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I can't believe that after all his drama, HE dumped me! I need closure. What do I do?

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 July 2017) 10 Answers - (Newest, 17 July 2017)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Hey guys! Just need a little advice at the moment! Hope you can help!

I met a guy at my job that I started dating.. before anyone says "Don't date people you work with".. I usually don't, and I only made an acception because he works in another building, the only time I see him is during our Friday morning meeting once a week.

But here's the deal.. someone in my department introduced me to him. The story goes, he liked me for weeks before I even knew he existed. On day one, he told me he had a baby with his ex, who was 6 months old. He said they had been broken up for like 8 months and he was over it. I respected him for telling me but it did bother me.

Other than that, he seemed great. But then I started to see red flags.. he partied a lot, drank a lot, and smoked cigarettes.. I don't do any of those things but I don't judge. But then he started blocking me off social media out of fear that I wouldn't like him anymore if I saw everything. We tried to work through it but then he started to come off as heartless sometimes towards my feelings. His excuse for this was that he's been hurt in the past and so he puts up these walls..

All while this is going on, his baby mama is writing me crap on social media I guess to upset me or scare me off.. I just ignore it. I try not to let anything bother me, but I feel a huge disconnect with him. His excuse for everything is how he's been hurt and that he's insecure.

Well last night we hung out and I was bored the whole time. It feels like we have nothing to talk about. And then this morning, I saw he blocked me off twitter again. I asked him why and his excuse was that his ex had his passwords backed up on her iCloud account and blocked me and he didn't know what else to tell me. I told him this was too much for me.. Then he says he has a lot going on in his life and can't worry about keeping me happy 24/7 and he's just gonna be alone and not to speak to him at work because he wants a drama free environment.

I'm actually hurt and confused about all this.. He seems very up and down and immature but I'm actually let down that he would be so cold towards me. I don't want to speak to him, but I feel like I need closure in a way. What should I do?

View related questions: at work, his ex, immature, insecure

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 July 2017):

Honeypie agony auntAh well... just goes to show what kind of guy he is.

Chin up and better luck next time!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

No.. the one who introduced us got fired.. just a co worker that is a mutual friend. I actually think he may of gotten back with his ex already

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 July 2017):

Honeypie agony auntWhat a dick!

I suggest you IGNORE any messages from him through co-workers. If your co-worker gets another one, just shrug and go back to business. I think the less you react the better.

Was it the same coworker who introduced you?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Oh yeah I already did. He's blocked off all my social media, and I blocked his number too.. Right after he texted me "Hi" I just thought how immature he was. Then the next day he texted my co worker and told my co worker to tell me "hi" for him.. it feels borderline creepy now. I feel so happy now that it's over, I'm glad we only dated for 6 weeks.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 July 2017):

Honeypie agony auntUnless you NEED to talk to him at work, I'd block him and delete his number. Not only is he immature but he is rather inconsiderate too.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey guys thanks for the advice! The more I've thought about it, the more I feel like it was the best decision.. I actually wanted to break up with him, which is why I asked to talk in person and he just kind of beat me to it through text which did hurt my ego.. the weird thing is, he told me not to speak to him, but then he texted me "Hi" the next day??? It's obvious this guy is immature and I was just hoping for some type of change in him which probably won't ever happen. Thanks for everything!

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A female reader, Miss.Cupid United States +, writes (14 July 2017):

Miss.Cupid agony auntI completely agree with everyone above me. Sometimes you don't need closure all your questions are answered by actions.

To be completely honest with you he doesnt seem like a settle down type. He has a kid, baby mama drama and he deals with his life by drinking, partying and smoking. I think hes liked you but he liked the idea of you or the idea of someone new he can have fun with but then he noticed maybe you were falling for him and he isn't ready for that. The excuse of him being hurt before is complete b.s. At the end of the day that baby mama will be most likely forever in his life they have a baby.

To be honest with you I think you dodged a bullet with this one lol. Go enjoy yourself and meet someone who doesnt have the unnecessary baggage.

Good Luck.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 July 2017):

Honeypie agony auntOP, you GOT potential closure OVER and OVER.

The guy was NOT as great as you had thought or hoped and THANKFULLY it's now over. Who dumped who is IRRELEVANT.

The fact that HE dumped you because he rather end it and RUN AWAY than work it out should tell you this wasn't a good or healthy relationship.

I will call BS on the whole "the babymomma has his PW on her icloud" bullshit. He can change the PW and who has access. So IF she has constant access to his accounts, they are NOT so over each other as claimed.

Take this as closure. HE was NOT a good fit for you. WHY waste ANY more time on him? WHY show him that HE meant more to you than you meant to him?

TAKE his words for what they are and IGNORE him at work.

Learn from this. If a guy "brings" drama (be it an ex-gf or babymomma) then END it right then and there. Why? Because that kind of drama stick around it doesn't go away the longer you date. TRUST me.

Take this as closure too. YOU can DO so much better than some dude who knocked up a girl and ALLOWS her to bring drama into his life from them on out.

Then it's "brush youself off" time. You MADE a mistake dating someone whom you didn't initially notice and who initially SHOWED you what kind of drama he keeps in his life.

Chin up and MOVE on. As EASILY as he could let you go, you should let HIM go. Yes, I get that it might hurt your ego a little that HE dumped you over HIS drama but really? It was the BEST thing that could happen TO YOU. To not be part of HIS drama. Few guys are WORTH that. He certainly wasn't. No one likes being dumped.

In the future? Don't ignore red flags. There were quite a few. The whole "blocking you so you won't like him less" is a cop out and full of BULLSHIT on his end. He just didn't want you to see the real him and what kind of crap he likes to wallow in. He was trying to build a facade for you to HOODWINK you into thinking he was quite the great guy and good catch when in fact he was neither.

So suck it up, Buttercup! Be happy you dodged this bullet. you could have wasted more time on this guy than you did. Want more trust, respect, and maturity from a potential partner.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (13 July 2017):

N91 agony auntWhat other kind of closure can you get? The relationship has ended and for very good reason.

You don't need anymore from this man, he sounds like an absolute waste of space and you should be happy to be rid of him. He did you a massive favour by breaking things off. Accept it and move on.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2017):

Denizen agony auntIt's hard to imagine how much more closure you could get. Sure, you need to get over it. You made a mistake picking this one, but you realise it. On the up side you have found out quite quickly what a mistake it was. So drop this toxic piece back in the sea and look for something better.

You just have to put this down to experience. You have been a fool but there are far bigger ones out there believe me. Think yourself lucky you got away without too much damage.

Turn you back on this and move on.

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