A
female
age
41-50,
*epressedheart
writes:My husband and I have participated in swinging, mostly me having encounters with other me and occasionally girls. My husband would get turned on by putting craigslist ads and inviting young men over and single women or couples to come over. It would usually turn out into a blow job session and them cumming on me. I have tried to get more women for him and have been successful a few times. Anyway, I have been suffering from depression and have been seen by a doctor and I am on the mend. I told my husband a few months ago that I don't want to do this "swinging" stuff anymore. He continues to place craigslist ads and lets people know where we will be and hoping we will hook up. I told him what i really need right now is his affection and intimacy and I have no interest in that racey lifestyle right now or anymore?! I don't know right now. I am missing my connection with my husband and feel like I am not enough for him, or he would rather see me getting treated like a whore by other men. I am not opposed to going to a strip club with him or watching porn. I just don't want to share my bed with anyone else. Plus, we have moved 3 times over the past year all over the country. I broke my shoulder in December, l had to give up a great job because of all this moving. I just don't know what to do. I think he is mad I don't want to play around right now, he says I am full of drama and all I do is get upset over everything. I have no friends, he is all I have to talk to too and basically told me he does not want to hear it. I feel so alone and depressed. I wonder if I should leave him and go back to my family. I just need some affection:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): I don't know who is crazier- your husband for doing all of this to you or you for going along with it. Remember none of this would have happened if you had said NO, I won't have sex with other men to get you off, no I won't leave my job and move all over the country and NO I won't let you take over my mind and body. Leave this nut job who lets his perverted sexual desires dictate his entire psyche and life with no regard for you or for others whatsoever and make a life for yourself first and then with someone normal. Good luck.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (16 March 2012):
 Married couples often change with the years. You are probably beginning to realize that the swinging lifestyle isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Many posts have been written here lamenting that fact.
Your husband has to realize at this point that his antics are destroying your marriage and your self-esteem. My general rule of thumb is that two (or more) consenting adults can participate in any bedroom activities they want -- and at will. Now that you have changed your mind -- and perhaps matured a bit -- the game has changed, which is also acceptable.
I think what you are requesting is fair and very reasonable. However, you aren't to be held hostage here: swinging requires consent. If he continues to put ads on craigslist, let him. Just don't be a participant in the action. Get a motel room, require him to take his activities elsewhere (out of your home), do whatever it takes to remove yourself from the situation. I am sure the swinging will end pretty quick without him having a female participant.
If he continues to swing without you, I think you have to look at it as if he is cheating. Sadly, this may mean the end of your marriage -- but I guarantee you that on the flipside you'll find a man who will want to be with you 100% and your self-esteem will come back.
At this point, I am willing to bet that your depression is 100% related to what you've just posted. I would urge you to continue to see a therapist for emotional support as well as find a friend to talk to. I'd also write your husband a letter telling him how much his actions hurt you and what it is doing to you and your marriage.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it is going to take you a bit of action and courage to face what is happening in your marriage.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (16 March 2012):
 Wow, Time for your husband to have a reality check, You have every right to stop wanting to live that lifestyle. It seems between the moving and the broken shoulder things have gotten a little out of hand for you. Having men treat you like a "whore" is not going to help the situation.
I would be a little firmer with your husband and explain how you are feeling, if he continues to put adds up then let him take care of the men! put your foot down and say no more, its your body so it means it is your choice. I would also look into getting some counselling or therpy so that you have an outlet and someone to help you though your depression. Especially if your husband is being a selfish idiot. Have you thought about trying to make new friends or getting a new hobbie? I think you need to take some time out and work on your self and what makes you happy. The first step is to sort that husband of yours out. If your family are willing to help and support you that maybe a great short term solution also.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): He isn't listening to you because he is just too wrapped up in his own sexual desires. You have said you don't want to do this swinging thing anymore, yet he is still placing ad's. He is disrespecting you and treating you like an object. I suggest that you leave him and go back to your family because you will only end up even more depressed than you are currently. If you don't want to do it, when these people arrive simply don't do anything, and if he says anything, tell him firmly you told him you didn't want to, either he respects that or he is no longer part of your life. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to look after you, because at the moment he isn't. Good Luck
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