A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. I am 53 f engaged to 51 m. We have been living together for 2 years and are getting married later this year. I keep putting off the date as I get a knot in my stomach when I think about it. The problem is that sex is not happening. He never "comes" and does not seem that interested anymore-not even trying very hard to make sure I am satisfied.Sex has never been great but getting worse. He just brushes it off and says "Well if my legs were chopped off would you leave me"? He says his health and drugs he takes are the problem. Trouble is all I can think about is sex with him and it doesn't happen.I am in a constant state of frustration.The thing I do not understand that he still seems very interested in the opposite sex and stares at any blonde within his view and checks her out lustfully. I even found that he has been looking at porn as well.Should I just get over it and be thankful that I get to share a bed with a non performing hunk who I do love and adore.He treats me very well but I still get this niggling feeling that perhaps he just is not into me that way.Is this just my insecurities?? I have tried talking to him so many times but he never tries to get me to enjoy myself in bed.80% of the time all is good 20% not so good when I see him lusting after the blondes and am feeling totally frustrated. Any advice would be good to hear.
View related questions:
drugs, engaged, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (16 March 2012):
 At his age, he is likely experiencing a loss of sexual drive. Unfortunately that happens as we get older.
It sounds like his medications and health problems could be the central issue. If possible, I would recommend that he talk to his doctor about the side effects and what could be done to change his medications. He may also be prescribed something along the lines of Viagra / Cialis as well.
I should warn you though, that more than likely this is as good as it's going to get as far his sexual prowess goes. Personally, you may have to make a decision whether to accept a lack of sex to be with him. Hopefully he brings other qualities to the relationship table.
Try talking to him so that he'll meet you half way and do what he can to keep your satisfied. Sometimes mutual stimulation or oral sex can keep one another feeling loved in a physical way. You may also benefit from seeing a couple's counselor or sex therapist as well.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 He clearly has sexual interest but putting the energy into porn n other women. This darling is both unhealthy and disrespectful. He isnt satisfied sexually. Talk to him and figure out what his needs are and compromise if needed. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 March 2012):
 No matter what medications he is on, he sounds sexually lazy. Just because he can't get his rocks off, neither should you? Or even better - he expect you just take care of yourself?
I think you two really need to talk about it. You need to express what you EXPECT from him or nothing will change at all.
Most men don't like the fact that they can't perform, some feels less "manly" so you need to be a little delicate, but there are SO many other things he can do if he can't get it up that would be enjoyable for you BOTH.
As for lusting after the blonds, well it's the ego right there, he can pretend that he is 20 because they don't know what goes on in the bedroom, you do. If that makes sense. I had a BF many many years ago (we were in our mid 20's) who had problems getting erections, but he still managed to flirt with every single female with a pulse and personally I think it was his way of reclaiming his "manhood" so to speak.
So talk to him and then decide if whatever the outcome is something you can live with.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): I think if he stares at blondes like that he definitely isn't a keeper. If my hunk did that constantly, I would feel annoyed. As for the sex side of things, I have been there and done that with a man that doesn't meet the needs and perform well in bed. Being close to each other does play a big part in a relationship, I don't care what anyone says.
You need a man that can please you and will do anything for you in bed to make you satisfied.
In my opinion, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 I think that you should take matters into your own hands... so to speak... Invest in a vibrator and dont be shy to use it!!
You might find that by incorporating some sex toys into your sex life things might get a bit more spiced up.
Does your husband not like giving you oral? There are many ways of pleasuring each other without penetration.
You mention that you have found him watching porn but you dont say how much he watches... maybe the other reason for him not wanting sex with you is because it is 'easier' to masturbate to porn than to have sex with you?
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Older men on medications, especially bet blockers like Atenolol, often have erectile dysfunction issues. Thus may be your future: little sex. If he is on blood pressure meds, there are some alternatives.
...............................
|
