A
male
age
41-50,
*adler
writes:I have been in a relationship with a confusing lady for 6 months now and I believe she is not only cheating on me but has the belief system in place to continually do so but I have no proof. She is part of a sect headed by a guy called isaac shapiro, within this sect the relevant teachings which my girlfriend believes is: There is no right or wrong, You have no choice, Thinking is a tool and takes you away from experiencing now, enjoy the moment thats all there is etc. They believe in enlightenment and they way to it is only in the moment, no judging anything ladi da da da. I asked her to explain the no right and wrong and her words were "I was told a beautiful story once by meika(isaacs wife) how she was watching her husband have sex with another woman and felt priveledged to realise it had nothing to do with her". the last part of that is a saying she uses repeatedly and as an example I have rocked up un-announced to her house 11pm (she goes to bed 12ish) and a dude is just leaving and she is changing the bed sheets, or I dont see her for 2 days and when i stay over she is angry I want sex and says angrily "do you want sex every night?" or when I ask about someone who was there in her explanation she says she was sleeping with him while something else was going on but takes back what she said saying it was a slip of the tongue, or when repeatedly saying she would never be unfaithful she says "she could never cheat on me again" so I ask why did she say again? she replys by saying she wouldnt have said. There is a huge list of unclear situations but these give you an idea. what do I do, I am the type of person who wont leave unless there is physical proof.
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cheated on me, her ex, sex with another Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): wadler, best of luck. you will not regret moving on from her. take care and plse remember you will find someone who will be exclusively yours. do not be tempted to reconnect with her.
A
male
reader, wadler +, writes (2 May 2010):
wadler is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs an update I am now single, she is still denying even the fact that what she does creates doubt but at least am now free to get back to some peaceful living. oh and deleted her from mobile, chat programs facebook and what ever i remember she is in thank you all.
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A
male
reader, wadler +, writes (1 May 2010):
wadler is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for posting, I appreciate the replies. I am obviously finding it hard to make that choice, but only because I am fixated on knowing beyond any doubt what the truth is but getting advice from people who dont know me and so dont automatically want to protect me is what I needed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): You say you won't leave until you have proof: what more proof do you need? I am sooo confused . As for this cult/sect following and them banging each other ( more like the leader banging everyone else) the quicker you rid yourself if this person the better. These people are havin free for all sex, seems like your 'gf' is having multiple sexual partners. She seems brainwashed as well. Time to run for the hills, change your address, change contact numbers and hope that 'gf' never tries to contact you. This sect is dangerous and you do not want to get involved with them. If your gf wants to indulge in everything, meaning becoming the members whore then let her. I have seen too many documentaries about radical sects and their sexual exploits to know that you cannot change your gf's lifestyle she has chosen . Run!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): I dated someone like that. He didn't officially belong to a cult but his family was weird. Their own "teachings" were pretty similar. In this case, they would never hold him accountable for anything, he had no idea the difference between right and wrong, or rather he didn't care. His mother and father would laugh if he did something "wrong." They would think it was funny. Like the equivalent of our parents smacking us on the hand and saying NO was his mom giggling and just overlooking any slight. It was really sick. The things your gf says remind me so much of this kid and that's why I bring him up. He too was a walking contradiction. You could never ask him something and get a straight answer. I had my suspicions and I asked him once if he had been unfaithful and he said that same thing, "never again." And when I questioned him about the "again" he didn't acknowledge it. He would change the story. This was an everyday thing. (I get upset thinking about it and so glad its past me).This kid really messed up my head for a while. When I stepped out of the situation I realised that this kid was a psychopath. He is a full fledged psychopath. Like I talked to my therapist, asked her, and looked up the signs of a psychopath and he is a clinical psychopath. Be careful with this woman. There's a quote that reminds me of people in cults "If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything." The fact that this woman is in a cult that doesn't believe in right from wrong is a huge indicator that this woman is not as solid as you think. Right and wrong is very real...Psychopaths are empty inside. That is why they fall for anything. And they are capable of anything, especially psychological damage. Be careful.
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A
female
reader, princessofGod43  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 sweetheart...i am glad this site exist because everyone needs someone to hear them out no matter how crazy it sounds without judgement. and I feel that you already know the answer to your own question. The fact that you have the question is your proof...if a relationship exists healthly that is...it is because trust and love...she seems to be denying you the secure feeling of both...i won't tell you to leave but you should listen to your inner voice...who is!
God Bless
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A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (30 April 2010):
 sounds to me like you're using the wrong head, babe.
Sounds to me like this immoral girl is not your cup of tea in the long run. How long are you willing to torture yourself? Proof that another dude's leaving the house and she's changing the bed sheets isn't obvious enough for you?
Saying she wont chat on you "again" isn't enough for you either? How many more agains do you want? Me, I wouldn't want any. I would have already left.
Yes I know, I looooovvvvveeeeee her... well, she doesn't love you, does she? No right or wrong is an excuse for I don't have to be responsible for anything. Not even your heart. Move on, babe. Find yourself a real woman. One with morals who isn't sucked in by some weird cult.
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A
male
reader, wadler +, writes (30 April 2010):
wadler is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have honestly tried walking away, even though the need to know pretty much burns she does something drastic to keep me around. This is where it gets more confusing because I dont trust her and am not sure if I just want to help get her away from the sect or make it work. When I tried to leave her the pain she showed was real, I felt sick about causing the pain etc...so complicated.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (30 April 2010):
 Sweetie..I'm sorry....but what more do you need to know? Do you actually want to see her with someone else?? After everything she's said, you've seen...how could you possibly NOT think she's cheating?? You are involved with a person who has very OPEN views and I don't think its going to sit right with you at all. Get out now...don't wait for physical proof..her words have said more than enough!
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Proof or no proof, I would get out of that relationship immediately. She's in a cult. That man has control over her and when then line between right and wrong is blurred in her head, THAT is bad. You need to have trust in your relationship, and personally.... I don't see how you can trust her.
I vote GET OUT NOW.
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