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*essica04 agony aunt

*essica04

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*essica04's profile:

I am 23 and live in the U.S. in Las Vegas.

As far as education, I am a senior psychology major with an emphasis on child development, and minor credits in counseling.

As far as my personal life, I have been there and back! I was pregnant at 17, which ended in a miscarriage. I married my H.S. boy friend when I was just 18 and still in school. He was in the U.S. Army and I spent almost 3 years as a military wife. Our relationship was always abusive, and we divorced just over a year ago.

I don't know which part of all that people will count as "credentials" for giving advice, but take it as you will. I have an opinion on just about everything, and I promise all of my readers that I will try my best to offer sound, unbiased advise. But I ask you to take everything I say with a grain of salt. I won't always tell you what you want to hear, but this is an advice site, so you asked.

Most of my advice is based on relationships and basic sex-education questions. I will never speak about that which I have no experience.

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Should we keep our TWINS a surprise?

Q.   My husband and I are pregnant with twins, this is our third pregnancy and it will be our last. We were thinking about keeping the TWIN part a surprise until they are born. We will be having a planned c section and were thinking that the he could ...

A.   16 March 2009: Wow, that is hilarious! I think it would be great to do, and certainly the biggest surprise ever. I'm thinking though, if the babies aren't the same sex, maybe ask for gender neutral things if you have a baby shower. Like, green and yellow... (read in full...)

How can we surprise my family about me falling pregnant???

Q.   My husband and I are pregnant and want to tell our family in a unique way during a family gathering. My niece who is 16 has been asking when we were going to have a baby so we wanted to somehow have her involved any ideas?...

A.   16 March 2009: Maybe do something for Easter. My family has a lot of kids, so what I would do is dye two eggs, one blue and one pink, and write "Baby *your last name*" on each, and hide them around for the kids to find. When all the adults look at the eggs the ... (read in full...)

He loved anal stimulation but won't do it again for fear it's 'gay'. What should I say to calm his fears?

Q.   My boyfriend and I enjoy taking turns masturbating ourselves while the other stimulates elsewhere. We were doing that a couple of nights ago, he was masturbating while I was massaging his testicles. I started lowering my fingers slightly to his ...

A.   16 March 2009: Ask him "If it's so gay, then why is the prostate such a pleasurable spot to be stimulated on a man?" I understand if he does not want to do anal penetration. right away or ever, but if you two discovered something that felt good and pleased ... (read in full...)

The mind or the heart - which one would you choose?

Q.   The mind teases the heart! My question is what do you think about the concept of The heart teasing the mind? I think this happens but is probably an illusion and really we should listen to our heart because that is the essence of our true feeli...

A.   16 March 2009: It's a yin and yang thing, there should be an equal balance. This question makes me laugh because on a grander scale, it is exactly me and my BF. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but he is so methodical and analytical (he's an engineer). I think... (read in full...)

Baby names...

Q.   My bf and I were talking about baby names we want something unique and different but still cute. What do you think of the following names? BOYS: Flynn Owen (Owen is my bfs dad) Sloan Owen Makai (Ma-Ki) Owen Girls: Makenna Joy Arizona Jo...

A.   15 March 2009: Personally, i am not one for unisex sounding names. Like Ryann for a girl, or Sloan for a boy. Just not my bag. At both of my jobs I see a lot of girls with the name Makenna, in all of it's variations. Usually because the baby was conceive... (read in full...)

Tubes tied, should I were a condom?

Q.   my girlfriend has her tubes both cut and burned. she has no std's and is disease free. should i were protection?? she had them cut about 11yrs ago....

A.   15 March 2009: Have her ask her doctor what her risk of ectopic pregnancy is. I'm not sure if their are different surgeries for having a woman's tubes tied. If hers were cauterized I'd venture a guess and say you're relatively safe. But ectopic pregnanc... (read in full...)

When should I start feeding my baby?

Q.   When should I start feeding my baby rice, cereal and baby food? He is 2 months and 15 days right now....

A.   15 March 2009: Talk to your pediatrician. They will know the best time line. Also, if your baby has any acid reflux, they will know better alternatives to rice cereal or certain foods. My poor little niece had to be on breast milk for a full year before her litt... (read in full...)

Could I ask my ex if I can stay at his apartment, he has a new girlfriend!

Q.   I would appreciate some advice and feedback on this one. I am going away for spring break and will be in the city that my ex returned to four years ago. I have a place to stay for three nights but note that there is no train on the day I want t...

A.   13 March 2009: As long as he has permission from his ex. And she might be more comfortable if you just stayed at his place, and he stayed at hers. But, if she has a problem with it, then it would be wise to back down from the situation and leave it be. I... (read in full...)

I'm on the pill, could I be pregnant now?

Q.   Hi, please can someone help! i'm on the pill but only came on for one day and was light. would this i could be preganet?...

A.   13 March 2009: When did you last have sex? Protected or otherwise. Your period can sometimes take a month or two to adjust to the pill. If you're really worried, go to you doctor so they can run a more accurate test for you.... (read in full...)

How can I delay or prevent my period?

Q.   I've been on birth control for 2 months now. And I know that my period is becoming regularized because, in the second month I was only a day delayed, but given that, I figured in April, that's when I get my period, that I will have it on time. P...

A.   13 March 2009: She was on Ortho Tri Cyclin I believe, or something like it. Jsut a 4 week pack, that gave her one week a month for her period. It can take a while you your body to regulate, and you may have spotting if you try this method. I myself have tried it... (read in full...)

My first love has said "I love You" to someone else before me and I don't feel special to him!

Q.   I've been going out with my boyfriend for a couple of months now, I'm 19 and he is 21. he is my first love and i really care about him, he says he loves me and i trust him and i hope we will be together for a long time. however there is one issue ...

A.   13 March 2009: It's OK to hate that he wasted those words on someone so unworthy of them, but you have to understand that it was before you. You need to get over his past if it didn't involve you at all. I'm sure if he could have seen the future, he never would ... (read in full...)

How can I delay or prevent my period?

Q.   I've been on birth control for 2 months now. And I know that my period is becoming regularized because, in the second month I was only a day delayed, but given that, I figured in April, that's when I get my period, that I will have it on time. P...

A.   13 March 2009: Do not skip any days. At all. Your risk of pregnancy goes up greatly if you do. Follow along with me, hopefully I can explain this without it getting confusing. My sister did this for her honeymmoon, she was in the same positiona s you. When yo... (read in full...)

Should I feel guilty for sleeping with him whilst living with my ex?

Q.   I just barely broke up with my boyfriend and we're still living together because he has no where to go. I've known i wanted to break up with him for quite a while but didnt know how and another guy ended up coming into the picture... Ill try to ...

A.   13 March 2009: Wow, this is quite a mess for you. This happened with me and my ex husband. When we divorced, we still lived together for a while because of economic reasons. I started dating my current BF very shortly after wards, and felt extremely guilty, ... (read in full...)

How do I leave my girlfriend to get back with my ex?

Q.   i have a thing going on with this girl, problem is that I'm still in love with my ex and now she has said that she also still loves me i want to go back to her, but my problem is the other girl what do i do?...

A.   13 March 2009: I agree with Steve S. If the problems that broke you and your ex up are resolved, then go for it. There is no point to stringing around this other girl if you don't like her as much and think you'd be happier elsewhere. You won't be doing her any ... (read in full...)

My ex is gay and he is going through a difficult time. Should I help him?

Q.   Hi Need some advice I found out (because i was being nosey and looking where I shouldn't have been) that my ex the father of my child is gay. He has been seeing someone for 2 yrs and I didn't know! Our child spends time with them both and constan...

A.   13 March 2009: Yes, he has always been gay. It's not uncommon for some gay men to carry on a heterosexual lifestyle in the interest of not stirring things up with their families, peers, culture, etc. Whether he is gay or straight, you two are raising a child, a... (read in full...)

Sex with my boyfriend's friend?

Q.   should i have sex with my boyfriends friend? well he's not technically my boyfriend but we do things that a boyfriend and girlfriend would do...

A.   13 March 2009: If you want to have a relationship with this guy, then no. Also, don't come between him and his friend like that. The whole situation is just inviting more problems than anything else.... (read in full...)

3 handjobs a day..is it ok?

Q.   Hi, I am 21 years old guy , I do 7 hand jobs in a week. and some time I am doing 3 hand jobs in a day. And some time I was make it so longer round about 2 hours. Please tell me its ok ...

A.   13 March 2009: Are you actually talking about masturbation? If so, masturbation is perfectly fine as long as you aren't having problems with it interfering with your daily life (work, school, etc.). You have nothing to worry about.... (read in full...)

6 month anniversary important?

Q.   Hi, im 15 and my gf is 14, weve been goin out for five months now, and in two more weeks, itll be six. Is a half year anniversary significant? If so, wud it be even better if i got her a gift? I rly do love her, and can see my self being with her a ...

A.   13 March 2009: Yes! When you are that young, 6 months is like half a lifetime! Get her something simple, like roses. See if your first period teacher and her first period teacher will let you deliver them to her in the middle of class. Girls like public displays ... (read in full...)

Is she just sick or could she be pregnant?

Q.   This is just an update about the whole pregnancy question of mines I guess that was like 3 weeks ago. I don't know how to update my posts so I'm writing this as a new one. My girlfriend started puking the night after the day we made love and i...

A.   13 March 2009: Puking blood means she is bleeding internally. Probably an ulcer in the duodenum that has let a blood vessel loose. From what you describe, she should be in the hospital, not at school or even just at home. Aside from the puking blood, th... (read in full...)

My guy threatens and accuses me of cheating!

Q.   I am losing my mind. My boyfriend accuses me of cheating on him on a daily basis. This has been happening for the past 9 months or so and I am really at a loss for what I can do at this point. The first few months I was patient and reassuring and ...

A.   13 March 2009: Hmmm, me thinks he doth protest too much... Sorry sweetie, but he has probably already cheated on you, and that's why he accuses you, because he is projecting, displacing... pretty much every defense mechanism in the book, he is doing to you. ... (read in full...)

He's my ex-fiance. Should I make him my ex-boyfriend too?

Q.   Okay, I am quite confused. My boyfriend proposed to me right after we got back together after our third break up. Then four months later he's having all of these doubts about us, how he thinks he has missed out on experiencing his late teenage/early ...

A.   13 March 2009: Honey, just break it off with him. If he doesn't even know if he wants to be with you AFTER proposing, then he has no business continuing a relationship with you. Give him all the space he needs, and in the mean time, don't feel bad if you star... (read in full...)

Sex when you're not in the mood

Q.   Is it so hard to have sex with someone you love when you're not in the mood? Personally I've never found it difficult. I mean you love them, how bad can it be! My partner seems to find it difficult. If he's not in the mood it just doesn't happ...

A.   13 March 2009: Some people really just cannot get into it if they weren't thinking of it before hand. I will always try for my partner, and usually its not a problem for me to physically get everything working. But there have been a few occasions where if the w... (read in full...)

Should I tell my pregnant sister that her husband is sleeping with other men?

Q.   okay so i have this huge problem i discovered through his phone and the internet that my sisters husband is sleeping with other men, i dont want to upsett my sister she is just pregnant for the second time and she always says how much she loves ...

A.   13 March 2009: I agree with Jezebel. Make sure you have proof to support what you will be telling her. you might even want to tell him first about what you plan to do, because he needs to figure out how he is going to talk to her about this issue. I'm sure he ... (read in full...)

My vagina always smells like fish!

Q.   My vagina always smells like fish, especially after athletic activities. Is there something that will help get rid of it without going to a doctor for help and if im under 18? ...

A.   12 March 2009: First and foremost: Don't Douche. It can make things worse. The vagina is a sensitive area, and some just smell very unique. The only at home remedies I can offer are to wash daily with a fragrance free soap, and wear cotton panties to keep ... (read in full...)

How can I slow things down a bit with her?

Q.   She's too fast for me. Hi I'm 15 and am in a relationship with an amazing girl that I love. She loves me too, she's very caring and kind. We've been going out for 3 months but she's got a really high sex drive, I don't think I'm really ready for ...

A.   12 March 2009: You need to sit her down and tell her you want to take things slow, and that contrary to popular belief, not ALL guys are turned on by sex driven girls. She could be responding to what she thinks you want. She might think you're playing hard to ... (read in full...)

I feel I deserve better...

Q.   I have been in a relationship for almost two and a half years. I am with a guy who truly loves me and will do anything for me. But I am going for an accounting degree and he does not even have a high school diploma. I just feel like I should ...

A.   12 March 2009: It all depends on what he wants to do with his life. Does he work? If so, is he a hard worker? Some people just aren't cut out for college, but that doesn't make them any less deserving of your time and affection. If he pulls his own weight a... (read in full...)

Should I tell Adam what I did?

Q.   Hi guys, I need some help... and I dont know what to do. I did something really bad and I'm ashamed. Well me and my buddy Adam are like two peas in a pod... we're the best of friends we're really close and nothing could tear us apart, we get along ...

A.   12 March 2009: Yes, you need to tell him. It will suck, I'm not going to lie, but if you give him a fair chance to hear the truth from you, it will go much better than if he hears it through the rumor mill at school. You need to tell him before he hears ... (read in full...)

Possible to be pregnant even though I had period the last 2 months?

Q.   i dont really know how to start so im going to just say it: On december 31st and january 1st i had sex [using a condom both times] then i got my period a few days later because i always get it around the 9th. In febuary i got it the 6th which was a ...

A.   12 March 2009: It is possible for some women to have a light period in the beginning of their pregnancy, but not common. If you used a condom both times, I'd venture a guess and say that you're fine. At your age, you may experience irregularity with your per... (read in full...)

I saw him kissing his ex. Should I speak to him?

Q.   I don't know what to do. In December I met a guy and since we were both fresh out of relationships, we agreed to see eachother non exclusively. We've been fine until the last month or so. He began ignoring me for days, while we were at the same ...

A.   12 March 2009: He's keeping you on the side in case things don't work out with his ex. Basically, he's having his cake and eating it too, and you're letting him. I feel the same as Irish49 about non exclusive relationships. In my experience, one persona always l... (read in full...)

I am dating my best friends ex-fiancee. Should I tell her?

Q.   Hi guys and gals. I moved down to London around six months ago because I found a good job. I left my best friend up in Manchester. About three months ago, I ran in to my best friend's fiance here in London. I knew that they had broken up since my ...

A.   12 March 2009: When and what you tell her depends on what you want from your relationship with him. If you want something serious with him, then you do need to tell her, and face to face might be best, to show her that you really are serious about this. He might... (read in full...)

Confuse feelings for a teacher

Q.   I'm just very confused right now about my feelings towards one of my teachers. At the start of the year I didn't pay much attention to him, and didn't really like him that much, but now as the school year is going by, I'm starting to develop some ...

A.   12 March 2009: Don't try to start anything with him. First of all, it is a form of abuse for him to do anything with you. He is in a position of power and influence over a minor. In more ways than one, this would make him a sex predator. I don't doubt that... (read in full...)

I don't want her to get the wrong idea

Q.   ok i have been friends with this girl for some time now, we hang out rather it be with others or just us, i like her to more than i have ever felt for someone, im 24, i enjoy the time we are spending with one another, an i just dont know if i see ...

A.   12 March 2009: Before my BF and I started dating, I got some really mixed signals from him. I ended up having to straight up ask him if I was reading into things too much, or if there was some chemistry going on. It turns out, he didn't want me to feel pressure... (read in full...)

If I marry, will he accept I lost my virginity?

Q.   i am not American but i had committed myself as an american by having sex before married. i feel insult and afraid that one day when i married to another man he can not accept what i have done coz i lost my virgin to another guys. can any body help? ...

A.   12 March 2009: Well, the question is, do you intend to marry what you consider to be an American man, or a traditional Asian man? It is true that in America, sex before marriage is becomming less taboo. But some American men still prefer to be traditio... (read in full...)

How do I stop looking at female bodys?

Q.   Hey I'm 13 and was wondering if it was normal to stare at a girls body parts every time they been over or aren't bending. I'm not trying to be perverted but I can't help it. Could someone please tell me why I do this or how I can prevent myself from ...

A.   12 March 2009: Lol, you are too cute! I really don't mean to be condescending, but I think this is a very sweet question. Really, don't bother to not look. It's near impossible. At 23, I find myself looking at an attractive guy walking by. It's complete... (read in full...)

Only 15 & pregnant..don't know what to do!

Q.   i'm pregnant and only 15. i'm scarred and i dont know what to do. my boyfriend is going to stay with me no matter what and i know this because he told me. i just need help on what to do when pregnant and only 15. how do i deal with it....

A.   12 March 2009: To Legioness: I would never force my opinion on someone, ever. I just give my thoughts on a subject when a person asks, and my thought is that this is the best route. She doesn't have to take that course of action, it's just what I would do. I k... (read in full...)

What does sex feel like?

Q.   I'm not trying to be a smart aleck or anything like that; just naturally curious. I am a 25-year old female virgin (call me old fashioned but I plan to wait until marriage to have sex). I cannot wait to have sex and was wondering what it fe...

A.   12 March 2009: From both points of view., Artian Certain penis shapes and sizes feel better for me than others. I have been told by partners before that I feel a certain way. One friend of mine could barely manage sex with her ex because she was naturall... (read in full...)

My dad just saw us have sex and is obviously upset.

Q.   I'm 17 years old and very close to my dad, Hes been a single father since I was 3 and has made it a point to be close to my brother and I. I am a complete daddy's girl and do no wrong in his eyes. Until now!!! I have been dating my bf for almost 8...

A.   12 March 2009: Something similar (though much less wild by comparison) happened to me. There were two occasions. The first, my dad found a condom wrapper in my room (my BF at the time and I looked everywhere when we lost it). After that, he had my mom get me o... (read in full...)

I'm a stay at hom mom and feel trapped

Q.   Im 26 years old and I met my husband when I was just 16, We were high school sweethearts that moved in with each other right after graduation and got married when I was 21, had our first son when I was 23 and second at 25. I love him but at the ...

A.   12 March 2009: A lot of times what happens with young people in relationships is they don't realize that your personality and interests change over time. On average, we are never the exact same person that we were a year ago. It really sounds like you two have... (read in full...)

What does sex feel like?

Q.   I'm not trying to be a smart aleck or anything like that; just naturally curious. I am a 25-year old female virgin (call me old fashioned but I plan to wait until marriage to have sex). I cannot wait to have sex and was wondering what it fe...

A.   12 March 2009: My first time didn't hurt at all. I had been fingered before, which tore my hymen a little bit, so perhaps that is why. To me, sex feels amazing, and it's an intimate bond that you just cannot express with words. I truly feel so close to my BF wh... (read in full...)

My wife says she gets yeast infections when I perform oral sex.

Q.   My wife says that when I stimulate her oraly that she gets "yeast infections" or becomes sore? Is there any thing that can be done about the infections or could she be using that as an a excuse to stop me from having oral sex with her??...

A.   12 March 2009: Try having her wash up right after sex. Also, the human mouth can be very dirty. You yourself need to practice good oral hygiene. It might take a little bit of the fun out of things, but brush your teeth and your tongue (as far back as you can go) ... (read in full...)

Only 15 & pregnant..don't know what to do!

Q.   i'm pregnant and only 15. i'm scarred and i dont know what to do. my boyfriend is going to stay with me no matter what and i know this because he told me. i just need help on what to do when pregnant and only 15. how do i deal with it....

A.   12 March 2009: I'm sure he says he loves you and will be with you now, but don't expect much. Few teen fathers stick around for the long haul. You are in a very heavy situation that is quite difficult for most young people to grasp the severity of. I am pe... (read in full...)

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