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*essica04 agony aunt

*essica04

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*essica04's profile:

I am 23 and live in the U.S. in Las Vegas.

As far as education, I am a senior psychology major with an emphasis on child development, and minor credits in counseling.

As far as my personal life, I have been there and back! I was pregnant at 17, which ended in a miscarriage. I married my H.S. boy friend when I was just 18 and still in school. He was in the U.S. Army and I spent almost 3 years as a military wife. Our relationship was always abusive, and we divorced just over a year ago.

I don't know which part of all that people will count as "credentials" for giving advice, but take it as you will. I have an opinion on just about everything, and I promise all of my readers that I will try my best to offer sound, unbiased advise. But I ask you to take everything I say with a grain of salt. I won't always tell you what you want to hear, but this is an advice site, so you asked.

Most of my advice is based on relationships and basic sex-education questions. I will never speak about that which I have no experience.

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Young married parents losing interest in sex

Q.   My wife is 21 and I am , we have a daughter turning 2. We are very busy as she is a full time student and works part time and I work 2 jobs. We are working hard to realize our goals of owning our own house and being financially secure. The problem ...

A.   18 March 2009: Keep trying. Just be there for her. The more she knows she is supprted, the less pressure she will feel. But if you two are seeking counseling, I will leave them to tell you what to do from here on out. Good luck... (read in full...)

Is it MY semen or does she seemen?

Q.   My partner and I had sex two days ago, today while we were beginning to have sex I pulled out and my member had a big glob of semen just below the head, and I know I didn't just cum. It looks fresh and she says it's from the last time we had sex and ...

A.   12 March 2009: Short and simple: No... (read in full...)

Confused in Iraq

Q.   So, Im a US soldier currently deployed to Iraq for the third time. I met my wife in 2006, shortly after returning from my first deployment. We had a very strong, and wonderful relationship. Right before I left in February of 07 for a second ...

A.   10 March 2009: In the US, the only way I know of "quitting" the military is to not renew your contract and to let your time run out and then honorably discharge. But, you still have to decide on a reserve unit to be a part of for several years after, and we h... (read in full...)

How can you make a woman feel special and sexy and during foreplay?

Q.   How can you make a woman feel really special and make her feel really sexy during foreplay?...

A.   10 March 2009: Make it all about her. Ask her what she wants, while your doing things to her. Tell her how amazing she looks, and how you can't wait to be in her. Try to describe her to herself.... (read in full...)

Is it MY semen or does she seemen?

Q.   My partner and I had sex two days ago, today while we were beginning to have sex I pulled out and my member had a big glob of semen just below the head, and I know I didn't just cum. It looks fresh and she says it's from the last time we had sex and ...

A.   9 March 2009: Showering would have nothing to do with ejaculation being cleaned out. The vagina naturally washes things out, which is what discharge is for women. It was most likely her own lubricant and discharge that her vagina produced. Especially if it wa... (read in full...)

Should I be looking for love at such a young age?

Q.   I was reading that "Life is too short" article, and the bit that said "..relationship without love" hit me quite hard. Me and my girlfriend split a few weeks ago and so many thoughts have been running through my head. At first I was thinking "Right, ...

A.   9 March 2009: Looking for love is fine. What seems to really stick up teenagers is the thought that they have to stay in love with the same person forever. If every relationship you have has some form of love in it, then great! Have fun with it! Just don't ge... (read in full...)

He tricked me & now I think I'm pregnant!

Q.   Hey, im in a bit of a problem. I had sex about 2 weeks ago, it happend a few times, we used protection, but he said it split. But we both thought nothing of it. Normally my periods are regular, and i havn't come on this month, ive been googling ...

A.   9 March 2009: Ignore what they say about "signs" of pregnancy, since most also fit the description of PMS. Take an at home test, and go from there. If it comes out positive, then go see your doctor to discuss you options (and you do have options here). If it sa... (read in full...)

How to relax when he is fingering me?

Q.   Ok, me and my boyfriend have been talking about him fingering me. I just want to know does it hurt and what should I do to help myself relax when he is doing it? Hope you can help....

A.   9 March 2009: If he goes slow with you, it should not hurt. Just start slow, with lots of kissing and caressing. Have him start with just one finger until things are wet enough down there that he can introduce a second. Remember, he needs to go SLOW. Also,... (read in full...)

14 years old with health issue... any medical advice?

Q.   Im a 14 year old girl and all of a sudden my vagina has just swollen up like the lips of the vagina and the hole is stinging loads. i cant hardly see inside of it because of how swollen it is i really dont know what it is, also theres white ...

A.   9 March 2009: It sounds like a really bad yeast infection, or other type of infection. Do not wait to tell you mom in 3 days. Tell her as soon as you read this so she can get you in to see the doctor first thing in the morning. You need to be put on a course o... (read in full...)

I used to mess around with my male neighbour - does this count as my virginity?

Q.   Hi, I am wondering about a few things and its making me worry and I feel soo guilty. A couple years back I was getting kinda sexual with my nieghbor friend we didnt have sex or anything. just kinda experimented together. like masturbated together ...

A.   9 March 2009: It all depends on what you consider virginity to be. For heterosexuals, some believe that even if they do every things except vaginal penetration, they are still virgins. Some consider anal and/or oral sex to be losing your virginity. Some pe... (read in full...)

She did stuff with an ex before we were married... how do I cope?

Q.   After my wife and I had been married for nine years, she revealed to me that she had done everything but intercourse with her high school boyfriend. I thought that our sexual experience was with just the two of us. I have had a hard time trying to ...

A.   9 March 2009: You can let her know it upsets you that she wasn't honest with you 9 years ago. But really, there is nothing you can do but be understanding. If she saved herself for marriage, and gave herself fully to you, then she really loves you. Imagine ... (read in full...)

I found spot of blood..did I rip my hymen?

Q.   i fingered myself and i saw a tad of blood on my fingers my period is due soon but i dont know weather i have ripped my mymen or its just period blood please answer if you have any ideas. if i have it has fot its ups and downs but......

A.   9 March 2009: Yes, you tore your hymen. Possibly not all the way though. When you do have sex, you may still bleed some. If it continues to bleed, you need to fess up and tell your mom. Or heck, lie and say you had problems with the tampon! Point is, your mom... (read in full...)

Young married parents losing interest in sex

Q.   My wife is 21 and I am , we have a daughter turning 2. We are very busy as she is a full time student and works part time and I work 2 jobs. We are working hard to realize our goals of owning our own house and being financially secure. The problem ...

A.   9 March 2009: I would be hesitant to introduce a new partner before patching things up with between the two of you. I think you just hit the nail on the head though. Look for a 2 bedroom as soon as it becomes affordable. See if your apartment complex has a 2b... (read in full...)

Confused in Iraq

Q.   So, Im a US soldier currently deployed to Iraq for the third time. I met my wife in 2006, shortly after returning from my first deployment. We had a very strong, and wonderful relationship. Right before I left in February of 07 for a second ...

A.   9 March 2009: When my ex husband was deployed to Iraq, I had to learn hard and fast how to do everything on my own. The independence she is feeling is most likely three-fold because she has a child to care for. When he came home, i remember being upset with eve... (read in full...)

Young married parents losing interest in sex

Q.   My wife is 21 and I am , we have a daughter turning 2. We are very busy as she is a full time student and works part time and I work 2 jobs. We are working hard to realize our goals of owning our own house and being financially secure. The problem ...

A.   9 March 2009: Couples who become so busy with work, school, and fmaily often lose hold of that initial attraction they had int he relationship, and I'm not talking physical attraction. It sounds more like you two are losing touch with what brought you two toge... (read in full...)

He can't last during sex & I'm getting bored!

Q.   my boyfriend can not last during sex. its getting a problem because i am getting bored. it doesn't seem to matter what position we try or condom types he just has not stamina. I have never orgasimed, i don't look forward to having sex with my ...

A.   9 March 2009: Are you saying he gets too tired after about 7 minutes? Or that he is ejaculating prematurely? If it's because he gets too tired, then you might want to have him change his lifestyle to something healthier, as in diet andexercise. Also, try not ... (read in full...)

Home remedies for removing moles

Q.   Hello :) Well im going to a party in a few weeks, and I have a gorgeous backless red dress. Only problem is im reeeealy self conscious about this mole I have on my back. I know im being stupid, its tiny! And its slightly risen... so I was wonderin...

A.   9 March 2009: Listen to Cat! There is no home remedy for removing a mole that does not pose a substantial risk of infection/harm to yourself. Moles are sensitive and only a dermatologist or your family doctor should be the ones removing them. Make an appt.... (read in full...)

I bled for 11 days after having sex, is this normal?

Q.   I'm sorta worried now! I always said I wanted to save my virginity until I was older, mature and in love.. I've been in a relationship with this amazing guy now for just over a year, and we both felt ready, we'd spoke about it for about 6 weeks, I ...

A.   9 March 2009: The bleeding could just be part of your hymen tearing, though 11 days is pretty long, to me at least. The burning most likely came from a UTI (urinary tract infection) that you contracted from sex. It happens quite often. When the vagina is rough... (read in full...)

Pregnant without sex by touching organs?

Q.   hii i'm interest if it posible if a virgin can get pregnant without having sex, only touching sperm in her sexual organs?...

A.   9 March 2009: I am assuming you meant that his penis touched the outer parts of your vagina. If this is what you meant, then yes you could get pregnant if he ejaculated all over the outer parts of your vagina. If he only touched, then you are most likely n... (read in full...)

What does a spontaneous back massage mean?

Q.   when a guy just comes up randomly and starts giving you a back massage. what does that mean?...

A.   9 March 2009: It usually means they think you're cute and are looking for an excuse to both be near you and make you happy. If you think he's cute or like him back, then just be yourself since that's obviously what attracted him to you to begin with. If he is... (read in full...)

Why is my teacher starting to act differently?

Q.   I've recently been noticing that one of my teachers has been acting differently. Here's some of the things he's been doing: When he walks around to check in our assignments, he stops either next to my desk and takes extra time filling in his ...

A.   9 March 2009: Please listen very carefully to my following advice. You need to talk to your parents with your friend and tell them everything you have just told us. Regardless of whether they think you might be making a big deal out of nothing, explain to them ... (read in full...)

He refuses to go down on me

Q.   I am just wondering why my boyfriend won't go down on me anymore. We haveo nly been together about 4 months and I keep myself well groomed. THe most it ever gets to down there is a little stubbly which he has commented he likes because it "tickles" ...

A.   9 March 2009: Sometimes there can be a smell or taste down there that is a bit off-putting. These changes come and go with our menstrual cycles. He may have been down there a few months ago and had it taste a little off, and it might have scared him since if... (read in full...)

Very bumpy textured vaginal wall?

Q.   Well, I was never one to touch myself at all and one night i decided to try it, and well because it is sort of embarrassing to ask people in person I was wondering if anyone could tell me if i was supposed to have a very bumpy textured vaginal wall? ...

A.   9 March 2009: Certain parts of the vagina can feel textured. Whether a penis can feel this, I could not say. If these bumps were painful, or if they change over the next few weeks/month, then go see a doctor. But please understand that all of our bodies a... (read in full...)

Wrong for 15 year old to date 19 year old?

Q.   I am a fifteen year old girl, and I am currently interersted in a 19 year old man. We have known eachother for about a year now and have become extremely close in this period of time. Is it wrong for a younger girl and an older guy to date? ...

A.   9 March 2009: Look, is there anything wrong with it per say? No, if you two hit it off and have a good relationship that you can be open in, then more power to you. The problem comes when other people, law makers especially, deem that age gap to be inapprop... (read in full...)

Child abuse? Was it wrong for me to say something?

Q.   I have this friend I have not seen in years and we had a get together at his girlfriends house. His girlfriend is divorced with a son and my old friend lets call him Sam is divorced and has a son. But to get to my question, I don't like the way he ...

A.   9 March 2009: You were right to make mention to Sam that he was being too harsh. In reality, he is being very verbally abusive to these boys. It sounds like he might be under a lot of stress possibly if he is taking it out on helpless children. This however, does ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid g/f might be pregnant but don't want to scare her

Q.   I'm worried that my girlfriend of 13 months could be pregnant. We haven't actually had sex but she is two weeks late for her period and we have done everything apart from sex. We are very careful and try and keep any come away from her, but I am ...

A.   8 March 2009: As far as the signs she has, they come normally with the menstrual cycle. If her periods are irregular, then she might even have slightly higher symptoms of PMS because of her hormones. The odds of her being pregnant are slim. Unless you had a go... (read in full...)

Fiance will not get a job!

Q.   Hi all, I have been with my fiancé for nearly 2 years now. Recently he was made redundant and to make ends meet we are now living with his parents. I am still in work and just got promoted. My problem is this, my fiancé, let’s say his name is...

A.   8 March 2009: This lack of motivation has gone on long enough that I would consider it a clear sign of things to come if you get married. I'm sorry he got laid off, but there is no reason to at least not look for work. I would cut your losses, give him the ring... (read in full...)

Sexual problems in our marriage and running out of time to solve them!

Q.   My husband and I have been together for 7 years. Our anniversary is actually within the week. We are both concerned about our intimacy. During our first two years together, things were fantastic. Then came time for me to deploy. After two weeks of ...

A.   8 March 2009: How much time do you spend on foreplay? I have found that when I am in a rut, it really helps me out to have longer oral sessions and just a lot of intimate touching before sex. Sadly, I think that as far as your relationship is concerne... (read in full...)

I have really bad nightmares and that I sometimes get violent, I'm panicking majorly here.

Q.   Hey there, I'm wondering if anyone can help me here, my girlfriend has told me that in my sleep I have really bad nightmares and that I sometimes get violent, I'm panicking majorly here. I'm a nice guy, never anything bad about me but this is out of ...

A.   8 March 2009: My ex husband served in Iraq, and for his first year back home he used to hit me in his sleep. Not a full out punch, but he would sometimes just swing and he caught me a couple of good times. I think you might want to try a sleep clinic or a the... (read in full...)

Will she be turned off by my "lil buddy?"

Q.   hey aunts , i need some advice.. okay here's the deal, me and my girlfriend really like each other and have been going out for a year..she's 15, im 14.. well any ways we've made out and stuff but have done anything other than that, and w...

A.   8 March 2009: If she is turned off by it then she is shallow and you deserve better. Don't be afraid. If you're confidant then she will more likely not even notice. Really, length has very little to do with a woman's pleasure during sex. Girth matters mo... (read in full...)

Do women actually enjoy being "fingered"?

Q.   I've never really liked the word "fingering"... but is being fingered something that women actually enjoy, or is there a special way to do it other than just shoving your fingers in...? I'm just curious really... ...

A.   8 March 2009: Listen to Emilysanswers. She said it all.... (read in full...)

We lost our virginity together but now she's terrified she's pregnant!

Q.   I'm 15, me and my girlfriend lost our virginties recently and now she's scared of being pregnant. I'm scared that she's mad or something, I need help. PLEASE I dont want to lose her. How can we stay the same like we used to be? We usually spend some ...

A.   8 March 2009: The penis emits a 'precum' which is a seminal fluid that can contain sperm. So even if you don't ejaculate, she can still get pregnant. When you put the kind of stress that comes with unprotected sex on a young relationship, this is usually ... (read in full...)

She wants to end the affair, do I end the gifts?

Q.   I have been having an affair with my personnel assistant (PA) for the last 3 years. I gave her preferential treatment in terms of promotion, gifts, conference trips and salary. At the start of the relationship I thought she was going with me for ...

A.   7 March 2009: Well, if you ask her for everything back then she could argue sexual harassment that she felt pressured into having an affair with you.... and blah blah blah. It can all get very complicated. If you two really did become close, then maybe talk to ... (read in full...)

I'm finding my male friend attractive. Am I gay?

Q.   i am male, thing is i like girls and have had some relationships, but recently my best friend (male), has been looking very attractive to me, but i fear he wont open up, cos i think he is homophobic, i am confused am i gay or what?...

A.   7 March 2009: You're just being curious and sexual. There is nothing wrong with that at all, lots of people satisfy curiosity while they're young to get a better feel of what they like and what they really want. If he is not the kind of person who would be... (read in full...)

Should I tell my friend about his girlfriend or wait and see what happens?

Q.   Hi, my name is Janie and I've been seeing this amazing guy and we really got along and his family get on well with me, his sister's and I are practically best friends but last week he said he wants to break up and accused me of cheating! To be ...

A.   7 March 2009: I think you're fried deserves to know, but you would need to be very tactful about how you tell him, especially since it will make you look like you are just trying to get back at your ex. If she for sure is playing your friend, then let him know... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting? For him getting fired?

Q.   Im 17 and im having an issue. alot of people think im over reacting but i dont think i am. My school hasnt been doing back round checks on hall monitors and janitors because it takes to long and it is to expensive. One of the hall monitors that ...

A.   7 March 2009: I don't think you're over reacting, but you also need to understand that the school is not over reacting either. When someone is entrusted with the care of minors, their record needs to be CLEAN. An assault charge, which means he tried to hurt ... (read in full...)

What should a man see in a woman before saying yes to her proposal?

Q.   what all should a (Indian, family oriented) man see in a woman before saying yes to her proposal?...

A.   7 March 2009: I am not Indian, but I am very family oriented. I like to see in my partner someone who is caring and patient, and who enjoys our family as one, and doesn't feel the need to split into groups. I also like to see that my partner wants to be active ... (read in full...)

Why hasn't he asked me out yet?

Q.   there's this guy that i like, and we just started talking again lately. over the summer, i always thought he liked me, and so did my friends, but then he went out this his ex AGAIN, so i gave up and was confused because i thought he liked me. b...

A.   7 March 2009: Well, if you feel this way about him and think he feels the same way about you, then the real question is why haven't YOU asked HIM out? It goes both ways kiddo, and guys like a girl who takes initiative.... (read in full...)

How to be a woman player

Q.   I need to know how to be a woman "player" - you know, just like some men are players. Does it mean that the woman does the same thing back to him that he does to her? For example, there's this guy at work who has a g/f but he gets jealous when he ...

A.   7 March 2009: Stick with your BF if you really do like him. It's not fun being the cause of such emotional angst. No one likes to be strung around, and if this guy was just stringing you around, then why would you want to be like that? He sounds like a slime ... (read in full...)

Where can we doit?

Q.   This is a pretty weird situation I guess, well getting too it, i've got a boyfriend, been with him a while, had sex 3 times over a weekend away, now we're kinda stuck for where to have sex, and we're going to go to shit if we don't keep the sex life ...

A.   7 March 2009: Lol! I totally don't want to advocate juvenile delinquency, but my old BF and I used to do it in our schools theater in the very dark back corners. We also did it in a back corner of our Uni's library. And we did it in his car a lot! We also got ... (read in full...)

How do I know if she's hurting just as much as I am?

Q.   hi im 15 and just got out of a two year relationship that has had its ups and downs but i guess it was the final straw. heres the story one night my ex and i were at a basketball game and we werent sitting by each other cause i was sitting by my ...

A.   7 March 2009: There isn't any really way to tell. If she's desperate enough to go back to an ex that was so bad to her, then she probably is feeling pretty low. I suggest you move on and let time heal your wounds. You can't control what she does, and it isn't... (read in full...)

Having an affair...

Q.   If you have an affair, and then she goes cold, is it guilt on her part of just trying to protect her feelings from becoming deep love that will force her to decide on quitting her relationship?...

A.   7 March 2009: I'd stop the affair. If you're really unhappy with the person that you are with, then leave them. But don't get emotionally attached to someone who probably won't leave their partner for you. She probably is feeling guilty. Or, it could be that ... (read in full...)

What's your opinion on her telling me not to have sex?

Q.   My ex girlfriend and I dated for about a year but never had sex. We were in a long distance relationship the last few months and she told me she wanted her first time to be with me... Unfortunately we broke up before we got to see each other again. ...

A.   7 March 2009: It sounds to me like she is toying with you and trying to keep you as a back up plan in case her other relationships don't work. I'd move on,let her go. Unless you guys are great friends and really emotionally close, and she really "gets" you, then ... (read in full...)

Will a threadworm tablet stop my pill from working?

Q.   Hey aunts please help! I started taking the contraceptive pill (microgynon 30) on Tuesday for the first time ever! I started on the first day of my period, and I've read the information leaflet about 4 times, the doctor told me and the leaflet ...

A.   7 March 2009: Your pharmacist should know. Usually only antibiotics counteract birth control pills. Did you let your doctor know you were on birth control before they prescribed the thread worm pills? Call your pharmacy and ask and if they do not know, then call ... (read in full...)

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