A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When I say flake, I don't mean cancelling or calling beforehand to reschedule or calls afterwards to explain the bizarre emergency situation in which he was unable to call. A flake to me , Is someone that makes plans with you. You set the date, time, etc Then on the day of, the person vanishes into thin air.When you attempt to call them, they do not pick up nor do they respond to texts etc.Then they return days later with an excuse why they couldn't get back to me or worse just starts a conversation like nothing had happened. I have came across guys like this and every time I've given them a second chance it always back fired and end up being a total waste of time. In other words they flaked again. Now my new policy to automatically write a guy off when he pulls this crap?is it unreasonable?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2016): It comes down to manners and respect. It isn't likely even flaky people would want to lose an opportunity to make a love-connection with someone they really like and respect.
That is the one time they tend to pull their act together.
Giving second chances depends on the type of personality they have overall. Does he go out of his way to make you feel how much he likes you? Does he "call" unexpectedly? Greet you with an ear to ear smile? Does he offer any evidence to backup his excuses and break his neck trying to make it up to you? There are exceptions. Like, if he's a hot nerd. They are given to distraction from romance by intellectual endeavors. That tends to mesmerize them. Driven to total distraction by new gadgets or lost in technological bliss over a new toy or video game. They can't help it, you have to give them a break. If they find love, they value it. That's what makes them so smart.
It's rarely another woman! I like good-looking nerds! Dated a few and loved it! You'll end up on dates at comic conventions, technology exhibitions, and science museums; but they leave you smarter than when they first met you. Just a little side-humor here! Sorry to go offtrack.
If you're not a flaky person, why would you even consider a second chance with someone who proves they are? Flaky people are flaky all the time. Everybody makes mistakes, but it's a habit with flaky types. Irresponsibility and stupidity being the major cause of this behavior.
You have to treat a person right from the very beginning. If a guy cancels a date more than once; he had better have a medical emergency or family crisis. There are few other feasible excuses; unless he got arrested. I don't cancel dates without fair notice and I treat others as I want to be treated. You can't accept lame excuses after someone has gone as far as to plan and schedule a date for you. If he cancels, the real reason is usually the fact they found something better to do with friends; or someone else they're more interested in. Maybe they are too proud to admit they're broke.
The reason at the top of the list is, he's just not that into you. I recommend low tolerance for people who don't show you courtesy, respect, and the decency to give prior notice. Ignoring calls and disappearing after canceling, is a clear indication you're dating a certified dick!
Delete his number, block his calls, remove him from all your social media contacts; and if he shows up uninvited, tell him to get lost. Do it with conviction and dignity. Don't cry or act like a priss about it. You don't even have to hit bitch mode. Just say: "Dude...seriously?!! Please lose my number!" Ignore apologies.
On to the next! Make sure you do progressively better each time thereafter. That's an indication you're learning something and making better choices in men. Cute guys getaway with murder, but it's conceit and narcissism that gives them the gall to think they're doing you a favor by sharing a minute of their precious time. You can use and diss him, or simply kick him to the curb. Replace him with someone with a decent personality, respect for women, and a great penis. Or a hot nerd/techno geek, who are quite often all of the above; and have great earning potential.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (20 April 2016):
 Normally a person wants to make a good impression when first dating so you have to look at the big picture/long term. If a guy is acting like this now, what can you expect in the future? It makes you wonder. There are far too many fish in the sea honey, throw this fish back and catch a different one.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (19 April 2016):
 The first few months of any courtship, usually the suitor is on their best behavior. If one is truly interested in another person, they'll hide their flaws and appear to be perfect -- that is human nature. We all want to be liked.
The fact that you haven't even started to date yet and he's already treated you like an afterthought is a HUGE red flag. Flaky people are just that -- flaky and unreliable.
If you want to continue to deal with his weird drama and you are that desperate for a date, then by all means. But from the sounds of it, he doesn't sound like much a catch and you'll be left wanting more, which is never a good start to any relationship.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2016): They Not flakes, their loosers!
You're doing the right thing, drop them, don't worry about it. If they give you a hard time about it later screw em, who cares?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 April 2016):
 No it is not unreasonable, we all expect common courtesy. If someone can genuinely not make it and let you know before hand that something has came up and then they make it up to you well then I would let it slide, but if someone makes a no show and doesn't even let you know, well they are time wasters and someone you don't want to be involved with. Well done for kicking this in the head.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 April 2016):
 No, I think it's common sense to not let guys like that waste your time.
Feel free to block them and move on, not give them a second chance.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 April 2016):
 Unreasonable would be to continue to let his dumb behind keep playing the game. These are not flakes they are idiots
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2016): Is it unreasonable? Not at all.
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