A
female
age
30-35,
*oving her kids!
writes:My husband and I recently got in a fight. Hes a 26 year old man texting and messaging a 17 year old girl about our marriage problems, but that's not all. He was deleting their messages as if they were never even talking. I questioned him on it one night and he replied "I talk to her sometimes about stuff" I dug a little further and asked what stuff and he said "Its private." Well I deleted her off of his facebook and blocked her from it. I then told him he needed to delete this girl from out life. Thats where my question is. He is making it impossible to get his phone to check to see if he actually did it or not. For instance, he went and took a shower and I went to find his phone on the bathroom sink and it wasn't there he hid it somewhere in the bathroom. What do I do please help? I don't know what to do anymore. We have two kids under the age of three.
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female
reader, loving her kids! +, writes (24 March 2013):
loving her kids! is verified as being by the original poster of the question To anwser everyones questions yes I have talked to him and told him how I feel, however he just says I'm sorry I should have talked to her, and when I push he never tells me what about and then says I won't talk to anyone ever again then. I don't want him to quite talking to his friends however I don't want him talking to other girls privately. I wouldn't do it to him. He knew her brother they where good friends. She was going after my sisters current boyfriend I would say more like stalking and my husband talked to her about him. She has told another friend through text that she hopes I fail in life and hopes that my husband divorces me because she has more feelings other than friendship for him. I have been through this before however I wasn't married my first son who is two cheated on me with many woman and I was to oblivous to see it happening. I'm just scared its starting all over agian.I will be 22 in a month or so!
A
female
reader, loving her kids! +, writes (24 March 2013):
loving her kids! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo anwser everyones questions yes I have talked to him and told him how I feel, however he just says I'm sorry I should have talked to her, and when I push he never tells me what about and then says I won't talk to anyone ever again then. I don't want him to quite talking to his friends however I don't want him talking to other girls privately. I wouldn't do it to him. He knew her brother they where good friends. She was going after my sisters current boyfriend I would say more like stalking and my husband talked to her about him. She has told another friend through text that she hopes I fail in life and hopes that my husband divorces me because she has more feelings other than friendship for him. I have been through this before however I wasn't married my first son who is two cheated on me with many woman and I was to oblivous to see it happening. I'm just scared its starting all over agian.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (24 March 2013):
 Your husband is obviously avoiding whatever issues you two may be having. The fact that he is going and telling a 17-year-old girl about the problems in your marriage indicates to me he feels that he can't talk to you about what is going on. Things like this don't happen over night and many men go seek out other women to confide in when they feel they have no input into their marriage.
Here are a couple of things to do:
1) Seek out counseling -- as a couple. Hopefully a trained therapist can help you uncover why you are fighting and what is blocking your communication.
2) Make sure your husband has a voice in your marriage. Meaning, you listen to him, acknowledge his feelings, and work together with his input. Sometimes women demand things their own way 100% of the time and this causes them to alienate their men.
3) Try to re-ignite the spark in your marriage. I suspect your husband could be overwhelmed with his responsibilities: a young wife, 2 needy children and probably a lack of money. Make sure you spend time together doing fun things (as much as you might not want to be with him right now). Set up a date night, go for a walk... do something fun together. Also and most importantly, be sure your sex life is active. A man who is getting it at home won't have a need to seek it outside of the marital bounds.
Hopefully you take some sort of action in repairing your marriage. I think the key is finding out why your husband is seeking outside solace and working to repair that rift.
Your two kids are clearly counting on you.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, loving her kids! +, writes (24 March 2013):
loving her kids! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMostly first year marriage problems like chores and him being gone all the time. Also his parents are a big role as they live next door. Him mother still does his check book for him. Its like I'm being babysat all the time.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 You are very young to have gotten into this situation, he seems immature for his age. The reality seems that this family life you have both created is not what he is ready for. He is clearly cheating and it is likely he may leave you. But you are still young, you can get on with your life without him, you will meet other men, you will still be a good mum, you will feel better about yourself when you are away from all this crap.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (24 March 2013):
 You're in the 18-21 age range, correct?If you're 18 or 19, I can see why this guy wouldn't think it strange to talk to a 17 year old girl. If you're older, then I think the fact that he's talking intimately with a 17 year old is the first issue that needs to be immediately addressed.I'm glad that you confronted him, and it's unfortunate that that didn't work out as you hoped. Were you perhaps aggressive or accusatory when you spoke to him?You two need to talk again, but this time make it more of a "fireside chat." Have a one-on-one, sit-down conversation where, rather than telling Hubby how NOT to act, you focus on telling him your feelings about the issue as well as check that he isn't going through a rough patch right now. Maybe the problem goes beyond your marriage, and Hubby should be talking to a professional, you never know.It's a simple little rule, but always remember to not start sentences with the word "you" in these serious conversations with others. Starting sentences with "I think..." or "It feels like..." are far, far less confrontational.Best of luck!
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