A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with a guy for about 4 months now (my first gay relationship) and we are very much in love. I have a fantastic time with him, except for the fact that he 'feels nothing' when we have sex.He says that he has been like this for around 3 years, around the time he was with the love of his life, who turned out to be playing the field the whole time they were together.Now he says that it feels like something has died inside him and feels very little when I touch him.Can you please give me some advice? I am willing to do anything to re-ignite the spark.
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 is he still on the rebound-maybe needs counselling
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (27 February 2009):
just make sure that this relationship doesnt leave you with baggage transfered from his bad experience. if he "loves you" but "doesn't feel anything" in sex then somewhere there is a disparity between words and reality. does he even enjoy sex?
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (24 February 2009):
 He has effectively switched off his emotions, because they were (a) too painful and (b) his subconscious learnt the hard way that being open and loving basically means you can end up horribly hurt. He had to cope with the knowledge and thought of the love of his life sleeping with other people, and the only way to do this was to shut down completely.
And now things that were once full of meaning, like touch, and love, and someone saying 'I love you', mean nothing to him. They don't touch him.
I don't know if it's possible for him to come back. It probably is, but it will just take time, and a lot of trust, and patience. And beware, too: if you bring him back, you really do have the responsibility of his emotions, and his heart - don't do it lightly, or if you don't intend to stay the course with him, as that would really hurt and damage him.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (24 February 2009):
He has effectively switched off his emotions, because they were (a) too painful and (b) his subconscious learnt the hard way that being open and loving basically means you can end up horribly hurt. He had to cope with the knowledge and thought of the love of his life sleeping with other people, and the only way to do this was to shut down completely.
And now things that were once full of meaning, like touch, and love, and someone saying 'I love you', mean nothing to him. They don't touch him.
I don't know if it's possible for him to come back. It probably is, but it will just take time, and a lot of trust, and patience. And beware, too: if you bring him back, you really do have the responsibility of his emotions, and his heart - don't do it lightly, or if you don't intend to stay the course with him, as that would really hurt and damage him.
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A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Was the spark ever there for him? I don't doubt that he likes you, but he is having some trust/ intimacy issues if he says "something has died" iside of him. This is a sad situation for you, but you can't fix him. He needs to realize that you are not his ex, you are good to him and care deeply for him, and he needs to understand how he is hurting you.He could greatly benefit from some counseling to help with these issues. He owes it to himself and to you.
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