| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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I created a fake ad on Craigslist to see if my boyfriend would make contact. He did, now what do I do?
Q. A little background info first: my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. He always told me I was his first love and I'm the first girl he's even considered marriage with and so on. His family has even told me I'm the first ...
A. 23 April 2013: Can I ask how you made the ad so he would reply to it? I mean, for all you know some other guy could have taken an interested in it. The reason I'm asking is because it would be easy for him to turn the tables on you and say you're just as bad as he ... (read in full...)
Should I give up everything, and move interstate to be with my boyfriend? It would mean giving up my own home, which I purchased before I met him.
Q. I have been with my BF for 4 years. We are each in our late 20's/early 30s. I have my own house. He still lives at home. He was studying which is why he stayed there, but he could have moved out by now! (has it too good!). A big concern for me ...
A. 21 April 2013: That's rich. He's got nothing to lose and he's asking you to bend to his wishes, while you have EVERYTHING to lose. Sounds mighty selfish to me. Do not give up your achievements just because he has this vague idea of moving somewhere else. He's got ... (read in full...)
Do guys like fake boobs if a girl practically has no boobs?
Q. Okay, so I started losing weight about 2 years ago, now I am a gym rat but my boobs are getting smaller, I have gone from 36b to 34a. My sister who's 19 has bigger boobs than me! I'm 25. I got a nice tax return and will be in miami in 3 month...
A. 19 April 2013: How long have you been at your current weight? When I first lost weight and got fit, my boobs shrank a lot. When I was 6 months at my goal weight, my boobs started to fill out again and I lost the hollow cheeks and the other stuff that happens when ... (read in full...)
I don't want to raise another child alone. I don't think this relationship will last. Should I have an abortion?
Q. Hello all, I need some major advice. I am 29 and a decent paying job. I have a 12 year old that I have raised by myself. I am currently 13 weeks pregnant and fully comitted for about 3 years. This would be his first child. His job is not that gre...
A. 17 April 2013: This is hard and I'm afraid there isn't a clear cut answer that will satisfy all your needs.
I haven't had an abortion myself, but I've helped my best friend deal with a similar situation (pregnant but she was also sure her relationship wouldn't... (read in full...)
How important is it to date your type (physical preference)?
Q. How important is it to date someone your type? I've always liked guys with softer features and slender eyes, seemingly shy but with a bright smile. My first ex was exactly that and I've never been more attracted to anyone else. He was cute more...
A. 17 April 2013: Well, since looks fade, I wouldn't put too much emphasis on dating your physical type. You'll restrict yourself a lot that way. You'll need basic attraction though; if you're not at all attracted to someone it won't work out. But if the attraction ... (read in full...)
My husband's friend is coming on to me
Q. I have a big problem and don't know how to handle it. My husband's best friend is putting his moves on me, I don't know what to Do, I already keep my distance but he finds ways to talk to me, he knows exactly how I feel but he doesn't stop harassing ...
A. 13 April 2013: *sorry, I meant husband, not bf. ... (read in full...)
My husband's friend is coming on to me
Q. I have a big problem and don't know how to handle it. My husband's best friend is putting his moves on me, I don't know what to Do, I already keep my distance but he finds ways to talk to me, he knows exactly how I feel but he doesn't stop harassing ...
A. 13 April 2013: Wow OP, he's definitely crossing the line--in the proximity of your bf, no doubt. The guy obviously has no integrity. What a slime. It's time to settle this once and for all.
Tell him you're tired of his suggestive comments and that you're n... (read in full...)
Am I a sugardaddy or is possible for a relationship with a woman 20+ younger than me?
Q. what are your opinions of an older man getting with a younger girl and getting her pregnant? i met a girl who is 20+ years younger than me. we have talked and not having any children of my own, she said she is in love with me and will have a baby ...
A. 13 April 2013: Honestly, this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Look, I get it. The clock is ticking and suddenly you feel like you're missing out and you want a kid and you have this young girl batting her pretty eyelashes at you. But think it over: what ... (read in full...)
My husband's friend is coming on to me
Q. I have a big problem and don't know how to handle it. My husband's best friend is putting his moves on me, I don't know what to Do, I already keep my distance but he finds ways to talk to me, he knows exactly how I feel but he doesn't stop harassing ...
A. 13 April 2013: Be firm with him. If he touches you in a way you don't like, pull away or put distance between you two. If he makes double entendre's or says dubious stuff, tell him off. You can't leave it up to chance. You don't have to be 'nice' and 'courteous' ... (read in full...)
How can I make the best out of a bad situation? I'm worried I'm going to be depressed in my new house next year...
Q. I need advice on how to make the best of a bad situation, I've not dealt with something like this before so please don't judge me on what i'm about to say... I've lived in halls this year at university and now we're moving into a house for our se...
A. 11 April 2013: Well, it's an improvement, isn't it? Try to look at it this way: your kitchen is tiny, but you have one. Your garden is just a bunch of weeds, but you have it. Etc. I mean, you could have been like me at 19 and live in the basement with roaches, in ... (read in full...)
Falling for my BF best friend and now he wants a private meeting?
Q. ADVICE NEEDED! I have a crush on a mutual friend of my boyfriend and I. I only realised it recently since we were spending alot of time together. I am 23 years old and me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly two years (it will be two ...
A. 10 April 2013: Talk to the crush and don't do anything stupid, like kissing him. Listen to what he has to say (because the subject of this talk is probably going to be about this chemistry thing between you two) talk what you both want and how it's going to ... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and hopeless with girls!
Q. I'm 22, I am hopeless with girls. I have never been with one and now I am too scared to even try. I am a male model (physique, underwear etc) so objectively I am pretty good looking at the very least, very hot at the most... which almost compounds ...
A. 9 April 2013: Sounds like you need to view dating the way you view agencies. Think about it. When you go to an agency, you also have your pride invested: pride in your looks. Yet when they say no, you don't take it personally. Because there are other agencies out ... (read in full...)
What guy wants an insecure fat girl when he can have a beautiful skinny girl?
Q. So I am quite embarrassed to post my situation here, but I would like to get opinions about my problem. I am 19 years old and being completely honest here, I have never had a boyfriend or even a good guy friend for that matter. I am also overweig...
A. 7 April 2013: When I was your age I was the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life. I was very self conscious about it and I basically had a heart attack when the guy I had a crush on waved and said hi to me. We'd always gotten along well, but I thought I ... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and hopeless with girls!
Q. I'm 22, I am hopeless with girls. I have never been with one and now I am too scared to even try. I am a male model (physique, underwear etc) so objectively I am pretty good looking at the very least, very hot at the most... which almost compounds ...
A. 6 April 2013: Honestly, the typical stereotype depicts hot male models as mansluts, so encountering one that's actually a virgin basically ups your status. It would be refreshing. If a girl freaks out on you because of that, good riddance: she's simply not worth ... (read in full...)
We need a good cover story for how we met in a coffee shop, help, please!
Q. Hi, Basically me and my gf have been going out now for 3 years and we are going to get married. But first we have to tell our parents. Our parents have indian cultures. Hence we haven't told them before, because gf and bf is frowned upon. However ...
A. 2 April 2013: If mentioning the datingsite is such a big hurdle, why not simply describe your first date instead? Tell your parents you saw her, took a chance and made a date out of it. It's a small lie, but atleast you won't have to make up an entire cover ... (read in full...)
Should I just stay out of it, and not offer my opinion? Is it his choice alone to plan ahead, or not plan ahead?
Q. I just had a fight with my bf and I don't understand what went wrong. He's been in school for the past year and a half getting an associate degree and planning on going to a different college next. He's also 32. The argument was about why he's g...
A. 28 March 2013: I'm 24 and I tell my younger relatives all the time that they should really have a clear idea or at least an ambition before they choose what education they'll follow after HS. I know what it's like to get it wrong.
In June I will complete... (read in full...)
Will you let go of your cat you love if your mate has a terrifying phobia?
Q. I am interested in pursuing a relationship with a good friend of mine. We were once in a romantic relationship that ended because of the distance but now we realize we can't do without each other. He is planning to move down here with me so we ca...
A. 24 March 2013: Cerberus makes a good point about loyalty. Your cat will be loyal to you till the day it dies, while this guy only seems to be interested in getting what he wants, without regarding your attachment to this cat. The little animal has more right to be ... (read in full...)
Will you let go of your cat you love if your mate has a terrifying phobia?
Q. I am interested in pursuing a relationship with a good friend of mine. We were once in a romantic relationship that ended because of the distance but now we realize we can't do without each other. He is planning to move down here with me so we ca...
A. 24 March 2013: If my guy had a 'terrifying phobia' then yes I'd let go of my cat. HOWEVER, your guy does not have a phobia, he is basically just talking out of his ass. I can't believe you're actually taking this stuff seriously. What's next, he's not going to ... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my science teacher and I think me might like me too?
Q. i have a huge crush on my science teacher mr m....... because, his irish, his only 23, he has nice blue eyes and brown hair, and he is really nice to me. i think that he might have a crush on me too because everyone else who he teaches has that his...
A. 23 March 2013: Hi OP,
Good you came here regarding your crush on your teacher.
I want to point you into the direction of an article posted from a male teacher's perspective: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/crushes-on-teachers.html
Please read it ca... (read in full...)
He has become 'best friends' with a female co-worker, they text all the time and go to lunch together. If I get upset about it he calls me insecure, but don't I have a right to be in this situation?
Q. My husband and I have been married for six years and he has always had the same job.. Well recently he has started talking about a coworker all the time telling me how great she is. He goes to lunches with her alone and they text back and forth ...
A. 21 March 2013: Oh oops, I misread a sentence. You actually met her and she played along with him handing in his notice? That's even worse. Definitely talk to him and MAKE him listen to you. Don't be blown off by anger. That's just his way to get you to shut up. ... (read in full...)
He has become 'best friends' with a female co-worker, they text all the time and go to lunch together. If I get upset about it he calls me insecure, but don't I have a right to be in this situation?
Q. My husband and I have been married for six years and he has always had the same job.. Well recently he has started talking about a coworker all the time telling me how great she is. He goes to lunches with her alone and they text back and forth ...
A. 21 March 2013: There's definitely something going on here. He wouldn't react this way if this situation between him and his coworker was innocent. Going on the defense immediately and then throwing a toddler’s tantrum about quitting his job (and then drawing out ... (read in full...)
How do I get someone I care about to stop smoking?
Q. I need some serious help. I feel like such a terrible person because I can't control my own emotions. Recently my friend started smoking and its crushed me, I've cried everyday since, just knowing he does it upsets me and I'd give anything in...
A. 19 March 2013: Get your act together, OP. You can cry and sob all you want but in the end it's his choice and if he wants to stop, it'll only happen when HE wants to, not you. He's an adult and free to make his own decisions. Unlike what the masses are told, ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her he's been cheating on her with me???
Q. I've been messing around w/old fling who has a girlfriend. Come to find out, she is a really good woman. I feel horrible, should I tell her? I am 27 and we've have had little flings since my senior year in high school. He has always been a do...
A. 16 March 2013: Just cut all contact with this guy (block his phone/fb/e-mail) and send her a letter explaining everything. Then it's up to her whether she wants to continue or not. That's what I would do in your situation. It may blow up in your face, but then you ... (read in full...)
Negative responses about breast implants have me questioning what I should do about my body!
Q. I've asked this question before and had some good responses, but I just read another reply to another post and this involved the respondent saying that "as long as she doesn't have breast implants"...in relation to her partner finding another women ...
A. 15 March 2013: Wait wait wait. This whole trail of thought was brought on by one comment?
Then what you need is counselling to help you get more self confidence, because one comment by a user you don't know should not send you over the edge.
Also, you... (read in full...)
Arrogant and cliquey young manager at work who thinks I'm beneath her! Advice?
Q. I work in a hospital and one of the girls I work with is 23, she is very good at her job, super confident and talented,and 3 months ago has been made one of the assistant managers, which is great for a girl so young.(Im in my 30s an have NO issue...
A. 12 March 2013: Don't let her highschool attitude get to you. She doesn't matter. What you're basically doing is making her important, because you want to be acknowledged by her. Well, screw that. If she can't be nice enough to say 'hi' to you then she doesn't ... (read in full...)
I've been branded as a "person of suspicion" and have been banned from seeing my husband at his work. Is his boss crazy?!
Q. As if my life was not weird enough my boyfriends boss is singling me out for harassment. He is a teacher at a local school. She is the principal. I am not at all sure how to deal with this. I noticed about 2 years ago when she started working ...
A. 10 March 2013: Good to hear she's gone! Your bf's reaction kinda worries me though. I mean seriously, she labels you as a 'person of suspicion' and he picks her side? I'd talk to him about this because now I wonder if there was something more going on... (read in full...)
I'd like to lose my virginity before I turn 30 but I've never even dated yet!
Q. Hey, I am in a bit of a dilemma at the moment. With that said, let me tell you a little about myself. I am a 24-year-old guy. I don't do drugs, never smoke, still a virgin, and only drink socially. I eat somewhat healthy, and try to hit the gym t...
A. 4 March 2013: Try to cross relationships off your list of priorities. It's a source of anxiety and once you eliminate that you'll give yourself some breathing room. I lost my virginity at 22 but before that I used to obsess over it, thinking I'd never find a guy. ... (read in full...)
All my boyfriend does is sleep, and I'm getting upset?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. I'm a senior and he's a college freshman. We spend time together, but most of that time is spent sleeping. For example, we'll be skyping at 10pm usually, but he'll go to bed around 11-12...
A. 4 March 2013: If he wakes up at 6am and goes to bed at 11/12, he's getting around 6/7 hours of sleep each day without the naps. I sustain on 5 hours of sleep every day for a temporary job that pays well, but it wears me out. I sleep in on the weekends.
If I'... (read in full...)
Everybody knew about my boyfriend's pregnant girlfriend but me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and I just recently found out that not only has he been cheating on me for years but the girl is now pregnant. The reason I found out was because a friend of the family told me. When I asked him ...
A. 4 March 2013: Honey, I know it must feel like your world is ending, but really, you're just leaving a very bad thing behind. Get rid of him the way a snake shrugs off dead skin.
As for starting over with someone else, I wouldn't jump from one guy to another.... (read in full...)
For mothers -- would you appreciate this sort of heartfelt message?
Q. This is more of a personal question than relationship wise. If there are any mothers on this website, this question would be for you! It's mothers day this sunday coming and I wont be home for it because of university, so instead I want to send s...
A. 4 March 2013: If you were my daughter I'd be beaming all day after receiving that. Intimate, genuine messages always work better than big expensive presents and such. This shows how much you care and that alone will make her day.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't like to talk about the future. Is she thinking of leaving me?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and we always a talk about getting a flat or something together and how great it would be to spend even more time together. However, when I bring up the idea of getting engaged in the near ...
A. 4 March 2013: I think the reason your gf is being distant is because she feels pressured. She's obviously not ready for that kind of long term commitment yet (which has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how she views life at the moment). You keep ... (read in full...)
Husband is in love with younger woman but want's to work on us.
Q. Help! My husband (22 years together, married for 18) recently confessed he had been having an affair for 18 months with a younger mutual friend. He says he thinks he had been suffering from depression for 2-3 years as he was unhappy with our...
A. 4 March 2013: From where I'm standing your husband is like a black hole that pulls everything towards him and sees himself as the centre of the universe. It's all about his needs. He's been cheating on you for two years and now he's actually faced with the ... (read in full...)
I can't keep up with the beauty regime and am afraid no one will like the real me.
Q. This is going to sound ridiculous but basically, I can't keep a boyfriend because I'm too fake, because I'm so insecure. I've never had a long term partner, no one for more than about 4 months. People often call me attractive and everyone says i ...
A. 4 March 2013: I used to be like you when I was in highschool. I thought no-one liked the real me so I hid behind a mask, just like you're doing. I dyed my hair blonde, covered my uneven skin with makeup to make it look flawless and a bit tan and got hair ... (read in full...)
My crazy ex claimed she was pregnant the day after we broke up!
Q. Hello, I feel like I'm falling apart and desperately need some help and advice from others to help me piece everything together in my own head. So about 2 months ago I was introduced to a girl through a mutual friend who thought we might be good...
A. 3 March 2013: Pretty sure she's lying. Her story doesn't add up, from beginning to end and she does seem pretty unhinged. Also, this mutual friend of yours...I'd stop regarding him as a friend. Either he took her side on his own, or she pressured him to do so. ... (read in full...)
Suddenly he's started drinking and he's not like the Bf I know. How can I stop him drinking and getting out of control?
Q. Hello, I need help with my boyfriend. Let me please explain Few days ago he went to the club with his friends and he texted me that time and spammed me with kisses. He told me he got drunk with his friends that some girls gave him alcohol and his ...
A. 3 March 2013: OP, your story doesn't make sense. Think about it: he never drank before and now he's been wasted out of his mind for days in a row? How long have you two been together? Because to me it sounds like he's an alcoholic on a binge, which basically ... (read in full...)
52 year old male with 3 late teen daughters seeing a 20 year old woman?
Q. I'm 52 and divorced with three daughters ages 21, 18, 17. I have been seeing a 20 year old woman. My daughters think this is very bad. The 20 year old wants me to choose her over my daughters. I broke it off with the 20 year old because of my ...
A. 24 February 2013: Haha Cerberus I really like your brutal honesty, but you're generalizing a bit too much here. A lot of women in that age bracket may be like that, but not all, not in a long shot. Even if the OP wants someone who's younger and more energized, why ... (read in full...)
52 year old male with 3 late teen daughters seeing a 20 year old woman?
Q. I'm 52 and divorced with three daughters ages 21, 18, 17. I have been seeing a 20 year old woman. My daughters think this is very bad. The 20 year old wants me to choose her over my daughters. I broke it off with the 20 year old because of my ...
A. 24 February 2013: I really hope that this is a joke. Somehow your username makes me doubt you are your age. Or at least I hope so, because at 52 you should know better.
Let's get real here: why do you want to date a girl who is younger than one of your daughter... (read in full...)
I resent my girlfriend because she's hot and I'm not!
Q. I'm a horrible person. I have a really great friend. She is by far the kindest and most sincere and loyal friend I have ever had. She's such a true friend that I truley.think if it came down to it she would throw herself in front of a car to save my ...
A. 23 February 2013: OP, I think that if you shift your focus from being pretty to being the kind of person you'd be proud of, with personality traits like integrity, loyalty and kindness, this jealousy and insecurity issues will fade away. And I know it sounds cliche, ... (read in full...)
Do I move on to a great job? Or to a guy I love, but who isn't right for me?
Q. Hi all! I have a dilemma guys, Basically I have the option of moving down south of my country to a really good job or I have the opportunity to move up north of my country to an ok job but the guy I like lives there. That guy and I dated f...
A. 23 February 2013: You already answered your own question in the question. Pick the job and then find a guy who is right for you. It's a win-win situation. ... (read in full...)
My daughter is being bullied because of how I dress her
Q. Ok this is a little hard to explain and may seem a bit silly to some of you but please bare with me. I have a 12 year old daughter who has been in secondry school since september last year. Since she has been there, understandably she has develope...
A. 21 February 2013: All good suggestions so far except concealer. A 12 year-old should not be clogging up her pores with that stuff. It'll ruin her skin. Get her some BB cream instead if she wants to cover up spots.
Also, it wouldn't be bad to get her into martial ... (read in full...)
Can you redo projects when you are in university?
Q. I know this a relationship website, but does anybody know if at university you can re-do your projects? I am on a course which doesn't do exams, so luckily enough I just do a lot of practical projects over the course of the year. The thing is, this ...
A. 21 February 2013: Wasn't a problem at my uni. I even redid a few in my third year. Just make sure you don't get even more behind trying to polish up your past grades.
Talk to your professors about it, but I don't see why it wouldn't be allowed.
That said, here's... (read in full...)
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