A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are both 23 years old, and I feel like our sex life is pretty dead and boring. It sounds horrible to say it but it really bothers me. When we first started dating we couldn't keep our hands off each other now we will have sex maybe once a week or less than that. And when we do its me that initiates and I do 90% of the foreplay work and it's always missionary.the sex itself is good and I make sure to tell him that. I've also found out he has been secretly masturbating in a different room of the house whilst I am awake and in the room next to him several times a week. He says he is attracted to me and that he loves me but I don't understand why our sex life is so stale. I have calmly spoke to him about it and suggested we try new things and also tried to dress up for him more and put more effort it but it seems in vain. He always has excuses for why we don't do it and i find it frustrating as it's making me feel unwanted and it's not the sex life I'm used to. I'm not saying I want it every day all the time but more than once a week and with a bit more adventure would be nice. How can I move past this with him or am I just being selfish as I'm not sure anymore.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (8 June 2016):
 Sorry to hear you are going through this.
First off, let me clue you in on a not-so-little secret. Guys masturbate. Even those in fulfilling relationships. Yes it can be selfish, being that it appears to be coming at your expense. But guys do get horny and sometimes they don't want to initiate the process. Call it lazy -- which is what I suspect your boyfriend is.
There are a couple of things you can do:
1) Make sure you aren't making sex a production. Be spontaneous. Maybe it is just a quickie. It doesn't always have to be a marathon session.
2) Seduce him. You know what turns him on. Lingerie? Perfume? The setting? Set the mood and be sure that you are ready for foreplay as well -- also be verbal with your expectations. If you expect caressing or oral, give him some hints.
3) Set a date. Tell him in the morning that you expect / want sex that evening. Drop hints and turn him on throughout the day about how bad you want him.
Finally, it may be time to take stock in your relationship. Often times, the lack of physicality can be the harbinger of a dull emotional relationship. I hate to say it, but it could be that he has a low sex drive or just isn't as attracted to you as he once was. while there may be an emotional connection, the physical one may have faded. At some point, you may have to ask yourself whether you can live with your current sex volume.
You do have some choices and work to do but it will take some time and effort. Hopefully your boyfriend will come around and just needs the proper motivation.
Eddie
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 June 2016):
 "...How can I move past this with him...?"
You probably can't. When two people meet.. and enjoy the LUST that often begets a "relationship".... it becomes impossibly difficult (for them) if ONE of them becomes content with a tapering-off of intimacies, whilest THE OTHER (isn't content).....
You and he get one shot to sit down... discuss this submittal, together... and decide if HE wants to - or is going to try to - match your needs for intimacy.
IF he isn't interested.... or (more likely) lies and sez he'll try... then does so for a couple of weeks... then tapers off, again... then YOU need to reconcile that you and he have an intimacy mismatch... and you (and he) cannot continue in your "relationship"....
If that happens.... just make a graceful split... and you can both go on to find more-compatible partners...
Good luck...
...............................
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