A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im currently in a relationship with my boyfriend and have been for 2 and a half years we have lived together for one. Were both incredibly happy and are very affectionate towards one another. All is going well except for one thing ... sex. In the beginning we had sex alot i mean 2/3 times every time we saw each other. This has now reduced to approx once per fortnight and even when we do have it, it seems awkward and almost like were forcing ourselves to have sex just because we should be having it. Were talking about this openly and its not a problem at the minute but we are worried that it might turn into a problem in the future. When talking about it weve talked about how were both happy, both still fancy each other but cant pin point why were no longer having sex. I just wanted to ask why you think this has happened? And what can do we do to fix it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 June 2016):
 I think you have become bored of one another. You live together, and probably spend too much time together. Not every couple works this way, but it sounds like the two of you could benefit from occasional separation and doing things separately. Such as go on vacations without each other, or visit family/friends without each other. Spend time apart, so that when you do meet again, you will have something new and refreshing about you, something you share and some good stories to tell that the other hasn't heard before.
You said before you had sex often when you met again, after perhaps having spent a day or two apart. Just because you live together, doesn't mean you have to, or should, see each other every day. Some times, for some couples, this is what kills the romance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2016): Sweetie y'all appear mature and very grounded in this relationship, Hunny y'all moving into an additional phase of this partnership, which ultimately builds lasting bonds. Absolutely perfect timing for this question and yea status normal, every couple whose spent just at two years, and longer experience this shift! Don't panic open communication will always be keen factor, you've subconsciously found the comfort level within one another's lives. Now good stuff begins start to enjoy one another without pressures living up to others expectations as so many couples do at start of their love affair. These are wonderful new days ahead of exploring different levels of sexualities. Men live for the chase Hunny entice and lure your Boo in, then just before he assumes he's conquered, slowly release your attention, Cast and Reel is wonderful, sexy lil game sure to get both yalls blood pumping...Best of love 2 both.P.s it's alright not to go at it four times a day as ya did, unless u need more sexual gratification, if so Ravage him without his consent_he might just dig it
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (4 June 2016):
It sounds as though your sex sessions have become stale for him and the process too predictable and done according to habit. Try scheduling date nights, starting at once or twice a week, on days when you are both relaxed and rested. You may want to try a few pairs of date nights where you bring something new to the session on one night and he does so on the second night. Examples would be wardrobe/costuming, sex toys or elementary BDSM. Perhaps he feels he can't reveal his fantasies to you but might do so on the nights when he runs the show.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (4 June 2016):
 I hate to say it, but many couples experience what you are experiencing. I assume at this point you have gotten over the lust-part of your relationship and probably more or less in a maintenance mode. And being that you have been together as long as you have, the sex probably has become less hotter and more routine. Also now that you live together, the spontaneity and the "missing you" effect is no longer there.
Unless couples really make a conscious effort to keep things interesting, your sex life, like anything can take a backseat to life. And eventually the physical connection fades.
You've done the hard part -- getting the issue out in the open but actually maintaining an active sex life takes some commitment and effort.
One thing you may want to try, which I've heard of people having success with is doing a "sex challenge". Couples have sex at least once a day for X days in a row. Set up your own challenge and be sure you are both in on it.
Another thing is to take some initiative by either side. Surprise your boyfriend by the setting the mood.
Do things together -- from working out to other activities and also don't forget to leave a little separation. They say distance can make the heart grow fonder.
Finally, use your imagination and try new things. Being romantic and showing small tokens of physical affection can lead to more occurring bedroom activities.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, ArtisticBiscuit +, writes (4 June 2016):
 Nobody is saying you have to have sex. If you're happy without it then you don't need to force it into your relationship.If you miss it, then speak to your partner about it. One a fortnight is actually a lot of sex. Some people have lower sex drive. There is no right or wrong amount of sex a relationship should have. It's probably just you both getting happy with each others company. How you have explored the body and fallen into a routine without so much sex. Maybe go on dates and make them really romantic. This could put you in a feeling of wanting more sex. p.s. a relationship that's purely about sex isn't a healthy one. You're lucky you do other things and are both loving to each other.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (4 June 2016):
 It's never a case of "should" be having sex - it's always a case of if you *want* to be having sex, which you clearly do and he seems to as well. Your communication is good, but you appear to have got stuck in a rut - maybe a romantic evening/spicy products or clothing/role plays/short holiday break together? Find a way to release the pressure to be having sex; if it because routine-like, it will be awkward and not very pleasurable; you need to be relaxed and in the mood - you currently sound like you may be attempting it for the sake of it, rather than actually being in the mood for it at the time....? Having gaps, whether intentional or not, isn't necessarily a bad thing - it's better to let the passion drive the frequency, rather than the concept of "needing" to have sex.
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