A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Majorly stressed out with work. I work from home so my son doesn't have to go to daycare full time-but this means that 4 hours of my work day, he is here (makes it very hard to get work done!) My job is very stressful and doesn't pay well. Anyway, to make matters worse, my son is sick with an ear infection and has strep. I asked ex to take him to the doctor, he did, but only after saying that I probably only asked him to do it so I didn't have to pay the copay! Then he goes on to make little ugly remarks about how my house is messy and I'm the reason my son is sick.I broke down and told him how stressed out I am and he's like "that's not my problem, I tried to work it out with you and you didn't want to" Ok- the reason we separated was bc HE didn't want to be married anymore, signed a lease, and moved out, after I told him that if he did so, our marriage was over, but now that's my fault?He only takes his son 2 days PER month. And yet, he's full of advice on how to be a better parent? Any tips on coping with the stress and co-parenting with a jerk?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (28 February 2013):
 Unfortunately, it sounds like your ex is still bitter about the break-up of your relationship. To make matters worse, you were having a tough day and your child is sick. That would likely explain why you guys butted heads. I can only imagine the stress you must've been under.
Life is all about dealing with difficult people under trying circumstances. Your ex verbally sparred with you and you bought into it. If your ex is upset about the co-pay, offer to pay half. Dirty houses don't necessarily cause ear infections -- kids get them all the time, mostly from getting their ears wet or having a bad cold. His flimsy reasoning has no merit, so let it go...
Being a single parent is not an easy task. Hopefully when you get some time, you'll work out better visitation routine with your ex so that you have some time to catch up on the house work and time to relax. Start taking small steps to "destressing" your life so that the pressure won't build up as much. Also, consider finding a less stressful, higher paying job. There's no reason why you have to accept a job that is causing you more pain than good.
Finally, you can't really change your ex. You can only change how YOU react to him. Part of the healing process for you is that you need to let go of the past... I sense a lot of anger and resentment and bitterness in regards to him (and much of it probably justifiable). When he provokes you that anger spills out and you turn it upon yourself (perhaps guilt?). Your relationship didn't work out -- many don't these days. Forgive yourself. And don't let that hatred spoil your life and that of your child. When you get angry he wins... no ifs, ands or buts.
They say the best revenge is by living a better life than what you had with him.
Why not start taking steps towards that life you've always dreamed of now?
Eddie
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 First things first; you got to look after your health anonymous.With having work and a young child at home; scheduling times for work and devoted playtime with your son would have to change to accomplish a balance. Would it be possible for family/friends to mind him (when he’s feeling better) in those four hours occasionally? Be it that children learn from us; you are the Ring-Master… So there’ll be quiet time for you to focus and then there’ll be shared fun time together and so on. Children behaviour a lot better knowing what’s expected of them; give them a set of boundaries, something to look forward to and keeping calm is a balancing act to be sure.As for co-parenting with a jerk; 2 days/month = 24 days in a year! Just keep your end of it civil.Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (27 February 2013):
Right now the most important factor is your health i would advise you to go to the doctors for advise and perhaps a tonic because between trying to work and mind your son as your working this is very stressful and tiring. Maybe you could get a childer minder for a couple of days.Also request ur ex to mind your son a couple times a week.You are carrying OVERLOAD at the moment and need all the help you can get NOW. Your son needs a healthy mum.Best Wishes Nora B.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): The sun is warm, the grass is green. Just repeat that whenever you get stressed. The sun is warm (slow, deep inhale), the grass is green (slow exhale).The problem is that you had a kid with a guy, and then things didn't work out with him. So now you have to put up with each other for the rest of your lives. Talk to him about that. Let him know that you're not interested in fighting forever. Try and do what you can to keep things civil, even when he's not. Don't satisfy him with an argument or reciprocate in any way that will only make things worse. Eventually, hopefully, things will work themselves out.Oh, and your house was probably messy because you have a little boy living there 341 DAYS OF THE YEAR. Don't tell that to your ex though. Just keep that one for yourself. You understand, and that's all that matters.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): "Any tips on coping with the stress and co-parenting with a jerk?"Not much you can do; your son didn't pick his father, YOU did. All you really can do is take the high road and don't use your son as a conduit to vent your grievances against your ex while making sure that everything and anything regarding ex's paternal responsibilities and obligations is in writing and court-approved. As an adult friend once said about growing up as the product of an unamicably divorced couple, "My mother never tried to turn me against my father because she knew he was capable of doing it all by himself," which he did. End result: my friend's parents are now in their eighties, he and his siblings remain close and devoted to their mother while their father languishes in a nursing home, receiving courtesy visits on his birthday and Christmas, but otherwise completely cut out of his adult children's lives just as they were not a part of his life when they were growing up.
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