| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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I have nothing in common with my work colleagues. How do I get out of spending time with them? Any coping strategies that might help?
Q. I'm a fairly new member on this forum but thought I would post as there seem to be some people who talk a lot of sense when posting on here. I would be interested to hear your views on my situation.(Apologies in advance for the length of the post...
A. 12 September 2016: I'm going to present the simplest option: just...be honest.
Figure out beforehand if there are any concessions you can make that you could live with. Then, I'd go to the MD personally and have a talk. For example:
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When does an age gap become too big?
Q. How big do you think age gaps in relationships should be? In all kinds of relationships: friendships, romantic relationships, sex buddies. Do generational differences get in the way? When does an age gap become too much to relate to someone in ...
A. 12 September 2016: Age gaps are fine when both adults are fully developed physically and mentally (aka the 25+ age bracket). I'm personally still not in favor of huge age gaps even then (the whole awkward, dating a guy who could have been your dad deal) but by then ... (read in full...)
Can people tell when they're "the mutton dressed as the lamb"?
Q. Just in case people are not familiar with the term “mutton dressed as lamb" - it refers to older people who try to appear younger (and usually fail dismally). And it's most often applied to women who wear clothes that are aimed at a much younger ...
A. 11 September 2016: You can wear whatever you want as long as it fits well and if the outfit itself is balanced in both color and style. Some tips (though of course these are highly subjective!)
- avoid white cotton leggings. This is something I see a lot of older wo... (read in full...)
My eight year old son is such a handful. What action should I be taking to address the problems I face?
Q. I just don know what to do. My. Son spends school holidays with his dad who lives abroad, My son is eight. every time school holidays approach i'm exhausted and really stressed because he's such a handful. I have some health problems too and...
A. 9 September 2016: The summer holidays are like a vacation trip to your son. He goes to his dad, doesn't have to go to school, gets to eat whatever he wants, doesn't have to take his annoying medication (to an 8-year-old, any kind of medication, no matter how ... (read in full...)
My fiance risked our relationship for one night of fun
Q. I am engaged to be married on the 24th. Last weekend my bf had his bachelor party weekend in New York . I couple of his buddies were egging him on to hook up with a random girl. They ended up inviting a group of girls back to their hotel were he ...
A. 6 September 2016: I know you're under enormous pressure with this wedding coming up, but do not ignore the warning bells going off in your head.
1) who in their right mind encourages someone who is about to be married to have sex with a random girl on his bachelor... (read in full...)
Can people rise out of a depressing life to achieve good things? Or am I destined to achieve nothing?
Q. I'm going nowhere in life. I contrast the way things are now with the dreams I had as a young girl and I feel like a pathetic drip. I thought I was going to do amazing things in the world and leave a legacy but all I've done is fail at life and...
A. 26 August 2016: My grandma once told me that the person who has the following three things in line, is the happiest:
1: the perception that others have of them
2: the perception they have of themselves
3: the perception they have of who they want to be.
... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 3 May 2016: So much wonderful advice here, but I really want to stress the importance of working on your own self esteem. When your sense of self worth depends on other people, you're going to make yourself miserable, and them. I mean, let's be honest here, if ... (read in full...)
Can a nine year age gap work?
Q. My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, I love him with all my heart we match a lot and sometimes I forget that he is older than me. I don't know how to react to friends and make them see how I love this guy. I believe that he is my soul mate and...
A. 6 April 2016: There are 12 years between my uncle and my aunt, and they've been together for 30 years. That said, they met when she was already in her late twenties/early thirties. Age matters less when you get older, because after your brain development is ... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship and me being told I'm over thinking everything!
Q. I am in my 30s and am in my first relationship for 3 years. I have never got into a relationship earlier because I tend to have a high expectations of people and my insecurities. During this time when I am in a relationship, I realized that I have a ...
A. 20 March 2016: What you're doing is using your girlfriend as a therapist. So I'm really happy you're reaching out to us, because she's not qualified to be one. Plus in a relationship, it's not really nice to push that extra role onto your significant other. Your ... (read in full...)
Why do people take advantage of "soft" people?
Q. I find people take the mick out of me for "soft" I have always been like this, people have said I need to toughen up but I like who I am so why do people need to take advantage? I hate the fact that basically I'm going to have to turn into a twat to ...
A. 13 March 2016: I was bullied a lot when I was younger. At first, I was a doormat. Then my dad told me to stand up for myself, so I did a 180: punched the first person who said something nasty to me and basically cussed out everyone else. It made them back off a ... (read in full...)
Am I in the wrong because I don't want my jobless boyfriend moving in with me and depending on me to get him a job?
Q. My LDR BF said he wants to move in with me and asked me to find him a job at the company where I work. He has been working as a part time delivery boy for a local restaurant for about a year after I've known him. Then he hurt his toe and said he ...
A. 12 March 2016: Okay, let me tell you a story, a true story of my late uncle. The relevance to your current situation will become apparent soon. My uncle was the youngest of 3. Growing up he could have as much coca cola as he wanted, he could stay up long, get home ... (read in full...)
Questioning my sexuality ( female ) help!!!
Q. So I've been questioning my sexuality for a while now .. I am a female and I am attracted to men I currently have a boyfriend now and But I have been becoming really good friends with this girl I work with at my job. We hanged out and to ...
A. 8 March 2016: I agree with CindyCares, experimenting with this girl means you're cheating on your boyfriend. If you want to do it, end things with him first.
As for your sexuality, to be quite honest I think everyone is at least a little bisexual, so the idea... (read in full...)
My foreign girlfriend of 3 months is pregnant and I can't say that I love her and don't wish to marry. What should I do?
Q. I'm in a bit of a unique situation. I've been dating this girl for 3 months. I am 23 and she is 20 years old. I just found out she is 6 weeks pregnant with my child. She is from South America and is here with a student visa studying the Eng...
A. 6 March 2016: I would not marry her. You don't love her and while it indeed was very stupid of you not to use protection, I also wonder why she didn't think of it herself. The whole situation sounds a bit fishy to me, especially since she waited until after it's ... (read in full...)
I need to break my duck with girls
Q. How to get over being a virgin? I'm turning 23 and no matter what I've tried it hasnt worked out. I've dated a couple girls in high school but we were "too young" to have sex according to the girls. We loved each other when we were dating but ...
A. 29 February 2016: This is going to be unpopular advice and I'd normally be against it, but go to a prostitute and get it over with. You've made your virginity such a huge thing in your head I wonder what's left of your identity without it.
Because you'll find tha... (read in full...)
Dating a 37 year old guy. How can I tell him to use anti- wrinkle cream in a nice way?
Q. So my boyfriend is 37, happy guy and it takes much to irritate him. Though he doesn't look far older than his age, his face wrinkles a lot especially when he smiles. I can't change this fact but it might at least be lessened if he uses moisturi...
A. 29 February 2016: Wrinkles are caused by a myriad of things, including but not limited to:
- facial muscle movement. When repeated enough times, your facial expressions become literally etched into your face. (Luckily your guy seems to enjoy smiling).
- loss of ... (read in full...)
Finding a nice guy makes me want to run. Please help!
Q. I dumped my emotionally and verbally abusive BF about 4 months ago. I have absolutely no feelings towards him and am thrilled to get him out of my life. When I date, I tend to be a "woman who loves too much". Each relationship I have had ends in...
A. 28 February 2016: Remember that YOU are in control of the relationships you pursue. If he falls in love with you and you don't feel the same, you can tell him and end it. If he's too intense for you, you can tell him to tone it down or end it. If you feel trapped, ... (read in full...)
Why why do girls dump guys who treat a girl like an angel?
Q. I wonder why ladies, I never hear a woman, talk about them dumping a nice guy, on here. I here all the time,How they get hurt, by the guy who treated them bad. It does happen all the time, a guy treats a woman fantastic. Then a woman, breaks t...
A. 28 February 2016: There are two types of people in the world. People who deal with setbacks by looking for someone else to blame it on and people who take responsibility for their own role (or lack thereof) in their situation. If you fall under the first category ... (read in full...)
Do women mind being approached in the gym?
Q. Women, do you mind if men approach you in the gym? There's two women in my gym, around my age, who I've noticed looking my way every time we're in the gym working out. Usually I have my headphones on and mind my own business, but it's kind of...
A. 25 February 2016: That advice from junior high is to discourage guys from looking and behaving like women are pieces of meat they can own. By this most people mean an agressive attitude, making comments about women's body parts ("nice ass"), the way they dress ("you ... (read in full...)
He wants children now and I want to be married first
Q. Hello I've been with my boyfriend over a year and I love him. We plan a future together and we both want children. The problem is he wants to have children now and I want to get married first. I'm ready to get married but when I bring it up he ...
A. 18 February 2016: My two sisters have been in this exact situation. Their boyfriends were eager to have them move in together and start a family, but avoided the marriage subject. In love as my oldest sister was, she took the plunge and had a baby with him. She has ... (read in full...)
Does it sound like I'm a difficult person?
Q. I wrote some months back about my relationship, and whether I should keep going and continue to try, or that was it. Here is the link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/without-passion-is-it-worth-it.html I appreciate all your answers to my fi...
A. 15 February 2016: Don't put in too much stock of what he says, but it's a good moment to reevaluate yourself and maybe identify habits and preferences that you find annoying about yourself. Everyone has them, even if they're in denial about it.
I, for example,... (read in full...)
Does being friends with benefits ever work out?
Q. I am a 42 year old single man. One of my best friends is a 33 year old single woman. We have never been romantic in any way but recently my friend told me in a joking way that she would give me oral sex if I took care of some things around her hous...
A. 15 February 2016: I think it only works out if both of you aren't really attracted to each other, but only attracted to the idea of helping each other out with sex. Once the spark is really there, one (or both) of you is gonna get feelings and that's when this fun ... (read in full...)
I'm missing having close friends and a best friend! What can I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am trying to figure out what to do because I have MANY acquaintances, but no close friends. Granted, my life is not bad. I have a really great boyfriend, we go to a lot of parties and outings with other people, and I do hang ou...
A. 15 February 2016: My recipe for friendship, though it's still a work in progress:
- When you meet someone you get along with well, try to nourish the contact.
That means picking dates to meet each other for coffee, doing fun things. Open up your agenda's on the s... (read in full...)
Is it too late for me to get married and have a family?
Q. Well i'm 50, In fact today i'm 50. Not a life threatening event but still an event. You see i have cared for my parents and sister for the last 25 years. I lost my sister 2 years ago and both my parents last year. They were my life, i gave up on ...
A. 5 February 2016: Like the others have said, it's not too late to have a family, BUT I would say no to having biological children of your own. The truth is that fathering a child at that age is tough, plus your child might lose you when they're still quite young.
... (read in full...)
She wants to smoke, I don't and its causing so many problems we wonder if breaking up is the answer
Q. I'll make this short and quick. Me and my girlfriend are having a lot of trouble of a smoking issue and we want it to be finally resolved after just over 4 months of hassle. Over 4 months ago she got curious about trying one and even though I'm ...
A. 18 January 2016: Thanks for the follow-up, OP.
A question for you. Why aren't you living together? Because if you two want to raise a child you better be sure you can actually stand to be around each other 24/7. You don't truly know someone until you've lived wi... (read in full...)
She wants to smoke, I don't and its causing so many problems we wonder if breaking up is the answer
Q. I'll make this short and quick. Me and my girlfriend are having a lot of trouble of a smoking issue and we want it to be finally resolved after just over 4 months of hassle. Over 4 months ago she got curious about trying one and even though I'm ...
A. 17 January 2016: My parents have both been heavy smokers for over 30 years. Because of the cost, they are now 'clicking' their own cigarettes (basically you buy a box of cig shells and a box of tabacco and this little stuffing machine and then you can make your ... (read in full...)
Should I Stay with bf or is he a forever commitment phobe?
Q. I would like to know if my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet or should I move on? I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. We are both in our early early 30s. We talked about marriage and he says he wants it with me but does...
A. 17 January 2016: It depends on why you want to get married. If you want to have some security before you embark on having children, the having children part is what you should be talking about with him.
If you want to get married because you've been together... (read in full...)
I lied to my dying friend and told him that I loved him. Now he's gone and I feel sick
Q. I slept with my friend because he was dying and because I felt guilty for leading him on. Each time after having sex he would cry and hug me and profess his love for me. He had a crush on me for years. During his last days I lied to him that I loved ...
A. 16 January 2016: Your friend died thinking the person he loved loved him back. Trust me, not many people get to have that when they go.
You did love him, or you wouldn't have done it. You just don't love him in the same way he loved you. You can't help how you ... (read in full...)
Why couldn't he have come back in my life before I got married
Q. I feel my life is a movie right now and I need help please. Years ago when I was 22 (I'm now 34) I met and fell in love with this guy, my age and we were together almost 2 years. I was convinced he was "the one." He then got an opportunity to s...
A. 11 January 2016: Your ex is the kind of guy who expects others to make compromises so he can do what he wants. You had a relationship for two years before HE decided he wanted to go somewhere else and didn't want to have the hassle of a Long Distance relationship. ... (read in full...)
Do I let a work collegeague know that her fiance is cheating on her?
Q. I've come across something quite disturbing and need some advice please. Last weekend I was on a hen party spa weekend with my friends. We went to this beautiful hotel which also had a spa and was a 2 hour drive from our town. Whilst we were ...
A. 10 January 2016: I'd be straightforward. It might sour things between you two but at least you did the right thing. I'd be able to live with that.
Ask to talk to her privately when the occasion arises (better sooner than later) and tell her exactly what you told... (read in full...)
What does a guy have to do to lose his virginity?
Q. What does a guy have to do to lose his freaking virginity? I've posted here a lot and I have taken everything I've been told to try and it just doesn't seem to work for me. I'm going to be 23 in April! I know I've made mistakes like going to a ...
A. 7 January 2016: It's very simple, OP. You want something. But you gotta offer something in return.
What do you have to offer a girl? Being nice is not enough. That's the bare minimum. No, I mean, what do you have that will make a girl think spending time wit... (read in full...)
I think I'm gay but I don't know how to approach other girls
Q. Hi Cupids. Just some background, I'm at university and I'm 20, female. I've always had a suspicion that I'm interested in girls and have had very brief encounters in the past but I have never explored due to my own self consciousness. I've had...
A. 6 January 2016: One of my best friends is gay, and she likes to go to gay bars and such.
Here's an overview of possibilities in the UK: http://www.travelgayeurope.com/destination/gay-united-kingdom/
It's a good place to meet people because you know the environm... (read in full...)
My married son is going away to meet up with a woman he is attracted to. Do I tell his wife?
Q. Hello. Thank you for reading this. I am having a problem with my son and his wife and I could do with some honest advice. My son has been married for 3 years to his wife. Prior to the wedding they had dated for about 7 years. They now have tw...
A. 5 January 2016: SVC has the best solution in my opinion, for as far as there is one in this situation.
Make a point of refusing to look after the children for him during his getaway. You're his mom, it's not right to meddle in his business, but that doesn't ... (read in full...)
Why can't I leave this pill popping pot smoking drunk?
Q. Hi everyone, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and he's a major pill addict and smokes pot and is an alcoholic. Trust me I had no idea he did all these things when we started dating. We now live together with my ...
A. 5 January 2016: YAY well done OP, well done! I'm so happy you've made this huge step and that it has been a relief. Like SVC said, stay strong and don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it. ... (read in full...)
My best friend has been ignoring me and I suspect his girlfriend is behind it
Q. I've been best friends with a guy for the past 6 years. We don't see each other very often anymore because we're in college, but whenever we're home we make a point to meet up, and we visit each others' colleges occasionally. Our friendship has ...
A. 2 January 2016: The varied response to this post illustrates the different views out there. Many people simply do not believe it's possible for a heterosexual male and female to be strictly platonic friends. His girlfriend is probably one of them.
I have a m... (read in full...)
When exactly is a good time to tell a guy you're a virgin??
Q. when exactly is a good time to tell a guy you're a virgin?? I'm a virgin and I have not even had oral sex. I honestly don't want to because I think the idea is really gross. I know a lot of girls who did it and they thought it was gross too an...
A. 2 January 2016: Thanks for the update OP, that explains a lot.
You seem to be somewhat of a free spirit and most devout Christians, well, aren't. On the other hand, you did mention casual dating and the more devout ones do believe sex is for marriage. That mea... (read in full...)
When exactly is a good time to tell a guy you're a virgin??
Q. when exactly is a good time to tell a guy you're a virgin?? I'm a virgin and I have not even had oral sex. I honestly don't want to because I think the idea is really gross. I know a lot of girls who did it and they thought it was gross too an...
A. 2 January 2016: Those guys were assholes, but unfortunately many guys think that when a girl agrees to come up to their room/dorm/whatever that they also agree to sex. So when you meet a guy in a bar, make sure he knows you're not interested in that. They don't ... (read in full...)
Our relationsip has gone stale. Any ideas?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 years. For the past 2 years, our conversations have declined to the point where we don't even hang out any more because all we do is sit in silence. And that is kind of weird don't you think? If we do talk ...
A. 2 January 2016: Talk to him. The sex thing is just a side problem, the real problem is that you two don't seem to know how to enjoy each other's company anymore. Not having anything to talk about at all is the problem. Your bf seems to think that well, as long as ... (read in full...)
Why can't I leave this pill popping pot smoking drunk?
Q. Hi everyone, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and he's a major pill addict and smokes pot and is an alcoholic. Trust me I had no idea he did all these things when we started dating. We now live together with my ...
A. 30 December 2015: Please do leave him. Sometimes it's the best thing you can do for an addict. My uncle was an alcoholic for half of his life. He'd drink aftershave when everything else had run out, he was that far gone. He was very smart and a very good liar, so he ... (read in full...)
I am 15 and I love writing lyrics for songs. How do I chart a path to get my lyrics noticed, find the right professional contacts and a path to succeed?
Q. Hi there, I am writing, to seek some help on my future career in writing. So, I absolutely, and truly, love to write. I write poems, and stories, and songs. I also love to sing, a lot. I have been singing, pretty much since I was a toddler,...
A. 29 December 2015: To be honest I wouldn't go on X-factor if I were you. So many talented people go on there and they get nothing out of it because the brand taints their reputation. In X-factor or any of those shows you're a cog in a machine. They create your ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of bad odor caused by too much sweating?
Q. Hi, I'm 16 and a girl. I've got a really bad problem. :( It's about sweating! I sweat a lot! The climate here is about 25'C on average. I can still handle the sweating part, but the odor not at all! I get it from my dad's side of the family...
A. 29 December 2015: Hey girl, I feel your pain, I was basically you ten years ago. Now, there are several options to beat this:
#1. Stop using over the counter deodorants and make your own. Trust me, with 1/4th of a tablespoon of this stuff under your armpits,... (read in full...)
How do I attract and choose the right men?
Q. I just recently ended my 3rd serious relationship. We were long distance and he was very selfish and emotionally abusive. However, the pattern remains the same. I meet a guy, we get attached very quickly, after a month or so he says he loves me...
A. 28 December 2015: That's the question of the ages, isn't it? We all want to attract compatible people.
Anyway, what I'd recommend is going to a counselor/therapist to sort out those insecurity issues that pop up whenever you're in a relationship. You've got a lo... (read in full...)
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