a boy more than 8yrs older than you and having a sexual relationship with him, then he could be looking at jail time for statutory rape.
You are under th... (read in full...)
What do boys like for presents?
Q. my boyfriends birthday and our year anniversary is coming up next month, and he's the most annoying person to but for, i usually end up getting him clothes or jewelry and i'm guessing he's getting bored of it all, what do boys actually like for ...
A. 25 March 2009: If he's into sports, can you afford to take him to a game? Soccer, football (whatever name you call it over there) for one of the bigger teams out there, or at least one that you can afford to see. Also, the game doesn't have to be exactly on his ... (read in full...)
I panicked when we had sex and he couldn't get it in.
Q. I sent a question recently and well me and my boyfriend have been together along time. The other night we finally came to the point where sex was an option so everything was prepared y'know, but last minute I panicked (being my first time) yeah I ...
A. 25 March 2009: You aren't a wuss, it's totally natural.
My first time didn't hurt, but it wasn't magically romantic either.
I think you're just thinking it over way too much. Just kind of go with the flow, and it will too ;-)
If you use lube, remember t... (read in full...)
Problems with son and college.
Q. I was recently told by my 17-year-old son's college lecturer that he's been getting poor grades. I asked why, and all he said was "your son's more interested in pursuing a vendetta than his grades". I confronted my son, and asked him what this wa...
A. 25 March 2009: Take him to a counselor for youth and families.
Best case, he is just feeling socially awkward at school and his thought process isn't prioritizing what is really important (school over a grudge).
Worst case, this turns out to be the start of ... (read in full...)
He won't go out with me because I'm "flat chested" Grrrrr
Q. Well basically, I am 14 and I am not fully 'developed' yet. Like I haven't started my period and my boobs are basically like mosquito bites. This is because my mum developed really late. She didn't start her period til she was 16 but the annoying ...
A. 25 March 2009: Boys are stupid and have cooties (sorry guys).
Who knows why they are the way they are. But if he can't take the time to discover your winning personality and charm, then he can just bugger off.
And honey, being a little flat is not a bad thi... (read in full...)
I'd rather give my baby up for adoption than to let him have it
Q. I'm 7 months pregnant my boyfriend and I have since split up it live in the same apt I'm trying to find a new place. He has a daughter from a previous relationship. I want to give the child up for adoption I just think he would have a better life. ...
A. 25 March 2009: Stella, I think it is commendable that you are thinking about your unborn child in such a selfless way.
I wish all too often that young women in less than ideal circumstances would put their babies up for adoption. There are so many hopeful ... (read in full...)
He lied..he still checks girls out!
Q. Ok.....so in the beginning of me and my boyfriends relationship I said that I dont like when he checks girls out because I find it to be disrespectful to me...and he said "ok, but iv been doing it my whole life, but if you give me some time I can ...
A. 25 March 2009: Is he hitting on girls? Or only looking at them?
I know its frustrating, but all guys to some extent check out other girls, it's habit.
I wouldn't get so mad unless it's so obvious that he's checking them out right in front of you.
Now if h... (read in full...)
Child porn located on his computer! Now what?
Q. Hi i recently found numerous videos of child pornography (VERY VERY GRAPHIC TITLES AND HORRIBLE FREEZE FRAMES, NEVER WATCHED BY ME I CAN ONLY STARE AT THE SAVED FILES)on both my boyfriends computers, both of which the children use and his profiles ...
A. 25 March 2009: Take the computer now. Yes, they can still find everything unless he is some computer freak genius and magnetizes the boards or something to wipe out everything.
You know Geek Squad at best buy? They are trained to scan and report this kind of ... (read in full...)
How do ask someone to be in a threesome?
Q. My boyfriend and I want to have a threesome with another guy but don't know how to ask. How do I ask a gorgeous guy to join my boyfriend and I for a threesome?...
A. 25 March 2009: How well and from where do you know him?
If you only know him from work, and very casually, then it might be best to leave it alone.
If he is a friend of yours, and you two trust him, then maybe both of you take him out to dinner and ask s... (read in full...)
Why is my period late and should I take another test?
Q. Please! I am almost crying of panic! I am like a week and so late in my period. but i have not had unprotected sex, ever! what should I do? I had a pregancy tst done two days ago, and it came out negative.. so why is my period late and when should ...
A. 25 March 2009: Wait until it's been a week from the first test, and take another.
Most likely, you are not pregnant. This could be stress or hormones.
Sometimes you jsut skip a period. I am always very regular, but one month BAM, no period. I took 5 tests, al... (read in full...)
I'd rather give my baby up for adoption than to let him have it
Q. I'm 7 months pregnant my boyfriend and I have since split up it live in the same apt I'm trying to find a new place. He has a daughter from a previous relationship. I want to give the child up for adoption I just think he would have a better life. ...
A. 25 March 2009: Talk to a family services lawyer about your rights as the mother.
If he is signing papers for his daughter, it probably means he is trying to get partial custody of her to show that he should also have custody of this child. However, he still ha... (read in full...)
I want a date night with my husband!
Q. Hi, I am 28 years and I've been married almost 2.. Have a son whose 1. The thing is my husband and I have known eachother for 12 years and we've been together on and off. He's a good person and we love eachother very much. But when we got marr...
A. 25 March 2009: One night, like a Wendesday so it can just be you two, drop your son off at your parents. Go home, get pretty, and wow him when he gets off work. Lay out some clothes for him so he doesn't have to think about it, and tell him you're ready to go, and ... (read in full...)
He's had a chance to chose between me & g/f why is holding on to me?
Q. hello...i know you all are going to chew me out...but im still messing with this guy who has a gf...the only thing different is she knows about us now because i told her...hoping this would push him against a wall to make a decision... well it d...
A. 25 March 2009: If he didn't want to be with her, then he would have left already. The fact that she is still with him despite knowing about you only means that the same garbage he is spewing to you, he is also repeating to her.
He's a loser. Now he has his cake... (read in full...)
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