| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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I want to get married at Disney World but he doesn't
Q. I got engaged a few month ago and need some help. Since I was 10 I said I was going to get married at Disneyworld and I've never changed my mind. My fiance wants a big wedding here. I don't!! All we do I argue over it because I want to go to ...
A. 3 November 2014: Don't glue yourself to an idea you had when you were ten. You are not ten anymore, haven't been for a long time. And if Disney is something he doesn't want at all, then it wouldn't be fair to force it on him. Like "whencowsattack" said, you can ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is physically abusive. Part of me wants to leave him but I also know he would never truly hurt me
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, and we recently moved in together. He is usually extremely sweet and caring. But sometime he has bouts of anger that make me extremely uncomfortable. I can honestly say he'd never hit me, bu...
A. 12 July 2014: OP, let me ask you a very simple question: if this wasn't happening to you, but your best friend, would you advise her to stay with him? Be really honest with yourself. If the answer is no, leave him. It really is that simple. Not easy, but simple. ... (read in full...)
How does one avoid date-rape and why DON'T some dates/boyfriends accept "no" for an answer?
Q. **Please mods, I think I ask a lot of important questions here and while I do mention date-rape, I put it in the cleanest way possible. Is there a way to share my experience and questions without it getting deleted? ** There are a lot of posts l...
A. 12 July 2014: You raise a lot of important questions, but there is no easy answer for them. It's something that needs to be tackled from the source and that is the way we raise our children. This also includes school and extra curricular activities, because kids ... (read in full...)
Chatting online for a month and he wants me to pay his phone bill so we can talk
Q. I met this guy in a dating website about a month ago and he asked me to pay his phone bill. It makes me a little uncomfortable because I don't know if he is using me. He says he likes me a lot and has plans to come visit me in 3 weeks (lives 7 hours ...
A. 12 July 2014: Rule of the thumb for dating (and friendship): if they depend on you paying so that they can be in contact with you, they're leeches. Get rid of him. End of story.
... (read in full...)
He's a great guy but I only see him as a friend. Is my perspective too shallow?
Q. I need advice as to whether I'm making the right decision by not pursuing a relationship with a friend of mine. I have known him since freshman year in high school. I'm about to start grad school this August. We've known each other for about 8 ...
A. 10 June 2014: I've been in the exact same situation with my guy friend I've known for 10 years, and he also kept holding a candle for me. I didn't know what to do because I liked him, but not in that way. At the same time I also knew romance doesn't work like in ... (read in full...)
Looking for opinions on body type and the promotion of a healthy self-image.
Q. I came across an article today and I'm fascinated in general about the latest trend of trying to promote the Average Woman. I put that in caps because I believe it's just a new label for the same problem. http:/...
A. 9 June 2014: Very interesting. I've been thinking a lot about this myself and maybe this sounds too simple, but maybe it's the fact that we have so much time to think about this that creates the problem. We spend time on the internet, watch TV, go to shopping ... (read in full...)
Should people have to change their personalities for others?
Q. Hello people. I was reading an article about relationships today, and it said that you can't go into a relationship expecting that you won't need to adjust your personality. This seems like a pile of horse turds to me, but I was wondering what y...
A. 9 June 2014: This is a difficult subject. Because I sometimes see people literally morphing into whom their boyfriend/girlfriend wants them to be, and they lose themselves because of that--which is of course terrible. However, being on the other end of that ... (read in full...)
What else can I do to lift my self esteem? Feel down and that I'm going no where in life, lack motivation and feel unattractive
Q. hello, i have quite low self esteem and im not a very confident guy, i dont know if this has anything to do with the size of my penis, i would consider it small , but that may be just me underestimating my self. Its just short of 6inches erect an...
A. 14 April 2014: Gosh hun, you're being way too hard on yourself! I'll tackle this one issue at a time:
- Do you ever notice, that when it comes to conversations about penis sizes and measurements, it's only men that actually talk and keep track of stuff like tha... (read in full...)
How young is too young when it comes to settling down and having children?
Q. Hello helpers! This is a relatively quick question, but one that i'd love some input for! I'm 18 years old, turning 19 this year. I'd say I was pretty mature for my age (alot of this coming from bad experiences in childhood). I'm currently dating...
A. 31 January 2014: You're in the honeymoon phase of the relationship; of course everything is going to seem like sunshine and rainbows right now. It's the question what's left when that wears off (and it will.) So give it some time. A lot of time. You're very young. ... (read in full...)
He is badmouthing me to mutual friends. Should I confront him?
Q. I had a falling out with a guy friend some months back. I discovered he had feelings for me (I had feelings for him too), things became complicated and our friendship ended on a very sour note. He ended up blocking me on all social networks. I ...
A. 31 January 2014: I agree with llifton. I'd send an infuriatingly pleasant text or e-mail (whatever you think will actually reach him) telling him you'd appreciate it if he discussed the problems he has with you, with you, instead of spewing them online on twitter. ... (read in full...)
What do women in particular think of a guy who's 30 and never had a girlfriend?
Q. Anyway, I want to hear some opinions. Guys are welcome to comment, but I think that girls may be able to offer me some valuable insight as to what exactly my problem is, and whether or not anything can be done about it. I've always been rath...
A. 19 December 2013: Personally this would not be a deal breaker for me, but then again I didn't exactly follow the beaten path myself. That said, putting in your profile that you've never had a girlfriend at your age is a bad idea. Because that's going to be the first ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said he would feel uncomfortable around my gay friend!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and I want him to meet my friends. He hasn't met them already yet as there hasn't been an opportunity for him to. So I asked him the other day if he would like to come and watch one of my friends ...
A. 13 December 2013: I have some experience with this, as a classmate of mine had the same reaction when I suggested meeting a friend of mine, who is gay. This classmate came from a small village, was raised in a narrowminded, conservative way. She was afraid my gay ... (read in full...)
Please help - I found dodgy photos on my boyfriend's computer.
Q. Hi everyone, I'm a bit confused and any insight would be appreciated as I can't talk to anyone else about this. My boyfriend is a sweet guy, I always knew he had a Pervy side but all guys do and that didn't really bother me.... Until I found pic...
A. 13 December 2013: Hun, that feeling that propelled you to post this, that is your gut. Deep down, you don't need us telling you that he's crossing the line. You already know. Now it's just a case of admitting this to yourself, that he's not the sweet guy you thought ... (read in full...)
Any tips on coping with body issues/insecurity?
Q. Any tips on coping with body issues/insecurity? In a couple months, I will be seeing a man I haven't seen in almost 20 years. We have been chatting a lot online, and I'm pretty sure his visit will be a romantic one. I'm anxious because I'm n...
A. 23 September 2013: A couple of months is enough to make a change in your lifestyle and start doing things that'll make you feel more confident about yourself. Just start out slowly.
Like for example: cut down the alcohol or sweets or another comfort snacks and limi... (read in full...)
My friend is trying to get pregnant on purpose. Her b/f doesn't have a clue..do I tell him?
Q. My friends from school (lets call them sarah and matt to make it easier) have been with eachother for 9 years and from what I can see, their relationship is on the rocks. ? sarah confided in me last night that she has stopped taking her ...
A. 30 July 2013: One addition (sorry, dear cupid won't let us edit our posts).
- If you threaten Sarah to tell him, there's no way you can trust her to keep her word if she tells you she'll take the pill.
- if you do it in a roundabout way (by telling one of M... (read in full...)
My friend is trying to get pregnant on purpose. Her b/f doesn't have a clue..do I tell him?
Q. My friends from school (lets call them sarah and matt to make it easier) have been with eachother for 9 years and from what I can see, their relationship is on the rocks. ? sarah confided in me last night that she has stopped taking her ...
A. 30 July 2013: In this case I definitely think you should do something.
Ask yourself what you could live with:
- Keeping your friend's secret and watching the relationship blow up and 3 lives get ruined (including the child)
- Preventing all that and may... (read in full...)
He seems interested in me and I'd be happy to have a platonicc relationship but I'm attached
Q. A senior from my school recently started talking to me on facebook. He's really good-looking, the tall,dark, handsome mould actually. We were talking for about two days when he asked me out. I'm actually fine if things between us were platonic, but ...
A. 29 July 2013: You can't have platonic relationships with people who are attracted to you, which he is. It's a recipe for disaster. The fact the conversation 'died' when you told him you had a bf shows that he is not interested in being just friends with you. He ... (read in full...)
Do you believe there's someone for everyone?
Q. I think the media hypes love by saying there's someone for everyone, don't give up on love. etc. NOT everyone finds love. I think society just says this to make people who've been hurt feel better, as well as to encourage procreation and sell ...
A. 17 July 2013: With so many people in this world, I really do believe it's possible for anyone to find love. But you have to be an active participant in the searching and that's what holds up most of the unlucky ones. Do you put yourself out there for that person ... (read in full...)
Should I stick it out at this school where I'm miserable because my friends say since I've been here for 2 years I may as well stick it out?
Q. I have been going to this college for two years it seems to be a very prestigious college but I am just not happy. It has been effecting my grades and it seems like the harder I try the more unhappy I become. I have stuck it out for two years. My ...
A. 17 July 2013: I stuck it out for 4 years at a place that made me unhappy, and let me tell you, those last years were a drag. I became seriously depressed and got behind and graduated a few months late. If I'd known in the second year that I'd hate it so much ... (read in full...)
Is there really such thing as a psychic?
Q. Is there really such thing as a psychic? Ok, strange question, but please read. I'm 26 and a mother of one. I have a degree in genetics and I'm a secondary (high) school science teacher, so I'm slightly skeptical of all the supernatura...
A. 11 July 2013: In hindsight, it is very easy to connect things, especially when you want to. That doesn't make it accurate or reliable--the opposite in fact. Think of all the dreams that didn't mean anything. All the times you didn't predict or connect something ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to be talking to this prisoner who I met while working in the prison? He's still in prison. I now don't work there now.
Q. so...i worked for a prison this year and...well i got acquainted with an inmate a year older than myself who is serving a two year sentence. i quit at the prison because it was not my type of job, i hated twelve hour shifts and working over...
A. 9 July 2013: He basically told you he doesn't consider what he did as bad. Stop and think about what that means for a moment.
- He broke into his parents house. That means he probably didn't have a key. For his parents to turn him in, there must have been pas... (read in full...)
Would you change your religion for love?
Q. Ok,this is probably not the smartest question, having been spurred by the vision of a Sex and the City rerun, but I'd be curious to know the opinion of my esteemed DC colleagues and readers : would you change religion for love ? why, or why not ...
A. 6 July 2013: Hmm, tough question. I think it depends on a number of factors:
#1. your own faith and the strength of your beliefs
#2. the religion you'd have to convert to. If it limits your freedom, there's more at stake.
#3. your partner's understandin... (read in full...)
How can I look out for my foster son?
Q. I fostered a child three years ago, and the child is now 6. He was abandoned by his parents when he was a baby. I got him before I got married. Am now married and my husband has had a hard time accepting the boy. He is just plain cold towards him, ...
A. 30 June 2013: Time to step up for your child.
Fire the nanny. I've babysat and cared for a ton of kids and some of them behaved like little monsters, but I always got them clean, fed and content in the end. They didn't always like me, and sometimes I didn't l... (read in full...)
I'm engaged but my guy friend who's interested in me just wont take no for an answer
Q. Hi there, I have a question about one of my guy friends.He is a sweet guy that would do anything for me.We hang out get along great but are just friends. he has been hinting around that he wants more, but I have a fiance and just want to remain ...
A. 29 June 2013: First of all: this guy is not your friend and he isn't nice. He repeatedly ignored your wishes to get what he wants. That's a serious violation of trust and it's not okay at all. This guy is one step away from being a rapist. The fact that he ... (read in full...)
Husband slept with gorgeous coworker. Is it unreasonable to ask him to find another job?
Q. My husband had an affair with a gorgeous female co-worker. He felt guilty and admitted everything to me. I am devastated but would like to work on rebuilding our marriage. Am I being unreasonable for asking him to find another job? They see ea...
A. 27 June 2013: If there aren't going to be any consequences for his behavior, he's certainly going to do it again. Do not be a push-over. Tell him he's insulting your intelligence by thinking you'd be okay with him still working with her. Tell him to find another ... (read in full...)
I've fallen for one of my students
Q. I'm a 24 year male teacher. I work in a college I have been looking for love for quite some time. The problem is that I always end up with the wrong person. I know that I'm a good person. Nothing in the world hurts me more than injustice or seeing ...
A. 25 June 2013: You're not a pervert--as others have already told you. What they haven't mentioned however, and this surprises me, is that this whole situation pretty much proves that you're unfit to be a teacher.
You're young and the age difference between ... (read in full...)
What are your opinions when it comes to friends having surgery
Q. If someone say an ex girlfriend, someone you're friends with, or know really well got a nose job what would you think of them? Taking into consideration that their nose was bumpy, hooked and too big for their face... Would you think any differ...
A. 20 June 2013: At your age, people can be pretty judgmental and unforgiving, especially towards plastic surgery. That said, good friends will shove those feelings aside and be happy for you because it makes you happy.
All that said, please take the time to ... (read in full...)
Do you believe a person can do/achieve whatever they want if they want it enough and work hard enough for it?
Q. Do you believe a person can do/achieve whatever they want if they want it enough and work hard enough for it? I'm asking this question in reference to my dream career but I'm interested in all general opinions on this too. Thanks!...
A. 20 June 2013: I believe you can be your best through dedication and hard work. Whether that's enough to fulfill your dreams depends on talent and luck. Take athletes for an instance. Behind every successful olympian with a lot of medals there are hundreds of ... (read in full...)
How to reach a decision with my unplanned pregnancy?
Q. i'm 26 and had planned to go back to study. I discovered I was pregnant a few months after getting laid off my job. Can things get any worse? My boyfriend wants to keep it but I'm not sure. I've been to counselling and it hasn't helped much. I'...
A. 7 June 2013: Did you just have an abortion? Or is that just the way you worded your follow-up?
Anyway, based on what I'm reading I'm leaning towards terminating the pregnancy, because you really don't seem to know what to do in this situation. So if you don'... (read in full...)
So my problem is my husband says I must convince her to move back. Or he is divorcing me!
Q. My problems with my 25 year old step-daughter have once again reared their ugly head. She moved in with us about a year ago and it was very difficult living with her. I wanted to sit down before she moved in and discuss, like 3 grown roommates, how ...
A. 6 June 2013: I'm his daughter's age and her behavior horrifies me. I also live at home, but with me it's the other way around; I'm there to help take care of my illl mom and support my autistic brother. Anyway, she sounds like a petulant child rather than a ... (read in full...)
How to reach a decision with my unplanned pregnancy?
Q. i'm 26 and had planned to go back to study. I discovered I was pregnant a few months after getting laid off my job. Can things get any worse? My boyfriend wants to keep it but I'm not sure. I've been to counselling and it hasn't helped much. I'...
A. 6 June 2013: Ignore what your mom and boyfriend want for a moment and focus on yourself. You're the one who is going to take care of this child for +/-20 years if you have it. Your boyfriend may stay, he may not. So don't factor in his wishes into the equation, ... (read in full...)
Should I tolerate this kind of behavior from my boyfriend?
Q. Last night I went to a bar with my boyfriend, we went to order the drinks and the bartender was an old man. After that we sat in a table and were talking, all of a sudden my boyfriend started saying bad things to me, he said i was a bitch and go ...
A. 25 May 2013: If the guy who is supposed to love me talked to me like that I'd superglue his lips shut in his sleep.
Seriously, you should not put up with this. If your best friend told you her boyfriend treated her like this, would you think that's acceptab... (read in full...)
Do you think I have any right to be angry? Or was I to blame for being naive?
Q. Well I was dating a guy for a month. It was a LDR and on the third date, I had to spend the night at his, due to distance. The date did not go too well, we had a bit of a falliing out but made up. In the night, he said he would prepare the spare ro...
A. 16 May 2013: Well, he didn't really do anything wrong in the way he didn't force you to do anything you didn't want to do. You made the choice to have sex with him. You made that call. So if you're going to be mad, be mad at yourself for letting yourself get ... (read in full...)
Should my best friend meet up with her (soon to be ex-) teacher?
Q. This is a question as to what would be the right or most sensible thing for me to do with regards to my best friend. We're in year 13 at our sixth form, so our last year before we go to university in October. Throughout the past two years, my friend ...
A. 16 May 2013: Thank you for being such a good friend. A is very lucky to have you watching her back.
You have good instincts and you're right to worry. Under no circumstances should a teacher behave this way, even if the student in question will graduate... (read in full...)
Why did my male friends do this to me?
Q. Hey everyone! This is kind of a weird situation I'm in... I'm a girl, and I've been friends with these 4 guys for a long time. Purely friendship only, we're big gamer nerds and play xbox and stuff all the time. We've all had a great friendship...
A. 10 May 2013: Why don't you just contact them and ask them? Face to face is even better, because then they can't hide behind their computers/phones/etc.
Sure, the other girl could have something to do with this, but how it all fits together is anyone's... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of people judging us over the age difference
Q. Im 21 and my boyfriend is 62. I am falling in love with him. When we go out Im a little nervous about people staring or asking questions. How do I get over this? He is the most amazing man I have ever met. Hes so patient, kind, and understanding. He ...
A. 7 May 2013: Well, he's basically three times your age, so that alone would be enough to give most people pause. Get ready for 'oh is he your dad' or 'granddad' comments. And to be honest, an age gap that big kinda freaks me out too. I mean, you're in such ... (read in full...)
Should I trust my instinct regarding this Medium and let it give me comfort, or am I being ripped off?
Q. I'm hoping all you good people can help me. I was very close to my nan who dies last year and I haven't really gotten over her loss yet. As a result i've been seeing a medium for the last few week who charges around £30 per sitting. My Boyfriend i...
A. 1 May 2013: Ask yourself this question: if this medium was truly clairvoyant, why is he stuck being a medium for 30 bucks per session? With a gift like that, he could be much more than that: if he's so bent on helping people, he could do us a favor and help the ... (read in full...)
Is it ever acceptable to tell a guy that you want to have kids and not get married?
Q. I'm 29-years old and have never been married and have no children. I've had long term relationships in the past (one for 4-years and one for 2-years) and I haven't really been serious with anyone in almost 6-years. Anyhow, I wouldn't say...
A. 24 April 2013: The only difference between marriage and a committed relationship is the legal stuff and a wedding band. So I don't get why you're so fearful of marriage. Marriage doesn't change a committed relationship. It's just a ritual to show said commitment. ... (read in full...)
How do other women handle the situation when their guy will not stop ogling other women?
Q. Posting a question about ogling here. I had this ogling issue and my now ex would tell me it was nothing, that my expectations were "too high", that I would never meet a man who didn't ogle and that I "shouldn't expect him to walk around with his...
A. 23 April 2013: Looks like I just missed your follow up. Wow, what an asshole. I'm surprised you put up with that for so long because you deserve so much better. The whole mock saying about how guys follow their dicks around is absolutely true when it comes to him. ... (read in full...)
How do other women handle the situation when their guy will not stop ogling other women?
Q. Posting a question about ogling here. I had this ogling issue and my now ex would tell me it was nothing, that my expectations were "too high", that I would never meet a man who didn't ogle and that I "shouldn't expect him to walk around with his...
A. 23 April 2013: I just wrote a whole reply about how I deal with ogling boyfriends, but then I read your post again, and this sentence stood out:
[He would also say stuff like "you should think yourself lucky someone loves you at your age"]
That would bo... (read in full...)
I created a fake ad on Craigslist to see if my boyfriend would make contact. He did, now what do I do?
Q. A little background info first: my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. He always told me I was his first love and I'm the first girl he's even considered marriage with and so on. His family has even told me I'm the first ...
A. 23 April 2013: Can I ask how you made the ad so he would reply to it? I mean, for all you know some other guy could have taken an interested in it. The reason I'm asking is because it would be easy for him to turn the tables on you and say you're just as bad as he ... (read in full...)
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