A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can someone please answer, because I think I am slowly losing my mind through this. I have been dating for three years now. He wants to take our relationship further, but I can`t. The reason I can`t is because for at least two years, I have been catching him on dating sites. Oh yes, we have broke up and made up time and time again. We have talked, he`s denied, lied, blamed me and made up excuses. The thing that confuses me more, is I have never caught him meeting anyone, and I don`t think he intends to. Call me insecure, but I don`t like him being on dating sites. What do I do because he he doesn`t seem like he will ever stop?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): he goes on dating sites knowing it will upset the balance. that says that he see's the dating sites as equal or more important than you. dating sites suggest extreme desperation as far as i see it. maybe this guy would cheat on you in real life too, given the chance.
A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (5 April 2013):
If he loves you then why does he join dating sites? He is probably not cut out for a good, clean, honest, one to one relationship, whether he thinks he loves you or not. You probably know what you should do.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 he's on dating sites whether he meets them or not he's available if "someone better" comes along.
he has lied to you about it.
he blames you for it (that alone is enough for me to leave)
you don't trust him (with good reason)
I do not think he's going to change. I do not think you can fix this.
I think you have to start considering that he's not the one for you and figure out an exit strategy for this relationship as I do not ever see it being more than it is now.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (5 April 2013):
 " he`s denied, lied, blamed me and made up excuses " It speaks volumes that. Doesnt it? He doesnt look like he wants to stop. He doesnt have to. A few cross words and he`s back in your life again.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (5 April 2013):
 I think it's time you got out of the relationship. He has no respect for you. He may think he loves you, but i doubt he really does. Why dont you join a dating site and see what he has to say about that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): I love my boyfriend and want to get married. I would not join dating sites because I would be so frightened of wasting a good bond. The biggest reason would be because I love him and what hurts him also hurts me. I am sorry to have to tell you this but your boyfriend doesnt care about you, he cares only about himself. What is even more, is he has shown disrespect for you, even when caught. You should dump him.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (5 April 2013):
 I think the real question in your post is how much longer are you going to waste time on him and why do you keep going back?
Clearly the man enjoys the thrill of the hunt or enjoys getting / sending flirty emails to new women. Whether he meets them or not isn't really the problem, it is why would a man who is happy, content and in love repeatedly be ON a dating site in the first place?
Sadly you keep hoping that he will change. After all this time, you keep fooling yourself that he really is into you. Believe me -- a man who is TRULY in love with his woman won't even go near a dating site and if he did and was busted for it, would make sure that it would never be an issue again. Why would you want to settle for anything less? Why do you think you deserve a man who isn't 100% into you?
I know it is tough to walk away from all the time you invested, but I think you are continuing to throw some of your best years down a rat hole - and that will leave you bitter in the end. I think your trust in him is also irrevocably ruined as well (will you ever not wonder what he is up to)?
Ultimately, I think you have to face yourself on this problem and ask yourself why you keep settling for a man who sells you empty promises (that you keep buying) when you want AND deserve so much more.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): The fact that he's on these dating sites just seems to me that he's interested in looking at women, not necessarily for women if he hasn't been planning to meet up with anyone. But there always is the possibility he has, without your knowledge. I feel that if he's "denied, lied.. made up excuses" is that he's not ready for a committed relationship.
You should sit down and draw the line with him, calmly of course. Find out why he's doing this, and make sure you let him know that it's bothering you. If he refuses to stop, you might have to re-evaluate your relationship with him because it will only keep pestering you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): Well I'm confused. Has he joined the dating sites SINCE being with you or he's had them before you and never took them down?I ask because I noticed nine months after dating my boyfriend that he was getting emails from dating websites about having "new matches." It turns out that he had joined these websites way before we met and simply hadn't deleted the accounts. I verified and it was true. (You can look at the account and see when they joined and the last time they logged in). And since he is kinda computer illiterate and nonchalant he never took it off his email list nor deleted his account. In fact he still has a Friendster account he just never deleted. That's really all it was, he wasnt using these accounts. And he would have no problem if I deleted for him. I just don't have the time and not too worried about it. Now... if he has been signing up and going on these accounts since being with you, you've got a big problem. Clearly, that means he is trying to date and hook up with other women behind your back. You say you've never actually caught him, well what sorta snooping have you done to try to catch him? Maybe he is really good at hiding evidence (deleting emails, text messages). Does he ever go out and you don't know his whereabouts? Does he get mysterious phone calls/text messages at odd hours? Is he secretive about his phone? If you really want to get to the bottom of it, have yourself or a friend set up a fake account and lure him into a trap. That's the best thing you can do if you want hard evidence. However, if you KNOW he's created accounts since he's been with you, if you KNOW he's logged in to these sites since he's been with you, what more evidence do you need? Of course, he's going to lie, he doesn't want to get caught. You're not crazy, you know what you saw. Isn't him doing this enough for you to kick him to the curb?
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (4 April 2013):
 If you always took him back then he knows he can do exactly what he wants. I have been where you are and I doubt anything will change.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (4 April 2013):
 You have every right to be insecure about this. Perhaps I might be extreme in saying it but, one might be able to question his commitment to this relationship. Being on a dating site whilst you are in a relationship is odd and failing to stop after being told it makes your partner uncomfortable is both rude and selfish.
If you really doubt he intends to meet anyone, then perhaps you could discuss this with him further, calmly of course. Find out why he likes to go on these sites and let him know just how it makes you feel.
I hope that helps.
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