A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My friends are all in relationships, all very serious, one just got engaged. I'm happy for all of them, really I am, but here's the thing, the last time I had any sort of relationship was when I was 15, and I clearly wasn't enough for him because he cheated on me with three different girls, one of them he is now engaged to.I am crazy jealous of my friends relationships and they rub it in my face on a daily basis, talking about how their boyfriend bought them something, or how sweet their fiance is, one of them sends me pictures of her in bed cuddling with her boyfriend. I've told them it bothers me but they won't slow the bragging down at all. I was always the ugly girl of the group, the only one without a prom date, the one with the ugliest yearbook picture. What's worse is they're all stick thin and I'm a size 14 (american sizing) and that makes me feel worse, that my body is the reason I'm single.I told one of my friends to please stop talking about her boyfriend for five minutes because I was crying, clearly getting upset and she told me I was acting crazy and I should just get over it.Am I crazy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): As negative as this sounds, most of your friends will not be as happy as they portray themselves to be and seeing as your age range is 18-21 (and I assume friends are around that age) not all of their relationships are going to last either because you and them are all still developing as young adults. So much changes during your late teens and early 20's and it's a time your really find out more about who you are, what you like and believe in etc... So some people grow closer together, while others grow apart - that goes for friendships too!
Your relationship at 15 is not an accurate representation of an actual adult relationship - boys around that age are immature and seeing 3 different girls behind your back is no reflection you but a reflection on his immaturity. The fact he's now engaged is simply the fact that he's had a few more years to grow up and nothing to do with you.
Not being in a relationship now is not the be all and end all if life. If you're not confident in yourself, it is going to be hard for potential partners to have a chance with you, the cheesy saying about loving yourself before others can love you does hold some truth. It's very important that you learn, especially as you're still young, to be satisfied and happy with your own company and with yourself as a person. No one else is responsible for your happiness. You could meet a wonderful partner who brings more happiness to your life, but you shouldn't look for someone to make you happy because nothing is that simple! You being happy doesn't depend on anyone else, the only person you should depend on for making you happy is you! My husband can make me extremely happy, and we share happy moments and me being in his life makes him happy too; but we both were happy with ourself before we met and even together we wouldn't hold each other responsible for making the other person happy; relationships could be a bit unhealthy then if you seek happiness constantly from someone else.
You say you're uncomfortable with your body size, but accepting who you are and bring confident in yourself is so important. If you're not happy, then take steps to be happy; whether that's changing your style, taking up a new hobby, getting fitter so you're happier with your body or simply distancing yourself from these friends you're uncomfortable around. We can't know if they're intentionally rubbing their relationships in your face, it could be they are actually happy and want to share that - it would be unreasonable of you to expect people not to talk to you about the things that have made them happy in their life. Crying because they're talking about it is quite an overreaction and it does sound like you need to work on your self-esteem and accepting yourself because you can't just cry when your life isn't matching up to someone else's. We all live different lives and different paces. If they are vindictive enough to brag about their lives with the intention of rubbing it in your face, then they're not really friends and so doing something new would be a good distraction and way to meet new friends.
Describing yourself as the ugly one is very sad, and again you need to build yourself up and find things you are good at, as this will give you reasons to like yourself.
I strongly recommend you take up some new hobbies that will get you mixing with new people and that will make you feel proud of yourself for doing them. Whatever takes your fancy, think about something you want to try but have not felt you could do it and go prove to yourself that you can. You could join a sewing class and make something, a running club and learn to run 2/5/10 kilometres just something that you will be able to feel proud of for doing - as this will help build your self esteem and confidence.
Don't wallow thinking your life doesn't match up to other people's. Your life is your own, while you would like a relationship there is a lot more on offer that you could be doing, and a relationship would just be an added bonus. You're still so young, just grab life by the horns and start enjoying the ride - take up new opportunities and find fulfillment by yourself. If anything, you should be the envy of your friends because you could literally do anything without referring to anyone. Want to work abroad? Book your flight. Want to learn to dance? Take up a class. Live life to the full and your friends relationships will be the last thing on your mind.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 Your weight isn't the problem. Your friends are. Just because they are in relationships doesn't mean that you have to be in one as well. It's not a contest. And I really doubt how happy they are because if someone is really happy and secure in their life and existence then they don't feel the need to justify and brag about it. Ever. They just carry on calmly. It's the one's who are insecure that feel the need to shout from the rooftops.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (28 July 2017):
I understand how lousy you feel about all this but please remember that your feelings of envy are your own and it's up to you to deal with them.
Obviously, I'm not there to witness your interactions with your friends so I can't tell whether they are being deliberately mean and rubbing it in your face. If they are being deliberately mean - then maybe you should look for other friends.
But your friend does have a point. It's normal for people to want to talk about their lives and the good things that have happened to them. It's not their responsibility to pussy-foot around you and pretend certain things haven't happened just because it makes you feel down. If you really can't suck it up, you'll have to consider not being friends with them any more.
My sister's just had a baby. And I'm envious - I'm not going to be able have children but I don't expect her (or any of my friends who have babies) never to talk about them and the joy they bring. If I can't be happy for them and refuse to share their joy then I'm a pretty poor friend.
You sound very insecure about yourself so maybe you should work on that.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 OP, you need to realise that if your friends cannot understand how hurt you are, that maybe they just aren't worth being around.
Don't ever start questioning yourself, trying to figure out what is wrong with you because there's nothing wrong with you.
You're still so young and you're talking about friends getting engaged and this and that... first of all dear, your age group is the perfect time to be single because being single at your age means being FREE! Commitments are loads of work and can also be your worst nightmare if things are not going according to plan so why would you want that at your age? You can do whatever you want right now. You can go wherever you want. You can be whoever you want to be... I mean, the possibilities are endless right now. Don't worry about being alone because being ALONE doesn't mean that you have to be LONELY.
I'm single and I love it. I just came out of relationship last year which really was such a headache so I know what I'm talking about when I say steer clear because you're missing out on nothing.
How about you start a trend? Start being fabulously single so that they start to envy you instead!
Besides, more than half of all marriages end in divorce and the stats for young marriages are even worse! So take your time and in time you will be where you want and need to be.
Your size has nothing to do with anything. You're still fabulous. In fact, a lot of men love having something to grab onto so don't sweat it.
You just need to up your confidence and you will be fine OP.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (28 July 2017):
 Perhaps you should start building a new network of friends and stop seeing these, 'old married couples', who used to be your friends quite so often. They sound a bit insensitive to me.
You can stop living on social media so much. Then you won't have to put up with weirdness like photos of 'the happy couple' in bed. I mean, who does that?
Just because they got hooked up now doesn't mean it will last. Take your time and find someone who is right for you. There is no rush.
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