A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boss is verbally abusive towards me during my training/probation period. We had a conversation about me not taking my lunch break, and I wanted to know if I will be paid for it. She stated no, and I asked her if I could leave early to compensate for my time. She then became offensive. She called me stupid, a liar, and she even said that working with me is like babysitting her daughter. I told her that her words were offensive and I thought she was being unprofessional. Then she told me that I lack common sense and need to not be so emotional. There have been several other conversations were she has raised her voice at me and used unprofessional jargon on the job. Concerned for losing my job I asked her what I needed to do improve my work performance. She said that I am doing a good job, but she thinks that I lack social skills. Then she laughed and said think. I over heard her telling another employee that she is going to fire me. Please help. I need my job, but her abuse is startling.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2015): You need to keep a record of all this then contact a lawyer. Specifically a 'workplace harassment attorney' or a 'hostile work environment attorney.' You may be able to sue her or the company. You also need to contact the appropriate government agency and report this. This harrassment qualifies as a "hostile work environment." Then go to an unemployment agency and explain your situation so you can start filing for unemployment benefits. That way you can quit your job and still qualify for unemployment and get benefit checks while you are looking for another job.
But as long as you bring this up to a lawyer or a government agency they will be able to more properly help you in the procedures you need to take.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 January 2015):
 Great boss you describe there....
IF'n she "tells" you that you can't take a lunch break... THEN she is BREAKING THE LAW!!!!!!
Endure as you are able.... but be prepared to point out to her that expectations of YOU not having a civilized work-place ain't gonna make it....
ALSO, be prepared to be terminated... BUT be prepared to report just what you had to endure to the appropriate authorities....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2015): if there was any way of recording her behaviour towards you then do it , shes a nasty bully , next time she has a go at you pity her back she obviously needs to feel power so deep down she feels insecure in her own job.usually if someone bullies its because they have been bulied too. is there not someone above her you could speak to or if you dont feel you can do that then type a note and leave it to the top boss stating you have noticed shes bullying lower level staff and its not a good look for a company. id look for another job even if its one you didnt want , you just take it for the time being until your ideal job comes up itd be better than staying at a place that doesnt sort the bullies out
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (7 January 2015):
I love when people say stuff like "My job is my life", or "I need this job".
Everyone "would like to have a job and keep it", but no one NEEDS a job to point of dealing with abuse. Here is the funny part...If you were on the street and someone started talking to you like that, you would be done with that person real fast.
So as long as that person gives you a pay cheque, you will stick around for the abuse??? Interesting.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 January 2015):
 Start job hunting RIGHT now. YOU need A job, not THIS job.
IF this is a small firm and there is NO HR (Human resources) I'm not sure what step you can take.
My advice talk as little TO her about yourself and your private life.
She IS a bully. She KNEW you overheard her. Those kind of people have VERY little real power and take stuff out of people they CAN have an ounce of power over.
I don't think your question about lunch-break/pay means you have no social skills, that just makes no sense.
I personally, couldn't work with someone like that. I'd change job in a heart beat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2015): Although you are obviously within your legal rights to ask if you will be paid for not taking your lunch break, a future employer will be looking to see whether your attitude is going to be a problem. To demonstrate, at an early stage, a willingness to really muck in when needed you sometimes have to let these things go. Telling your boss whilst on a probation period that she is behaving unprofessionally is a sure way to get fired at the end of it. Almost everyone at some stage has had a boss that is totally unjust or untrustworthy or downright horrible and unprofessional. Very rarely would anyone get anywhere by pointing out their flaws to them. Welcome to the adult world.You either have to decide whether you can temporarily accept and work with this bullshit - and I would point out here that, SOMETIMES, if you work with a boss's bullshit they will then grant you 'favours' in other ways (but don't count on it) - until you can get a better job OR you stick to your principles and you leave before she fires you; you have already sent very clear messages that you feel she and the company are not up to your standards, so why not go the whole way and resign rather than be fired? The only problem with that is that you will have to explain to a potential employer why you did it.If you decide to hack it out, then you will have to swallow your pride and apologise - YEP - to this clearly horrible woman AND say that she is right and that you need to learn more social skills. By 'social skills' she is trying to tell you that you need to work things with her in HER way, be submissive to her way of doing things and not assert your preferences and you need to suck up to her.Yes, it sucks. Yes she sounds like a b****. But you also sound rather superior and, from her perspective "difficult".My first job I had an absolute b**** of a woman who worked high up in a very well known charity. Her employees had fantasies about torturing her whilst, to the public, she presented herself as some sort of angelic figure rescuing people. I'd never worked in that kind of role before and she just kept calling me into meetings where she would go on and on and on for hours about how badly I was doing my job. She was inwardly miserable and taking it out on me. I left. I didn't even officially resign, I just didn't turn up for work after two weeks of her hellish behaviour. I let her figure it out.Second job I had to work as PA to a man I later came to know was regarded as a total "bully". He worked me to the bone, picked fault in absolutely everything I did and I was totally miserable for the year I worked there, having no choice but to seem totally submissive to this vile man. Inwardly what kept me going was that I thought: "if you need to get your kicks out of being nasty to a young woman like me then you are, inwardly a coward and a really weak man and after one year I will be out of here and free". I did my job for a year and moved onto a fantastic company. For ten years after I left, I sent him a Xmas card to his home address every single year, with a few details about my life, right up until I got my PhD and became a lecturer, which is what I'd always wanted to do. He got the message that I was an intelligent, hard working PERSON worth far more than he ever made me feel like. After I knew that got through to him, I stopped sending the cards.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 January 2015):
I guess the only way to cope with a landmine like that is to basically avoid her as much as you can. That means limiting talk to strictly work related things or innocent stuff like the weather. And just not rising to the bait. Telling your boss she's being unprofessional, even if it's true, is going pit her against you. She has the power in this case, and she knows it too, or she wouldn't behave this way.
I had a boss like that too a few years back. He was very erratic, for example telling me off (very loudly and publicly in front of my colleagues) about being late while I phoned hours in advance that I would be because someone had jumped in front of the train I was in. You can't reason with people like that. So I just ignored his criticisms, kept my head down, and worked. It was a very miserable time and it never got better, so unless there really is no alternative, I would consider leaving anyway.
Start job hunting regardless. If she told someone else she's gonna fire you, there's a good chance she will. You're on your probationary period, which means you basically have no rights when it comes to this, so she can easily get rid of you.
Whatever you do, do not let her get to you. I know great people who got their self esteem ruined by bad bosses. Do not let that happen to you. Just keep your head down for the time being; this is a fight you cannot win.
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