A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was using an online dating site and met a guy two months ago. He lives in another town about 45 minutes away. We see each other once or twice a week and communicate daily. He has a full time job, goes to school, and has a son. Recently he's been very busy and I haven't seen him in almost two weeks. Soon his work schedule will be changing and he'll be working nights so I'll see even less of him. I've also noticed that he's been online a lot. I don't think he's dating anyone else but you never know. Should I ask him? Is it too soon to discuss being exclusive? Or should I wait for him to bring it up? Thanks for your help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 March 2013):
 ok your update helps me...
if he's still on the dating site he's NOT ready to be exclusive....
but his contacting you first is a good sign
but saying he wants to get married again is just words... it's probably true... but I'd forget about that... I mean really my husband swore he never wanted to get married.... then he fell in love and wanted to get married. for the first time ever in his life... he was 39 when he married me.
I think that seeing him on the dating site is the key to knowing he's not ready to be exclusive (unless he's checking up on you ROFL)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who have responded! It's been very helpful. So Very Confused, to answer your questions he is the one who always initiates contact and it is always through text, nothing else. Even though we haven't seen each other in two weeks we still communicate daily. Some days we text all through out the day and night and other days its just a few messages exchanged. When I see him online it is on the dating website. I know I shouldn't check up on him like this but I can't help it. His profile says he wants a long term relationship and when we've talked about it he says he wants to get married again someday.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2013):
If you are ready to discuss it you can bring it up if you are prepared to be told he’s not ready to be exclusive. And if he’s not ready and he then knows you are on a different page than him (wanting to be exclusive is usually an indication of a serious relationship) then he may disappear all together.
It’s funny for me as an adult, I never had to have the exclusive talk… it just always kind of just happens…. If you are asking then maybe it’s not time. Also you must consider that he’s a single dad, he’s not only working full time but he goes to school… it’s hard to juggle your time when you have that full of a schedule and to add trying to nurture a serious relationship… well the time needed may not be there… he may just be looking for companionship when he has free time and not want to commit the time needed to nurture a full-fledged serious committed exclusive relationship.
If I’m being honest with you, I sense that you two may be on very different pages about what this relationship is or could be based on the fact that you are only dating two months (still a honeymoon period, still a time when you want to be with your new toy as much as possible) and yet you have not seen each other for two weeks whereas before it was once or twice a week.
Are you still communicating daily? Who starts the contact? How do you have the contact? All of these things will guide me on how to advise you.
Seeing him online, well is that on the dating site or facebook? or are you skyping.
It's the critical point in a relationship... he's pulled back... it may be he's making a choice, he may be withdrawing from the relationship, he may just be very busy (but if he's too busy to nurture a new relationship what do you think will happen when it gets old and comfortable and familiar)
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (28 February 2013):
 I think before you ask him for exclusivity you need to make sure this man is worthy of that level of commitment. From your brief description, it sounds like you are hoping by upping the relationship level you hope to magically see more of him.
1) You state that he will be working nights and you'll see less of him. Are you sure you want to settle for seeing less of someone you are going to invest powerful emotions in? Part of the joys of a loving relationship is getting to spend time with the one you love. If this man doesn't have the time, how will that impact your level of happiness?
2) He has a son. How do you really feel about potentially helping raise him? Have you considered step-parenthood? Have you met his son and do you get along? Where is the ex in the picture? Not to put undo burden on you, but you will be an adult in their life... will you be there to set a good example?
I do agree that you are about at that stage of the relationship where you need to figure out if you there is a long term future. This is doubly true if you are sleeping with one another (you can never be too careful in this department). It will be a difficult and scary conversation but I do think if you want to continue seeing this man long term, it is a conversation you need to have.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 February 2013):
 i'm a firm believer that when the time is right, you'll both feel it and both know.
if the relationship started off well and has somewhat fizzled down to not talking or seeing each other much, it may be slowly on its way out. no can can speculate for sure. but anyway, i suggest just relaxing and seeing how it turns out. if it feels right, go for it. if it doesn't feel right and like you're pushing it, i wouldn't do it. use your gut.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 How long should you date a guy before asking to be exclusive?
Whenever you feel ready. 2 months is fine.
You can ask him "You know we've been dating for 2 months now" and drop the old "where's this going?".
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