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*essica04 agony aunt

*essica04

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*essica04's profile:

I am 23 and live in the U.S. in Las Vegas.

As far as education, I am a senior psychology major with an emphasis on child development, and minor credits in counseling.

As far as my personal life, I have been there and back! I was pregnant at 17, which ended in a miscarriage. I married my H.S. boy friend when I was just 18 and still in school. He was in the U.S. Army and I spent almost 3 years as a military wife. Our relationship was always abusive, and we divorced just over a year ago.

I don't know which part of all that people will count as "credentials" for giving advice, but take it as you will. I have an opinion on just about everything, and I promise all of my readers that I will try my best to offer sound, unbiased advise. But I ask you to take everything I say with a grain of salt. I won't always tell you what you want to hear, but this is an advice site, so you asked.

Most of my advice is based on relationships and basic sex-education questions. I will never speak about that which I have no experience.

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He's had a chance to chose between me & g/f why is holding on to me?

Q.   hello...i know you all are going to chew me out...but im still messing with this guy who has a gf...the only thing different is she knows about us now because i told her...hoping this would push him against a wall to make a decision... well it d...

A.   25 March 2009: If he didn't want to be with her, then he would have left already. The fact that she is still with him despite knowing about you only means that the same garbage he is spewing to you, he is also repeating to her. He's a loser. Now he has his cake... (read in full...)

Should I just delete the message before he gets it?

Q.   Help, urgent advice needed. You are probably sick of my saga. My husband had a 'text affair' with a work colleague and although it's over he still has to liaise with her and attend work related committee meetings (he doesn't see her on a daily basis ...

A.   25 March 2009: Don't delete a work related email. Records will show that she sent it, and that he deleted it, and if for some reason someone asked why he didn't respond, it will only serve to make him look bad. Let him read it and respond. If you are this unh... (read in full...)

I would love to please him but I can't What should I do?

Q.   I have been married for more than 10 years like 2 years ago I started going to topless bars with my husband we even had one of the girls do a dance for us, actually she was all over me more than him (which he loved) After that we also made his ...

A.   25 March 2009: You need to tell him how you feel, that having another woman invovled is fine once or twice, maybe even jsut on special occassions, but YOU are the main woman in his life. Tell him that at the end of the day, it should always jsut be you and him. ... (read in full...)

Should I have a baby by this guy?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and he asked me recently do I want to have a baby with him. He already has 2 kids already and I told him if we do decide to kids and if we're still together maybe within the next 1-2 years. The mother ...

A.   25 March 2009: I think that if his children are already without a mother, thenhe needs to focus on being the best parent he possibly can be for them, rather than bringing another baby into the mix. You are still young, and if you love this guy and accept h... (read in full...)

He doesn't satisfy me like I do him... How can I tell him to try harder?

Q.   When I have sex with my man, I always give him oral but he only touches me down there and never gives me oral. I don't want to ask for it, because he might not want to do it, and I don't want him to do anything he's not comfortable with but it d...

A.   25 March 2009: Just ask him why he doesn't go down on you. If you're calm and reasonable about it, then he will be too. My BF isn't big on giving oral, but he knows he needs to give to get, so we talked about what he likes to do and how and so on. Also, some guy... (read in full...)

Seeing 2 women at the moment but find it difficult to choose.

Q.   Hi, I am in my late thirties and have never really had a proper girlfriend or an intimate relationship. I've been on dates and had a series of short relationships, which never went beyond going out together on dates and kissing. The reason is that ...

A.   25 March 2009: Honestly, if the one you really want doesn't have those feelings back, then don't do A any favors by settling for her. Stop seeing both, and start fresh. If you do want to continue pursuing a relationship with one or the other, then I suggest y... (read in full...)

Webcam ideas?

Q.   my boyfriend is away on buisness, any ideas of sexy things to do via webcam......

A.   25 March 2009: Just be careful with web cams, make sure you trust that he is the only one who will ever be seeing what you do. The problem with webcams is that they are slower than your actual movements, so you can't really dance around, since it will skip a l... (read in full...)

Cheated on ex, he found out, made out with one of my friends

Q.   I'm 18, and have just broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I've had a history of cheating on him, but he always forgave me. Lately I had been having different feelings about him and havnt been feeling the same about him. There was no spark ...

A.   25 March 2009: I hate to point fingers, but you also got drunk at parties and cheated on him, so why are you so mad at her? It's the pot calling the kettle black. Ever hear the expression "wouldn't know a good thing if it was right in front of you"? Well, he... (read in full...)

Should I move back home if I'm jobless?

Q.   I moved to a city to get a job and now in my third month of living here and have no hope left. I am qualified and have not had problems getting a job in the past but in the current climate its not looking good. Im about to go through a break up and ...

A.   25 March 2009: It sounds like you need a good hug from Mom and Dad. Go home, let them take care of your sould for a little while. That's what family is for. As far as this "break" with your BF, don't make any decisions based of some intangible future possibil... (read in full...)

What do you think I should do about what this guy (jerk) said about me?

Q.   This guy I work with is very nice and friendly to me when I visit him at his office (I am a contractor to his company). He treats me like he likes me as a friend. I encountered him last Friday at the mall and he was making a move on a girl in a c...

A.   25 March 2009: I would just avoid him whenever possible. Change your relationship at work to a no-nonsense attitude, and put space between the two of you. If he comes up and asks you "why the cold shoulder?" then you can say something like "Oh, I'm just a crazy ... (read in full...)

Teacher Love?

Q.   ok...do i hear anybody? *tests mic* ok...good. Listen please, i really need help. My teacher said i'm sexy and i'm only 13, he's 29. i love him, and i know all the risks i'm taking if i do love him. (The whole teacher can loose his job thing) Yea...

A.   25 March 2009: Thank goodness! Good for you! And nothing will be released with your name on it since you are a minor. The most that will happen is it might get reported to the papers, but you will absolutely not be named. It's the law and the school could come ... (read in full...)

Teacher Love?

Q.   ok...do i hear anybody? *tests mic* ok...good. Listen please, i really need help. My teacher said i'm sexy and i'm only 13, he's 29. i love him, and i know all the risks i'm taking if i do love him. (The whole teacher can loose his job thing) Yea...

A.   24 March 2009: He can go to jail and lose his license for doing this to you. And there are good reasons why this can happen, because it is illegal for a 29 yr old to be in a relationship with a minor! I'm sure right now you have strong feelings for him, I'm not ... (read in full...)

I'm so confused... Does he like me or what???

Q.   Hi, I'm a 14 year old girl and I have a student-teacher(you know a person in college training to become a teacher), he acts like he like me. He is 22. Here are the things that he does: 1. When he was supposed to be watching the whole class to s...

A.   24 March 2009: He probably does like you a little bit, and he just hasn't learned how to keep it to himself. As a sub, I always have students I favor over others. But since I'm only there for a day, 3 tops usually, I don't have time to really show if I favor a ... (read in full...)

Does he want more from me?

Q.   My boyfriend just fingered me and it was really good. I just want to know will he want more now and want to have sex? I mean we have talked about how we are going to want a little bit but he is always all over me and was just wanting to know if he ...

A.   24 March 2009: Well, yes, it would be natural for him to want more. I even assume that on some level you want more. But just because he might want, it doesn't mean he must get it. And if he ever pressures you and makes you feel like you must have sex in order to ... (read in full...)

Why won't he trust me? Should I tell him that I over heard him?

Q.   I have been with my husband since high school, we got married last summer and I thought we had the perfect relationship. He is in the army and will be leaving to do a 8 month tour on April 15. Last night I overheard him telling his brother that...

A.   24 March 2009: I was in your exact position. My HS sweetheart and I got married as soon as I turned 18 (I was still in school, then after I graduated, I moved with him to his duty station. 8 months later he deployed. The truth of the matter is that the Army spe... (read in full...)

My beautiful baby was born dead and I'm finding it very difficult to cope... Please help me...

Q.   On the 27th of February my baby was born dead... I'm finding it very hard to grieve and do anything. I have an 18 month old baby and I can't seem to hold her... I don't know how to go on. Please I need some help. ...

A.   24 March 2009: When I had my miscarriage, I remember hating myself for somehow killing my baby. I felt like I was my own worst enemy, that somehow my body couldn't protect what it had created. I remember being so confused and hurt, and just like a huge weight was ... (read in full...)

Is a girl sending him photos of herself?

Q.   I'm 14. My boyfriend is 17. I found loads and LOADS MEANS LOADS of porn on his laptop. I came off straight away, but can't stop thinking about it! He asked me to show me my vagina on webcam anf i refused! Some of the pictures look like from phones ...

A.   23 March 2009: These could be old pictures, but either way its really gross. Never send nude pictures of any part of you over the internet! How do you know he won't be emailing them to his mates? You don't want that shame and embarrassment coming to you. I m... (read in full...)

Broke up still sleeping together, but he says we shouldn't

Q.   Can anyone shed some light.... My boyfriend finished with me a few weeks ago and since then we have continued sleeping with each other, i am still crazy about him and it was my fault we broke up, we argued a lot. It's obvious he still cares about me...

A.   23 March 2009: Yes, you should stop sleeping with him. Of course you two still have very mixed feeling about this breakup if you are still being so intimate. Give him and yourself the space you need to try and get over each other. And if you can't and you want... (read in full...)

Is he a woman beater

Q.   ok so my friend is with this guy and they claim they "love" eachother but everytime i talk to him he's always saying that he';s got to prove to his gf whom is also my friend that he loves her because she's said! this is getting really pathetic tbh ...

A.   23 March 2009: ugh, more drama than you need! IF he only held her hand and happened to squeeze it, I wouldn't classify him as abusive, but unless you were there and saw what happened, I would jsut stay out of it. He needs to be a big boy and jsut leave that ... (read in full...)

Yesterday I was working and my boss had sex with me, he's 70.

Q.   I just need to let this all out, it feels like a huge burden to carry and I feel so upset, dirty and alone. Okay, I am 17 and at collage, I have a Saturday job in a small family run shop nearby. Yesterday I was working and my boss had sex with me, ...

A.   23 March 2009: It's rape and it is illegal. you need to report this to the authorities now. Do not feel ashamed, do not be scared. YOU are the victim, HE is the criminal. Go report him TODAY! You can even do it at the local hospital, they may even still be ab... (read in full...)

I don't want to be made into an idiot..but I'm not sure I trust him!

Q.   I've been dating my boyfriend for over 8 months. About 4 years ago, I ended a relationship with a man who turned out to be married (I fully believed him that he was separated and in the process of divorce..it turned out that he was literally living ...

A.   23 March 2009: it's hard to let go of the pain and humiliation of having been cheated on (trust me, I know personally). The only thing you can really do is accept that people are going to do what they are going to do, and you can't force them or bend them to ... (read in full...)

Is it possible we could get together in the future?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend of 11 months broke up because i had gotten bored with our relationship and felt like it was going no where. Im 17 and he is 19. I can see us together later on but just not right now. Do you guys think that we could successfully ...

A.   23 March 2009: Anything could happen. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then you know it's yours. It's good that you recognize that now isn't the time to be with him. It would be sad if you let your relationship and respect for each... (read in full...)

He insists it wasnt serious, but I am upset at the innapropriate texts between my husband and this other woman. I want to confront her!

Q.   I discovered last week that my husband has been texting a woman he has been working with suggestive texts and she likewise. He admitted it has been going on for 2 or 3 months and obviously was careless enough not to delete the ones I discovered. I ...

A.   23 March 2009: This is a form of emotional cheating. It's great that nothing physical happened, but his heart still wasn't with you while he was doing this. And who is he to say you might regret confronting her? If she doesn't work with your husband, then ye... (read in full...)

We want to spend the night together, but we are only 15

Q.   I'll of been going out with my boyfriend next week for a year, and were both fifteen even though he's almost sixteen, i've still got another 10months to wait. i see him alot and we love each other very much; we know we probably wo't last forever but ...

A.   23 March 2009: Have you asked your parent is you two could have a camp out in the middle of the living room? I know it sounds kind of wierd, but if your family had a movie night where you all were hanging out watching tons of movies and staying up late, they mig... (read in full...)

I want a permanent future!

Q.   My boyfriend had several girl's numbers in his cell. We have been together for over a year. I finally got the nerve to ask him why he still had them in his cell. When I did he got really mad! He said I bring drama because a few weeks ago I had ...

A.   23 March 2009: No, he has no right to fly off the handle like that. If you were pestering him daily and getting hyped up about this, or going into his phone and deleting numbers yourself, I could see why he'd get upset. But you just have a curiosity natural ... (read in full...)

My does my cousing keep touching my bum?

Q.   Hi, so for quite a while my male cousin who has a girlfriend has whenever he sees me touched my bum, or grabs it slightly. So I saw him in a club and he touched it every now and then and I've never said anything or reacted in any kind of way because ...

A.   23 March 2009: Some cousins rough house and mess around in a much more playful way. I even have such a relationship with one of my guy cousins, but if he ever so much as grazed his hand along my rear I would pop his nose so hard he would be smelling the back of ... (read in full...)

I really want to get over his cheating, but I don't know how...

Q.   My boyfriend cheated on me back in October, two girls in two nights, and I still haven't gotten over it. I told him I forgive him, because I love him, but since then it hasn't been the same. I really want to get over this, but I don't know h...

A.   23 March 2009: 3 Cheers for KellyXXX! This guy is a creep, and very lucky that you have even stuck around. I could almost understand if he really screwed up one night, but two nights? In a row? For all you know he's been doing this every weekend since. ... (read in full...)

Where can I find a serious woman?

Q.   Ok, Well these days and times everyone is into scandalous dating and non-serious relationships around my age group(18-22). I myself am 18 and I've looked far and wide to find someone who wants to have a serious relationship. I've been told by girls ...

A.   23 March 2009: Well, you find like minded people by going out and doing activities that you like. Let say you like the color red and always jog every morning in a red sweat shirt, and you always pass a cute woman who jogs the same path wearing red sneakers... (read in full...)

I want a permanent future!

Q.   My boyfriend had several girl's numbers in his cell. We have been together for over a year. I finally got the nerve to ask him why he still had them in his cell. When I did he got really mad! He said I bring drama because a few weeks ago I had ...

A.   23 March 2009: If he is reacting in such a volatile and defensive way, then it sounds like he is hiding something. I asked my BF of a year why he still had an ex GF's number in his phone. He said "Holy cow, i totally forgot about that, and deleted it for me, ... (read in full...)

My husband allowed me to have sex with someone else

Q.   My husband allowed me to have sex with someone else. Could he love me?...

A.   23 March 2009: I agree that we need more info. For all we know your husband is paralyzed and just wants you to be sexually satisfied. How did he propose this excused infidelity? If he wanted to watch, then I am certain he loves you, he just wants to experim... (read in full...)

I don't know what to do... Should I have sex with him?

Q.   Let's just get straight to the point, I'm nearly 14 and I've been seeing this lad for just over 3 weeks, he's nearly 16, but the thing is he wants sex even though he says he's ready when I'm ready. Sometimes I think he will dump me if I don't have ...

A.   23 March 2009: If he's really special to you, then don't push things too fast by having sex after 3 weeks. Plus, you're only 13! Sex is a big responsibility! It is not to be taken lightly by either person. If he really does love you, then he will respect you... (read in full...)

Were we ever meant to be?

Q.   I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago, the problem is that I cannot get him out of my mind. What should I do? Besides, I know he is still in love with me because when I asked him to help me forget him he got very sad that he even stopped ...

A.   23 March 2009: That's a tricky one: First, I think he's just not over the freshness of the break up. You both are still pretty emotional right now, so he was most likely even more hurt that you want to forget him. I am still in contact with most of my exes, th... (read in full...)

Is it ok for them to share a bed?

Q.   Ok, my boyfriend's friend who is female is staying at his house... Before I met him I met him through her they were really good friends.. She used to tell me that she used to stay at his house and they shared a bed but didn't do anything. She ha...

A.   23 March 2009: I agree with Tigerlily... why is she in the bed and you aren't? Or even, why is she spending the night still? I would sit your BF down and explain that you just feel uncomfortable with her staying over like that now that you two have signific... (read in full...)

I look at and scrutinize everything she has done from then to now

Q.   I have a live in girlfriend that I have been with for over a year now and I love her with all that I have. My problem is that 2 months into our relationship we were out having drinks and she drank too much and does not remember the events of that...

A.   22 March 2009: Look, if she truly is sorry for it, then maybe she can better show you by seeking counseling for alcoholism. I don't know how big of a partier she is, but even weekend binge drinking can be a problem. But if she almost never drinks, then ple... (read in full...)

I havent had my period for about 6 weeks

Q.   I havent had my period for about 6 weeks and im a virgin and never been with a boy more than a pull whats wrong with me ? (im only 15) and had my periods for about 18months...

A.   22 March 2009: Sounds just like hormones getting the best of you. I would suggest having your mom take you to your doctor so you can talk about birth control options. If you get on the pill, it can help regulate your period. Nothing is more embarrassing than lea... (read in full...)

I was raped by my brothers best friend

Q.   i need help I'm 12 i was raped by my brothers best friend now I'm pregnant please any advice ...

A.   22 March 2009: Go to either the police or your school counselors/ teacher, they will report it to the police as well in addition to a social service aid who will do an investigation. And tell your parents. They need to know about the person they let into the... (read in full...)

My vagina is really red and itchy

Q.   I'm 13. I had sex with my boyfriend of 5 months for the first time last week. He's 14. This is a little embarasing but, my vagina is really red and itchy. I've been having headaches and stomach aches, frequently. I get a bit of a burning sensation ...

A.   22 March 2009: Go see a doctor. The red, itchy burning part sounds like a yeast infection, but if you're also having headaches and cramps, it could be a more serious infection.... (read in full...)

Period after morning after pill?

Q.   Last week my bf and I had unprotected sex (it was the first time), he pulled out before he came, but I was still worried that there could be a chance that I could be pregnant. I had only just come off my period 2 days before then. I went to a clin...

A.   22 March 2009: The morning after pill is pretty much a super concentrated birth control pill, so sometimes it can affect you little "ecosystem". Go back to the clinic to talk with the nurse about it. She can better clear up any questions you have. Ive never ex... (read in full...)

Clitoris masturbation

Q.   Okay so two questions 1)Can anyone give me an idea of how to find my clitoris and how to stimulate it. 2)how do I make masturbation enjoyable...

A.   22 March 2009: The clitoris is that little pink nubby part right between the outer lips (labia majora) of the vagina. Touch it and do whatever feels good. And listen to Satindesire on this too, she's the go-to gal for directions to the clit.... (read in full...)

We have even been thru counseling and he lied to the Dr. What else can I try?

Q.   i need help i have been with my husband for 10 yeasr and married for 6 we have 4 boys together and it just seems like we are not ment to be in a relationship it seems as if te only thing we have in commom are our children and sex at times other ...

A.   22 March 2009: Honestly, counseling only works for people who want to fix the problems going on. If he lied to the therapist, he has no interest in fixing his behavior. It is time to give him the heave-ho. You deserve better. Maybe a few years from now he will ... (read in full...)

Your sexual experience for the first time

Q.   its a bit nosy but i was just wondering about peoples experiences of having sex for the first time, whats it like? did things get awkward afterwards? pain? how romantic was it? advice?...

A.   22 March 2009: Mine wasn't romantic at all. I had just broken up with my BF and ended up losing it to a guy I always had a small crush on. He was older and supposedly more experienced, but you wouldn't know it. No pain. I had been fingered before by my ex and b... (read in full...)

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