A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I figure this girl out, before I start I have to say that I am a typical young bloke who is very open and honest.I am very attracted to a girl I work with and we have worked together for about 4 years, we flirt all the time, I was straight forward with her and said that I liked her but I didn't want anything serious as I don't like to get tied down, I just like getting together with girl and having a bit of fun, she was initially shocked and we stopped flirting, however, she changed her mind which I was chuffed about and we get together for a kiss etc. she gives me great hand jobs but will not go down on me and she wont let me go down on her, I really want to.She has now said that she doesn't want to get to physcial because we are not serious, but she says she loves kissing and making me come.She says she doesn't want to be a friend with benefits but to me thats what we are.What should I do with this girl, I do like her but I can't change who I am and I feel like she is holding something (a secret) from me, I have asked her but she want let me in.
View related questions:
flirt, friend with benefits, hand-job, I work with, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 "I feel like she is holding something (a secret) from me, I have asked her but she want let me in."
I think this girl has basically told you what the price for admission is, and you're not willing to pay, or can't pay, whichever.
Just as you can't change who you are, she can't change who she is.
What are you really complaining about? You seem to be getting a pretty good deal here. I don't understand what you have to gripe about.
You have certain parameters, she has certain parameters; you both have reached some kind of compromise, so ..... ???? If you aren't happy, you have the option to end things nicely before anyone's feelings get too involved.
Take care.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Well if you like her and want more you have to make a committment to her! She's just being as honest as you are. And no you are not yet FBW, as she wont let you touch her/go down on her or anything, and she wont do more for you. It sounds like she might even stop doing the kissing part as well if you dont give her some committment soon. I think she is hoping you will change your mind and be with her ONLY if things are to go further.
And as for "I can't change how I feel" part... Of course you can change it. Unless you have a letter from the doctor saying you have severe committment fobia, you can get over it.
Of course, if you simply don't WANT to change, you are entitled to never enter a relationship if thats what you want. But this girl will be out of your reach then.
...............................
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (29 April 2010):
 prepare urself for some real drama dude. she will feel like ur playing her...and yeah she cant keep her hands off you but she is reluctant to have sex because she does want a commitment.shes a nice girl but not a grown woman who can just have sex for the fun of it,commitment free. i say give it a try and date her.she seems nice.
...............................
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (29 April 2010):
 No thats not being friends with benefits you don't bang her, she only kisses you and gives you a hand job. You either commit and have a relationship with her or you tell her you are SERIOUS about not wanting a relationship (those hand jobs and kissing will stop for sure) You two are in two different pages and you made it clear about no relationship but she has also told you she ain't going all the way unless she is in a relationship. So buddy its you call.
...............................
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (29 April 2010):
 No offense to you, as you have made your position clear to her and us... however, I believe she just wants a commitment. Because you can't commit to her, she doesn't want things to go too far. Yes, you are kissing and yes she is giving you hand jobs which can be considered by some as sex... but SHE doesn't consider it sex.
I don't see her as hiding something, I just see her torn between wanting you physically, and wanting a relationship. Clearly she likes you.
You've done nothing wrong and made your actions clear from the start, but unfortunately that may not be enough. I don't think it's fair of you to say "You've given me this much so give me the rest"
You've made it clear what you want, but she has also made it clear what SHE wants. You have to decide if you are willing compromise and give her a little more, if not it probably just won't work because you're on two different pages.
...............................
A
male
reader, escribanus  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 OK, you keep enjoying what you have now, you end it up or you take the next step and became her boyfriend. It is like a test drive, they will allow you to feel the car, to drive it a little but you can not take it home for a nice ride unless you buy it.
In your place, I wouldn't try to become more involved, she is using a dirty trick on you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): she just wants u to change your mind and make her your girlfriend !!!
AS SIMPLE AS THAT !!!
well do you want to be her boyfriend ???? that's the question u really need to answer !!
...............................
A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Stop kissing her and feeding her false hope. Its not nice, and it'll get messier as time drags on.
...............................
|
