| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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How can I get over feeling I'm too old to have a girlfriend at 26? How should I flirt, talk to and approach women?
Q. The fact i'll be 27 in a few weeks and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, obviously still a virgin, the fact that I didn't have my first girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity around the age-range most people do just makes me bitter and ...
A. 10 May 2015: If you want a better life, you're going to have to take some risks and make yourself vulnerable.
Your life as it now is going to be your future if you keep your current attitude. Doing the same things will give you the same results.
So take... (read in full...)
He said he'd stop making comments about other women, but I'm afraid my trust is already damaged
Q. I've been dating an incredible man for the last two months who is thoughtful and kind, caring and loving, he's super sweet and considerate. The way he treats me is great. He is always reliable and consistent, things like offering to drive me home ...
A. 4 February 2015: Well, he has a point. You didn't tell him until the dam broke and if he grew up learning it wasn't a big deal, how is he gonna know it's disrespectful unless someone tells him it is? When someone does something that you don't like, you tell them or ... (read in full...)
Should I agree that it's OK? My Girlfriend wants to wear transparent clothing that will allow her breasts to be seen to others in public.
Q. Should I let my girlfriend to go braless in public? Will it be okay to allow her? she wants to wear very short dresses, and dresses that allow her breasts to be seen through the fabric and be transparent and be viewable in public. She says she wan...
A. 1 February 2015: I don't know the context of this situation, but this could be a really big hint that she doesn't feel appreciated by you. Has your sex life gotten into a slump? You might wanna spice it up a little.
If she's really serious and asked for your inp... (read in full...)
She now knows I'm older than I said. Shall I leave it a couple of days and drop a note, explaining all to her, under the door or knock?
Q. Thank you for reading. I have been with my girlfriend a year and we have had a great time. My family moved away and they have pretty much been family to me. We have done trips and I really have spolit her and we have been to some great places / g...
A. 1 February 2015: Lying about your age is a pretty big deal. Look at it this way, if she had been 16 instead of 22 and told you 22 to get you to have sex with her, how would you feel? That would feel like a pretty big deception right? Well, so is this.
And like oth... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has went no contact should I pay for his car insurance?
Q. For a while now I've thought may bf of 4th has been seeing somebody else, he wworks away and I don't really see him anymore, we spoke on the phone or via txt most days,anyway 2weeks ago was the last I spoke to hihim, we spoke about him coming bk ...
A. 31 January 2015: Do not pay for his car insurance. That's his responsibility and after going AWOL he's the one that owes you, not the other way around. Dump him, you deserve so much better. And next time, here's a helpful rule of the thumb: do not pay other people's ... (read in full...)
All my friends have said to ditch him but I'm genuinely in love with him. I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, so there's this boy. We started off as friends, but one night we got very drunk and slept together. We carried on sleeping together every time we got drunk. But then we started doing more, so he'd ask me if i wanted to go for lunch or to the ...
A. 31 January 2015: Okay, if this is the route you're going to take, really treat him as a friend. That means withholding sex. No more drunken one night stands with this dude. You have to protect your heart and not let him use you. Don't flirt or go out of your way to ... (read in full...)
I've got the hots for my boyfriend's dad!
Q. From the moment I met my boyfriend's father, I have been very attracted to him. But recently when my boyfriend's parents dropped by our house to tell us they were seeing each other again after 10 years of being separated, I got really jealous for ...
A. 30 January 2015: There are ways to rewire your mind. I once fell for a married man who had a kid was still very much in love with his wife. I never let him know but I still had that pesky crush.
What you have to do is make him as unattractive to you as possible... (read in full...)
All my friends have said to ditch him but I'm genuinely in love with him. I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, so there's this boy. We started off as friends, but one night we got very drunk and slept together. We carried on sleeping together every time we got drunk. But then we started doing more, so he'd ask me if i wanted to go for lunch or to the ...
A. 29 January 2015: I second what the others have said. You're infatuated, and it's unrequited. He already told you you're a friend and nothing more. Sure, he backtracked on that later when you left, but that's only because he misses the sex, not because he actually ... (read in full...)
How will I deal with culture shock if I move from the Usa to England?
Q. My boyfriend and I have known each other for years (5+) and been dating for 2 of those years. For a while we have told each other that we seem right together and cannot imagine the future without each other. A month or so ago he began slipping i...
A. 29 January 2015: I agree with MidnightShadow: do a trial run before you truly take the plunge. England isn't so different from the USA, not in any way that would be a culture shock aside from the mentioned gun restrictions and driving on the left side of the road. ... (read in full...)
His parents don't approve of me, a single mother.
Q. So here is the situation and I will try to keep this as short as possible so thanks for bearing with me. At the age of 22 I started dating this 25 year old man and we became "official" in August of 2014 after 2 months of dating. He says ...
A. 27 January 2015: Well, parents can be assholes about certain things. I stopped inviting friends over when I was still living with my parents because my dad could be a real jerk about things, always itching to pick a fight and always being very judgmental. My mom is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't understand that clinginess turns me off!
Q. Hey, so, I've been having doubts about my current relationship. We met on a dating website 5 months ago, and started dating 3 days after we met... In all honesty, I only accepted going out with him because we had sex, and I then felt obligated to. ...
A. 27 January 2015: One thing stuck out to me in your follow-up post and that is that he harms himself, or is capable of doing that anyway.
Do NOT and I repeat DO NOT let that hold you back from ending an unhealthy relationship like this one. If someone truly in... (read in full...)
He went from being a jerk to Prince Charming overnight.
Q. Me and my guy live together for about a year. However I was thinking about moving out because We never do anything special and we never go anywhere. In fact it's usually always on his terms on what he wants to do and even when we argue he needs to ...
A. 27 January 2015: When you pass 30, your personality is pretty much set. Huge changes in personality only happen as a consequence to a 'big event' and even then such changes are usually short lived.
So, even in the best case scenario, in which his personal... (read in full...)
Why is it hard to meet somebody you fancy and get on with
Q. This is something that I cant shake . I can not seem to meet a girl of which I both find attractive and also get on with. I tend to meet a girl now and then and maybe think this one is one I like , but then something will put me off and I will ...
A. 27 January 2015: This is something a lot of people struggle with, because we have the luxury to sit back and think about what we want from a relationship and with it, our romantic partner. And if you hold off for a long time, searching for a better person, or ... (read in full...)
Is marriage really as bad as it looks?
Q. I've noticed that when married people talk about marriage, they rarely sound happy. It's usually described as hard work, a battle, or a series of ups and downs. It's a land of expanding waistlines, pointless arguments, sweatpants, crying babies, and ...
A. 24 January 2015: Marriage, like relationships, like friendships, like well, EVERYTHING worth something in life, take work. And that effort needs to come from both sides. Marriage can be great. But it's what you make of it. ... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever dated a long time friend? How did it turn out?
Q. Hello. I have been best friends with this guy for 8 years. Over the years, I have known that he likes me, but I always had a boyfriend and for the longest time wasn't necessarily his peer. (now that I am a mature adult, the age gap of 12 years ...
A. 14 January 2015: Your story reminds me a lot of my best friend's most recent relationship. She's also known her guy for a very long time (over 10 years) and when he expressed interest in dating her, she didn't know what to do because of the same reasons you're ... (read in full...)
I'm mad at my BF for not getting in touch with me when he got back from a trip. Am I over-reacting?
Q. My boyfriend went away to visit family out of town for four days. He turns his iPhone off anytime he is in a foreign country not to incur extra charges so we do not speak on the phone. He sent me one email to tell me he had arrived safely an...
A. 11 January 2015: Hi OP, thanks for your follow up.
Your behavior makes much more sense now you've explained that your ex catered to your every wish. And if you realize what an impact that has on your expectations, be a little more sympathetic towards the fact his... (read in full...)
I'm mad at my BF for not getting in touch with me when he got back from a trip. Am I over-reacting?
Q. My boyfriend went away to visit family out of town for four days. He turns his iPhone off anytime he is in a foreign country not to incur extra charges so we do not speak on the phone. He sent me one email to tell me he had arrived safely an...
A. 11 January 2015: I think people don't owe it to each other to be in touch all the time.
And sometimes, when you receive a text or something like that a smilie in it, there's really is nothing much to answer. Why would you get mad about that? I really do not unde... (read in full...)
Men in tights: what do girls think of them?
Q. Hi! I would like to know if women find it okay to see men in tights. I wear tights to my gym as I find them comfortable and they make me feel sexy too. I'm planning to get married soon and would like to know whether generally women find it okay for ...
A. 11 January 2015: You gotta leave something up to the imagination dude. If your interpretation of tights means everyone can see the exact shape and size of your junk, then no, not sexy at all. ... (read in full...)
Why would a man be so stingy?
Q. I (25/F) and Art (30/M)recently broke up from a 1 year relationship. The problem: he barely paid for our dates, even after I told him it bothered me. He wants to get back together, but I'm unsure. Art is a smart, sensual, and charismatic man....
A. 11 January 2015: I think Honeypie could be onto something. Lots of people, when they buy something for others or if they spend money on them, expect something in return. This guy may have a past of spending a lot of money on women and have it not be 'worth his ... (read in full...)
When I asked him if he loved me, he replied with "I'd rather not comment." Does he love me or not? How do I know?
Q. So there is this guy who I love deeply (or maybe its infatuation for a whole year). I think he has feelings for me although sometimes am not so sure. Last night while we were chatting, I told him that I loved him and he said "That ain't no secret" ...
A. 11 January 2015: Yes, I think ending it would be the best OP. Tell him that whatever you two have is not working for you and that you've made up your mind to end it and then cut all contact. He might suddenly try to sweet talk you. Don't let it fool you: if a guy ... (read in full...)
Split with nasty ex and met great new guy, but feel sorry and sad about the loss of my ex and can't move on totally.
Q. Dear all. I am on my way out of a horrible turbulent relatiinship and the last time I had sex with him I felt dirty and yucky. He knows it is over, and most of me is relieved. It lasted four long years. He is really sorry now, and bought me gifts ...
A. 11 January 2015: WiseOwlE is totally on the money. The best thing you can do for yourself and your ex is to totally ignore him and continue to do so. This might actually make him a better person in the best case scenario, but in any case he is not right for you and ... (read in full...)
When I asked him if he loved me, he replied with "I'd rather not comment." Does he love me or not? How do I know?
Q. So there is this guy who I love deeply (or maybe its infatuation for a whole year). I think he has feelings for me although sometimes am not so sure. Last night while we were chatting, I told him that I loved him and he said "That ain't no secret" ...
A. 11 January 2015: Wait, he sent his ex a plane ticket so she could visit him for christmas? And he's blaming you? The fact he can't even tell you if he's single, after a whole year, is pretty shitty too. I'm sorry, but he sounds like an ass. You're just so infatuated ... (read in full...)
I really like him but he never went to university.
Q. I really like this guy I've been chatting with. He's caring, kind and hardworking but, I just found out that he didn't go to university. I know this shouldn't matter, but I cant seem to get over the prejudice that because he didn't get a higher ...
A. 10 January 2015: Not all intelligent people want or can afford to pursue an uni education. You know this and you're beating yourself up for your own prejudice, so I'm wondering if it's less about the fact he didn't go to uni and more about how you two don't really ... (read in full...)
What can an average looking girl do to grab a guys attention?
Q. I am wondering if there is anything that an average looking girl could do to grab a guys attention? Is there a (non-slutty) way she could dress? A specific perfume? Any behavior? Something she could say? Have you ever developed an attraction...
A. 9 January 2015: Let me tell you I've fallen head over heels for people who look as plain as paper to the casual observer, just because of their personality, the way they carry themselves. Look, without you in it, your body is just a shell. And even a beautiful ... (read in full...)
My boss is verbally abusive, but I really need my job
Q. My boss is verbally abusive towards me during my training/probation period. We had a conversation about me not taking my lunch break, and I wanted to know if I will be paid for it. She stated no, and I asked her if I could leave early to compensate ...
A. 7 January 2015: I guess the only way to cope with a landmine like that is to basically avoid her as much as you can. That means limiting talk to strictly work related things or innocent stuff like the weather. And just not rising to the bait. Telling your boss ... (read in full...)
I'll stay out of my daughter's life if that's what's best for her, but is it?
Q. Hi all I am a dead beat dad. I admit it. Due to suffering cronic depression, I have spent almost no time with my daughter. Truthfully I dont know her all that well. She is now turned 16 and is a strong confident young woman. Mid 2014, I f...
A. 7 January 2015: I really like Honeypie's and Euphoric's suggestions. Like they said, you can't just show up with an explanation and a gift and expect to be welcomed with open arms after such a long time of absence. She is used to a life without you and she probably ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend of two years is torn. He cannot give me up but he cannot leave his marriage. How do I handle this?
Q. I have deep feelings for a man who has been married for 20 years. I have been with him for almost 2 years. It happened because I suppose we met at the right place and the right time and we had this undeniable connection... right from the very st...
A. 6 January 2015: So reading through all this, it seems like you two are not entirely on the same page. You're in love with him and while he may care for you, most of his enjoyment from his relationship is the intimacy and "no questions asked" part. You yourself have ... (read in full...)
How does one get a guy to realise what he's lost? I want him feel the pain he has caused me.
Q. been friends with this guy for years but he's shown a lack of value and respect towards me, because everytime I send goodbye messages ... then a few days will pass and we will talk again. How do I get him to start taking me seriously? How to be ...
A. 5 January 2015: The best revenge is to forget about him and live your life and find happiness. Do not give him this kind of control over you. ... (read in full...)
Still a virgin - is it too late for me?
Q. Dear Cupid, So cards in the table, I'm a 28 year old virgin and very inexperienced (I.e have only ever kissed and had my breasts fondled). I'm not religious, or waiting for my soul mate it's just I've been very career focused so relationships/se...
A. 5 January 2015: No it's not too late! I've found there are a lot of virgins in the 20+ age bracket; they just don't tell anyone because they think it makes them weird, because they too think they missed the boat. I have 3 friends that are all virgins at 25+. One of ... (read in full...)
My daughter wont let him in the house, and my parents say to leave him
Q. I'm 43 been in a relationship over a year and a half I love him but he cheated on me with his ex, we got back together and I fell pregnant all my family are telling me to have an abortion and get rid of him I love him it's over between him and his ...
A. 3 January 2015: OP, in cases like this, when your family seems pitted against you and your boyfriend, there are two options:
1. Everyone is wrong
2. You're biased.
Tell me, when your parents and even your own daughter are all urging you to leave this man, w... (read in full...)
I think this is catfish behaviour!
Q. So currently I am in a LDR with a girl whom I share feelings for. We have been talking to each other for well over what's going to be months already. Throughout this relationship I have always been willing to send pictures and to want to skype an...
A. 3 January 2015: I'm going against the stream here for a bit. Catfish behavior to me is sending a picture of a really pretty girl and then refusing to do video calls or to meet up. This person could truly be very self conscious about their looks or just be wary of ... (read in full...)
Questions for women who KNOW they are attractive to men.
Q. You can be walking down the street (or in a store), and men would approach and ask for your name and number. Or you're at the club and they offer to buy you a drink. Pretty much wherever you are, men shower you with attention, even if you just met. ...
A. 2 January 2015: Personally I think every girl deals with attention like this, whether they look like a victoria's secret model or a "plain jane". But to answer your questions:
1. The only times I truly felt attractive to men was when they approached me with a v... (read in full...)
How do I wipe away memories of bad ex?
Q. Hi, I keep having vivid dreams every night lately, mostly just random dreams but so vivid they are like movies, I can wake crying/laughing/in shock. Last night I dreamt about a man from my past, who I can only label as a sociopath. I spent a good y...
A. 29 December 2014: First of all, I'm very proud of you for being able to completely cut this terrible, abusive man out of your life. These dreams of yours could point to PTSD, which is very common after abuse. And you have been abused, no mistake about that. Your mind ... (read in full...)
My best friend wants me to change our wedding date
Q. My best friend is not talking to me and giving me the silent treatment because she wants me to change my wedding date, because she has some exams coming up on the week of my wedding. I really can't do anything about it, we really struggled till we ...
A. 29 December 2014: I get where she's coming from: exam dates are something she can't do anything about and a wedding date is something you choose. She's probably underestimating how complicated wedding arrangements can be and she probably thinks you can easily change ... (read in full...)
Which path should I go down for myself and my daughter?
Q. Dear cupid, I have a daughter I'd like to provide for. The problem is that I can't decide on how to go about it. At first, I decided to join the military, but once I realized that my personality doesn't match the lifestyle I changed my mind and...
A. 29 December 2014: Hmmm, the military definitely isn't for everyone. I'm in the navy myself, in a position that requires me to be away from home for around 200 days a year. I love it but it's definitely not something I'd choose if I had a child I'd want to see grow ... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 29 December 2014: How did the conversation turn out, OP?
As for her, demanding to know your timetable on marriage and kids as a requisite for moving in seems a little extreme. That information is useless anyway if you turn out not be compatible. It's usually ... (read in full...)
Is her mother being disrespectful for seeking too much information about any sexual relations and of intimacy in our relationship? Why is her Mom asking?
Q. This girl I’m in a relationship with for a year and a half, her mom always asks her if we were having sex. I mean we are two grown adults so why would her mom want to know that information, that’s private. She would tell me how her mom would sa...
A. 29 December 2014: Why she does it doesn't matter, OP. Whether we think it's disrespectful or not doesn't matter either. Asking that clearly crosses a line for you, and that's what's important.
The best way to deal with people like that is to set clear boundari... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my frustration at the rude ignorant behaviour of my Bf?
Q. I will keep this short. My boyfriend and I were in (large well known store) tonight. The cashier was being very slow and having difficulties with the register or something. WE had to wait...My bf then starts saying OUT LOUD something along the ...
A. 29 December 2014: Not really liking the "boys will be boys" vibe going on in the comments here. He was rude and arrogant, end of story. Being a guy doesn't give him the excuse to behave like a condescending ass to store employees. You were right to call him out on it ... (read in full...)
I've been asked to use my wedding as a fundraiser
Q. I currently am living in an apartment that a program helps with a portion of our rent. My fiance and I are wanting to get married and have recently been told the program that helps us with rent wants us to have our ceremony at the house they use ...
A. 28 December 2014: People may disagree with me on this, but personally I think it's disgusting they want to use something as personal as a wedding for a fundraiser. It's great that the program helps you afford where you live, but there's a limit to what they can ask ... (read in full...)
Why does living with your parents look much worse in guys than it does in girls? for guys it usually kills their chances of having a dating life/sex life, for girls not so much
Q. If a guy lives with his parents, usually it seems if the guy is past a certain age and lives with his parents, he won't get a second look from most women, but if a woman lives with her parents regardless of her age, it's usually not a deal-breaker ...
A. 28 December 2014: OP, I wouldn't get into a new living situation to appease a hypothetical date. Look, if you have a good reason to still be living at home, just explain it to her. You'd be surprised how understanding people can be. Again, as long as living at home ... (read in full...)
Why does living with your parents look much worse in guys than it does in girls? for guys it usually kills their chances of having a dating life/sex life, for girls not so much
Q. If a guy lives with his parents, usually it seems if the guy is past a certain age and lives with his parents, he won't get a second look from most women, but if a woman lives with her parents regardless of her age, it's usually not a deal-breaker ...
A. 28 December 2014: I think it's because people expect a certain level of independence from people in the 25+ crowd. There's more pressure on men because men are originally viewed as the breadwinners of the family, who makes sure the family has the things it needs to ... (read in full...)
How can I get over feeling I'm too old to have a girlfriend at 26? How should I flirt, talk to and approach women?
Q. The fact i'll be 27 in a few weeks and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, obviously still a virgin, the fact that I didn't have my first girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity around the age-range most people do just makes me bitter and ...
A. 28 December 2014: OP, don't forget that most of age related milestones have a direct correlation with money and/or luck. Things that a lot of people don't have in this economic crisis. If one wants to college, they need money. If they want to live on their own, they ... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 27 December 2014: Okay wow I did not see that coming. Having not lived together definitely complicates the situation, because like Honeypie said, living together is when you find out if you're really compatible. If I may ask, why haven't you two moved in together ... (read in full...)
How can I get over feeling I'm too old to have a girlfriend at 26? How should I flirt, talk to and approach women?
Q. The fact i'll be 27 in a few weeks and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, obviously still a virgin, the fact that I didn't have my first girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity around the age-range most people do just makes me bitter and ...
A. 26 December 2014: "the way I see it, men have to earn a date, a relationship more than women do, since men have to be the pursuers."
Okay, so based on that info you have two options:
#1. Roll with it and pursue women that interest you until find someone who ... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 26 December 2014: OP, you have to ask yourself: what do you expect to happen in those 3 years? How is that time going to make you feel more ready for commitment if the past 5 years couldn't do that? What exactly are you waiting for? You have to be honest with ... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 24 December 2014: Thanks again for the follow up!
Well, I think she's just very surprised. I mean, a short while ago you basically told her to find another guy to have kids with and now you're doing a total 180 and offering yourself up on a silver plate. I'd be w... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 24 December 2014: Thanks for the follow up OP. Well, I gotta say that was a bad way of handling things, on the phone, no less. Look, for her it's not just about marriage and raising kids. I mean, being a woman, I'd only want to do that with the person I love. So it ... (read in full...)
How can I get over feeling I'm too old to have a girlfriend at 26? How should I flirt, talk to and approach women?
Q. The fact i'll be 27 in a few weeks and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, obviously still a virgin, the fact that I didn't have my first girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity around the age-range most people do just makes me bitter and ...
A. 24 December 2014: But OP, what has all this bitterness and negativity brought you? I'll answer that for you: it brought you safety because if you can blame it on those abstract things instead of yourself, then it's not your fault. And that is exactly the reason why ... (read in full...)
How can I get over feeling I'm too old to have a girlfriend at 26? How should I flirt, talk to and approach women?
Q. The fact i'll be 27 in a few weeks and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, obviously still a virgin, the fact that I didn't have my first girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity around the age-range most people do just makes me bitter and ...
A. 23 December 2014: The first thing you need to get past is this whole "men versus women" thing you've got going on. The societal pressure is toxic for everyone and men and women's issues are interconnected.
To illustrate this, look at the average Venus and Gillette... (read in full...)
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