A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry if this is gross but I am very worried.I am a virgin but have done gym and horseriding my entire life and used tampons for several years. I do not think I have a hymen as I can't see it or feel it and I have fingered myself. However if I try and put anything with a wider girth than say, two finger, up my vagina, it literally doesn't fit and I can't get it up there.Is this normal? How will I ever be able to have sex if I can't fit something the same size as a penis?Also does this mean sex will definately hurt the first time I have it?i don't think it is a problem of lubrication... just that it wont literally fit in.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Hello my dear,
You don't have anything to worry about. Just because you've lost your hymen doesn't mean first time sex won't hurt. Any time you try to put a big, foreign object inside of you - it'll hurt! The breaking of hymen is what makes some bleed, but it is not the only and direct cause of pain!
I can feel you - before I had sex (I was 19 when I lost it), I couldn't fit more than a finger. Two began to hurt and forget about anything else! But, a penis is a lot different, and when you're actually in the moment - had tons of foreplay, everything is lubed up, it will happen! It will fit in!
For me, it didn't fit in for a solid month. I was too tensed up and the pain was intense. But, after the longest (and more fun) month of my life, it did fit in and now there's no problem. The same will happen for you (though hopefully it won't take a whole month!).
It will happen! And you will cross that bridge when you come to it.
Good luck and no worries!
A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Pain during vaginal intercourse for the first time is different for every girl/ woman. There is no conclusive way to really answer this for you, other than you finding out for yourself. Personally, my first time did not hurt at all, but there still was blood from the torn hymen. When my close friend lost her virginity, she was hurting quite a bit, even after having sex several times.
Key advice is to take things slow and invest lots of your time with foreplay, which can stimulate the area and hopefully make things go a little smoother, if you know what I mean. Also, make sure you are with some one willing to take time with you and get you relaxed and comfortable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): You cant just stick something up if you're not wet. When you're ready to have sex, it will open up wider and there will be liquid coming out.
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