A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a lady who likes ladies. I have been toying with the idea of moving across the country to a particular city for awhile and have a good friend there. Through an online dating site, I have been speaking with a lady from this city who seems great, we exchanged numbers and have texted and skyped. Before skyping, I told her I was going to visit and she seemed really excited and said she could pick me up from the airport and I could stay with her and keep expectations open so that if we hit it off, we can spend a ton of time together, or obviously not so much if we don't.We skyped the other night and now she has seemed more distant (she isn't huge into texting anyway and I know has kids and is busy with things). She also mentioned she was going to be busy one of the days I'm scheduled to be there now because of a birthday party for her kid. I also complimented her via text later on saying I enjoyed talking to her and that I thought she had a gorgeous smile and she just said thank you.. I'm wondering how to proceed from here. Do I stop reaching out for awhile and see if she initiates communication? I'm not visiting for a month and a half so we have time to figure things out. If I don't really hear from her, I was thinking about saying something like I'm just going to stay with my friend there and rent a car so she doesn't need to worry about feeling obligated to spend time with me, maybe giving her an out? I realize its a weird situation and hard to know how someone is feeling. Any tips would be helpful, thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2017): op here-
Thanks for the great advice. She is definitely out and has been for awhile. She was married to a woman and had these kids with her; they have been divorced for a few years now. I think she just was maybe having 2nd thoughts about spending the entire time with me. I'll let her know I'm staying elsewhere and see if she wants to get dinner perhaps and we can go from there.
Thanks again :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 July 2017):
 Find other accommodations. I think she offered up that you could stay there before she actually thought about it.
I would let her know that you are staying elsewhere and thank her for her offer (even if she really didn't mean it totally) and that you can give her your schedule for the visit when it gets closer if she is free to meet up, then do so if not... well, at least you know that he liked the IDEA of a lady who likes ladies but... not the reality.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (18 July 2017):
 I also say to keep your independence, book into your own lodgements, by all means, keep in contact with her, She might be rethinking her offer, not that she has anything against you but she might be thinking of the one, not knowing you and if you don't hit it off will she be able to get you out of her home, YOU say she has kids so they are off school this time of year I think, so if so would not be the best time for her as kids take a lot of time .
Just another point is she out? she might be lesbian but does not want to be too open for her kids or her family
Is she just curious? it could be that she is toying with the idea and now backing off,
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (18 July 2017):
 Yes I think you should allow her space to meet you without necessarily having to give you lodgings. She has probably had second thoughts about her wave of generosity.
Book into a hotel or similar. That allows you both freedom to be with or without the other.
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