| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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How can I get over feeling I'm too old to have a girlfriend at 26? How should I flirt, talk to and approach women?
Q. The fact i'll be 27 in a few weeks and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, obviously still a virgin, the fact that I didn't have my first girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity around the age-range most people do just makes me bitter and ...
A. 10 May 2015: If you want a better life, you're going to have to take some risks and make yourself vulnerable.
Your life as it now is going to be your future if you keep your current attitude. Doing the same things will give you the same results.
So take... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 29 December 2014: How did the conversation turn out, OP?
As for her, demanding to know your timetable on marriage and kids as a requisite for moving in seems a little extreme. That information is useless anyway if you turn out not be compatible. It's usually ... (read in full...)
How can I get over feeling I'm too old to have a girlfriend at 26? How should I flirt, talk to and approach women?
Q. The fact i'll be 27 in a few weeks and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, obviously still a virgin, the fact that I didn't have my first girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity around the age-range most people do just makes me bitter and ...
A. 28 December 2014: OP, don't forget that most of age related milestones have a direct correlation with money and/or luck. Things that a lot of people don't have in this economic crisis. If one wants to college, they need money. If they want to live on their own, they ... (read in full...)
I'm looking at buying my own home, but my boyfriend wont marry me unless I move in with him.
Q. Hi everyone. I'll make this quick. I've been with my boyfriend for several years now, and we don't live together. He's recently asked me to move in with him, as a bit of a first step towards settling down, but I'm currently in a position where I'm ...
A. 27 December 2014: Thanks for the follow up, OP! It cleared up a lot.
Based on this info, in your shoes I would take the chance and buy the property you want. Opportunities like this don't come along often, if at all, so if you're in a position where you can grab... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 27 December 2014: Okay wow I did not see that coming. Having not lived together definitely complicates the situation, because like Honeypie said, living together is when you find out if you're really compatible. If I may ask, why haven't you two moved in together ... (read in full...)
I'm looking at buying my own home, but my boyfriend wont marry me unless I move in with him.
Q. Hi everyone. I'll make this quick. I've been with my boyfriend for several years now, and we don't live together. He's recently asked me to move in with him, as a bit of a first step towards settling down, but I'm currently in a position where I'm ...
A. 27 December 2014: Can I ask why you want to buy your own property first? I get the allure of owning something that you can truly call your own--when the mortgage is paid off that is-- but at the same time, why is it so important? Are you living on your own right now ... (read in full...)
How can I get over feeling I'm too old to have a girlfriend at 26? How should I flirt, talk to and approach women?
Q. The fact i'll be 27 in a few weeks and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, obviously still a virgin, the fact that I didn't have my first girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity around the age-range most people do just makes me bitter and ...
A. 26 December 2014: "the way I see it, men have to earn a date, a relationship more than women do, since men have to be the pursuers."
Okay, so based on that info you have two options:
#1. Roll with it and pursue women that interest you until find someone who ... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 26 December 2014: OP, you have to ask yourself: what do you expect to happen in those 3 years? How is that time going to make you feel more ready for commitment if the past 5 years couldn't do that? What exactly are you waiting for? You have to be honest with ... (read in full...)
Would you change something that you hated about yourself, even if family and friends were against it?
Q. So recently I have been thinking about having a my breasts lifted and possibly made a little bigger. I have spent the past three years getting into shape after years of feeling bad about my body and my body went from a size 18 (uk) to a size 8-10. ...
A. 25 December 2014: What I would suggest doing first is waiting 6 months (at the least) to make sure your weight has stabilized and your body has accepted it as the new 'normal'.
When I started losing weight and working out, my chest and bum were the first to shrin... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 24 December 2014: Thanks again for the follow up!
Well, I think she's just very surprised. I mean, a short while ago you basically told her to find another guy to have kids with and now you're doing a total 180 and offering yourself up on a silver plate. I'd be w... (read in full...)
Should I text my crush "Merry Christmas"?
Q. So there's this guy who I have a crush on. He's about 5 months younger than me. We have a common friend who's trying to bring us closer to each other, because he knows I like my crush. When they were talking about girls and dating, my friend showed ...
A. 24 December 2014: I'm personally not a big fan of these old fashioned notions about guys being the first to make a move and paying for dinner, etc. I mean, if we women want to be equals we shouldn't have a double standard when it comes to stuff like this. You want ... (read in full...)
How do I distance myself from my abusive mother? Anyone else experienced anything similar?
Q. I need some advice from people who might be in a similar situation to me. I’m a 25 year old woman who has always had a very strained relationship with my mum, but which recently has become unbearable. I’ll try to only give the information which is ...
A. 24 December 2014: Here are some links that may be helpful:
- http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/EmotionalAbuse.html
It also has a support forum: http://outofthefog.net/forum/
- http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical-Emotional-Abuse/forum
- http://www.mdju... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to wait until I'm ready for marriage and children?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm looking for some impartial advice and my girlfriend uses this site a lot so thought I'd give it a try. We have been together for 5 years, I am 27 and she is 29, and recently she has been putting a lot of pressure on me t...
A. 24 December 2014: Thanks for the follow up OP. Well, I gotta say that was a bad way of handling things, on the phone, no less. Look, for her it's not just about marriage and raising kids. I mean, being a woman, I'd only want to do that with the person I love. So it ... (read in full...)
How do I distance myself from my abusive mother? Anyone else experienced anything similar?
Q. I need some advice from people who might be in a similar situation to me. I’m a 25 year old woman who has always had a very strained relationship with my mum, but which recently has become unbearable. I’ll try to only give the information which is ...
A. 24 December 2014: Having read through your entire post, I don't think there's anything you can do to help her. The only way for her to change is for her to acknowledge there's something wrong with her and if she hasn't gotten to that point yet I don't think she ever ... (read in full...)
How can I get over feeling I'm too old to have a girlfriend at 26? How should I flirt, talk to and approach women?
Q. The fact i'll be 27 in a few weeks and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, obviously still a virgin, the fact that I didn't have my first girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity around the age-range most people do just makes me bitter and ...
A. 24 December 2014: But OP, what has all this bitterness and negativity brought you? I'll answer that for you: it brought you safety because if you can blame it on those abstract things instead of yourself, then it's not your fault. And that is exactly the reason why ... (read in full...)
I feel like such a loser lately!
Q. Man I feel like such a loser lately. I'm 22 years old, filled regret from my college experience because it was basically 4 years of stress/emotional suffering/extreme loneliness. I graduated with an ok gpa luckily, but so far I have no job (I've ...
A. 23 December 2014: You're still very young. My first relationship was when I was 22 (almost 23) and I have friends who were older than that when they got their first kiss. So don't worry about it. I know society makes you feel like we have to complete a list at a ... (read in full...)
How can I get over feeling I'm too old to have a girlfriend at 26? How should I flirt, talk to and approach women?
Q. The fact i'll be 27 in a few weeks and I still haven't had a girlfriend yet, obviously still a virgin, the fact that I didn't have my first girlfriend and didn't lose my virginity around the age-range most people do just makes me bitter and ...
A. 23 December 2014: The first thing you need to get past is this whole "men versus women" thing you've got going on. The societal pressure is toxic for everyone and men and women's issues are interconnected.
To illustrate this, look at the average Venus and Gillette... (read in full...)
My family seems disinterested in my upcoming wedding
Q. I'm with my finacee 2 years and we are getting married in 2016. I'm 20 and my sisters are 32 and 40. My fiancee is 30 and i love him so much and we get on incredibly. Since I got engaged both of them have changed it is like they don't want to ...
A. 21 December 2014: Hey hon, it's your wedding and it's supposed to make YOU happy. I get how your family's lack of interest can feel like a punch in the gut and it is incredibly shitty of them. But the thing is, this is your life and if they don't care about things ... (read in full...)
Why not me...?
Q. Where do I start? This may be a long question, but I've been agonizing over this for over a year... I'm a graduate student and I think that I may be in love with a guy I go to school with. We habitually stay up until 2 or 3am texting one anot...
A. 20 December 2014: I gather you've known each other for at least one year, and the nighttime texting shows you've grown rather close, and all that is undone by one dinner through an opinion of one friend? That seems unlikely. I mean sure, I listen to my friends' ... (read in full...)
I think I'm bisexual and I hate myself for it
Q. I recently discovered that I am bisexual. I'm a 16 year old male. I feel like I am a straight guy trapped in a bisexual guy's body. I don't think I was meant to be this way and it makes me sad because I don't accept myself at all. I hate myself ...
A. 19 December 2014: Start off by being honest with yourself: you are against homosexuality or you wouldn't be having this crisis. You think that being bi means you're broken because heterosexuality is society's norm. Well guess what, society's norms are messed up when ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become so lazy and its driving me crazy!
Q. We have been together for half a year. We agreed that we would get engaged 2 months ago, but he eventually cancelled things because his family was not home at the time. We then rescheduled our engagement to Christmas Eve. We decided 5 months...
A. 19 December 2014: Thanks for the new follow up. Like you said, love is not enough. To illustrate this, I made a list with the pro's and cons of being with him, based on the info you provided.
Pro's:
- "he's very loving"
- when you offered to pay for his drivers ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become so lazy and its driving me crazy!
Q. We have been together for half a year. We agreed that we would get engaged 2 months ago, but he eventually cancelled things because his family was not home at the time. We then rescheduled our engagement to Christmas Eve. We decided 5 months...
A. 18 December 2014: Thanks for your follow-up. It seems like he's content with the situation as it is, because he's basically always been this way. Marrying him will mean he'll expect you to take care of things, because that's what he knows.
I know you love him but ... (read in full...)
Now that I have him, how do I keep him?
Q. I finally got my crush wrapped around my finger we make out, laugh,have fun and just have great sexual and emotional chemistry but my only concern is how can i keep him interested i finally got him now the problem is how do i keep him entertained so ...
A. 18 December 2014: Okay hon, some basic tips
- You don't actually get to have anybody, so you don't need to worry about keeping them. Nothing special you do or say will tie him to you. All that stuff about "two halves becoming one" blah blah blah is all BS. You are ... (read in full...)
Does clothing really play a part in attractiveness?
Q. Does clothing really play a part in your attractiveness? I come from a relatively 'poor' or woking middle class family. While I've never had to worry about going to bed on an empty stomach and have always attended quality schools, my family income...
A. 18 December 2014: Shapeless rags hide your body and make it seem formless. Well fitting clothes will bring attention to your body like the feathers of a peacock on full display. Since clothes cover a big part of our body, it makes sense that people pay attention to ... (read in full...)
There's something about me that makes it hard to make friends
Q. Lateley in my life, I have felt very lonely. I got through a divorce from a very mentally abusing man and I have always sort of been that nice girl finishing up last. Many girls sees me as a threat because of how I am as person ( I always st...
A. 17 December 2014: I think what really helps is to adjust your attitude a bit. This combination of self protection and craving a no-nonsense friend who doesn't get caught up in drama makes you very unapproachable. You are intimidating because you've built a fortress ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't bothered by keeping me waiting.
Q. I will keep this short. My boyfriend does not see anything wrong with keeping me waiting. I will say "I can be to your house at 7, does that sound good"?He will say yes and a lot of the time when I get there he is just getting in the shower. He ...
A. 16 December 2014: I did this when I was a kid. When something was truly important, like a doctor's appointment or stuff like that, I'd be on time. If it was something like school or friends, I was always late. Not because I didn't value them (well to be honest I ... (read in full...)
I feel horrible knowing he's been watching porn
Q. I have a problem whereby I feel absolutely horrible knowing my husband has been watching porn one night and then has sex with me the next. I can't help feel that he is thinking of the women he watched and came to . Last night we had sex and I was ...
A. 14 December 2014: You're not going crazy, but you gotta see the porn use for what it is: a stimulant to get off. Most people watch it just for the sex, not for the pornstars in it. He's not invested in the women. If it's an addiction that's a whole different ... (read in full...)
I don't want to pay for her martinis and lobster plate.
Q. I have a question on what to do in this situation., We go out once a month with my girlfriends. we usually split the check equally., We noticed long ago that one of the girls when we re out orders in exess. By that I mean: she orders always t...
A. 10 December 2014: I like deidre's idea. Since more people are aware of it, I'd inform them on what you're going to do, so people can prepare having the right amount of cash in their pockets.
What you can also do is ask for the option of separate checks when you... (read in full...)
Can you change a bad boy?
Q. Dear cupid, i just want to understand this. Is it possible to change a bad boy. Like he drinks a lot and has two kids with two different woman, he owns his own business and has lots of friend who they enjoy top life.ive seen all this on his facebook ...
A. 9 December 2014: Also, the feeling of urgency when it comes to having kids should NEVER be the motivation to find a man. We have enough broken families and unhappy kids roaming the earth. In fact, we have too many people roaming the earth.
If you're gonna ra... (read in full...)
Can you change a bad boy?
Q. Dear cupid, i just want to understand this. Is it possible to change a bad boy. Like he drinks a lot and has two kids with two different woman, he owns his own business and has lots of friend who they enjoy top life.ive seen all this on his facebook ...
A. 9 December 2014: I second everything everyone else said. But also, your feelings seem to be of the level of a highschool crush. Just because you're smitten with someone and can't get them out of your head doesn't mean they're a good fit. Your feelings for him aren't ... (read in full...)
Why do men persist when they know you are aleady attached?
Q. Hello all, just curious, are there guys out there who despite knowing that a lady is attached, still goes all the way out to ask her out on dates because he is interested in her? And if so, why would they do that when there are many ladies who are ...
A. 9 December 2014: Guys that persist when you explicitly tell them you're in a relationship have no respect for boundaries and will probably cheat when they're in a relationship themselves. I'm actually glad people like this are so blatant about it; makes it easy to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become so lazy and its driving me crazy!
Q. We have been together for half a year. We agreed that we would get engaged 2 months ago, but he eventually cancelled things because his family was not home at the time. We then rescheduled our engagement to Christmas Eve. We decided 5 months...
A. 9 December 2014: Oops, adjustment: I said 40, but that's his sister. Still, living at home while you're in your mid thirties is worrisome unless you have a really good reason. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become so lazy and its driving me crazy!
Q. We have been together for half a year. We agreed that we would get engaged 2 months ago, but he eventually cancelled things because his family was not home at the time. We then rescheduled our engagement to Christmas Eve. We decided 5 months...
A. 9 December 2014: It's tempting to hop on the "he's lazy and this is how he is and always will be" bandwagon, but your description of his behavior really reminds me of depression. Depression always seems like such a big word, like something dramatic, but often it's ... (read in full...)
Why are the men in porn so average whereas the women are usually very attractive?
Q. Why are the men in porn so average whereas the women are usually very attractive? My SO and I watch some porn and it seems that in the vast majority the women are outstandingly attractive whereas the men are, very often, borderline ugly. This leav...
A. 7 December 2014: I think CMMP makes a good point. Porn is made for men, or well, basically the male fantasy (which I hope doesn't line up very much with their hopes and desires in reality, because the porn industry is messed up). And that fantasy means not being ... (read in full...)
Almost 17 and not kissed yet. Am I a freak?
Q. Hey guys... I just want to know something... Does it make me a freak to be almost 17 and not had my first kiss yet? The fact doesn't really effect me, but my friends like to make a big deal out of it so it makes me feel like I'm a freak. ...
A. 7 December 2014: When I was your age (which is almost 10 years ago now) I had the same fears about kissing and sex. A lot of my classmates were bragging about their experience, making me feel insecure. Thing is, most of them were lying, trying to fit in just like ... (read in full...)
I feel like my romantic life is constantly on a fast track to destruction.
Q. I want to start off by saying I have serious issues with self worth. Some was instigated by my family situation growing up and has been perpetuated by guys that I date. I realize that I am typically attracted to a certain kind of guy who i know is ...
A. 6 December 2014: I would highly suggest to stop dating for now. Date yourself instead. That may sound stupid, but you need to get to know yourself and learn to enjoy spending time by yourself again.
All that stuff about two halves becoming one, blah blah is simpl... (read in full...)
I feel like my romantic life is constantly on a fast track to destruction.
Q. I want to start off by saying I have serious issues with self worth. Some was instigated by my family situation growing up and has been perpetuated by guys that I date. I realize that I am typically attracted to a certain kind of guy who i know is ...
A. 6 December 2014: I would highly suggest to stop dating for now. Date yourself instead. That may sound stupid, but you need to get to know yourself and learn to enjoy spending time by yourself again.
All that stuff about two halves becoming one, blah blah is simpl... (read in full...)
I do love my boyfriend but I'm tempted by the other guy
Q. Hi - any help would be appreciated. I am on a total mess. My best girl friend and I went away last year and met a couple of guys. Both of us are in long term relationships but nothing happened with them. We spent a couple of nights out getti...
A. 12 November 2014: This 'playing the field some more' itch is going to keep itching, if it's already so strong now. If meeting this one dude was enough to almost push you over the edge to the point where you regret doing the right thing by rejecting him, I'd say you ... (read in full...)
Who do I leave my money to?
Q. I'm going to make a will.I'm quite comfortable financially, with a property paid for and money in the bank.I'm only 55, but you never know... Thing is, my only son (from a divorce) is 27 and has basically never worked. He occasionally works as a DJ ...
A. 12 November 2014: I wouldn't shut out your son out so fast. I get he seems to be a disappointment because 27 is an age where society tells you you should have your shit together. That's easier said than done though.
I'm 26 myself and I struggle to finish my educa... (read in full...)
The clock is ticking and I feel like I am running out of time!
Q. I am in my last year of my 20s and I have not met "the one" yet also I am still in the process of finishing my masters degree. Sometimes I feel like I did not get all the stuff I wanted to get done by the time I turned 30. When I was a teenager I ...
A. 11 November 2014: Hun, you need to see this for what it is: societal pressure. And society has an unhealthy obsession with youth. Look at what the popular channels, books and TV-shows are geared towards: teenagers. Society treats the most physically turbulent time of ... (read in full...)
I lied about a past relationship and he'll end it if he finds out
Q. So.. My boyfriend and I are great together. We get along, and are very much attached. One problem.. He asked me if I've ever been intimate with a black man. I lied and said no. (we are both white). I ask him what's the difference even if I had? He ...
A. 9 November 2014: Be glad he showed you his true nature. Because for all the things you have in common and whatever, that right there shows what he's really like. He is not only racist, but he basically blatantly told you he considers you not good enough if you slept ... (read in full...)
How can we take things to the next level? My g/f finds sex to be really painful
Q. My girlfriend and I decided that we should take our relationship to next level. We have been trying to have sex but we failed 3 times now. I love her and I don't want to force her to do something that she doesn't want and she knows that. It is too p...
A. 4 November 2014: By coming here for advice to help her and to suggest to her to consider visiting a gyn is about the farthest you can be from being a pervy hormonal guy. You're doing great. Please keep us updated on how things are going.... (read in full...)
I want to get married at Disney World but he doesn't
Q. I got engaged a few month ago and need some help. Since I was 10 I said I was going to get married at Disneyworld and I've never changed my mind. My fiance wants a big wedding here. I don't!! All we do I argue over it because I want to go to ...
A. 3 November 2014: Don't glue yourself to an idea you had when you were ten. You are not ten anymore, haven't been for a long time. And if Disney is something he doesn't want at all, then it wouldn't be fair to force it on him. Like "whencowsattack" said, you can ... (read in full...)
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